Parents of HS class of 2020

[choirfarm]

How are you guys staying positive with your kids... Can't go into specifics for privacy reasons but there are now 3 people associated with my daughter and her friends that are on a vent... This isn't what if. This is our reality. Her dad is in healthcare. This isn't what if. And we are not even a hot spot...

 

[JimMIA]

How are you guys staying positive with your kids... Can't go into specifics for privacy reasons but there are now 3 people associated with my daughter and her friends that are on a vent... This isn't what if. This is our reality. Her dad is in healthcare. This isn't what if. And we are not even a hot spot...

Wow, that is a tough situation! We don't have anybody we know who is ill yet. Our biggest thing has been the trickle of canceled planned events, but that's nothing to actually knowing people in danger.

DD takes the disappointments in stride; she's actually probably better at it than we are. But I guess she's got a good perspective about what's really important.

 

[trip]

As I mentioned in the other thread, our DD has an autoimmune disease. I can not live with what ifs about college.

If music/choir/performing are loves and college plans, and the fear of catching something by doing those, it may be time to gently begin to direct the path to another field. What other subjects are they good at?

In the last 3 weeks we have seen all kinds of creativity in finding other ways to do things.

As for my daughter, she is steadily doing school work, applying for scholarships, and gaming with friends or texting with them.

The virus is a sideline at our house, not the main focus.

We had a couple of hard discussions with DD this weekend about her acceptance to her dream schools and the financial realities of our not swinging the estimated family contribution. She is persisting on that path. We have a couple more things to entertain with her there (video conference on Friday with the school to discuss financials), but really DH and I would love for her to break from that idea and accept the great offer that she has with instate schools.

Parenting is hard at any time, but this virus has created unprecedented territory and unfortunately navigating it is not easy.

Us planners have to learn to let go and roll with it.

It is very hard to parent at a time like this. But in the end you are the one that writes the check. If you can't/shouldn't write it, she could go to the in-state school with the great offer and perhaps have the opportunity to transfer at a later time. Or she could end up liking the in-state school and the fact that she wouldn't end up with horrible student loans.

 

[Southernmiss]

It is very hard to parent at a time like this. But in the end you are the one that writes the check. If you can't/shouldn't write it, she could go to the in-state school with the great offer and perhaps have the opportunity to transfer at a later time. Or she could end up liking the in-state school and the fact that she wouldn't end up with horrible student loans.

Oh definitely. I have discussed this in some of my other posts.

She has 3 older brothers who have done very well with our instate schools and their education. Our motto has been go to the place where you can get a good education with the least amount of debt. It's worked for them, and I know it can work for her also.

DD just happens to have even better scores (perfect scores), etc. than her brothers did and it's a shame that those are not going to get her the merit aid needed to get her into her dream schools while her friends, whose family income is less and whose scores are less have been accepted with full rides to the reach schools they applied to.

We had the big financial discussion with charts and our family income/expenses spreadsheets and student loans and their interest compounding the other day with her.

DH is having a hard time putting his foot down (I am not as soft) and wants to allow her to entertain the financial aid discussion with the reach school on Friday. We'll see where it goes.

 

[wallawallakids]

Oh definitely. I have discussed this in some of my other posts.

She has 3 older brothers who have done very well with our instate schools and their education. Our motto has been go to the place where you can get a good education with the least amount of debt. It's worked for them, and I know it can work for her also.

DD just happens to have even better scores (perfect scores), etc. than her brothers did and it's a shame that those are not going to get her the merit aid needed to get her into her dream schools while her friends, whose family income is less and whose scores are less have been accepted with full rides to the reach schools they applied to.

We had the big financial discussion with charts and our family income/expenses spreadsheets and student loans and their interest compounding the other day with her.

DH is having a hard time putting his foot down (I am not as soft) and wants to allow her to entertain the financial aid discussion with the reach school on Friday. We'll see where it goes.

