College Visits

ItsNotMuchofaTail

but I'm sort of attached to it
Joined
May 30, 2012
My DD is a HS junior. She plans to attend the local community college for 2 years. She has mild autism and was only recently exited from the special ed program. She is not ready to leave home, plus academically and financially the CC makes so much sense. I wish I had done it myself. I have always told her we would do the college visit thing for fun, so she feels like her friends (no, I do not need to keep up with the Joneses, but when your child with some special needs wants to feel "normal," you do what you can, am I right?).

SO, my question is, how many visits? We are doing one at a state school within driving distance, so she can continue to stay home. This is the most likely place. We are going to another one that is an easy day visit and she loved when she happened to be on campus for an event, about an hour away. She would like to visit 2 more. One is a definite overnight at UMass Boston, she will not be going there, lol. I figure a weekend is in Boston is an ok idea anyway. The other is a couple of hours away, Bucknell, I believe this is also not a real possibility. But one night overnight maybe, depends on if I think the town looks interesting enough to hang out for the rest of the day. How many college visits do you budget for? Do you travel far afield for them? Her friends tend to be high achieving, driven types who are looking at selective schools all over the country, some have been looking for years. My DD wants to major in English or Political Science, not sure what she wants to do exactly. For years, she wanted to be a librarian, but the Master's degree requirement and the job prospects make me nervous. I want her to have options, and in my mind, keeping debt low is going to be key for that to be possible. But she wants to feel like her friends - do the tour and buy the sweatshirt.

I am a single mom, budget is tight but a couple of visits are not a hardship. One of her close friends is looking at UMass, which is why I think she wants to go and see it, but its the most expensive to visit (hotels/food/etc) and will require the most travel (about 5 hours). There is plenty to see and do in Boston I am sure, we have each been once but not together, although on the same youth group trip (I chaperoned my sister's trip and my DD attended it herself as a 7th grader). I can't find any IRL peers to survey, either their kids are seriously looking and they have unlimited funds apparently, or they are going the CC or trade route and aren't doing any. I figured I would ask the internet (since we can't make a WDW trip a college visit anyway, lol).

Thanks!
 
We visited 2 schools, one 5 minutes away and one 2 hours away. He is going to the one 2 hours away. I guess college visits aren’t that big of a thing around here.

I should say, he goes there now. He's a junior. It's a state school.
 
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my ds is 23, on the spectrum and had an iep w/special ed classes throughout high school. that said-we didn't do college visits b/c he will grab hold of a goal or desire and not let go of it no matter how unrealistic it may be so we didn't want him to visit a school that there was no way he could handle/we could afford. we took him to tour the local community college we knew it was reasonable that he could attend, knowing his time/experiences there would drive the possibility of ever going on to a 4 year. despite initially attending/completing a program there that's built around preparing/supporting adults w/special needs to provide assistance and guidance in the college environment he's now, 3 years into college (w/ this being the first absent all those special supports and just with what his college/most if not all colleges offer through their offices for students with disabilities) finding it much more challenging to handle. going to high school with an iep that put supports and accommodations in place he thought these were the norm but he's now finding that he doesn't get extra time on assignments or shortened assignments. teachers won't give out materials for him to study just b/c he's uncomfortable being with a large group of people, and he can't opt out of group assignments or presentations for the same reason.

i know there are some colleges that have special programs for kids on the spectrum that provide special supports. where they are and how much they cost i don't know. if it were me in your situation, you know your dd best-does she have that steel trap mentality such that if you take her to see an individual school she perceives it as you saying 'yes, when you want to go you can go here-no worries, everything is set'? if so, i would only take her to schools that she could realistically attend based on her capabilities/limitations and your financial ability.
 
With DS21 we visited 3 schools. (4 hours, 2 hours and 1-1/2 hours away). He did not want to visit anymore

DD18 we visited about 5 schools with the furthest one about 5 hours. I also told them that they need to look at in-state schools or out of state schools that had reciprocity with our state. The cost to go out of state was too much and choosing one of these colleges we are hoping to get them both through school with no debt and no student loans.

They both are in college now and both chose the same college which is only 1-1/2 hours away. Nice for them when they want to come home for the weekend. And nice for us too. It was DS's Birthday last week so we could drive down and take him out to dinner.

