Anyone there when someone passed away?

[amsafko]

Myself and my brothers, sisters and mother were all there when my father passed away earlier this month. He'd had a stroke in Feb. and in the early stages we thought he might recover some abilities but medical issues complicated things after about 2 months post stroke. Although it was so wonderful that all of us were able to be with him (we are a family with 8 children, all adults) I am haunted by the memories of actually watching him take his last breaths. I replay it in my mind a lot, does this get better? The memories pop up at the strangest times. Sometimes it feels so surreal, like I can't believe he is gone, I can't believe everything has changed. Are these normal emotions? Thanks for any help...

 

[mommasita]

Firstly, I want to convey my deepest sympathy to you on your loss.

I was 16 and present when my grandmother took her last breath. I still have that vision in my mind time and again. It will never be something I forget, but as time has passed (21 yrs), I view it in a different light..

I am now very glad I was there, and saw her take her last breath. In my eyes, I saw her go to a better place. A place of peace, and pain free.

All the emotions you do feel are normal, and I think healthy to have. In time, you will find peace with this..

I will be thinking of you and keeping your family in my prayers

 

[CarolAnnC]

Myself and my brothers, sisters and mother were all there when my father passed away earlier this month. He'd had a stroke in Feb. and in the early stages we thought he might recover some abilities but medical issues complicated things after about 2 months post stroke. Although it was so wonderful that all of us were able to be with him (we are a family with 8 children, all adults) I am haunted by the memories of actually watching him take his last breaths. I replay it in my mind a lot, does this get better? The memories pop up at the strangest times. Sometimes it feels so surreal, like I can't believe he is gone, I can't believe everything has changed. Are these normal emotions? Thanks for any help...

My sympathies to you on your loss. It is never easy. My first experience with death was the loss of my grandmother when I was 20 years old. She had been hospitalized several months and was 83 years old, but it was still shocking to see her pass. It did ease with time, and I came to a resolution.

Many years later, the sudden passing of my husband was another story. He was young, healthy and it was totally unexpected. I was present with him, and could not believe what was happening. This was 7 years ago and to this day I sometimes cannot believe it. I do not think I will ever resolve this one..though life goes on.

 

[minkydog]

I was with my father when he died. Fortunately, it was quite peaceful. There was an open window through which we could see the sunset. It was unnerving listening to his breathing slow down and coarsen. Thankfully my sister and dad's longtime GF were also there, so we tried to spell each other off now & then. It was a weird feeling when he passed because Dad immediately looked & felt different. My sister & I cleaned him up and removed his equipment, then gathered his things and left him there. It was very weird.

It has been almost 3 years now and I, too, have had some flashbacks in strange times and places. sometimes a sound or a smell will bring it all back, or the setting sun will bring on a memory. Not in a bad way, just kind a longing feeling. It was hard to sit by and watch my father die. I did everything I could to help him be comfortable, but there comes a time when there is nothing more to be done and you just have to sit by and let it happen.

 

[delilah]

I have been present many times at the moment a person passed away. I was usually the doctor running the code or doing chest compressions. As far as my own family goes, my mom passed away in her sleep while I was sleeping next to her. It was not unexpected--she had lung cancer with brain mets. Hers was one of the more peaceful deaths I've witnessed.

 

[amsafko]

Thanks so much for your compassion and understanding. I realize it takes time it's just so hard dealing with this. Today would have been my parents 58th anniversary so I know my mom will be struggling. I like the perspective of seeing it as I watched him go to a much better place, free of pain rather than I watched him die. It does soften it a bit. Thanks again for listening at a time when I just needed to get my feelings out.

 

[DISNEYLOVER70]

Nov 4, 2006, seems like yesterday my father passed away. I am the youngest of 9, 8 alive all adults ( one brother passed away at age 39 from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma). All 8 of us plus my mother were there. It will always hurt when you think of that moment, the loss is almost unbearable. I was his baby. Which he called my until the day he died. But life does go on and somehow you find away to cope.

I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I pray that happier days will soon come.

 

[safetymom]

I am so sorry for your loss. I was with my mother when she died. They showed us into a private room and told us what we would be seeing on the monitor. They asked if we wanted something to eat or drink.

Right before my mothers heart stopped beating there was a large noise like something heavy was getting off the bed. Right after that she died. My mother hadn't moved so it wasn't her.

They wouldn't let me in the room when my late husband died. I only got to see him after he passed.

Remember to take care of yourself. It will be tough dealing with the memories.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I am so sorry to read of your Dad's passing.. it does get easier and you will eventually put that day aside and remember all the wonderful days.

I was outside in the waiting room when my Dad died, those were the days when you were not allowed in. He had the heart monitor on him and I could hear it and I knew when he was gone by the alarm. My poor Mom was not with him either as they were working him.. So sad, he was 52.

