Awkward and idk

[okeydokey]

If she is a friend I would tell her. When it comes out later and she knows that other people knew and didn’t say anything, she will be even more humiliated amd angry, or at least I would be.

 

[Miffy]

The thing is, she probably already knows. However, if you bring it up, she has to face it directly and she likely won’t like that. People are complicated.

I think this is a common theme--that everyone thinks the wife knows or is deliberately fooling herself because to everyone else, it's obvious. However, sometimes the wife doesn't know and doesn't even suspect. There could be innumerable reasons for this, but the one that comes immediately to mind is that the husband is a convincing, practiced, consummate liar. There's a reason I know about this.

 

[wenrob]

He’s probably already concocted his story and fed it to her.

 

[cvjw]

Be prepared for your friend to blame you and be mad at you for telling her. I know of a 45 year friendship that was ruined because one friend told the other that her husband was cheating on her. Friend stayed with cheating husband and cut “friend since kindergarten” out of her life.

If the friend knew that husband had already cheated on her and she stayed anyway, I would keep my mouth shut!

 

[Miffy]

Be prepared for your friend to blame you and be mad at you for telling her. I know of a 45 year friendship that was ruined because one friend told the other that her husband was cheating on her. Friend stayed with cheating husband and cut “friend since kindergarten” out of her life.

If the friend knew that husband had already cheated on her and she stayed anyway, I would keep my mouth shut!

A person can lose a long-term friend for any number of reasons. This would not come into my analysis of the situation at all. Unless, OP, you know for a fact that your friend and her husband are polyamorous or have an open marriage--in which case, he's just doing what they've agreed on--I would tell her. If she drops her friendship with you because of this, then you'll have plenty of time to contemplate what kind of friendship this was.

 

[AgentMama]

I'd go up to husband at work tomorrow and say "wow I didn't know you and (wife) were separated". I'm sorry to hear that. See what his response is.

A person in a happy marriage just doesn't decide to go out and cheat on their spouse. There are issues in their marriage that obviously your good friend has not told you about. So I'm not sure I'd say something to her.

Wow, this is so bold and confrontational. I cannot imagine the environment that would create in a work setting.

Both parties aren't always aware the other party isn't happy, and some people are serial cheaters and struggle to stay faithful regardless of the circumstances of their relationship. Maybe it's true, but also could be victim blaming and I wouldn't assume this.

Be prepared for your friend to blame you and be mad at you for telling her. I know of a 45 year friendship that was ruined because one friend told the other that her husband was cheating on her. Friend stayed with cheating husband and cut “friend since kindergarten” out of her life.

If the friend knew that husband had already cheated on her and she stayed anyway, I would keep my mouth shut!

Definitely a possibility, one I've experienced. Other people's relationships are so complex. This is one of the reasons I never criticize someone else's spouse even if they are. You can't unsay those things, so that person may become uncomfortable with you when they reconcile, or may repeat what you said to their spouse and things are never the same.

 

[1GoldenSun]

I think it really depends on the situation and only you can decide what is best to do.

I've been in a similar situation twice, and once I told and once I didn't. I don't regret either decision.

 

[DisneyLover1217]

Since you are friendly with him too, you could go up to him and tell him he needs to tell his wife or you will. The other side of being quiet is if he tells her like months from now and then tells her you knew about it, she will probably be mad at you for not telling her. Yes, it's damned if you do, damned if you don't. I guess it really comes down to what you can live with.

 

[Kitty 34]

If the guy already feels comfortable to take this "interest" out in public, I would think the wife knows and if not........ someone else out there might see the couple and tell her. So it can be you or that someone else.

 

[Hikergirl]

If the friend knew that husband had already cheated on her and she stayed anyway, I would keep my mouth shut!

The OP said that he was a player before they got married and that he cheated on her 2 years ago.
I would tread lightly here, she has already made up her mind to stay with a cheater, the OP telling her could come across as judgmental of that decision.
Or she could be grateful for the info and this time is what breaks the camels back.

OP, I don't envy you, it's not an easy decision. I guess you have to ask yourself if you were in her position what would you want. Depending on the kind of friendship you have you may want to know they truth from someone that is close to you that you knows supports you.
If you aren't that close to someone, and they are just a casual friend would you want to hear it from them?

Have you considered going to him and telliing him that if he doesn't tell her you will?
Maybe you won't have to say anything to her at all.

 

[MamaLema]

I would stay out of it because it will make your work life more awkward and uncomfortable.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I work with one of my good friends husband, I have known him longer then her. He was a player before the 2 of them got married, she knows this.
I know that he had an affair about 2 years ago. He is in his mid 60s and she was 30!

Last week my family went out to dinner and I saw him, with another woman, his hands were all over her, he was even grabbing her ***. We were there a good 20 minutes before he noticed us, it was so disgusting! He came over and said hi he was so nervous.
Idk what to do? Ignore this? Forget I saw it? Tell her?
honestly I want to forget I know this stuff but I feel guilty because

<edited-word filter>​

You’re really in a crappy position.

How old is your friend? What is her financial position in the marriage? Does she need him to survive or is she self-supporting? How long are they married? Did she know about his previous affair?

A dog will always be a dog. Some women are OK with this. Some women have to be OK because they don’t have a way to support themselves or do not want to give up the $$$ and lifestyle that they have with their spouse so they look the other way.

If this man is in his 60’s and still screwing around, he’s not going to change. His wife is probably aware of what is going on and if you say something you might put her in a position where she has to make a choice that she doesn’t want to make.

I would definitely not say anything to the husband, because if you saw him chances are others did too.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

What is your work relationship with him? Is he your superior or does he in any way have the power to make your life miserable at work? I would tread carefully because even if he does not he could start bad mouthing you, spreading false lies etc. to get even. How do you know he cheated on her 2 years ago, did the wife tell you? If yes then I would tell her. Either way she probably knows or at least suspects him of this behavior. If, on the slight chance, she thinks her marriage is solid and faithful he will talk his way out of it and make it look like you misunderstood what you saw and that you are trying to cause trouble.

 

[Meglen]

I would have to tell her.. because everyday you dont say something is another day shes living with a man cheating on her.. who knows what kinda STDs and stuff he could be bringing home? I would be so mad if a good friend didnt tell me they saw my husband with another women.