They both talked so tough when looking at colleges about going far away until it got down too it. They are both kind of homebodies and are both glad they are not further away. But it was nice to visit the different colleges just to see what they all had to offer.
 


I visited 1 school. I work at a college and we have kids that come here without ever having visited. Or local kids that know they are coming here and do a visit here and nowhere else. I don't think there is a hard and fast "normal" on this. I wouldn't strain yourself financially on this one.
 
We did three college road trips, well technically 4 but we were already in DC for those tours.

We did one drive out west to Indiana to see Notre Dame and stopped at Penn State on the way out. Then we did a long day trip up to Boston to see the schools up there. Then the big one was to the south where we did the schools in Virginia and the Carolinas. And then we did a family vacation to DC and while we were there decided to stop and tour the colleges in the area but we didn't go out of our way for those or make a special trip. Basically our parents took a map drew a circle and said you can go anyway within this circle unless you go to an ivy league school then it can be anywhere. (spoiler: we didn't go to an ivy)
 
my ds is 23, on the spectrum and had an iep w/special ed classes throughout high school. that said-we didn't do college visits b/c he will grab hold of a goal or desire and not let go of it no matter how unrealistic it may be so we didn't want him to visit a school that there was no way he could handle/we could afford. we took him to tour the local community college we knew it was reasonable that he could attend, knowing his time/experiences there would drive the possibility of ever going on to a 4 year. despite initially attending/completing a program there that's built around preparing/supporting adults w/special needs to provide assistance and guidance in the college environment he's now, 3 years into college (w/ this being the first absent all those special supports and just with what his college/most if not all colleges offer through their offices for students with disabilities) finding it much more challenging to handle. going to high school with an iep that put supports and accommodations in place he thought these were the norm but he's now finding that he doesn't get extra time on assignments or shortened assignments. teachers won't give out materials for him to study just b/c he's uncomfortable being with a large group of people, and he can't opt out of group assignments or presentations for the same reason.

i know there are some colleges that have special programs for kids on the spectrum that provide special supports. where they are and how much they cost i don't know. if it were me in your situation, you know your dd best-does she have that steel trap mentality such that if you take her to see an individual school she perceives it as you saying 'yes, when you want to go you can go here-no worries, everything is set'? if so, i would only take her to schools that she could realistically attend based on her capabilities/limitations and your financial ability.

Thanks for this. My DD is adamant about not leaving home right now, so these visits are really just for fun. I know very well the single-mindedness danger inherent with a kid on the spectrum. At the meeting where they told me they wanted to exit her from special ed, I think they thought I would be happy, but I was very nervous, and this year without an IEP has not been without troubles. The 504 is definitely not as good.

If she hadn't gotten in with these troublemaking NHS, Model UN types, we would be looking at the local CC with an assumption to follow it with the local university. Darn kids!

It's so hard for me to temper my hopes for her with realistic expectations - and gently nudge her in a direction that will put her in a career where her limitations (social cues and interactions, interpersonal skills) will not be a big deal.
 


Dd23 and ds21 just did a few in state schools, and a couple private ones within a 2 hour drive. Dd18 did a couple in state but had no desire to go to them. She visited several out of state private schools and private schools, those where she knew she’d get enough merit to bring the costs down to in state (she’s OOS now). Dd17 has been flying to great OOS private schools that she can get into and likes (Richmond, wake forest), that we can’t afford, keeping her cousin company and learning what type of college she wants to apply to. Ds17 and dd17 have a few in state scheduled in the next two months. They will nit stay home.

The most fun visits are with friends! Dd18 went with several with her friend group and their parents and said it was the best (even though she wasn’t thrilled with the schools). None of my kids visited any school that they didn’t get into, reach schools can be visited later.
 
I went on one school trip to the local U in HS. And attended somewhere else, a place I probably wouldn't have picked if I visited, lol. I never looked at my dream school or seriously considered my dream job, deeming it impractical. My life turned out ok, so I was curious how many people are making crazy travel plans, one girl in the marching band went to see 3 schools in CA her sophomore year - we live in PA. She has several friends who have gone to multiple Ivies and traveled several times on multi-day trips. Thanks for your responses, this confirms my suspicion that her friends are not the norm.
 
My DD is a college junior.
We visited 2 schools...one 30 minutes away and one 1.5 hrs away.
She chose the one 30 minutes away, mostly because it has her somewhat unique chosen major.
 
