Lost - In need of your prayers

[Pumbaa_]

I hope you have a good attorney that is helping you protect what is yours.

While this is difficult to be going through, and probably one of the hardest things you will ever go through, make sure you are also being practical and making smart decisions with legal advice. What people say and do are often very differnt.

So while she is saying she will sign over the house to you now.........

Best of luck to you and your kids.

 

[JunieJay]

The other day I found out that they actually plan to get married. (This would be his third marriage.)

My wife wants to make an arrangement with me that she stays in the house (free) till we can divorce. I'll pay all the bills and she will save her money. While saving her money she plans on sending her boyfriend some so he can get a lawyer and fight for custody of his 6 year old girl.

After the divorce she will sign the house over to me. I'm not sure I can do that, not for a year anyway.

I feel as though I would be financing both my divorce and his. But, if I sell the house, I don't think I can afford a house large enough for our three kids and me. No matter what I decide she has told me in no uncertain terms that she is madly in love and will be leaving. Even if it means, selling the house.

How long does it take for a divorce?

OMG I can’t believe what is happening. It is so unreal to me. Today, she said that I just need to find away to get over it. (She is right, but it so hard for me).

Sorry I’m just having I bad day and feeling helpless.

Hmmmmm....I hate to say this, but I really do believe in the long run you will be better off. Your wife does not sound like she deserves you.

As far as the house, if you do decide you must do this in order to keep your kids in their home (and I think its really admirable you've put them first in this matter, too bad your wife hasn't done the same), please see a lawyer and get it drawn up that she has agreed to sign the house over to you in x amount of time. Something tells me she is going to find out her Prince Charming was the guy she's been married to all these years, that her Internet boyfriend wasn't all he is cracked up to be, but by that time, it will be too late.

Keeping you in my prayers. You sound like a really nice guy. I hope you will one day be able to love again, and find someone who is deserving of that love. Best of luck and keep us posted.

 

[BunnyWuggles]

I know this can't even begin to compare to your story, but my boyfriend just broke up with me last night. Because "I loved him too much". So while it's not the end to a 23 y/o marriage, it still hurts me so bad because I really did love him and would have been perfectly fine with spending the rest of my life with him. My friends tell me to get over it and I'll find someone new, but they don't seem to understand that I don't want anyone else. Idk if this story has helped you any, so I'll just say this, God will never give you more than He knows you can handle. If I ever find the proper quote of that (the exact one is much better, of course), I'll let you know. In the meantime, good luck, and thanks for sort of sharing your board so I could vent a little too.

 

[UnderDog]

I know this can't even begin to compare to your story, but my boyfriend just broke up with me last night. Because "I loved him too much". So while it's not the end to a 23 y/o marriage, it still hurts me so bad because I really did love him and would have been perfectly fine with spending the rest of my life with him. My friends tell me to get over it and I'll find someone new, but they don't seem to understand that I don't want anyone else. Idk if this story has helped you any, so I'll just say this, God will never give you more than He knows you can handle. If I ever find the proper quote of that (the exact one is much better, of course), I'll let you know. In the meantime, good luck, and thanks for sort of sharing your board so I could vent a little too.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I really believe your are right that "The Lord only gives us what we can handle in life" (or something like that) When you find the "proper quote" please pass it on to me. So anyway we must be stronger than we know, because love is forever and it's very hard to let it go. "All things must pass" George Harrison" said that... Love is not a thing, I believe love can last forever and we need to learn how to love our X's without all that pain... Believe me I don't know how, but God does and I will pray for you, and pray that we both can understand why it is he has given us this challenge. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I have been given a lot of good advice from people here. Try some of them, it will help some.

 

[mom+3girls]

My ex husband left me for a girl that was 21 years old, we were 35. This was almost 7 years ago. We have 3 children who were 12, 6 and 5 at the time.

He said it was because I wouldn't go out and party and drink. I have never drank or partied.

He left in November 00 and took her on a trip to WDW in March 01, two weeks later she tells him, "I don't think this is going to work out". Now he has paid for this trip, flights, room, tickets, rental car and food and now she doesn't want to have anything to do with him.

My husband wanted to come home then, but first he handed me a 2 page list of rules that I was going to have to live by. I said, "I'll pass."

