Jen's Journal.....Baby Steps to a new me

[toystoryduo]

Jen.... You, your grandpa, and your family are in our prayers.

 

[MIdanceMom]

Hi Jen,

i just wanted to pop in and see how you were doing. How's the support at work going?

have a good weekend,
Beth

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Hi guys-
Just checking iin...we just found out the tumors my grandfather has have doubled in size..things are not going well at all..

i was doing really good with my diet til i found that out--i had some cheeze doodles and a couple drinks todayh...m having a real hard time right now

 

[kmp1191]

We're here for ya Jen....

 

[DisTeacher07]

I love you Jen! Grandpa and the family are in my prayers. You go ahead and have those drinks and cheese doodles (which is a GROSS combination I may add), you've done great on your diet and exercise thus far. Hang in there, and call when you need.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

I love you Jen! Grandpa and the family are in my prayers. You go ahead and have those drinks and cheese doodles (which is a GROSS combination I may add), you've done great on your diet and exercise thus far. Hang in there, and call when you need.

The drinks and cheese doodles were totally not at the same time! just so ya know!

Im hanging in there..having a rough day but trying not to freak out...Mom will see gpa tomororw so hopefully i will know more

 

[DisTeacher07]

oh thank god... i'm so glad to know that you didn't make that horrible mistake in cuisine!

 

[Blueeyes101817]

hi guys. sorry for not checking in--i hate posting bad news after b ad news and it seems that is all that is going on lately.

Just got back from seeing grandpa--He looks worse than he did on Tuesday and seems to be quickly deteriorating..Its so sad and i hate that i cant do anything to help.

Now, i am headed to al ocal bar iwth my dad and my brother for thecowboys game..i ran all weekend from a baby shower, to football games and soccer games , and a dinner/dance....i cant stand being home because then i think and dwell on everything that is going on.

Have a great day all

 

[toystoryduo]

Oh sweetie,

I am so sorry. We are praying for your family.

 

[MIdanceMom]

Jen,

Thinking of your family.

Tkae care,
Beth

 

[postesf]

Hi Jen. I'm new to your journal. So sorry to hear about all the stress going on in your life right now!!!

Stacie

 

[toystoryduo]

Jen,

How are you feeling today sweetie? I hope you are feeling much better.

When did you change the title of your journal? I like it!

Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care of you.

 

[MIdanceMom]

Jen,

I was just checking on you. I'm sending prayers.


Beth

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Thanks for checking in guys. I am hanging in there. I took yesterday off of work--i was sick with a sinus infectino and im sure the stress isnt helping. I just needed a mini break.

Grandpa officially stopped chemo and we are calling hospice..ill be seeing Grandpa Saturday probably.

My journal title is new because ive been here a couple years and im stil laround the same weight..i need to get my butt in gear...56 days til the cruise!

 

[postesf]

Jen. Just checking in. Thinking of you!!! Hope you feel better and get rid of that nasty sinus infection!

Stacie

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Hello Everyone- and welcome to my journal Stacie--i swear i dont usually whine all the time like this!
I dont know what to say. I feel so happy that you guys are in my lives...I dont know what i would do without you right now.
I am really trying to get back on track with eating and exercising..but i am having a hard time doing so. I keep letting my emotions and exhaustion talk me out of it.
I guess i am just physically and mentally drained. The people from hospice met my grandparents and mom today--tehy said the woman was very nice, so i am thankful for that.

I am having a hard time getting into the "thanksgiving" mood. I know i have alot to be thankful for. BUt right now, all i can think about is my grandfather leaving us soon. The dr told us its coming..we all know its coming and its just so hard..hes in pain and i know that he will be better off,but its just really hard.
Tonight, i redid my resume, made a list of schools i want to apply to, and organised 3 boxes of things i had from student teaching and working at Goddard..i feel better about that now.

TOmorrow i will head to the shore to see my grandparents and visit for a few hours but will come back tomorrow night. No other plans except football on Sunday! GO cowboys of course!

 

[Blueeyes101817]

I am down the shore with my grandparents. One of the women from hospice was here when i got here and you guys were right, she is wonderful..Seems like a great lady! She ordered a hospital bed and wheelchair and they are being delivered right now. She also got him some medicine that will help keep him comfortable.

I found out today that they are pretty sure the cancer has spread throughout the bone and to the brain. He is deteriorating very quickly and the change from just the last few days in amazing. He is slurring his words and its very hard to see him so i had to escape to the computer for a few minutes.

 

[kimwim8]

HUGS to you, my friend.

You know I'm here for you, anytime.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Well yesterday things turned for the worse. Last night they ended up taking him to the ER because they couldnt get the medicine he needed at home. He is getting violent because he is so frustrated. Around 2am, they got him a room on the hospice floor. I went down around 930 this morning and just got home. They are keeping him heavily medicated because of the pain and he is really a danger t o himself when he wakes up. He woke up briefly this afternoon and was violent and y elling--so hard to see because that is not "him" at all. They said it wont be long now..hes just too far gone and in a lot of pain..his quality of life is deteriorating quickly. I know my brother is hoping he will be able to see him before he passes...joe gets home tomorrow night--i konw he wants to say goodbye.

thank you for keeping my family in your prayers

 

[kimwim8]

Oh Jen. Again, I'm SO sorry for you guys. My own grandfather got violent on pain meds too, so it might just be that. Just remember that it's not really him.