Good luck. The merit money was all over the place this year. We noticed that as well. I think there was a lot of competition this year. We noticed a lot of offers that didn’t make much sense regarding stats. There were several schools that DD had applied to with the promise of good merit and honestly; it was much lower then we expected/ were lead to believe she would receive. DD ended up a NMF, and that sealed the deal for her but prior to that finalist standing, we were looking at mediocre deals from the private schools. Even out of state public schools had offered more in aid. (Our one in state school she applied to offered her no aid).

 

[Southernmiss]

Good luck. The merit money was all over the place this year. We noticed that as well. I think there was a lot of competition this year. We noticed a lot of offers that didn’t make much sense regarding stats. There were several schools that DD had applied to with the promise of good merit and honestly; it was much lower then we expected/ were lead to believe she would receive. DD ended up a NMF, and that sealed the deal for her but prior to that finalist standing, we were looking at mediocre deals from the private schools. Even out of state public schools had offered more in aid. (Our one in state school she applied to offered her no aid).

Yea, dd is also a NMF and two of her dream schools only sent acceptance letters to 10% of those applying, and she is one.

I have been realistic all along and said there are thousands of great kids out there with outstanding scores and resumes, but the merit $$ is just not there.

Doesn't help that dd has a young teacher telling all the kids to apply for reach schools and that they need to go there instead of instate-and he's a product of our instate schools. Good teacher in all other ways, but just doesn't understand that great students don't always get great merit $, especially if there parents are above certain income thresholds. Believe me, we are not making loads of $, but we make too much for a lot of the schools who are looking for diversity in their enrollment.

So she and DH are holding out hope that there might be a chance for them to come off of the expected family contribution of $25,000 per year-Ha!

 

[wallawallakids]

Doesn't help that dd has a young teacher telling all the kids to apply for reach schools and that they need to go there instead of instate-and he's a product of our instate schools. Good teacher in all other ways, but just doesn't understand that great students don't always get great merit $, especially if there parents are above certain income thresholds. Believe me, we are not making loads of $, but we make too much for a lot of the schools who are looking for diversity in their enrollment.

What?! That is crazy that in this day and age of crippling student debt that anyone would advocate for tons of reach schools. I really wish schools in the US would spend time on money management, loan & interest etc. I feel like so many kids are unprepared for the harsh realities of life. I know I was at 18. As a first generation college student my only goal was to go to college. I didn’t think twice about taking out loans. I just thought it had to be done. My parents assumed the same.

Dave Ramsey sponsored a podcast not too long ago about college debt that was really well done. They spent time interviewing current HS seniors and college students as well as recent graduates and it’s so interesting to hear the responses. How some teens think loans are the only way. Also the opinions of state vs private vs CC from all these students. I had my kids listen to it too. Anyway, I digress. I hope your DD is happy wherever she goes and congrats to her on NMF. Such a huge accomplishment. It’s sort of hard for these kids to get credit right now with all going on, but that is huge and she should be proud of all she has accomplished. These kids are way smarter then I ever was or will be. I’m positive the future is going to be great when the world is in their hands.

 

[JimMIA]

As parents of kids with great accomplishments already, I think both we and the kids need to focus on something we seldom even consider -- How did they get where they are?

They weren't borne with crazy-high GPAs, or test scores, or amazing internships, or athletic successes. They WORKED for all those things. They worked HARD, and they didn't just work for a few weeks. They have worked hard, and very consistently, for many years to get where they are today.

In addition to being a stellar student, my daughter has been a high level competitive figure skater for years. Figure skating is a brutal sport -- from practice, to the gym workouts, to injuries, to juggling 20 hours a week at the rink with school demands, to competitions, to the ruthless judging. Success comes as much from determination as it does from athletic ability.

In figure skating parlance, they learn to "Get Up." I used to tell parents at our rink not to worry about their child falling -- worry if they stop getting up and trying again. Kids who excel -- in school, work, athletics, or anything else -- have learned the all-important skill of putting failure behind them, "getting up," and moving on to their next success.

A couple of years ago, US Figure Skating started their "Get Up" motivational campaign with a great video.