I was with my Mom when she passed holding her hand, although I know that she died on the table when they were doing open heart surgery on her.. The machines kept her going and her heart was strong after they repaired it, but she had a debilitating stroke during surgery. When her heart stopped finally, I asked the nurses to take all that equipment away.....the breathing tubes etc.. I thought it would be comforting to see her without all the machines....it was not. I am glad I was there saying all the right things, but it has taken me years to get that day out of my mind... Now I only remember the fun days, give yourself some time, it will happen for you.. You were there for him as you should have been.

 

[lemondog]

I was with my grandmother, holding her hand, when she passed back in 2001. The memory of those last breaths is still very vivid. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I also feel VERY blessed that I was able to be with her.

I know the image will haunt you forever, but try to look on it as a GOOD thing. You got to be with your father as he passed. That is such a rare and beautiful thing. Too many people are never able to say goodbye, to be with their loved ones during that transition. I know it's so hard to replay in your head, but your dad KNEW you were there, and hopefully that will give you some comfort.

 

[Rustysmom]

I'm sorry about your father.

I was there when my Mom passed away and saw her take her last breath, but I didn't even realize it was her last breath. My mom died 2 months ago of pancreatic cancer. My son and I were sitting in our living room with her waiting for the nurse to leave in 5 minutes. The nurse got up to use the bathroom and Michael and I were just watching Mom and I realized that she wasn't breathing. The only reason I even realized was because I saw the side of her face start to twitch and I thought that can't be a good thing. Then the nurse came down the stairs and noticed the same thing too. I think Mom waited for the nurse to leave the room so she could be alone with me and Michael to pass away, but she also didn't want us to be alone, so she went before the nurse left for the day.

I will never forget that morning. I keep seeing it over and over. It was horrible because she suffered so much the day and night before. I'm also mad at my DH because he had just left for work. He knew she wasn't doing well and should have stayed home. Thank God my cousin came the night before and was downstairs. I called him to come up as soon as we realized what happened.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hugs Mary.. I think of you and yours all the time.. I hope that you know you did the right thing with your Mom and you did great.. More hugs coming from one Italian to another.

 

[Rustysmom]

Thanks Marsha. And hugs to you and your family too.

 

[julm26]

I was there when my beloved mother passed away on Feb. 18, 2008 from Pancreatic Cancer. My aunt (mom's sister), uncle and 3 cousins were there also. She had been unresponsive for about 2 days, fortunately, she just quietly slipped away from us.

I am so sorry for your loss, it is so difficult to lose a parent, I have bad days, very bad days, and some alright days. Just be kind to yourself and let others support you.

I am very glad I was with my mom when she died, I feel she didn't want to be alone.... God Bless....

 

[zalansky]

I was with my mom when she passed in July 1998 and with my father when he passed in February 2007. Both had cancer and were under the care of in home hospice so that made it easier I think. My dad and sisters were there when Mom passed and my sister and BIL were there when Dad passed. I do think its something that you never forget and its not easy. But over time, I have seen it as such a priviledge (sp?) that I was with them and wouldn't have it any other way. It has definitely given me more peace knowing I was there when they left this world. Over time, I am sure you will too. God bless.

 

[kimis]

I was dozing in a recliner chair with my mom sleeping in a hospice bed in my living room when she passed. I woke just after she passed and the look on her was face was so peaceful and beautiful. I quickly called my siblings to come. It was the most awesome expierence if that can be when you lose someone you love so very much. It has been 18 months and my heart is still broken. I know she is in Heaven and in no pain. I know I will see her again someday but in the mean time I have memories. YOu will always think of him at different times. Different scenes or smells will bring him to your mind. Soon it will be the good memories more than the sad memories. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Torontogal]

I lost my wonderful father in Jan. - 4 months ago to Pancreatic Cancer. It spread to his lungs and finally his liver/kidneys. He had a private room and went into a diabetic coma. I was with him all night as his breathing became slower and slower.
I truly feel blessed to have been with my father but I feel haunted by the memory. I miss him deeply and not a day goes by when I don't shed tears.
When the nurse told me he passed - I was relieved that he was no longer suffering but I was very numb. It finally hit me that I would never see him again. It is very difficult for me and I feel like a part of me is gone and I am changed as a person.
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost loved ones. Hugs to you all.

 

[zalansky]

I feel like a part of me is gone and I am changed as a person.

I have said the same thing to friends going through the same thing. I feel as if my life was changed forever after each of my parents passed. But I feel it has made me appreciate living so much more.

 

[frdeb1999]

So very sorry for your loss. All of us kids were with my mom when she passed. And it was both the hardest thing and best experience I have ever experienced. It was hard watching it happen....but she was so at peace just knowing we were all there by her side. The very worst though was seeing my newborn daughter slowly dwindle away shortly after birth. It was a very hard time, but both my husband and I are so happy we were there with her and able to hold her. We'll never forget any of the losses. But it does get easier..

 

[LeahA]

My mom passed away 3/28/08 and I was there. I still think about it occasionally, but, I will always be greatful that I was there when it happened. I knew that she wasn't going to get any better and I knew she was in pain, so we were hoping she would let go. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss her, and the the loss has changed me forever.

Over time everything will be a little easier to swallow, so hang in there, my thoughts and prayers are with you.