Thanks for this. My DD is adamant about not leaving home right now, so these visits are really just for fun. I know very well the single-mindedness danger inherent with a kid on the spectrum. At the meeting where they told me they wanted to exit her from special ed, I think they thought I would be happy, but I was very nervous, and this year without an IEP has not been without troubles. The 504 is definitely not as good.

If she hadn't gotten in with these troublemaking NHS, Model UN types, we would be looking at the local CC with an assumption to follow it with the local university. Darn kids!

It's so hard for me to temper my hopes for her with realistic expectations - and gently nudge her in a direction that will put her in a career where her limitations (social cues and interactions, interpersonal skills) will not be a big deal.

i get it. we fought to keep the iep in place and then fought even harder to do a 'super senior year' (though he did his graduation walk with his classmates he would have traditionally graduated with). for us the super senior year allowed for him to attend 1/2 days at the local community college in a program that was geared to helping adults with disabilities learn about the college experience. how 'no' there are not iep's and while there are resources they are no where near what public school k-12 offer. it was pretty eye opening for him. he found out how to access tutoring, the office for students with disabilities, counseling....things that come easily to some folks, not so much to others.

i will say that on the socialization aspects the program he did had what we found to be a great requirement-every quarter he was required to take some type of p.e. class and do a minimum of 2 hours per week of a campus activity. my kid is NOT into sports but with some nudging he found his niche first in personal fitness where he had to work with an assigned trainer at each session. the trainer kept things at ds's level of ability and it gave him some self confidence to interact with new people. next quarter he discovered rock-climbing and he loved it. nice thing with it was while it's an individual sport you are reliant on others with the ropes so it further built his interaction skills. the campus activity started out rocky, didn't like the idea of big groups so it took some time to find his niche-and he did. he found that unlike high school where people teased those who like anime and gaming there are entire clubs dedicated to them on college campuses. he developed more socially in those club settings than we had ever seen before.


i strongly doubt mine will make it through community college let alone eventually get a degree but he's gained knowledge and skills that will serve him well.
 
Just a thought--since the college visits are more geared for fun versus actually picking that particular college, consider expanding what you see in the Boston area. There are a ton of colleges around, with a wide variety of offerings--big, small, specialized, urban, and so forth. Use it as a way to see what style of college might be the best fit for her, either now or down the road, if she finishes a two-year program and wants to go on. Plus--Boston! What's not to love? Visit the Science Museum or take a Duck Boat tour or see the Aquarium.

My oldest went to Boston University, and she loved the big, bustling nature of the city as well as the college--you really can't separate the two. Others would be completely miserable there, as there's no escaping the urban jungle. OTOH, we also toured UMASS-Amherst--we lived in NH at the time, I wanted her to at least LOOK at a state school, she wouldn't consider UNH, so UMASS it was. Well, UMASS is a large, bustling campus...set in the middle of a corn field. Literally--they invite you to go to the top of their library for the view, and all you saw was the campus...and cornfields! Ironically, DD is currently dating a young man who graduated from UMASS-Amherst--he seems to be doing fine for himself.

For your DD, she might feel more comfortable seeing a smaller, more contained campus, so that she can know that they're out there, and might be a good fit for her. There are commuter colleges, colleges that roll up the sidewalks on weekends, practically, and colleges that are inseparable from the community around them.

My older son has Asperger's--he's currently attending the local community college, and will transfer to the local branch of State U this fall. We're trying to ease the transition for him from one to the other--luckily, both are an easy driving distance, with public transportation also available. He has zero interest in looking at any other college choices, which we're fine with.
 
Multiple thoughts:

- My oldest did 3-4 college visits, but -- to be honest -- she fell hard for the first school, and none of the others ever compared. In contrast, my youngest visited her sister pretty frequently /stayed in the dorms with her, then her apartment. She fell in love with the school and never really wanted to visit others -- though she chose to do two years at community college before hitting the university. It turned out well for both.

- I understand your reasons for wanting your daughter to start at the community college, but you didn't mention visiting it. Be sure you put in a visit to the place you're pretty sure she'll actually attend.

- Next year when she's a senior, does she have the option of dual enrollment between the high school and community college? It could be a nice half-way step for her, and she likely doesn't need the extra high school credits anyway. Plus, college classes taken during a dual enrollment situation typically don't cost anything (in my area anyway).

