palmtreegirl
Loving life in Florida
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2003
Disagree
I can't speak for others but here's my feelings.
My first (failed) marriage was work. Hard work.
My current marriage, successful, loving, happy, comes naturally. It's no harder than breathing. Love shouldn't be hard.
I always explain it this way:
Anything of value requires constant maintenance - a house (needs painting, grass cut, cleaning, repairs), a car ( needs oil changes, washing, repairs), same with a boat.
A marriage is no different; it requires constant maintenance or it will fall apart.
I think that is a good way of putting it. While I may not describe it as "hard work", a successful marriage requires attention, from both parties.
I think a marriage with children requires work (time and effort) to maintain.
Interesting that there are so many "agrees". Personally, I find that a happy marriage with my DH is quite effortless.
I guess one thing that might be useful are examples of this "hard work" that is necessary for a happy marriage. Does anyone have any examples?
It doesn't have to be "hard" work, but it diffidently requires work. Just like everything thing else, the more you put in to it, the more you get out, and the opposite is true too.
I always explain it this way:
Anything of value requires constant maintenance - a house (needs painting, grass cut, cleaning, repairs), a car ( needs oil changes, washing, repairs), same with a boat.
A marriage is no different; it requires constant maintenance or it will fall apart.
Completely disagree. I think it's a matter of perspective. To me marraige is much more about comprimise and a willingness to go and do and be with your spouse. People that see it as hard work are really saying I want to do what I want to do and if you don't want to then I have to sacrifice something to be with you.
I enjoy time spent with my wife doing anything. She is my best friend. I confide in her, I share things I would not share with anyone else. We share chores and responsibilities, we succeed because we both have many of the same aspirations and goals.
Have I had to comprimise? Sure I have. Has she? Yes. But that is what a relationship is about. I have gotten so much from the relationship over the 30 years we have been married that I cannot imagine my life without her.
Hard work? Not a bit.
You think compromise is easy?
I do. I also find telling the truth to be easy.
I totally admit that there are things that I want my way and I compromise but I don't like it.
It is easy to compromise when you think of not only yourself. You ask yourself, how would my DH feel if I did this or that before you make your decision. You ask yourself, why is this so important to DH and will it make him happy to do this or that.
I don't think sacrifice is any thing bad. No one I know can have every thing they want in life. When I met my dh, I was a successful NYC single gal and I loved it, do I have any regrets, not a one but it was a sacrifice leaving the big apple and my life style. It was soooo worth it but for me it was not any fairy tale where we looked "longingly into each others eyes" and I wanted to drop every thing to be with him.
We discussed what we both wanted out of life before jumping into anything. Neither of us sacrificed to be married to each other. We found that we wanted the same path and decided to walk that path together.
I guess it is a matter of perspective. I too can't imagine my life without "the old guy" and while we too share many of hte same goals and aspirations there have been times when I could have gladly hit him with my car, backed up and hit him again and I know there have been times where he could have made we take a long walk on a short peer.
I never once wanted to run my DH over with a car.
The other issue is that we've both changed. We are not the people we were when we got married and it has taken time, commitment, sacrifice and compromise to grow into the adults we are now.
We grew in the same way because we wanted the same things. We used compromising and communication to do it.
So my answer is yes, a happy marriage is work but of course I think having a happy life takes work.