A Sensible Dinner - Pearlieq's Journal

[toystoryduo]

Thank you so much for sharing your trip with us pearlieq. It sounds like you are having such a great time! By reading your trip report, I am getting my Disney fix for the day!

I can't believe that couple at Les Chefs brought the MIL on the honeymoon! Maybe that's why the bride was so loud?

We've never seen Miuki before, but we're going to try to in September. That is so cool that you have a bird to give to your mom that she made.

I'm glad to hear that you liked Spaceship Earth! That is one of my favorite rides ever and I was worried when they did the refurb on it. I have yet to see the new SE, but it seems to be getting more positive reviews now. I can't wait until September!

I hope you have a safe flight home. Thanks again for sharing your trip with us!

 

[pearlieq]

5/5/08

10:00am

--good sized piece strawberry cheesecake

Breakfast of champions, eh? I've spent most of the morning wading through my work email and trying to get caught up.

Today is our anniversary, and I'm actually not all that excited about it, which is a shame, because DH seems to kind of be into it. I guess I'll try to get in the spirit. I just can't get too super excited about going out to dinner, since there's nowhere terribly noteworthy near us, and I don't really want to make a long drive out to a good restaurant. Plus, we just had about a million restaurant meals!

I guess I'm not a big fan of days like anniversaries, Valentine's Day, etc. I always feel pressured to "perform" and meet other people's expectations, whereas I'm not terribly sentimental and would prefer to just let things pass.

As for the end of our trip and this past weekend, it was all pretty unremarkable. We spent the last day at WDW mostly just packing, relaxing, and doing last-minute shopping. We just couldn't face breakfast and lunch, so we skipped breakfast and had lunch at Kona Cafe, which was good as always.

After lunch we went to DTD. I had hoped to burn some of my snack credits at Goofy's Candy company, but the caramel apples weren't snacks and I was too short on time to explore the rest of their options. I wound up just getting a bunch of bagged snacks. We made our last stop at Earl of Sandwich where we used our last meal credit to get sandwiches for the plane ride home. We had the misfortune of arriving at the same time as a school band, but luckily they kicked it into high gear and kept things moving well.

We were very fortunate to get home on time, even with the storms going Friday. The landing was a little rough, but I was just so grateful to be home. The drive back to the house was also pretty easy and soon enough we were having a joyous reuinion with the cats.

The rest of the weekend was spent on mundane things like grocery shopping and yardwork, and just relaxing and clearing out our DVR. Today it finally feels like we're back to reality, and work--yuck!

1:40pm

--2 sm chocolate chip cookies

3:00pm

--1 string cheese
--8 dried apricots

5:00pm

--1 bowl cheerios
--2 mini boxes raisins

Ugh, not a fun afternoon on any front. I woke up feeling kind of "off" and with a slight headache. Unfortunately, the headache kind of snowballed during the day into something really unpleasant. It felt like a migraine, but didn't hurt in my usual migraine spot. I took a bunch of Excederin and tried to soldier on while trapped on the world's longest and most pointless conference call. Seriously--I was on that call for 90 minutes before we got to anything relevant to me, and my part was done in 5 minutes. They could have just emailed me the file.

Anyway, by the time I was off that I was really in some major pain, and I figured if it walked like a duck, and quacked like a duck, it must be a migraine. I had a perscription for some migraine medicine, but I hadn't filled it yet, so I took it up to the Walgreens up the road to get filled. Unfortunately, that store didn't have the right medicine in stock, so they called it over to another store about 10 minutes away.

I went up to the other store, and they took a while dinking around with my insurance company to find out how much to charge me. Mercifully, while on the drive to the other Walgreens, the Excederin finally kicked in and I was feeling semi-human. That whole episode would have been torture otherwise!

So now I'm back home, and trying to figure out if I'm still up for going out with DH tonight. I feel kind of shaky and still "off", but not too bad and maybe getting out would be a welcome distraction. We'll see.

 

[goldcupmom]

I love reading your trip reports, Pearlie! Sounds like you had a wonderful time!