Both of the skaters in the video are Florida competitors and my daughter has been in competitions with Kaylie.

Here's a link:

 

[JimMIA]

Interesting -- and unfortunately kind of long -- Class of 2020 story.

Years ago, when they were 12-13, DW and a girlfriend owned a boat together and spent hours buzzing around Biscayne Bay. They grew up, went to college, got married, got into careers, and had and raised children -- 4,000+ miles apart.

A few years ago, thanks to the magic of the Internet, they reconnected. The other woman's father still lives in Florida, so they visit every few years, and our kids have become friends. Their son is in school in Seattle, and both of our daughters are "Class of 2020 - The Class with a Vision!" as DD's school describes it.

We had planned a trip to Alaska with them for this summer, but that's looking increasingly unlikely. Both girls have been making college visits and choices. Our DD is going to the University of Central Florida in Orlando (with wallawallakids' DD). Their DD had been looking almost exclusively in the Northeast where her Dad is from and went to college.

So their DD texted our DD a little while ago -- and she is going to Florida State...in Tallahassee, just 4 hours away from UCF! They're already planning WDW trips together and there is bus service between the two schools, and also to Miami.

Sometimes, things just kinda go in a circle.

 

[wallawallakids]

Interesting -- and unfortunately kind of long -- Class of 2020 story.

Years ago, when they were 12-13, DW and a girlfriend owned a boat together and spent hours buzzing around Biscayne Bay. They grew up, went to college, got married, got into careers, and had and raised children -- 4,000+ miles apart.

A few years ago, thanks to the magic of the Internet, they reconnected. The other woman's father still lives in Florida, so they visit every few years, and our kids have become friends. Their son is in school in Seattle, and both of our daughters are "Class of 2020 - The Class with a Vision!" as DD's school describes it.

We had planned a trip to Alaska with them for this summer, but that's looking increasingly unlikely. Both girls have been making college visits and choices. Our DD is going to the University of Central Florida in Orlando (with wallawallakids' DD). Their DD had been looking almost exclusively in the Northeast where her Dad is from and went to college.

So their DD texted our DD a little while ago -- and she is going to Florida State...in Tallahassee, just 4 hours away from UCF! They're already planning WDW trips together and there is bus service between the two schools, and also to Miami.

Sometimes, things just kinda go in a circle.

That’s great!! Such a small world!

 

[fireworks fan]

So it seems like there are several Florida families on this thread-I’m hoping you might be able to help me and my daughter out with Florida schools. We were supposed to visit schools over spring break, like everyone else, and are now trying to make a decision without seeing all the schools. My DD is planning on studying marine science and was admitted to U of Miami, FIU, Eckerd, and U of Tampa with varying amounts of scholarships. All things being equal, she likes u of Miami (which we visited last year), but it is the most expensive by far. I’m trying to encourage her to really consider the other three and would love to hear any feedback about them. Thanks!

 

[JimMIA]

So it seems like there are several Florida families on this thread-I’m hoping you might be able to help me and my daughter out with Florida schools. We were supposed to visit schools over spring break, like everyone else, and are now trying to make a decision without seeing all the schools. My DD is planning on studying marine science and was admitted to U of Miami, FIU, Eckerd, and U of Tampa with varying amounts of scholarships. All things being equal, she likes u of Miami (which we visited last year), but it is the most expensive by far. I’m trying to encourage her to really consider the other three and would love to hear any feedback about them. Thanks!

I would start by taking a long, hard look at reputable college rating sites like the College Scorecard, a service of the US Dept of Education - https://collegescorecard.ed.gov/

When I was looking at DD18's choices, some of the things I thought were important were graduation rate, freshman retention rate (% who stay more than 1 year), location, and diversity.

I have visited all four of your choices, and live within a 15 minute drive of both FIU and UM.

My DD18 has participated in an 8 week biomedical research internship at FIU, and it was amazing. She also attended a week-long Duke TIP camp at Eckerd that was very good, but it was presented by Duke University which is one of the finest universities in the US.

