Does anyone else have this problem with family/friends?

[Muushka]

OK. We have a problem that never seems to go away. My husband and I are big-time DisneyPhiles. We have been numerous times. We have many friends/family that enjoy Disney and us (we moved from our home state, so we don’t get to see them that often). We purchased at VWL and bought some extra points for sharing with family and friends. The problem is that when we invite anyone to join us, it is assumed that we will spend the entire time together. Morning, noon and night. So my question is this:

How do you tactfully tell people that they are invited to stay with you but that they will be on their own? We have certain things that we enjoy doing, but a park marathon is not one of them. I know this sounds selfish, but this is special time for us.
I would make plans to meet for a dinner or character breakfast, but not the whole enchilada. Any suggestions?

 

[Tiggeriffic]

The best thing is to be upfront and honest. We've been down to WDW several times with various members of the family. We just told them that don't expect to spend all of the time together. We have young kids and need to do things that they will make the vacation fun for them. We've even had to explain to relatives with kids close in age to our own kids that our children are different and don't enjoy the same things as theirs or that we don't allow our kids to do some things.

It is definitely not always easy to do this. As a matter of fact, we have some members of our family who want to go, but we've so far not asked them because we know from other experiences that it will be a major problem to get them to understand and deal with these facts. So, I certainly sympathize with you. However, I will say that some family members have been fully understanding and even enjoy the time off on their own so that they can do the things that they want. Just try to be honest, explain your reasoning to them, tell them what you typically do during your visits and hopefully they'll realize that they don't want to be with you all of the time.

 

[DVCDAVE]

We try to avoid problems before we get in to one. We don't ask anyone to join us that we know will be a problem. So far my wife's sister and husband have joined us three times. We don't mind spending the extra points for a 2 br, as it is very comfortable amongst us. But when it is time for parks and dinners, it never seems to be a problem with us going seperate ways, and occasionaly being together.

But there are some family and friends, that I wouldn't even extend an invatation to, as I foresee problems. Excersising good judgement is essential to having a relaxing vacation. Use your invite wisely. Anything that may annoy you now will only be exasperating while you are trying to relax and spend quality time with your immediate family. Your family should come first and foremost, second is your relaxation, and last on your mind is extended family or friends.

 

[The4OfUs]

We ran into this 2 yrs ago when we took my husband's entire family with us (14 in total) for a sort of family reunion...there were those with us that didn't have kids, those with kids (including us), and grandparents. What a mix. Those with kids tended to stick together, although the childless ones wanted us to go "play" with them without the kids, and the grandparents thought we would all be together all the time, which just wasn't realistic.

About 1/2 way through the trip when feelings were being hurt, we called a meeting and laid it all out...this was not realistic, everyone should do what they want, if paths cross fine, if not, then let's all agree to meet at least once a day...for pool time, or breakfast, or dinner, or a show. It worked out much better.

This summer, we were just asked by my brother if his family could join us at OKW in August...and having learned our lesson, we said ok...IF!!! and explained it all out. They have a 2 and 5 yr old, I have a 7 and 9 yr old...they've never been to Disney...we've been 4 times. Our kids want to do things they would not even consider. So the deal is that we spend the first morning with them at Magic Kingdom, to see my nephews experience it for the first time, and then go with the "some time once a day" rule, planning ahead. That way we don't have any preconceived ideas and no hurt feelings. They came out and said they appreciated this, as they now don't feel like they have to walk on eggshells down there simply because they are in "our" place.

I think it all comes down to being upfront with the fact that this is YOUR vacation as well, and if they don't want to accept that, then they should consider other plans.

 

[kamgen]

We have the same problem, but how do you tell them they are causing a problem when they are going because they WANT to do things with you.
Dh and I love to share our trips, but there are times we want "alone time" and cannot get it. We now try to book one trip a year just for US!

 

[Muushka]

Quote:

"We have the same problem, but how do you tell them they are causing a problem when they are going because they WANT to do things with you."