I loved your title. sounds like my kind of trip!

Hope you had a good trip home & are settling back in to reality....so sad!!

Have an awesome week!

 

[toystoryduo]

Welcome Home!!! I really enjoyed your trip report. Thanks for sharing!

Sending some your way today.... Hope you have a great day!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi There, Welcome Home and Happy Anniversary! I hear you on sometimes not liking those special days, it gets to be a lot of effort sometimes to just figure out the what, where and when doesn't it!

I am still laughing about your meal in France with the Mother In Law! I give that marriage less than one year if the husband takes the mom on the honeymoon.

I loved your trip report! I liked Spaceship Earth too (although I miss Jeremy Irons sexy voice ) I thought the whole thing flowed a lot better. Although I didn't like seeing my weird face superimposed on the screen!

It sounds like your trip went really well and that you had fun. I envy that one bedroom, its 15 nights in a studio for the four of us this month. OMG what was I thinking taking that trip to DL and sucking up too many points???

Sorry about that long conference call, talk about a dose of reality! I hope the migraine is better, I hate those. Feel better and again, welcome home!

 

[goldcupmom]

Hope the headache finally disappeared. NOT fun!! DD has been suffering due to the weather & I've been holding off letting her take her Frova(for migraines)....Only 4 pills left & I don't want to refill.

Glad the flight home was uneventful. I hate flying!!

Hope there are no more useless conference calls looming out there.

Have a good Tuesday!
(oh, & Happy Belated Anniversary!)

 

[Lesli54]

Sending you for getting passed the migrane. Sounds like just way to much WDW fun.

I loved your reports from WDW, though, they are really gearing my up for going. In fact, I already miss in and we haven't even left. Thanks for the tips on Fantasmic. DS5 might be ok, but we will definitely think it over first. We have often seen parts for the show from BWV, but I am glad that we haven't gone yet as it does sound like my children would have been too young at the time. Also, thank you for the last info on the DDP. I have often wondered how all that food could be eaten and it just seems a waste to me to not try to eat it or "purchase" it to take home after you spend all that money on the plan. For us, I don't think it would work since we eat breakfast in the villas most days and part of our meals since we always come back for the afternoon swim or nap. I think I agree with you, the cutting back on the meals may actually be the after effect of the DDP. That's business for you.

How did your mom enjoy the hummingbird candy? Watching those candies being made is really alot of fun and it is amazing the talent that the artist has.

Hope that your day is a good one.

 

[pearlieq]

5/11/08

10:00am

--frozen grapes
--1 cheese stick

Trying to get ready to leave the house. We're going up to my grandma's for lunch today, and I need to pick something up for her. I just can't go to a party empty handed. It feels a little weird getting something for my grandma for mother's day, but I'm sure there must be something appropriate out there.

This hasn't been a great week. Work was very busy for the first couple days of the week, and I'm expecting the same this week. I pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve or something in my neck/shoulder area, and it isn't too much fun. It's not unbearable, but I have to move carefully and some positions are quite painful. Hopefully this goes away soon!

Unfortunately, my mom's new medicine didn't work out--the side effects just got too severe for her to function. So now she's back on IV chemo. She goes once a week for 3 weeks, then off one week. No word yet on how long that's supposed to last, but it seemed to go OK-ish this week. She was nauseated and tired, but able to get by.

Our anniversary turned out nice. Due to the migraine we wound up postponing our plans until the next day, but we still had fun. I felt kind of bad--I thought we weren't doing anything, so I got taken off guard when DH came home with a card and present. I felt like such a heel.

DH left today for a business trip and I miss him already. I'm trying to make plans to get out and see friends while he's gone, because otherwise I degenerate quickly and start leaving my jammies on 24/7. Not good.

Of course it could wind up being a very busy couple of days as I might be planning a party for my goddaughter's graduation. We're trying to find a park district picnic area or some other suitable venue for her party. She's leaving for a summer program the morning after she graduates, so we have a very narrow window to try to get a party together. But I just think she should have one, if at all possible.