In addition, DW is a UM graduate (communications), one of my daughters is an FIU graduate (education), and the friend in Alaska I referenced in a post above is a Marine Sciences graduate of UM and a career marine biologist for NOAA. I don't know enough about Tampa and Eckerd to really give you any advice.

UM and FIU are both very good universities, and they share an amusing history. UM used to be known as "Suntan U," and FIU used to be the "Oh well, I guess I'll just go to FIU" school.

But they have both changed enormously since those days. Today, both are rock-solid academically, have very good reputations, and both are very competitive.

Of those two -- all things being equal, and they are not -- I personally would choose UM.

I say that because of the strongly established marine science reputation and the overall quality of the school. The downside would probably be that a lot of UM students come from wealthy families, which could be a negative or not. It's great if you like to Uber over to South Beach for a casual lunch, but not so great if you can't afford to eat.

FIU is a very fine school, and is getting better daily it seems. Florida has 5 really good state universities and FIU is definitely one of those five. The other four are UCF (!), UF, FSU, and the University of South Florida in Tampa (USF).

The downside of FIU is that a large majority of the student body are local kids, and that creates a heavily-weighted demographic. Academically, FIU doesn't give up much to UM (and in fact, they have some dual-enrollment students who take classes at both universities), but the "college experience" would probably be better at UM if money is not an issue.

 

[JimMIA]

I ran into an interesting snag today that probably a lot of 2020 families will face: refunds for Senior Class events.

Today is DD's Grad Bash trip to Universal, which of course was canceled weeks ago. There was to be no overnight stay, but still the bus and park tickets were $200 per kid. In addition to that, we have several other things pending which appear unlikely -- Prom ($95), cap and gown ($45), Senior Picnic ($25) -- so it adds up.

DD's school is closed except for meal distribution and everyone is working from home, so no refunds until they return to school.

It's not a big deal for us, but we have a couple of friends who are single Moms and are out of work because their businesses are closed. I'm sure a refund would mean a lot to them right about now.

 

[fireworks fan]

Thanks

I would start by taking a long, hard look at reputable college rating sites like the College Scorecard, a service of the US Dept of Education - https://collegescorecard.ed.gov/

When I was looking at DD18's choices, some of the things I thought were important were graduation rate, freshman retention rate (% who stay more than 1 year), location, and diversity.

I have visited all four of your choices, and live within a 15 minute drive of both FIU and UM.

My DD18 has participated in an 8 week biomedical research internship at FIU, and it was amazing. She also attended a week-long Duke TIP camp at Eckerd that was very good, but it was presented by Duke University which is one of the finest universities in the US.

In addition, DW is a UM graduate (communications), one of my daughters is an FIU graduate (education), and the friend in Alaska I referenced in a post above is a Marine Sciences graduate of UM and a career marine biologist for NOAA. I don't know enough about Tampa and Eckerd to really give you any advice.

UM and FIU are both very good universities, and they share an amusing history. UM used to be known as "Suntan U," and FIU used to be the "Oh well, I guess I'll just go to FIU" school.

But they have both changed enormously since those days. Today, both are rock-solid academically, have very good reputations, and both are very competitive.

Of those two -- all things being equal, and they are not -- I personally would choose UM.

I say that because of the strongly established marine science reputation and the overall quality of the school. The downside would probably be that a lot of UM students come from wealthy families, which could be a negative or not. It's great if you like to Uber over to South Beach for a casual lunch, but not so great if you can't afford to eat.

FIU is a very fine school, and is getting better daily it seems. Florida has 5 really good state universities and FIU is definitely one of those five. The other four are UCF (!), UF, FSU, and the University of South Florida in Tampa (USF).

The downside of FIU is that a large majority of the student body are local kids, and that creates a heavily-weighted demographic. Academically, FIU doesn't give up much to UM (and in fact, they have some dual-enrollment students who take classes at both universities), but the "college experience" would probably be better at UM if money is not an issue.

Thanks-I appreciate your feedback.

