Went to the funeral palor on Saturday and spent most of the day getting that done. On the phone most of today calling the two pension companies and social security, everybody is so busy and getting through the answering machines. Getting a final bill from the nursing home. Gathering clothes for him to wear. Thank God I forced him to buy a headstone, plot and prepaid funeral. Oh well, such is life.
My sister will be allowed out of the hospital for the funeral. Bought flowers on Saturday and the woman who owns the shop looked at me an said you don't know who I am do you? I said no. It turns out she's a 1st cousin. Both sides of my family are very disfunctional. My father had five sisters, who I haven't seen in 50 years, they are all dead but the youngest, Laura who called me last night. It turns out I have 22 1st cousins.
That's one of the reasons I take my family on vacations every year, I want to make sure that have a great sense of family. Carrying grudges from childhood is such a waste of time.
DW's dad died 3 days after Christmas. My parents were visiting us at the time and mom had mentioned wanting to go meet him (they had never met). We were actually planning on doing so that day but the nursing/respite home he was staying in called early that morning to say he was gone.
Luckily DF/SIL was visiting at the time and she got to see him...in fact, he had stated he wanted to see Mary and that he was going to "make it through the holidays." Alas, Jerry didn't mean New Year's
Anyway, DMom doesn't handle crisis AT ALL. Nor does she handle death or pretty much anything unpleasant. With DW's mom having died in a house fire, she (we) had to deal with all sorts of things that was alien: funeral homes, insurance investigators, coroner, death certificates, the veteran's cemetary etc. But, having been through that we already knew much of what was to come.
We had already been in touch with a funeral home a few weeks prior because he had suffered some sort of coronary event and the home called 911. Well Jerry was just NOT HAPPY about the big fuss they made over him!
He was a real unassuming kinda guy and here they have EMTs, sirens, the ER staff....the whole nine yards going to work on him. He was as grumpy as ever when we came to see him!
Perhaps the fact that the nurse kept coming in every 30 minutes to take a rectal temp had something to do with that!
Anyway, we called the same mortuary. They collected Jerry and we went down that same day--my parents were with us. The mortuary was really good about explaining that unless something was required by state law (such as embalming if transporting across state lines) then we were free to choose (or not) any of their services. So if we had a casket already we could use it. Jerry was US Army and even served in the same unit as Elvis when he was in Germany. As such, I thought about getting this for him:
http://www.funeraldepot.com/Military/Army.html. Problem is if we wanted to bury him in his spot at the Veteran's Cemetary in Delaware then that meant embalming, air transport (Delta has a web site devoted to that), a funeral home on the other end, ground transport and internment. We're talking big bucks not to mention we couldn't have traveled right then and there anyway. Instead, we opted for cremation because the Catholic Church now allows it and we took him back home in the summer for internment.
DFIL also has a somewhat dysfunctional family because when he died the "Black Widow" aka his sister came sniffing around for her cut of his estate!
She and others were so insistent that he had cast sums of money lying about to which DW told them "Yeah, he HAD money, but if you want to split this $20,000 nursing home bill then by all means, let's!" Black Widow only comes around when a relative dies but she wasn't prepared for the fact that his medical and nursing home expenses came to ~$5,000/month!