Food has been a train wreck all week, which I think has contributed to my not insisting on making an effort to journal. I haven't been eating anything I'd call a "meal", unless you count restaurant meals. If there's anything I need to work on over the next week, it's just having breakfast, lunch, and dinner and not just endless snacks.

I'll get to journals this evening--I miss everyone!

 

[goldcupmom]

Happy Mother's Day, Pearlie! Yes, you are a mother to your kitties and a GodMother! That counts!!!

Hope things get better soon with your mom!! Still praying!

 

[toystoryduo]

Happy Mother's Day, Pearlie! Yes, you are a mother to your kitties and a GodMother! That counts!!!

Yep, I agree! Happy Mother's Day, Pearlieq!!

I'm sorry to hear that the medication didn't work for your mom. I'm sending prayers and her way.

I hope you have a good week ahead!

 

[pearlieq]

5/13/08

10:00am

--2 eggs, fried
--most of a piece of buttered Brownberry toast
--most of an orange

DH is gone more of this week. He's out in Tucson for some training. I guess they had also managed to squeeze in a round of golf yesterday, and much better that it was him on that course than me!

They're up in the mountains, and it was over 100 degrees. Plus, they apparently have tons of rattlesnakes on the course--so many that if you spot one, there's a little button you push in your golf cart that relays the coordinates back to their course manager, who then comes out, lassos the thing, and relocates it.

I miss him, but I'm kind on enjoying being on my own. I've been feeling very insular for the last couple of days. It's taken me a long time to get here and reconnect with everyone and I still owe emails to a bunch of friends. I just feel a pull inward for some reason.

I've been thinking more and more about my weight and becoming more ready to make changes. I actually pulled out my copy of 7 Secrets and re-read it. For something at sounds so much like an infomercial, I really do find it very inspiring. It's the first and only food paradigm that sounds sane and healthy--something I want to do and do forever. So, I'm trying to focus really hard on that right now. I know things aren't going to change overnight, but I just feel like there is a path back to serenity.

I got together with my mom and grandma for mother's day. A couple of aunts and uncles also dropped by, and it was nice to see everyone. I'm struck over and over by this sensation that this isn't going to last. My grandma will be 88 this year. She's doing remarkably well for that age, but sooner or later she'll be gone. I actually won't mourn her too much. I love her and I'll miss her, but she's had a long and full life and she ready, even eager sometimes, to go. I'll almost be happy for her when her time comes.

I have my mom's situation on my mind too. I did some research on the new drug they're giving her. It's pretty disheartening. The drug actually didn't prolong overall survival at all. All it did was delay how long it took for the cancer to grow. So without the drug, your cancer would start growing again in 6 months and you die in 18 months. With the drug, your cancer doesn't start growing for 9 months and you still die in 18 months. What the heck is the point of going through all the hassle and the vagarities of chemo for that?

I really don't know how much longer we've got. The most recent statistics had the median survival time for women with metastatic breast cancer as about 30 months. When did they start timing that? From when the found the cancer had spread? In the clinical trials with mom's drug, their average suvival time was just under 18 months. It's been 18 months since they found my mom's first new tumor. I know statistics are just numbers, but there are places in my brain where this isn't really real.

1:45pm

--cottage cheese
--sm handful All-bran crackers
--my leftover orange sections
--few canned peach slices

3:45pm

--nsa sugar cookies
--milk

6:00pm

--1 footlong turkey & bacon sub
--1 Snickers

So far I've been pretty happy with today. I've being trying to be very mindful, listening to my body, waiting for hunger, and stopping when it tells me to stop. It's hard, since this isn't something I'm used to. Instead of eating without judging, I've gotten into my head that I'm supposed to not finish my meals. So I have to work hard to override what my head is saying and listen to my body.