That is the thing that bothers me the most. I feel bad that they want to spend time with us, and we have things that we like to do by ourselves. It just seems so cold.

 

[The4OfUs]

Quote:
"That is the thing that bothers me the most. I feel bad that they want to spend time with us, and we have things that we like to do by ourselves. It just seems so cold."

Well, honestly, my sister-in-law made this comment...and our response to her was that this was a time for us to focus on our family, after a year of school and work and friends breaking into our little group, we wanted to enjoy each other's company undistracted - with all the hustle and bustle in everyone's lives, it is nice to just focus on the 4 of us for once. She understood when it was put to her that way, and the promise of some "together" time for special events really helped placate her. It's not cold to want to give your undivided attention to your own immediate family, especially if you nail home the idea that you're not going to AVOID them down there. *grin*

 

[TriciaT]

We are going on our first DVC trip to HH in November. We invited a close friend of my husband's from childhood and his parents. They are sweet as can be, but could easily talk my ears off the whole 5 days.

We used extra points to get them a studio instead of getting all of us a 2 bedroom and I requested rooms not connecting, not even in the same building (LOL). They were so excited though to be treated to a few nights in a fabulous resort, and have told us that they will give us privacy. I don't mind spending time with them during the day or eating meals together, but when we go to our villa at night, we'd like some private family time.

I have every intention of inviting other friends/family to vacation with us, but I will always explain that we'd like to spend some time alone, as well as freeing them from the feeling that they need to spend every second with us, too.

 

[BillM]

You might invest in a couple of two way radios. We bought Cobra for about $70.(with sub-channels). While at DW in March with 2 DD's and 1 grandchild we used them several times. Grandchild had never been to DW. They would all get up early at OKW, catch the bus and head to some theme park. DW and I told them we would be at Epcot. About 1 PM they buzzed us and said they had just entered Epcot. So we met them for lunch. Another day they all went to MGM except me. I told them I would be there in a couple hours. When I got there I buzzed them and they were sitting at the Beauty and the Beast waiting for the show to begin. No problem hooking up. Be advised that the range is probalby only good at the park you are in. Maybe up to a mile.
Just a thought.

 

[Tiggeriffic]

We did use the 2 way radios when we were at WDW. This helped immensely. Many times we wanted to get an early start and hit the rides that the kids wanted to do as early as possible. So, we'd head off to the parks while others in the party would sleep in or spend 2 hours getting ready. We would try to set up a time/place to meet later, but we would also use the radios if one of us was not going to be able to make it on time.

I remember one time, before we had the 2 way radios, that my FIL told my wife that he'd catch up with us later. He didn't set a time or a place at all. When my wife told me this, I was amused. We'll just happen to find you in the middle of a large park with 50,000 other people. Of course, he never did find us until back at the room that afternoon.

However, I've also run into people that I know without making any plans to see them at all. On this last trip, we ran into some friends of ours on 3 different days without even knowing that we were going to be in the same park.

 

[robinb]

Another option is to add a couple of days onto your vaction for you alone. We always do this if only have some time to ourselves .

 

[LindaDVC]

Typically my parents join us and we have an understanding that everyone needs to do things at their pace and meet for an afternoon swim. We have toured some parks together and some alone. We have invited others and have said we no longer need to be in the park for extended lengths of time but it is your vacation too and we encourage you to stay as long as you want. Verbalizing it before the trip helps!

We have planned more "reunions" at HH where the layed back atmosphere is more conducive to visiting! We have a notepad on the table and let people know who is where. It helps my son be indep. too so he can go fish or crab without us worrying where he is.

I typically drive the van down to the beach house so tell folks if they want chairs or coolers at the beach have them in the van and then they come at their leisure via the walkway, bike path, shuttle, or as hubbie gets there via the wheelchair. DH loves to head lesiurely down along the beautiful path to the beach!


