Barca33Runner's Journal: Thanks For Noticin' Me(Comments Welcome)

Thanks for sharing your trip/races! Man that rain/cold, at least you guys got a lot a done.

Wow I too got a bit teary eyed reading your marathon recap. I've been there sick and gutting it out in the marathon is no fun at all, but know you are so much stronger than you realize for finishing and sticking it out. You didn't let the mental or physically battle get you, I'm so impressed & inspired by your determination!!
 
Took a little bit of a break from posting after finishing the Trip Report. I've got my next race; one that I can really say for the first time is an A goal race. I will be running the Cleveland Rite Aid Half Marathon for a new PR, new PoT and, hopefully, a sub-2:00 time. I've run close to that time before, but it was a while and a lot of bad habits ago. I needed to put that goal out there and let everyone know that it is incredibly important to me because that is the only way accountability can be successful.

I know sub-2:00 isn't an incredible feat for someone my age. Nonetheless, I think it would be a great feat to attain such a time considering my current (lack of) fitness. The first phase of my plan is already in effect. I am running by time rather than mileage until the end of February. My schedule is:

Monday-Flexibility and Core
Tuesday-40 minutes easy
Wednesday-40 minutes speed
Thursday-Flexibility and Core
Friday-40 minutes easy
Saturday-1 hour mixed easy/hard
Sunday-1:30 easy

None of this is scientific. I have a long way to go losing weight and gaining muscle and stamina back and this schedule is built to ease my way into a more focused routine later in the training cycle. It seems to be going well so far.

My journey has been and always will be about getting healthier and being happier with my self image. I lost sight of that the last couple of years when I was viewing things through the lens of the relationships that I was still unable to form. It started to feel like it was all for nothing. A couple years floundering in those thoughts made me realize that I was happy just being healthier and more active regardless of whether it was influencing any new relationships. I've also realized part of finding that happiness was in achieving something like a sub-2:00 Half which has always been a bit of a white whale. Losing the sense of achievement and doing things just to say they were done became an unwanted theme of all of my races for the last couple of years and that made things such a slog. Time for that to end.
 
Hope you don’t mind me jumping into your journal. I was pulled in because I love reading about people’s experiences (lets me go on the trip again - it just went too fast!). I was really pulled into your report. Thanks for sharing it! Mostly though I just wanted to say I really admire that you are putting your goal out there; that takes guts and a willingness to be accountable. Clearly based on your marathon recap you have the fortitude to make your goals happen because when it got really tough you finished. I think that is way more important than a time or placement goal. Great job! I look forward to seeing you tear it up in your 6th Dopey!
 
I've never ran a marathon. I've never done Dopey. I know all too well what it is like to give up on training and hope for the best.

You being able to look back at this and know what you need to do to make yourself proud is a huge step in the right direction. It's not easy and we are all rooting for you! See you at your 6th Dopey!!!
 


I love your new goal! I believe in you and I believe in your mental toughness. I love that you are finding your "why" again in running and that it is for you and nobody else. Anxious to hear how things go from here forward!
 
All of the well wishes are incredibly motivating and mean the world to me. Eager to justify all of the confidence being shown in me. This is such a rad group of people on this board.

Hope you don’t mind me jumping into your journal. I was pulled in because I love reading about people’s experiences (lets me go on the trip again - it just went too fast!). I was really pulled into your report. Thanks for sharing it! Mostly though I just wanted to say I really admire that you are putting your goal out there; that takes guts and a willingness to be accountable. Clearly based on your marathon recap you have the fortitude to make your goals happen because when it got really tough you finished. I think that is way more important than a time or placement goal. Great job! I look forward to seeing you tear it up in your 6th Dopey!

I like writing the recaps for the much the same reason. I remember things we/I did and get to experience everything all over again in my mind. I get a little wordy because I remember all the details as I’m thinking back and am not very good at editing. Everything seems so important.

I've never ran a marathon. I've never done Dopey. I know all too well what it is like to give up on training and hope for the best.

You being able to look back at this and know what you need to do to make yourself proud is a huge step in the right direction. It's not easy and we are all rooting for you! See you at your 6th Dopey!!!