9:30pm

--2 chicken, broccoli, & cheddar lean pockets

Hungry again! I thought about getting McD's, but it's late and we're getting some bad storms. Wouldn't you feel really stupid if you got into some horrible car accident on the way home from a 9pm cheeseburger run? Not that we can control everything, but that kind of thing rattles through my mind. Plus, I wasn't sure if I could make a good decision there. So this will work.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Pearlie: I think its great you are reading that book and figuring out the mental end of things before you rush headlong into some "diet". Better to lay some important groundwork first. That shows a lot of maturity and forethought on your part. And I think it will really increase your chances of survival. I know you can do it when the time is right.

I so understand your frustation and confusion on your mom's cancer. I have been there as you know. I know that my mom's breast cancer was already spread all over the place at diagnosis, she lived 6 and half years past that and about two years at least past the point when another tumor came back. I got where I just couldn't listen and read about the statistics anymore. Of course my situation was different, my mom was older than yours and also ahd the Alzheimers. How is your mom's general outlook? Is this treatment something she wants and believes in? I think that makes a huge difference. In any case, I know how hard it is, you really do feel as though your whole life is in limbo and you wonder if all the treatment is worth much in the end. I don't have any answers except to tell you I am thinking of you. Continue to be your mom's advocate and don't take anything any doctor tells you at face value. Trust your judgement. And if you don't have it already, I suggest you get medical power of attorney if your mom will be okay with that. I know I needed mine in the end and I was glad we had gotten it ahead of time. Just keep hanging in there.

Your Mother's Day bittersweet feelings really brought a tear to my eye. I am glad you had that day with your mom and grandmother.

Thanks for being such a good friend to my journal and life in general. I have that book, its in my bag I am taking on the plane!

 

[pearlieq]

5/14/08

10:00am

--spinach stuffed rigatoni w/red sauce & mozzarella

Hey, it's what sounded good.

I'm still working hard on listening, waiting for hunger, and not judging. I have a tendency to try to grasp too hard on control and wind up snapping. I know I won't be able to break that pattern overnight, but I'd really like to work at it.

3:30pm

--more spinach stuffed rigatoni w/red sauce & mozzarella

It sounded good again.

4:00pm

--1 Snickers bar

I had a leftover one from yesterday and I just couldn't get it out of my mind. Yum!

6:00pm

--sm white tea & peach slush

Darn that was good! I really liked the flavor.

I met a friend at a coffee place before going to Bunco. It was nice to see her, I guess, but she spent nearly the whole darn time talking about herself. Let alone talking about anything regarding me, I couldn't even get a word in edgewise to comment about what was going on with her! I guess she needed to talk last night!

7-11pm

--lots and lots of chips w/creamy salsa, pastry twists, couple sm peices frozen pizza, jelly beans

Oops. That didn't go as planned at all. I had told myself that I would get to Bunco, mingle with the girls, and then fix myself one plate of the goodies when I got hungry.

Unfortunately, there were only 3 of us--my friend & I and the host. I was fine with that--we're all good friends and we had a nice time just chatting together and playing a game. That part was great. But there wasn't a food spread, just chips & dip, my pastry twists, jelly beans on the table, and the little pizza the host tossed in the oven. I couldn't get a proper meal, and so I just wound up eating uncontrollably. I seriously couldn't stop. I eventually moved things away from me, but when it was in front of me, I couldn't get it out of my mind.

It actually kind of makes sense to me. I was looking for a satisfying full meal. What I got was chips and snacks. So kept eating on those, hoping to find the satisfaction I was looking for, only it never came. So I kept trying and trying. I get it. I'm actually not too upset about it. I understand what happened, and I'll just wait for hunger to come tomorrow.

 

[toystoryduo]

Sending a gentle your way today, Pearlieq. I'm praying for your mom and for you too.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Pearlieq: I can relate to your Bunco night. When I want a meal and can't get one, I'll pretty much eat whatever and large quantities! Look at how good you are to figure that out. You are really giving this whole process a lot of thought. That is huge in the success factor department.

Hope today is good for you.

I have had coffee dates like that too! Sort of makes you wish you had a hearing aide you could turn off huh?

