Day Four - Sunday September 28th-THE BIG DAY!- Part Three
After we'd mingled for a while, it got to be 4:00pm, which is when we'd planned to start. So Scott and moved toward the stage in the Main Salon, turned on the lights, and pulled out the microphone. (One of the actresses asked us if we knew how to turn on the lights.
I'd been sitting under the light switch for years, no instruction needed.)
I started, "Hi, welcome to the Adventurers Club an thank you all for joining us for our Big Fat Gay Disney Wedding. As you know, Scott an I met here at Pleasure Island. Over at 8-Trax during Gay Days 2003 to be exact. And our first date, the next night started right up there in that archway", as I pointed to the archway on the second level.
"We'll be moving into the Library for the ceremony shortly, but before you can enter the Library here at the Adventurers Club, we'll need to make you all honorary members of the club."
This is all the set up for the "New Member Induction Ceremony" (aka the NMI)that was done three times a night at the Adventurers Club. When we first decided to have our ceremony at the club, we decided that we wanted to do the induction ceremony as well. When they announced that the club would be closing, we talked about skipping it, because we were afraid it would seem maudlin, and I was afraid that people would start to cry. But as we spoke to our friends and some of the performers, they told us that we should go ahead with our plan. Finally we came to the conclusion that this would be our one and only shot at doing it. We were goinng to do it right.
Typically the ceremony starts with Graves, the club's English Butler announcing that the ceremony would make everyone members. We could have had an actor portray Graves, but it would have cost us a lot of money for a two-minute bit (four minutes if you count that he would also play the Colonel for the club song) and we really didn't want to have any of our performer friends have to "work". So not having an English butler, we turned to the next best option: an Englishman. Our friend Glen, having travelled from the U.K. for the wedding was pressed into service along with his lovely wife, Pippa, to make the announcement for the NMI. They were thrilled to do it, and played it up beautifully.
Once Glen and Pippa made the announcement, I turned the microphone over to Scott to teach the Club Salute. (Literally, I turned it over as I handed it to him, and he went to speak into the wrong end. It's a bit frequently used at the club.) Scott forces a laugh, smiles a broad smile and says "You, turned it over! Man, that was NEVER funny!" And the crowd applauded. One of the performers actually stood up and said "Thank you! I always hated that bit!"
From there Scott taught everyone the club salute. Fishy wave, pretend to take a drink, throw your hand up and yell "Kungaloosh!". Then he went through all the "greatest hits" of what Kungaloosh can mean: "Hello"; "Good-bye"; "Kiss me quick, before the lava reaches the village"; "Didn't I see you at the nude beach"; "Don't touch that it's dead"; "Please touch that, I'm hoping it's still alive"; and (say it with me if you know it) "What are your pants doing around your ankles and why are you waving that stinky piece of cheese at me?" (And over half the crowd joined him in saying that last one. Then another performer added "that was NEVER funny!")
He then explained that if you were ever in doubt as to whether another person is a fellow adventurer, you should simply give them the salute. "If they salute you back, you can sit down and regale each other with stories of daring adventures. If they do NOT return your salute, turn and run the other way, before they call the cops. It's happened to us twice. Today."
After that, I asked everyone to please repeat after me for the recitation of the Club Creed. Then proceeded to have them repeat after me while I tried to get them to stop because I wasn't to the creed yet. (I swear it's funnier in person.
) Then I led as we all recited the club creed:
"We climb the highest mountains,
Just to get a better view.
We plumb the deepest oceans,
Because we're daring through and through.
We cross the scorching deserts,
Martinis in our hands.
We ski the polar ice caps,
In tuxedos looking grand.
We are reckless, brave and loyal,
And valiant to the end.
If you come in here a stranger,
You will exit as a friend.
Kungaloosh!"
That last part "If you come in here a stranger, you will exit as a friend" had been getting to me. For the last month the club was open, I got all choked up at that line. It's where I feared the waterworks would start. But that day, we were having too much fun. I sailed right through it without a problem.
The third step of the NMI is to have the Colonel teach the all-purpose club theme song. Since we didn't have anyone to work the colonel (he's a puppet) we asked our friends Sharon & Joe to teach the song, explaining that "Colonel Critchlow Suchbench is our head of security here at the club, and club gleemeister, however, he's on extra alert wedding security duty at the moment because some of you look shady. Instead of having the Colonel teach you the song, we'll ask Sharon & Joe to teach it to you instead." And then what Sharon and Joe did was a complete surprise to us (we hadn't rehearsed ANY of this). Sharon is much shorter than her husband. Sharon is pretty much shorter than everyone. She's "four and a half feet of fury". So it was completely funny, when Joe proceeds to say that he's perfecting his ventriloquism act and introduces us to his puppet.
This works in several bits done by the colonel and has the crowd roaring. Another thing with the colonel is he's asked for "the song" and he starts singing a bawdy tune a couple times before realizing he should be teaching the club theme song. So rather than bawdy songs, Joe & Sharon start trying to teach the crowd "It's Raining Men", "YMCA" and "I Will Survive"
When I gave them the standard line of "No, no we need the song that's appropriate for this occasion!" I got the response: "What's more appropriate for a gay wedding than It's Raining Men?"
Then they finally sang the Club's All Purpose Theme Song (we'll sing it through twice, for the benefit of anyone visiting from the state of Texas):
"Marching Along We're Adventurers
Singing the Song of Adventurers!
Up or Down,
North, South, East, or West
An Adventurers Life is best!"
And the crowd sang along happily. Twice through and repeating the last line at the end.
And then I was back on the microphone again "And now that you're all honorary members of the club, the library doors are open, please head in for our commitment ceremony. Please don't worry about whether to sit on the bride's side or the grooms side, because OOPS! we forgot to find a bride! So sit wherever you'd like!"
With that folks moved into the library, and I asked for a glass of water because my mouth was DRY!
Next up: This is it! The ceremony itself!