Linda

 

[donald@home]

"We would love for You, Cosmos, Little Cosmos and Bunny to join us on our next WDW vacation. We will have such a good time, but I hope you will understand if we don't spend every moment together. While there are so many things we will all be able to do as a group, Leonardo, Chucky, Bubbles and I will want to do a few things together as a family, and I'm sure the four of you will want to head off on your own, too. About a month before the trip, wouldn't it be fun if we all get together and make a rough itinerary. That way we will all be sure that we see and do everything we want, while still leaving some "family time"."

At least that's what I would say (names have been changed to protect the innocent).

Hope it helps.

 

[Dean]

We had this problem once, never again. Since then we've laid down the grown rules to include the following.

1. There will be adult beverages!
2. You don't wait on us and we don't wait on you!
3. We get the Master Bedroom with Whirlpool!
4. Everyone has certain meals they are responsible for preparing!
   [/list=1]
   If the rules aren't acceptable, DON'T GO!!! It worked out great the last 3 years. Every family is different but best to deal with it rather than ruining a vacation, especially one you're paying most of the cost of.

 

[Olaf]

Dean,

Don't tell me that one of your guests actually thought they should receive the master bedroom? Takes all kinds.

 

[rbuzzotta]

We are looking into taking my parents, sister, BIL and nephew to OKW next year for my parents 50th anniversary. We do not do marathon days at the parks or try to fit it all in in one trip. I have already stated that we will arrange for a few dinners and a few breakfasts together and the rest of the time we are on our own!!

My Dad doesn't really care for Florida at all. He enjoys sitting on a deck and reading a book, preferably about Horse racing and the Red Sox!! My mom loves Donald Duck and will be searching him out all week, My sis and her DH and DS will be first timers and would like to do all the Disney stuff with their then 2 year old!!!!!!!!

We like to leisurely take in a park or 2 and sit by the pool alot!!!!!!!!!!

As long as you make it clear ahead of time what you expect of one another the trip should be just fine!!!!!

Enjoy! Can't think of any other place to spend with those you love.

 

[mom2boys]

they tried to tell you what you could/should drink in your own home!!!! Did these people not realize that you enjoy adult beverages prior to accepting the invitation?????? If they felt that strongly, maybe they should have reconsidered the invite.

 

[Dean]

I don't think anyone seriously thought they'd get the Whirlpool, simply that I didn't want any question. laying out the rules worked great, you'd have to understand my mom to see why it was so important. Also didn't want any uncomfortable times with my brother the minister.

 

[robinb]

Olaf said:

Don't tell me that one of your guests actually thought they should receive the master bedroom? Takes all kinds.

Oh man, we made that mistake once. My in-laws got the Master bedroom and we got the couch. Never again!

 

[wdw1972]

In the beginning of my dvc membership, I used to invite friends or family to join us alot - and didn't mind spending all the park time showing them the parks.

Then, I had a bad experience - I invited an old childhood friend (I should NOT have, as we hadn't had anything in common for the past 15 years or longer) but laid it out clearly in writing and verbally that while she was welcome to stay in my villa and use the "free" park passes for 5 days at no charge....I would not be staying in the parks with her for more than a couple of hours a day so she should only come down if she was comfortable touring alone most of the time. She said she was, but as soon as she got there she was dumbfounded that I didn't want to spend every minute with her (it was a trip planned with other friends with whom we are compatible traveling) and she made no secret that in her opinion it was completely wrong of me to not want to spend 24 hours a day with her! She was horrid, and we've not spoken since. Once burned, I don't even consider inviting anyone I'm not 100% certain is either independent enough to go off touring on their own (meeting up for some meals & limited park time) or follows the same routine we do.

I finally realized, this is MY dvc....bought by ME, for ME, and it's not my responsibility or obligation to provide free trips for friends or family (unless I *want* to). That may sound selfish, but that's ok. Life's too short to have crummy vacations <g>!