 

[pearlieq]

5/15/08

10:50am

--1 string cheese

Hungry! I knew I was going to get something later, so I just grabbed this while running out the door.

1:15pm

--1 6pc McNugget happy meal w/a sm orange soda
--1 cheeseburger

I've been having thoughts about McD's all week. I feel nice and satisfied now. I had to fight my urge to be an "efficient eater" while ordering. Intellectually I knew that the double cheeseburger was $1, and the regular cheeseburger is $0.99, and I felt compelled to order the better "value". But, I listened to myself and I really wanted the regular, so that's what I got. And it was good.

5:30pm

--leftover spinach rigatoni
--1 pastry twist

Hungry again. Work was a bear today--yet another fire drill, and my boss asked me to pick up another project. I don't know if I'm going to agree to that. DH's flight made it home right on time, but he had an event tonight he was supposed to attend, so I'm not expecting to see him until late tonight.

11:15pm

--1 grilled chicken sandwich w/bacon
--1 junior cheeseburger

I had just about decided I was hungry enough and was ready to get a (very late) dinner, when DH called and said he was going to stop on his way home. I had to wait about an hour, so I was super hungry. I kind of like this order--I get a lot of stuff I like, without an outrageous calorie total.

 

[pearlieq]

5/16/08

11:00am

--2 eggs, fried
--2 pieces raisin toast w/butter
--peach slices

So I'm finding I'm not hungry at the crack of dawn, at least not these past few days. It usually doesn't arrive until mid-morning. I'm still struggling with letting go of judging--I had to stop myself from mentally tabulating the calories of what I was about to eat.

I had fun at the grocery store yesterday--I decided there wouldn't be any rules. I wound up buying some things I really dearly love, but had always told myself were off limits. I got Pepperidge Farm apricot raspberry Verona cookies, raisin bread, and cheddar cheese Simply Chex. There were some things I thought I'd want right away, such as chips, juice, and sugary cereal, but they didn't really appeal as I walked past them. Maybe another time, I guess.

I'm expecting some challenges this weekend. It's always hard to coordinate with someone else, I'm concerned it will be hard to stick to eating only when I'm hungry with DH around. I've been trying to think this through--I've got snacks to offer him when he's hungry and I'm not. Hopefully that will help us work together.

2:30pm

--1 PB&J on Brownberry
--handful baby carrots
--1 can chicken noodle soup
--sm bowl simply chex
--3 Verona cookies

Hungry again! Really hungry, actually. I was eating those carrots like a madwoman. The soup filled me up pretty fast, though, so I wound up putting aside half the sandwich, half the Chex, and 2 of the cookies aside for later. I'm sure I'll eventually be ready for them again.

Quiet afternoon. I'm waiting for some jobs to process for work, so there's not much going on. I suppose there are chores or errands I could take care of if I was feeling really productive, but I'm enjoying just relaxing.

3:30pm

--the rest of my lunch

4:15pm

--9 more cookies
--big bowl Chex
--glass of milk.

Uh oh. I think what happened here is that I shouldn't have held back half of my lunch. I keep pressuring myself not to finish my food, and it feels liks someone's taking my food away, and I wind up recoiling and snapping. As they put it in my book "Every deprivation leads to an equal and opposite binge". I guess I knew this wasn't going to be easy.

8:00pm

--1/2 lg cheese pizza
--5 breadsticks
--1 liter Coke
--sm bowl Chex
--the last 6 cookies

Well, this was a rough night. I was upset and turned to food for comfort. My mom isn't doing well. This new chemo drug is pretty hard on her--this week she couldn't stay awake at work, which I know is really humiliating for her. Her boss is a real jerk, and I worry that they're going to make trouble for her. I'm terrified at the idea of her driving in that condition. She called her doctor about it one afternoon when it became completely intolerable, and they had her come in, only to have her meet with this really patronizing twit nurse or PA at mom's oncologist's office who just wouldn't listen to her!