I got a call from someone elses wife that worked for their company and found out that this is what she does, she latches on to some unsuspecting man gets a trip out of them and then drops him like a hot potato, this lady told me she did it to her husband and others that she has heard of.

I have since gone back to college got a degree, got a new job that I love and am happy as I can be. I have fun with my kids, have taken them to WDW 2 times and on the Disney Cruise once.

But the best thing is that I live with my own rules, no dictator saying you are going to this and that and you need to look like this etc.

I was on loads of medicine for depression, anxiety and HBP, I am now only on meds for HBP (family history).

Take the advice that someone else said get a good attorney. Get a seperation agreement.

Things will get better soon, I know right now it doesn't look or feel like it but it will. I found a class at a local church called Divorce Care and it was very helpful. I learned alot and made friends with people that were in the same boat that I was, and I was able to talk with them and they really understood how I was feeling.

Good Luck

 

[sklk'sdad]

Twelve years ago, my wife and I were having serious problems, had seperated and were planning to divorce. I didn't want it, but felt helpless to stop it. Sort of like being on a train you know is headed for a brick wall, but unable to do anything to stop it or even jump off. One day, after trying for what seemed like the thousandth time to talk to her, I thought to myself, "Only a miracle could save this marriage." It suddenly struck me that if that was true, I needed to stop worrying about it. I'm not in the business of miracles. That day, I just gave it to God. I knew that I had done everything I knew to do to "fix" it and it wasn't working. So I just let God have it and started focusing to my kids. Long story short, we've now been married 31 years and the last 11 (since we got back together) have been the happiest of my life. The point I'm trying to make is that if it's going to take a miracle...YOU can't do that anyway. So focus on the things you can make better, like making this as easy as possible for your kids. I wish you luck and will pray for you and your family.

 

[UnderDog]

My ex husband left me for a girl that was 21 years old, we were 35. This was almost 7 years ago. We have 3 children who were 12, 6 and 5 at the time.

He said it was because I wouldn't go out and party and drink. I have never drank or partied.

He left in November 00 and took her on a trip to WDW in March 01, two weeks later she tells him, "I don't think this is going to work out". Now he has paid for this trip, flights, room, tickets, rental car and food and now she doesn't want to have anything to do with him.

My husband wanted to come home then, but first he handed me a 2 page list of rules that I was going to have to live by. I said, "I'll pass."

I got a call from someone elses wife that worked for their company and found out that this is what she does, she latches on to some unsuspecting man gets a trip out of them and then drops him like a hot potato, this lady told me she did it to her husband and others that she has heard of.

I have since gone back to college got a degree, got a new job that I love and am happy as I can be. I have fun with my kids, have taken them to WDW 2 times and on the Disney Cruise once.

But the best thing is that I live with my own rules, no dictator saying you are going to this and that and you need to look like this etc.

I was on loads of medicine for depression, anxiety and HBP, I am now only on meds for HBP (family history).

Take the advice that someone else said get a good attorney. Get a seperation agreement.

Things will get better soon, I know right now it doesn't look or feel like it but it will. I found a class at a local church called Divorce Care and it was very helpful. I learned alot and made friends with people that were in the same boat that I was, and I was able to talk with them and they really understood how I was feeling.

Good Luck

Thank you! I Just today got a separation agreement signed. So I am moving forward. It is extremely hard for me to do anything because I don't want this to happen and still love her very much. But I also know that I can't make her love me and want to stay. Thanks for telling me your story it means a lot to know that it will get better. I am going to a local church group "Bishop Harrison Center" and it has been some help, but I'm still so emotional about this whole thing I really haven't been able to tell my story without crying and having to stop.

Thanks again... You know I seem to be much better when I am angry though. Good or bad I get a lot more done when I get mad.

 

[UnderDog]

Twelve years ago, my wife and I were having serious problems, had seperated and were planning to divorce. I didn't want it, but felt helpless to stop it. Sort of like being on a train you know is headed for a brick wall, but unable to do anything to stop it or even jump off. One day, after trying for what seemed like the thousandth time to talk to her, I thought to myself, "Only a miracle could save this marriage." It suddenly struck me that if that was true, I needed to stop worrying about it. I'm not in the business of miracles. That day, I just gave it to God. I knew that I had done everything I knew to do to "fix" it and it wasn't working. So I just let God have it and started focusing to my kids. Long story short, we've now been married 31 years and the last 11 (since we got back together) have been the happiest of my life. The point I'm trying to make is that if it's going to take a miracle...YOU can't do that anyway. So focus on the things you can make better, like making this as easy as possible for your kids. I wish you luck and will pray for you and your family.