It’s a revelation I wish I never had to make, but I was at a crossroads and it was really apparent that I don’t want to go back to where I was before I started running. The only option left was to start putting in the work again.

I love your new goal! I believe in you and I believe in your mental toughness. I love that you are finding your "why" again in running and that it is for you and nobody else. Anxious to hear how things go from here forward!

I always liked this board because of the information and because everyone seemed so friendly. I know I’ve become personally invested in the successes and hardships of other runners here; but I never really internalized that others here could be invested the same way in what I was doing until my hardships in WWoS this year. I’ve had a lot of cool moments running Disney, but that will always be one that sticks with me. It may have been a turning point, I’m not sure what type of resolve I would have now if I had quit.
 
Things are going pretty well so far with my training program. It's really hard to break the bad habits I've formed but, slowly, I'm getting used to getting out there every day and the excuses are becoming less influential. The bad excuses were always there before and will always be there, I'm just getting used to ignoring them again.

Anyway, wanted to get back to a little more of a regular posting schedule here. I've been posting a bit more in The Running Thread again. I still feel a little unworthy on some days and don't have a lot to add to the conversation on others, but I'm posting when I have something to add (or I can post pictures of shoes). Since it's Wednesday...

Songs of the Week

Get Out-Chvrches-I don't really follow current music. Chvrches is just about the only band that I'm aware when they release new music. I wasn't disappointed in their new song.

Hard Times-Paramore-Fun with a quirky beat.

Don't Know Much-Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville-There was a period after I first heard this song and All My Life that Aaron Neville was undoubtedly my favorite singer. An odd choice for a 7/8-year old, but I stand by the decisions of my younger self.

No Leaf Clover-Metallica-Ronstadt & Neville straight into Metallica. Fits like a glove.

Disney Song

A Whole New World-Lea Salonga & Brad Kane-I'm a hopeless romantic.

Even after only a few weeks it's hard to remember what I've included and what I haven't. Not that I'm at a loss for songs, just so many I love that I think to myself "Oh, I had to have included that at some point already." Apologies for when I inevitably repeat myself.
 


That is quite the variety of musical selections! I have no idea who Chvches is but I’ll check them out.

Glad to hear those little voices giving you excuses not to run are getting easier to ignore because you are right, they never really go away. Keep up the resolve!
 
Back for another Wednesday. I swear I'll be posting more regularly; just caught up in life happening right now, I guess.

Anyway, when I started running I was hoping that one of the by-products would be that days like today would become a different experience for me. I've never celebrated New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day because they are couple Holidays and, well, that's never been my situation. It's not a problem, per se, I'm very comfortable on my own; but to say that I prefer things this way would be a lie. I know things are unlikely to change and that there's no romantic happy ending out there for me. The big change in my mentality is that I am comfortable with the idea that running and being healthier does not need such a result to be a success.

Songs of the Week

Cold Little Heart-Michael Kiwanuka-I really enjoyed Big Little Lies. I'm torn whether this song, Laura Dern, or Nicole Kidman was my favorite aspect of the show.

November Rain-Guns N' Roses-Sometimes a longer song is nice on a run. Particularly one with a great guitar solo from Slash.

Don't Speak-No Doubt-A mid-90's classic

The Pretender-Foo Fighters-I think I was meant to have Dave Grohl's hair and a mistake was made somewhere. I'm only slightly bitter.

Helena-My Chemical Romance-Decided to go without a Disney song this week. Had too many other good ones on the top of my head. Leaves more for the future.
 
Took a little bit of a break from posting after finishing the Trip Report. I've got my next race; one that I can really say for the first time is an A goal race. I will be running the Cleveland Rite Aid Half Marathon for a new PR, new PoT and, hopefully, a sub-2:00 time. I've run close to that time before, but it was a while and a lot of bad habits ago. I needed to put that goal out there and let everyone know that it is incredibly important to me because that is the only way accountability can be successful.

