Marseeya
<font color=blue>Drama Magnet<br><font color=deepp
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2005
Well, after saying that I'd go on a diet as a New Year resolution, I finally signed up for Weight Watchers online today. Better late than never, right?
I don't know why, but I just couldn't get myself excited about it, or even the least bit motivated. I mean, I am very unhappy with my weight. I'm concerned about my health, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to get a job next year when I graduate from grad school. I'm afraid that I'm an embarrassment to my kids. But none of that makes me want it bad enough. I just couldn't find my motivator!
I can't even believe I'm admitting this, but my motivation came from the weirdest place this morning. I had a dream about an ex-boyfriend I had, and the dream kind of recreated the early days of our relationship. However, in the dream I was fat, instead of thin like I was during the real relationship. In the dream, he was pretty disgusted with me, and then I became disgusted with myself and decided I was going to do whatever it takes to get him back, so by the time I woke up from the dream, I was wanting to lose weight.
In reality, I have no such motivating factor. I have a wonderful husband who loves me just the way I am and wouldn't care if I stayed this weight forever. Maybe that's part of my problem -- I need him to want to see me in a different light. Maybe it's shallow of me to think that way, but I just want to be sexy to somebody again. I have a hard time believing him when he says that he finds me attractive, because nobody else does.
So, I explained that all to him, and he wasn't at all bothered by my motives. I signed up for WW Online and counted points today. Unfortunately, our scales broke, so I had to guess my starting weight, but I'll find out what it is tomorrow.
One day down, thousands more to go.
I don't know why, but I just couldn't get myself excited about it, or even the least bit motivated. I mean, I am very unhappy with my weight. I'm concerned about my health, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to get a job next year when I graduate from grad school. I'm afraid that I'm an embarrassment to my kids. But none of that makes me want it bad enough. I just couldn't find my motivator!
I can't even believe I'm admitting this, but my motivation came from the weirdest place this morning. I had a dream about an ex-boyfriend I had, and the dream kind of recreated the early days of our relationship. However, in the dream I was fat, instead of thin like I was during the real relationship. In the dream, he was pretty disgusted with me, and then I became disgusted with myself and decided I was going to do whatever it takes to get him back, so by the time I woke up from the dream, I was wanting to lose weight.
In reality, I have no such motivating factor. I have a wonderful husband who loves me just the way I am and wouldn't care if I stayed this weight forever. Maybe that's part of my problem -- I need him to want to see me in a different light. Maybe it's shallow of me to think that way, but I just want to be sexy to somebody again. I have a hard time believing him when he says that he finds me attractive, because nobody else does.
So, I explained that all to him, and he wasn't at all bothered by my motives. I signed up for WW Online and counted points today. Unfortunately, our scales broke, so I had to guess my starting weight, but I'll find out what it is tomorrow.
One day down, thousands more to go.
It's also going to be tough to remember not to drink so many points in a day. I wouldn't even give a thought to grabbing a glass of milk, Pepsi, or juice, but that's just crazy now. 