Thanks for your sharing your story. I pray every day for "A MIRACLE". I do believe in prayer and seem to do it all the time now. I some how haven't been able to let go enough to hand this whole thing over to GOD. I now that is what I must do and have tried to. But I just can't help but think that I can do something to make her love me and not "him". In my mind I know that she will never give her boyfriend up, but my heart says "Hay you have a long history with your wife and she may see someday that she does really love you.”

I'm so glad for you. Thank you so much!

God blessed you with a second chance, a chance to make things right for the both of you.

Paul

 

[UnderDog]

Okay... A lot has happened these past couple of weeks. I closed on our home; Chris got a little more than 1/2 (I'm trying to keep some peace). We finalized our Separation agreement, and Chris has found a townhouse, she moves out on June 1st. She actually asked me to help her move out. I just said that I didn't think it was fare for her to ask me since this is NOT AT ALL what I want. I want my wife to stop seeing her boyfriend and love me. It seemed like a kick in the face. But I have to believe that she just doesn’t know what she is doing or asking of me. Maybe someday she will understand what it feels like to me. I still love her very much but she really has no feelings for me and cannot understand why we cant just quit and be great friends.

I had a break through the other day. I haven’t really bean able to enjoy any activities since I found out about her and Patrick last July. This may seem small but it was big for me. I turned on he Yankee game and listened to and realized that I could feel happy. I was so happy just to be able to enjoy the game just for that short time. I thought to my self maybe there is a chance for me after all. I have prayed so hard for what seems like a very long time now. But maybe I'm praying for the wrong thing, the impossible. I need to ask for forgiveness (for being so self absorbed lately) and for happiness. :angel

 

[Christine]

I'm glad to hear that things are moving along for you and you seem to be getting some good perspective on this whole thing. I think it's great that you were able to find a little bit of pleasure--I think it's a good sign of things to come. Though I'm sure there's going to be ups and downs along the way.

I cannot explain your wife's behavior. I understand that she wants to just be good friends--and you know--one day, when your feelings are resolved, you might be able to get to that place. It will be the best for your kids if you can. But I do not agree with her "using" you to get her crap done. Totally out of line. Glad you told her that.

 

[UnderDog]

I'm glad to hear that things are moving along for you and you seem to be getting some good perspective on this whole thing. I think it's great that you were able to find a little bit of pleasure--I think it's a good sign of things to come. Though I'm sure there's going to be ups and downs along the way.

I cannot explain your wife's behavior. I understand that she wants to just be good friends--and you know--one day, when your feelings are resolved, you might be able to get to that place. It will be the best for your kids if you can. But I do not agree with her "using" you to get her crap done. Totally out of line. Glad you told her that.

Christine Thanks! I feel that I will always love her and it hurts me to know that she loves someone else and is so indifferent to me or my feelings. But I pray that some day I will be able to have a friendship with her, but I just can’t see it happening right now. As far as her moving out. I know that it will be very tough on me and it will set me back some. I have made plans to stay at camp for a couple of days while she moves. It will probably take me some time to dig out of that realization (her actually being out of my life and home). But I will work very hard to remember those who love me and support me and want me to be happy. I get so self absorbed during my bouts that I can’t stand it.
The other day when I realized that I could be happy, that made me want it even more (to be happy again). I now know it’s possible. I have gotten a lot of good advice a support from friends and family, but I feel that “You all” have helped me also. It helps to just write about it and have people reply with their thoughts and share their experiences.

So thanks for your reply it helps me a lot!!!

 

[UnderDog]

Hi, All!

I have received a lot of support from friends and family. But believe it or not you have bean a tremendous help! A friend gave this to me, it's not mine but it hit a spot with me. Family is forever, don't through it away.

Thanks for all your prayers and kind words. They mean a lot to me!

Here goes:

F A M I L Y
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
But the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
You never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."

"Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
So what is behind the story?
Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU