Divorce = No more Disney

[AngieBangie]

Hello. I hardly post on the boards, but I need to get this out. My husband of 5 years (been together for 8) are getting divorced. He proposed to me at Disney World in front of Cinderella's Castle. We honeymooned there and have gone every summer since.

I've become a HUGE Disney fan because of him. He grew up going to Disney every other year with his family, and his parents live in Davenport and are retired cast members, so we get in for free. So our Florida trips with his daughter were always fun, cheap, and we got to visit family.

The loss of my marriage is one thing, but I will never look at Disney the same again. I've stopped following all Disney facebook pages, and I haven't listened to the Dis Unplugged podcast in over 2 months. The happiest place on earth has now become a bittersweet hole in my heart.

Anyone with any advice or helpful words, please. I'm all ears.

 

[mommasita]

HI there. I am sorry to hear that..

I don't know what I would do, but I would like to think I would like to try to make new memories.. Maybe one day it won't always be so painful. Or how about DL in California? You can still get some magic

 

[AnnaS]

I m sorry to hear that.

I hope in time you will be able to create some new magical memories. Give it some time.

 

[Christine]

I agree with the others. Give yourself some time. We all have associate Disney with some type of memory be it our parents, our kids, our spouses, or friends, that make those initial trips memorable. Over time, the reason for going often changes. For instance, many people associate their love of Disney to their parents and when the parents pass away, it is painful for awhile to go and be reminded of those memories made with your parents. It's hard to imagine ever enjoying the place without them.

I think as you try to heal from your divorce, the other "good" parts of Disney will stick out in your mind and you may find yourself looking forward to experiencing Disney in another way. Time does heal most things.

 

[wiigirl]

Sorry to hear that.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

That must feel terrible for you. But have faith in the future, you never know what's around the next corner.

 

[GadgetTheInventor]

I'm probably younger than the majority of members here and am by no means a professional on any of this, but I can offer you some of my experiences in how I have dealt with the above average amount of loss that I have encountered in my life so far.

When I have experienced a severe loss, I find myself dealing with it in one of two ways. I either...

1. Shut it out as completely as possible and reallocate my energies to another activity that brings me fulfillment.

or,

2. Shut it out and then gradually increase participation while working through my thoughts and feelings, with the intent to eventually fully participate as the new and improved me.

There is nothing wrong with the first choice. Sometimes memories are just too painful and moving on means not looking back. It is important though to fill that gaping hole with a new interest that satisfies all the same needs and desires as the original interest.

The second option will take some time and effort. Obviously you are going to have to deal with going all sorts of places without your EDH from now on, but I'm getting the impression that your WDW memories are extra-special for you. I haven't looked around myself, but I would think that there are discussions online for those who are widows/widowers and those who have lost a child due to a terminal illness (because so many who participate in Make-A-Wish and GKTW trips). Perhaps you could lurk around those boards and discussions and see how they have coped when they have returned to WDW without their loved one after a traumatic loss.

I have personally found that WDW is a very tough place to be when there are so many uber happy people surrounding me and I am reminiscing about magical moments that will never be again...or at least not in that form. When I am there, every nook and cranny seems filled with the wonderful memories of when my fiancee and I went several years ago before we knew how extensive the cancer was or how many years we would be battling it. As if that wasn't enough, she has lost and not regained much of certain areas of memory due to having a non-related brain tumor removed. She doesn't even remember that we sat in each others' arms while watching Wishes in front of the castle or flew a rocket together at the Astro-Orbiter...she actually doesn't even remember me from before the surgery...seven years of memories together wiped out in a few hours and we still don't know if they will come back or not. And as much as I disliked having to leave her behind during my last trip to WDW so that she could keep her job that we needed to keep paying the medical bills, I know that my Disney loving DM might not be able to have many more trips herself due to her own increasing health problems. She pushes herself through brutal physical therapy to keep in shape to go to WDW. It's quite tough trying to keep a happy appearance and enjoy the time I have left with my DM while at the same time knowing that my fiancee wants to honeymoon there and not knowing if she will make it long enough to take that trip. The best I can do when I am there though is to just focus on each moment and appreciate the good new memories when they do happen, and then let myself be sad for a bit when I am doing laps around Hourglass Lake at night. At the end of it all, I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to form so many wonderful memories there.

 

[bettyann29]

I am now divorced going on 3 years.. My husband and I traveled to Disney alot and went on a lot of cruises.. I am actually the crazy Disney lover, but he was coming over to the dark side, as I like to call it.. I certainly do not travel as much as I use to, but even though I have many memories of our happy places, it's been nice to go back and make some of my own memories.. These are things that deep down make me happy, so I will not give them up..

Perhaps you just need more time..

 

[itsdisneytime]

I am in a different spectrum ... I am in a very unhappy marriage that I struggle to make work. I am married to a bi polar man, I have fought cancer alone and gone to treatments alone and etc.. etc. etc...

I go to Disney with my DD (11 now) .. it is hard SOMETIMES if I think about it to see the happy families there the dad's who are an active part of their family rather than just handing over the money and shuffling them off to the airport (if even that). Ive had my parents drop me off before because my flight was "too early".

Enough about me, I say that you claim Disney as your own. There is a board on here Disney as a solo traveler and I believe that there is a thread on there about local meet ups for single travelers etc. perhaps you can have a new romance here or just go with friends and you never know! I will say that there is too many new memories waiting for you, and you will never know or see them if you don't go with an open mind and try to push through the sad moments when you think about them.

 

[old lady]

I am sorry about your divorce. Better times are coming.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

I know how you feel. exH and I both visited and loved Disney as children, but it was a completely different experience that we discovered together as adults - the planning and waiting and magic. Just months before everything went down, we were even considering purchasing DVC together. I thought I would really miss having him there when we went again, but it was really OK.

I didn't jump in head first - we planned a Universal trip as the first post-divorce trip, but DD and I spent one night at MVMCP. That was enough to show me that we can do Disney without the Ghost-of-Husband-Past haunting us while we are there.

If you love Disney, I do think it is possible to create new memories. Your emotions won't always be this raw. With time, I hope you find that the old memories don't have to be bad ones - they can just be old.

 

[LovesTimone]

First thing is a big for you.

If you love Disney then don't let him stop you or the memory of him from doing something you enjoy. I am not saying jump right in, but maybe when the time is right go back again. You could get some girlfriends and go during Food and Wine or a group of friends to go to for a long weekend. Sure there will be memories of the 2 of you. But the past ..is in the past, and right now your very hurt, and emotions are high. But as most poster have said, time does heal. I know that it does not feel like it right now. When I went through my divorce I thought and felt the same thing. Just keep your eyes on the horizon, and moving forward, each day will get easier. There are a lot of good books on coping with divorce, and helping to move forward. If you are really feeling stuck, there are lots of professional people to help out there. I had a friend of mine go through a divorce after 15 years of marriage. She went to counseling for about a year, she said it was the best thing she ever did for herself.

"There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow shinning at the end of everyday"

 

[Rose23]

Your latter shall be greater than your past.

Don't forget there are many singles who still go to Disney who post their dates on DisBoard and are looking for other to meet up with.

Take time to heal and come back to us!

 

[shannon006]

I am so so sorry

There have been many on this board who have had some wonderful suggestions. I also think that posting on the adults/singles would be a great source. Perhaps joining in on the solo trips could be a new way to have a trip with someone who is in a similar situation?

I can't imagine what you are going through, and I hope in time you will create some new magical memories.

 

[Grumpy Dan]

As a divorcee myself, I can truly say time heals all wounds. It will get better.

 

[mooshka1]

I am in a different spectrum ... I am in a very unhappy marriage that I struggle to make work. I am married to a bi polar man, I have fought cancer alone and gone to treatments alone and etc.. etc. etc...

I go to Disney with my DD (11 now) .. it is hard SOMETIMES if I think about it to see the happy families there the dad's who are an active part of their family rather than just handing over the money and shuffling them off to the airport (if even that). Ive had my parents drop me off before because my flight was "too early".

Enough about me, I say that you claim Disney as your own. There is a board on here Disney as a solo traveler and I believe that there is a thread on there about local meet ups for single travelers etc. perhaps you can have a new romance here or just go with friends and you never know! I will say that there is too many new memories waiting for you, and you will never know or see them if you don't go with an open mind and try to push through the sad moments when you think about them.

Very true!! Make Disney your own! Concentrate on creating new memories and experiences. Easier said than done, but really, time does heal you. Give yourself time and make sure you are busy. Maybe find ways to save up money and treat yourself to something you never have experienced at DL or wherever you like. Definitely look into some counseling. It helped me a lot. As for DL, I don't suggest going alone right off the bat, but maybe go with friends, or attend one of the meetups like others suggested. Are there family members you are close to that will go?

HUGS to you itsdisneytime. It IS hard to see the other families sometimes, but they too are not without their struggles. Your DD has a wonderful mom who through all the hardship still makes sure her daughter is enjoying her life.
That is all that matters in the end anyway. When all is said and done, you gave your daughter the gift of having a great mother. That is what she will take with her and what will help her throughout her life.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

I have also seen Disney because of my mom and other really amazing memories. She is very ill and will pass away in what I believe is going to be the near future and I've wondered how I will manage going back without her. I have never done a trip without her.

What you will want to do is build brand new memories there. The first trip or the even the first few trips will have a bit of a taste as you grow brand new memories, but you can achieve this. What you will want to do is choose one or more people who are fun and close to you who can help you build new memories.

You can definitely turn this into something amazing and magical again.

 

[gasperdam]

Sorry that you are going through a tough times. As others have said, I hope you can make new Disney memories of your own.

 

[disneylover1980]

I am divorced, and since remarried. I can speak from experience that there will be a time that the things that seem so unimaginable now....will be bigger and better when you mentally move on (either by yourself, or if you find someone else.) I am sorry that you are having a difficult time. Just remember that time heals all wounds. I hope you have as smooth of a transition in your life as possible.

 

[nkereina]

Sending you positive thoughts and prayers during this time. My fiance and I also got engaged at Disney, and have been together several times since. I am the one who first introduced him to Disney, and now he is an addict. We just got back on Friday and were even discussing how if we ever broke up, would either of us ever go to Disney? I couldn't fathom it so I can kind of understand where you are coming from.

In a different context, it's sometimes difficult for me to go and enjoy Disney knowing my parents were the first people I went there with. It is by far our favorite family member and it was during a time when all was right in our lives and in our family - everyone was healthy and alive, everyone had job security, etc. Now, when I return without them, I have vivid memories of that time of my life which make me nostalgic and sad at the same time. I almost feel guilty for enjoying my time there without them.