- Don't worry too much about what her friends are doing. Her journey may not be the same as theirs, and that's okay.
 
Basically our parents took a map drew a circle and said you can go anyway within this circle unless you go to an ivy league school then it can be anywhere. (spoiler: we didn't go to an ivy)
Just curious - If Boston was a long day trip from where you lived, wouldn't all the Ivy League schools have been within that circle?
 
Multiple thoughts:

- My oldest did 3-4 college visits, but -- to be honest -- she fell hard for the first school, and none of the others ever compared. In contrast, my youngest visited her sister pretty frequently /stayed in the dorms with her, then her apartment. She fell in love with the school and never really wanted to visit others -- though she chose to do two years at community college before hitting the university. It turned out well for both.

- I understand your reasons for wanting your daughter to start at the community college, but you didn't mention visiting it. Be sure you put in a visit to the place you're pretty sure she'll actually attend.

- Next year when she's a senior, does she have the option of dual enrollment between the high school and community college? It could be a nice half-way step for her, and she likely doesn't need the extra high school credits anyway. Plus, college classes taken during a dual enrollment situation typically don't cost anything (in my area anyway).

- Don't worry too much about what her friends are doing. Her journey may not be the same as theirs, and that's okay.

We are going to a group open house at the community college, and then scheduling an individual visit. Her high school did a college night and she found the courage to go up to the rep and speak with her (this is a major thing for my DD). The rep was very friendly and encouraged her to schedule an individual visit and she would show her around.

There is dual enrollment at her school, I declined to pay for it this year as the qualifying course she is taking will only transfer as an elective (Mythology), and the cost is the same per credit hour as the cc. Well, $6/hour cheaper. They are talking about including dual enrollment through the cc also for next year, that I would be interested in for sure.

I am not super concerned with what her friends are doing, I think I just wanted justification that a couple of "for fun" visits is fine, but not necessary. I am still on the fence about Boston, I have decided we will only do it if we want to do a weekend in Boston anyway.

It turns out parenting at this stage is really lonely, my friends kids are different ages than mine, and her dad is not involved (despite living 10 minutes away, insert obvious eyeroll here). It turns out I amnot a good sounding board for myself.
 
It turns out parenting at this stage is really lonely, my friends kids are different ages than mine, and her dad is not involved (despite living 10 minutes away, insert obvious eyeroll here). It turns out I amnot a good sounding board for myself.
Hang in there, mom, you are doing great! :hug:

I'm not far behind you. DD is a freshman this year, with her sights set on college. I've talked extensively with her case manager and guidance counselor about options and how to plan her high school years to get her to her goal of college - to the point that they realized they have to deal with it or I will continue to pester. I think it may be Community College, or a program I've found at a couple of local state schools is College Steps. I don't know if that might be an option for your DD, either right from high school or after a couple of years at CC.

Back to your original question -- I don't think I would do a specific "college visit" trip to somewhere that isn't feasible. But maybe plan a weekend trip to Boston sometime in the next year and plan to stop by the campus for an informal visit. Since that school isn't on your top list, a visit can be done next year rather than this spring. There is a lot of great stuff in Boston to easily make a fulfilling long weekend visit.

Good luck!
 
We visited 2 schools. One was the school DD wanted to go to and the other was a school we suggested she apply. We knew she would get in to both but at the time we felt she needed to at least look at the 2nd school before making up her mind. She ended up going to and graduating from the 1st school she wanted. It was actually a perfect fit for her.
 
It turns out parenting at this stage is really lonely, my friends kids are different ages than mine, and her dad is not involved (despite living 10 minutes away, insert obvious eyeroll here). It turns out I amnot a good sounding board for myself.

on my experience, even if all your friend's kids were of the same age as yours-parenting a teen with autism is a whole different experience and can be like speaking a language your friends have never heard of. it just offers a whole level of challenges and experiences they've never dealt with or only dealt with years ago with much younger ages. that said-one of the best experiences we had was to find a teen support group for our son so he could discuss his questions/concerns about high school, college and 'what then?'. the bigger bonus was the parent's group that met at the same time-we all shared concerns, vented but also traded tips for handling college/what resources were available to us/our kiddos. if you can find one it can be a great experience and very supportive.
 

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