Mine...

[cmbelle]

What do you do when the 20 month old has learned the word "mine", and everything the 6 year old has, the little one wants? At first, I took everything away from the baby, saying, "No, this is your brother's toy. Here this is YOUR toy". Now, the 6-year old is getting upset if the baby plays with a brush or comb or some old, broken toy that hasn't been played with for months. Please tell me this stage won't last too long. I never thought I'd do it, but I'm beginning to buy 2 of everything.

 

[Boots]

We went through this too. And truthfully mine got better but never out grew it. DD is 26 and married. DS is 23 and getting married in a year. And guess what they still get the very same number of Christmas presents! I know this is our fault and didn't solve the problem. But for a while things were so bad when they were little, the other one also got one present on the others birthday. That finally got stopped. Ok, they did get better as they got older, but it was easier to buy two things. They both think to this day that the other one had it easier and either got more or was treated different. DD told me not too long ago that her brother got to do things she would never have been allowed to do. I told her the situation was different and anyway when she was his age she had been married three years. Sorry I am not a bit of help am I? And like I said I realize a lot of this was my fault, but sometimes it simply was not worth the effort of an agrument!!!

 

[mickey65]

TODDLER'S CREED

If I want it, it's mine.
If I gave it to you and change my mind later, it's mine.
If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
If it's mine, it will never belong to anyone else, no matter what.
If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine
If it looks just like mine, it's mine.

~~Author Unknown~~


Hopefully it will not last too long for you!

 

[cmbelle]

I think I will cross-stitch that creed for the 20-month old. He has now added on to the "MINE", a vehement screech. Of course, the child has just finally started to say "Ma-ma", but he has perfected "mine".

 

[danareed]

I have to be honest and admit I'd rather send two years old to boot camp than parent them myself! All of the screaming and public tantrums really wore me out.

I wonder if you could help your 6 yr. old understand that this is a stage your younger child is going through. Sometimes when I help one child identify when the other is being bratty, and we just share a "look" it makes that child feel better. I think they just want to know that the other kid is wrong! (This is coming in very handy with a sarcastic teenager.)

Growing up my mother worked very hard to keep things even. Even now at 38 I notice when it's not even! I hate that. I've done something different with my kids.

I tell them that things are not even, but they're always fair. Sometimes my husband or I (or both of us!)will take a child out for "only child" time. It is a cherished time at our house! It's always hard when it's a birthday or other special event where one child gets a lot of attention, even if they're older, so we make a point of spending extra time with the other two kids.

For only child time we may go get a snowball, out to eat, or just run errands together with a special stop for that child. That helps me get my errands done and still give one of my three special attention. Only child time does not always mean spending money. My son and my husband "kill aliens" on the computer and the girls and I might watch a show together. The important thing is that it is special for you and your child, and that it's only for that child. I have sent one of the kids out of the room if we are watching a movie for only child time. I'm sure they don't like it-but they know their time is coming soon.

Another favorite thing that they love is alone snuggle time in my bed. When each kid gets home from school (Jr. high, middle school and elem. so there is a staggered schedule) they get time alone to snuggle in bed with me to tell me everything about their day. This really helps us to reconnect.

You could make a point of doing this with your 6 yr old when your baby takes a nap. Babies are hard on everybody! even themselves. Go easy on yourself through these days, they really do go by much faster than you can imagine.

Dana

 

[Beanie]

Hugs Cmbelle! I have a 4 and 2 year old and all I hear all day long is "Mom! I had that first!!!"

Good Luck to you! LOL

 

[nativetxn]

LOL Mickey65, how about, " What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too"?

I have a niece like that and she's almost 21

I only had one child so I'm not much help in a situation like this one, everthing <b>was</b> my son's he didn't have to share with a sibling. He was pretty good about sharing with other kids but I think that's a totally different situation.

 

[cmbelle]

My 20 month DS thinks he is his brother's equal. Big brother is 6. Everything the 6 yr old does, the 20 mo has to do too. So yesterday, we are clothes shopping for my 6 yr old. The baby starts taking his clothes off, demanding to try on the same clothes as big brother. I am sure the other shoppers loved watching me run around the store trying to catch the baby who was shirtless, trying to remove his pants, and yelling "mine".

 

[Talking Hands]

When mine were 6 and 2 they went to the bathroom together at a fast food restaurant. Well the 2 yo came out naked with her big sister behind her saying "Mom, she won't put her clothes back on" My dh went into hiding while I chased a naked kid and put on her clothes. Then I looked around and noticed a deacon and his wife from my church. They had seen it all.

Now they are 24 and 20 and the younger one still asks why can't I do the same things as my sister.