 

[ski_mom]

I ran into an interesting snag today that probably a lot of 2020 families will face: refunds for Senior Class events.

Today is DD's Grad Bash trip to Universal, which of course was canceled weeks ago. There was to be no overnight stay, but still the bus and park tickets were $200 per kid. In addition to that, we have several other things pending which appear unlikely -- Prom ($95), cap and gown ($45), Senior Picnic ($25) -- so it adds up.

DD's school is closed except for meal distribution and everyone is working from home, so no refunds until they return to school.

It's not a big deal for us, but we have a couple of friends who are single Moms and are out of work because their businesses are closed. I'm sure a refund would mean a lot to them right about now.

DS has to go to his high school next Wednesday to pick up his cap and gown along with his graduation invitations that will probably never be used. I am still holding out hope that they will at least hold a graduation ceremony for the kids even if it has to be later in the summer. Time will tell I suppose.

 

[Grumpy_Dad]

I am still holding out hope that they will at least hold a graduation ceremony for the kids even if it has to be later in the summer.

This is what I am hoping for at the moment. So many of DD's senior activities and trips have been cancelled, I really want them to have their graduation.

 

[JimMIA]

DS has to go to his high school next Wednesday to pick up his cap and gown along with his graduation invitations that will probably never be used. I am still holding out hope that they will at least hold a graduation ceremony for the kids even if it has to be later in the summer. Time will tell I suppose.

This is what I am hoping for at the moment. So many of DD's senior activities and trips have been cancelled, I really want them to have their graduation.

Yeah, us too -- although DD is actually more concerned about Prom than graduation. If they pushed the graduation back to late July or early August, that would be fine with us. Our school board has been great and I expect them to do the right thing.

 

[olwyngdh]

Yeah, us too -- although DD is actually more concerned about Prom than graduation. If they pushed the graduation back to late July or early August, that would be fine with us. Our school board has been great and I expect them to do the right thing.

I don't know what they are going to do with our kids. She gots to a DODEA high school and they are supposed to graduate May 15. A lot of people are scheduled to PCS after graduation--we were scheduled for June but it has been pushed back to July, and who knows what will happen after that. What is really upsetting the kids even more than Graduation is Prom--it was supposed to be at Churchill Downs on April 18. If they can manage to have something it will probably be on post where they hold the JROTC Military Ball every year. She is grateful they at least had that before everything shut down. At this point I am just hoping they don't push our PCS off again to August and we have to move at the same time we have to get her to college since we are moving to GA and she is going to college in Indiana!

 

[Southernmiss]

Dd goes to her school Tuesday for a drive by pick up of graduation invitations from the Herff Jones Representative for her May 23rd graduation. Prom and other significant events have passed

Seems that the invitations may be useless.

By the way, we had the online meeting with her reach school which went as expected and she has accepted that she'll be going to college instate.

Others mentioned Dave Ramsey, my kids heard him for years as Iistened to him in the school pick up line. So they are well familiar with our stance lol.

Oldest son, age 25 and married has thanked us several times for instilling 'debt is dumb' in his head as he and his wife have no student loans as they are now aware of the debt and financial situations their friends are struggling with and how much easier life is for them without debt

 

[JimMIA]

I don't know what they are going to do with our kids. She gots to a DODEA high school and they are supposed to graduate May 15. A lot of people are scheduled to PCS after graduation--we were scheduled for June but it has been pushed back to July, and who knows what will happen after that. What is really upsetting the kids even more than Graduation is Prom--it was supposed to be at Churchill Downs on April 18. If they can manage to have something it will probably be on post where they hold the JROTC Military Ball every year. She is grateful they at least had that before everything shut down. At this point I am just hoping they don't push our PCS off again to August and we have to move at the same time we have to get her to college since we are moving to GA and she is going to college in Indiana!

Yep, this Army brat sure knows that drill! 12 schools in 12 years. 4 high schools, and one of them for TWO years! But I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Interesting life, but thank you (the whole family!) for your service.