I know sub-2:00 isn't an incredible feat for someone my age. Nonetheless, I think it would be a great feat to attain such a time considering my current (lack of) fitness. The first phase of my plan is already in effect. I am running by time rather than mileage until the end of February. My schedule is:

Monday-Flexibility and Core
Tuesday-40 minutes easy
Wednesday-40 minutes speed
Thursday-Flexibility and Core
Friday-40 minutes easy
Saturday-1 hour mixed easy/hard
Sunday-1:30 easy

None of this is scientific. I have a long way to go losing weight and gaining muscle and stamina back and this schedule is built to ease my way into a more focused routine later in the training cycle. It seems to be going well so far.

My journey has been and always will be about getting healthier and being happier with my self image. I lost sight of that the last couple of years when I was viewing things through the lens of the relationships that I was still unable to form. It started to feel like it was all for nothing. A couple years floundering in those thoughts made me realize that I was happy just being healthier and more active regardless of whether it was influencing any new relationships. I've also realized part of finding that happiness was in achieving something like a sub-2:00 Half which has always been a bit of a white whale. Losing the sense of achievement and doing things just to say they were done became an unwanted theme of all of my races for the last couple of years and that made things such a slog. Time for that to end.

Congrats on putting the goal for Cleveland out there is really cool. I've heard really good things about that run so it should be really good. I hope that you have a lot of success as you pursue it.
 
LOVED Big Little Lies so much!! The song is amazing. I'd give it to Nicole Kidman as my favorite aspect of the show though. She was amazing!
 
Training is going pretty well. Still on a fairly easy schedule, but I’m getting used to waking up and feeling a little sore from putting in a good days work the day before. Going to start putting together a schedule to start March 1 to really get down to business toward finally knocking down the 2:00 Half barrier I’ve built for myself.

Songs of the Week

California Dreamin’-The Mamas & The Papas

A Mighty Wind-The Folksmen, Mitch & Mickey, The New Main Street Singers-Big fan of Christopher Guest movies. I listened to this soundtrack all the time even though I don’t particularly have a propensity toward folk music.

Kiss From A Rose-Seal-I thought Batman Forever was a significantly better movie than it is remembered as; I think this song hadn’t a good deal to do with that.

Zero-Smashing Pumpkins-Had to sneak something with a little harder edge in this week as well.

I Won’t Say (I’m in Love)-Susan Egan-Hercules was not in my wheelhouse when it first came out; I was a teen and far too cool for Disney or animated movies. I have a much better appreciation for it now.

Thanks for reading. Back with more updates soon.
 
I'm late to reading this, but congratulations on gutting out the WDW full and finishing Dopey for the fifth time! Success isn't just about hitting our goals - sometimes, it's about pushing through the rough patches. Good luck in Cleveland!
 
Great job on keeping up with the training. Getting used to those early wake-ups is the hardest part, at least it is for me!
 
Day went by too fast again. It's usually a slow period at work, but between co-worker vacations and a few other conspiring factors it's been a busy few weeks. Will be posting tomorrow with an update on how things are going.
 
Sorry, another postponement. I was mentally drained after wok today and my brain didn't function in coherent thoughts, so I passed on the mental stimulation and just ran instead. I promise I'll have more soon.
 
I’m moving into the 30-40 miles per week range now. Not really seeing the gains I was hoping for to this point, but I’m sure they will come. It’s frustrating but I know that good things don’t happen overnight.

I’m still working on finding what works for me again. Everything blends together now and it’s hard to remember how I was doing things when I was making my best gains.
 
This post is long overdue. I'm not happy to be making it, but it's appropriate for where I am right now.

I am dropping the pretense that I am in any way a runner anymore. It hasn't been the case for a long time and all the times I've tried to post it into existence have really just been pathetic attempts to convince myself to turn things around. Obviously, I haven't turned things around. In the past two years I have probably run fewer miles than most everyone here runs in a month, and that includes the mileage I've covered during Dopey. I'm not injured, I have no excuse. I'm just not a runner and to pretend I am is to devalue all of the hard work and effort being put in by everyone here who is genuinely doing their best.

I'm going to stop posting on the forums altogether for a while. I'll still lurk because I'm incredibly proud of everyone here and I love reading about all of your triumphs, but my contributions haven't been honest or helpful to anyone for a long time. I hope one day to be back, I'm not sure how things will go but I'm hoping I won't let them get any worse than I already have. Thanks to anyone who followed along here or humored me whenever I posted in the other runDisney related threads; you all are the best.
 

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