She was asking her the stupidest, most basic questions, like why she was in a wheelchair. You'd think that was on page 1 of her chart! She's only been seeing this doctor for a year and a half. This doctor got the idea in her head that mom's extreme fatigue and feeling ill was due to her taking too much heart medication. Except that mom's been on this heart medication for over a year now with no issues. Why would there suddenly be a problem now? Her red blood cell counts were a little low, and her BP was hovering around 95/45, which is just scary. But this idiot just wouldn't listen to her--it's like she just jumped to this conclusion about the heart medicines and closed her ears and brain.

My mom was just in no position to fight. She could barely stay conscious, let alone try to get this woman to treat her properly. I felt so bad thinking about her there, totally vulnerable, and not getting the help she needed. They didn't do anything for her. Nothing about how terrible she was feeling or how she couldn't stay awake. They just told her to come back for her regular appointment for more chemo on Friday. She came back for that, but wasn't well enough to tolerate it, so they decided to defer her for a week.

She's talking about changing oncologists, but I'm not sure where she'd go. She's at the best regional hospital around. I think she'd pretty much have to go back into downtown Chicago now for the type of cancer treatment she needs. That's over 50 miles from her house, with terrible traffic and tricky expressway driving in between. I don't see how that would work. I guess there's one other hospital we can try.

I just don't know how she's going to make to her retirement date in January and what she's going to do if she doesn't. I worry so much about how she can't get any decent rest becasue of the pain--the pain medication doesn't always help, plus she has to be careful of what she takes during the week because she's got to drive and go to work. I can't wrap my mind around what constant pain must be like. Between the cancer and the side effects from the chemo, there is never a time when she isn't in some kind of pain and/or discomfort.

Think about that the next time you get a headache or pull a muscle or something. Imagine that that pain will always be with you, day in and day out, with no hope of relief except for narcotic-induced oblivion. How would you live? Work? Sleep? Stay sane?

There's just so much swirling around in my head. I just don't know how all of this is going to work, but I am acutely aware that this is pretty much the nightmare scenario. The one we all desperately hope won't happen to us or anyone we love.

 

[Lesli54]

Good afternoon, Pearlieq!

Isn't the sun beautiful? Sorry to hear that your mom's meds aren't working the way you had hoped. I know it is very hard to be faced with an appx limitation of time with a loved one and wondering if the medical treatments are really worth it. DH's dad went on dialysis 6 months before he passed and the thought was whether it was all worth it. But in some ways it was because the family got another 6 months with him and he was able to get things in order the way he wanted. Also, DD10 got a bit more time with him and just the other day she was talking about those happy memories that she has shortly before he passed. At the time she had just turned 4, so it is comforting now to know here her memories as that is the legacy he left behind. Use this time to get to know your mom more, if possible. Find out more about her as a child, her parents, grandparents, etc. It is always fun to find out new things about a loved one that you didn't know. Besides it will also give her a chance to have fun storytelling and maybe take her mind off of the medical situation that you guys are dealing with.

On another note, I think reading about weight loss factors and working on the mental aspect will be a positive one for you. You always strike me as a person who likes to research things and is willing to give thought to that research. It is amazing how much mental thoughts sabotage our weight. Analyzing your eating at the partying the other night was a great insight to how you react to certain triggers of potential overeating. That is a big step. (I think I do the same when looking for a decent meal and not being where there is one.) Just take things one day at a time. You can do this!

Sending you to get through the weekend and be able to work something out with you DH in terms of food planning.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Pearlieq: I am really proud of the way you are thinking about what you eat and shop for. You are making some really good choices and listening to your hunger ques. That is great. I love, love, LOVE those cookies. Next time you eat one, think of me! I also love that chex mix. And that is a way better choice than chips. I like your idea of two sandwiches rather than one with fries. Way more nutrition and less carbs.

Keep up this good work and I hope you get some time to relax this weekend. Don't let your boss railroad you into doing more than you should be doing!

 

[toystoryduo]

Oh pearlieq,

I am sending a gentle and lots of prayers for your mom. I'm so sorry to hear about all that she is going through right now. We'll be praying for her and for you as well.