Amy&Dan
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2004
Thank you so much Pearlie, its good to see you!
I tell ya, stepdad has beyond disappointed me. My counselor said once that he manipulates me and I think that's true. He often manipulated me when she was sick to make me feel like he was the one suffering the most. He plays games between me and my sister, often telling us each things the other says, knowing that will push buttons for us both. Very juvenile. I still love him, but not sure how much of a relationship I can have with him. I see so much now what my mom went through. She loved him dearly but she paid a high price for that. At this point, I need to just let this thing go to the back burner. He knows how much I want the stuff of my parents and to an extent I feel a bit like he's toying with my emotions on this. So I need to back off and not let him get to me. It is just stuff. Very important stuff but stuff all the same. Bottom line, I need to get through this Christmas. Its been harder than I thought it would be. Everywhere I go, I am reminded of memories of my mom, my childhood and all that is lost. But I am really also enjoying the season with my husband and kids. When we feel like crying we do, then we laugh about some fun memory with my mom. As my support group always tells me, there's no wrong way to feel. Only not allowing yourself to feel is wrong since that does so much damage.
One good thing, this crap with stepdad is possibly going to get my brother and sister speaking again. When brother hears the things stepdad says about our sister, it really makes him mad! He can say what he wants, but nobody else better. Brother told me we need to circle the wagons, decide how we want to handle the remaining things of our parents and then approach stepdad together. Music to my ears. I need both my siblings to at least speak to each other!
I did well with food the past two days. I resisted the urge for fast food last night and ate very well today. We had dinner at friends and I had just a small portion of chicken, veggies and mashed potatoes. And three small Chirstmas cookies. I did have one beer and a big glass of water. And drank 100 oz of water today. I also cleaned this house from top to bottom. Busy hands make my head less likely to dwell! I also did a short walk. I need to get back to longer walks. Its warming up, I think the track may be mostly melted. I need to buy more punches for my rec center card and honestly, with a $75 minimum, I don't have that right now. But I plan to make that my bday present to myself, just need to wait until after Christmas!
Omg, I will be 44 years old two weeks from today. Time to get in shape, I am so deep into middle age I can't see my young days anymore!
Ds' dad was in the hospital yesterday. I think this latest scare has made him realize that in no way can he travel to this altitude. He is thinking of joining us for a few days at WDW in June. Now that would be nice. I enjoy spending time with him, at a hotel, not in my house for seven solid days! Today was his birthday, he was tickled we called and sent a gift. Sadly, I doubt his other two sons acknowledged the day. Families!
Dan is taking tomorrow off to spend it with me. I really thought this would be like other times when he promised to take a day off but he is really doing it! We plan to have lunch out, take a walk around the lake of our favorite park and maybe take a nice drive. I think its really sweet he is doing this, I know he's swamped but he is determined to give me special day for an early birthday celebration. The only hitch is that ds is sick again. I don't think he is fully over his stomach thing, he has diarrhea, and not much appetite. I am keeping him home tomorrow. He is just wiped out and a three day weekend to recover is in order. He says he is fine to be home alone for a few hours but we may switch to something close to home. Poor kid, at 5'6" and 88 pounds, he doesn't have much meat on his bones to be this sick! He stayed home tonight and ate some white rice poor kid. When he doesn't feel like going to friends to eat, you know he's under the weather!
So in all, I feel back on track. This is a tough time of year to do well, but I am still determined to take off a few pounds and not blow it all to heck in the last weeks of 2008. Just that much more to lose in 2009!
We leave six months from tomorrow for WDW, I am determined to be a whole lot skinnier by that trip! Have we heard that before?????
I tell ya, stepdad has beyond disappointed me. My counselor said once that he manipulates me and I think that's true. He often manipulated me when she was sick to make me feel like he was the one suffering the most. He plays games between me and my sister, often telling us each things the other says, knowing that will push buttons for us both. Very juvenile. I still love him, but not sure how much of a relationship I can have with him. I see so much now what my mom went through. She loved him dearly but she paid a high price for that. At this point, I need to just let this thing go to the back burner. He knows how much I want the stuff of my parents and to an extent I feel a bit like he's toying with my emotions on this. So I need to back off and not let him get to me. It is just stuff. Very important stuff but stuff all the same. Bottom line, I need to get through this Christmas. Its been harder than I thought it would be. Everywhere I go, I am reminded of memories of my mom, my childhood and all that is lost. But I am really also enjoying the season with my husband and kids. When we feel like crying we do, then we laugh about some fun memory with my mom. As my support group always tells me, there's no wrong way to feel. Only not allowing yourself to feel is wrong since that does so much damage.
One good thing, this crap with stepdad is possibly going to get my brother and sister speaking again. When brother hears the things stepdad says about our sister, it really makes him mad! He can say what he wants, but nobody else better. Brother told me we need to circle the wagons, decide how we want to handle the remaining things of our parents and then approach stepdad together. Music to my ears. I need both my siblings to at least speak to each other!
I did well with food the past two days. I resisted the urge for fast food last night and ate very well today. We had dinner at friends and I had just a small portion of chicken, veggies and mashed potatoes. And three small Chirstmas cookies. I did have one beer and a big glass of water. And drank 100 oz of water today. I also cleaned this house from top to bottom. Busy hands make my head less likely to dwell! I also did a short walk. I need to get back to longer walks. Its warming up, I think the track may be mostly melted. I need to buy more punches for my rec center card and honestly, with a $75 minimum, I don't have that right now. But I plan to make that my bday present to myself, just need to wait until after Christmas!
Omg, I will be 44 years old two weeks from today. Time to get in shape, I am so deep into middle age I can't see my young days anymore!
Ds' dad was in the hospital yesterday. I think this latest scare has made him realize that in no way can he travel to this altitude. He is thinking of joining us for a few days at WDW in June. Now that would be nice. I enjoy spending time with him, at a hotel, not in my house for seven solid days! Today was his birthday, he was tickled we called and sent a gift. Sadly, I doubt his other two sons acknowledged the day. Families!
Dan is taking tomorrow off to spend it with me. I really thought this would be like other times when he promised to take a day off but he is really doing it! We plan to have lunch out, take a walk around the lake of our favorite park and maybe take a nice drive. I think its really sweet he is doing this, I know he's swamped but he is determined to give me special day for an early birthday celebration. The only hitch is that ds is sick again. I don't think he is fully over his stomach thing, he has diarrhea, and not much appetite. I am keeping him home tomorrow. He is just wiped out and a three day weekend to recover is in order. He says he is fine to be home alone for a few hours but we may switch to something close to home. Poor kid, at 5'6" and 88 pounds, he doesn't have much meat on his bones to be this sick! He stayed home tonight and ate some white rice poor kid. When he doesn't feel like going to friends to eat, you know he's under the weather!
So in all, I feel back on track. This is a tough time of year to do well, but I am still determined to take off a few pounds and not blow it all to heck in the last weeks of 2008. Just that much more to lose in 2009!
We leave six months from tomorrow for WDW, I am determined to be a whole lot skinnier by that trip! Have we heard that before?????