A Rough Couple of Days/ Updated 6/23

[rosiep]

Hi Folks-

I have had a couple of really hard days. My daughters friend, a young 20 something transgendered man, tried to kill himself this weekend. It's not the first time and fearfully, I don't think it'll be his last.
Zena found out on Friday that he'd been taken to the hospital by a friend who went to his apartment after he didn't turn up for class. Saturday morning, this young man called me, still groggy and ill, asking me to come to the hospital because he needed (and I quote) "an adult".
His "parents", (and I use the term loosely) would not make the effort to come. His mother said..this was of his own making, and his father (stepdad I think) could not take time off from work.
I am sick to my heart; feel no where near capable, and am dealing with something much bigger than myself...all I can do is be there and hold his hand, advocate for him at the hospital and show him love as best I can.....but I still feel mighty helpless.

Sorry to be a downer; I just can't believe how these parents sent this kid out into the world so alone.

To all of you out there who faced similar challenges...my heart aches for you too. No matter how old you are....as a parent, I just can't fathom it. I just can't.

sigh...breathe....put on my big girl panties and go back to the hospital in a few hours.

I can do this right? RIGHT!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Yes, Rosie and thank g-d you can. Hell, Thank Rosie. He needs you, and you are there. That is the important piece. You will hold his hand, wipe his tears, hug his neck and be his rock. He's your third child, eh?

I don't pretend that it's easy, but you aren't asking for easy. You are only hoping to provide a thread for him to grasp until he can find a way to put one foot in front of the other again.

I wish I had real words for you, real answers, real solutions but I don't. Showing him unconditional live as you are is the only thing I can think of.

Thanks Rosie. Seriously. Thank you for reaching out and caring enough to help him save himself.

If you think it would help, tell him that you've shared his pain with a group of family who give a damn, who want him to keep taking his next breath, who want him to find a way, find some joy, some hope. Sending you every good wish for strength for him.

 

[PeterPan09]

Rosie, you are a gift from God to this young man-and to those who are witness to your actions.

 

[BC Disney Lover]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, Rosie! Thank god this young person has you to help through this rough time. As a Mom I couldn't imagine any parent leaving their child alone at a time like that.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Oh Rosie!

You can do this! One step at a time.....

I am saddend by this, but happy to know that you will be there!

Please keep us informed....

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Just remember Rosie, as you are there for him, we are here for you. Lean on us as you need to.

 

[starann]

HUGS for you Rosie as well as him. As a mother I can't understand how a mother can just turn off a switch to loving her child.

 

[Stormhawk]

You CAME when he called. That gift alone will have shown him more than you can imagine. While I can not presume to know either his or your burdens, you proved he is not alone in the world.

Be there, listen, and joke (people forget just how powerful a laugh is). Beyond that let him guide you. This road is one of the most personal possible and there is no "right" way.

Please don't forget that unless you find the time and space for yourself you will not be able to give. Share your burden with those blessed to know you as it serves you.

 

[spacemermaid]

You don't know me, but when I read this I had to comment, mainly to say THANK YOU for being there for the young man in question. Transitioning is difficult enough; being abandoned by one's own parents, especially after a suicide attempt is just...unacceptable. So, thank you for caring enough to do what his parents won't do.

 

[C&G'sMama]

You are obviously a blessing to this young man. You said "all I can do is hold his hand and advocate for him at the hospital...". That's an amazing thing you're doing. This is wonderful gift. I am sure it is difficult and as others have said lean on us and anyone else you can.

Thought and prayers for all of you.

Ann

 

[Sphyrna]

I know you can do it Rosie!! You are a great person! Just be there for him to listen to and talk to. We all know you can talk Hopefully it all works out for him. Having you there will be a great help.

 

[jjjmranch]

Thank you for being there for him. My children will always know that their Mom will always be there for them, no matter what. Shame on that egg factory for abandoning him. I refuse to call her a mother, because no mother does that to her child.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Lets try to stay positive folks.....

This woman (The mother) may need help from a group like us someday, let's not judge. In my experience if you judge, people will not come to you for answers.......

Lets stay focused on the person in the hospital and our own guardian angel

Rosie!

I swear Rosie, your coffee tab at Disney is on me!

 

[rpmdfw]

Rosie, what can I say that hasn't already been said by someone else on this thread.

You rock!

You're amazing, and you're helping him more than you can possibly know.

We're here for you, when you need us!

 

[rosiep]

Just remember Rosie, as you are there for him, we are here for you. Lean on us as you need to.

Thank you all..so very, very much. I cry as I write this because it is so true that the support is a trickle effect. I came here just needing to let it out and what I got was hugs, and love and words of encouragement...
Thank you ....more than I can ever tell you.

Be there, listen, and joke (people forget just how powerful a laugh is). Beyond that let him guide you. This road is one of the most personal possible and there is no "right" way.
.

Yesterday, with my daughters encouragement, I told the "bluest" joke I know!

 

[rosiep]

Tonights hospital visit was encouraging. He is still in the medical part of the hospital awaiting a bed in the psych ward..but he was able to talk with his psychiatrist and feels more connected to the staff is is encountering. (They have been really great..unlike the first couple of nurses and Dr. we met)

I plan to make sure that he spends alot of time with us as a family when he leaves the hospital. I let him know that he is welcome to come and cook, veg, read, garden or WHATEVER at our house....simply just come and hang around.

As for his folks..he asked me yesterday "why" they respond like that and I said "perhaps they feel helpless too, perhaps they're just as scared, maybe they didn't have the support themselves, any number of reasons ....because they're human and they're fallible, but never because you don't deserve love and support.

I'm doing my best folks. Tonight our whole family was there: James, Tara, Zena and myself. It was like a mini circus.

I'll keep you posted.

 

[spacemermaid]

It sounds like you're doing a great job being loving and supportive to your "adopted" son. Go you! It's very important when someone lives through a suicide attempt to show the person just how much they'd be missed if they'd "succeeded", so a "mini circus" is probably more appreciated than you & your family know!

It is difficult enough to be a teen/young adult. It is WAY more difficult to be a teen/young adult suffering through depression. Add a transition to the mix and it can feel like a war going on in one's head. Sending strength, support & happy thoughts to you and the young man who hopefully will have a long, happy life ahead of him!

 

[wallyb]

Our sweet Rosie!
There's a truly special place for you girl!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Rosie--I am so glad you are there for this young man and that you have been there in some form or another enough for him before that he knew to call you when he needed an "adult." It speaks volumes about you that he called YOU and your actions since say even more about the truly wonderful person you are. Thank you and your "circus" of a family for showing this young man some true love and kindness

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Rosie, I am so happy that you are there for this sweet young man!!

None of us would feel prepared or adequate. You just do your best, love him and let him know your family welcomes him.

I wish him the very best. Hopefully in time he will find his way and be happy!