Prayers for Bobby

[OrlandoMike]

We better see you two start some fun threads of your own, or at least hijacking some of ours!

If you cant hijack a good thread over here, your gay card may just be revoked!

 

[DVCajun]

OMG-this movie-and this thread! I'm so glad people shared their story. Kenman-I'm happy things are going better for you!

Bobby was a tough film for me too. I cried so hard during that scene where his mother was putting all those scripture verses around the house. Nobody ever did that to me...I did it to myself. Long story short, a relationship ended very badly-my partner lost her job, actually lost her career because of rumors about us. We thought we were being SO careful, and we were-but people made assumptions, and used their financial power to get her fired. (she was a church musician) Someone also dropped a dime to her very homophobic sister and created family problems too. A complete train wreck. She has now renounced the idea that she was ever really gay, that ours was a friendship that she allowed to go too far.

As a result of all that-I got it into my head that if I just prayed hard enough, and acted like other women, I could be "fixed". I thought if my being gay could cause that much carnage, it had to be a bad thing. I prayed until my knees were sore, I went to Mass every day-I even bought skirts and dresses and gave up my beloved jeans and T's for nearly a year. Well, I don't have to tell you guys-but it didn't work. I was just miserable and yes, I wanted to die. Finally, I decided to cut my losses and move out of state, away from everything.

So, here I am in sunny Florida-close to my family. I've never formally "come out" to them-but I've never felt I had to either. They know, they're not stupid. They just don't care-and I mean that in a nice way. It doesn't matter to them what orientation I am as long as I'm happy and healthy.

Thanks for letting me tell that story. After reading the other comments on this thread, I knew you guys would understand.
Thanks for listening to my story. It's wonderful to see people who really care so much about others.

Thank *you* for sharing your story with us! I can relate to the church thing -- DW and I met at church, too.

The Bible can be used in such a destructive way. It's horrible how bad interpretation and lack of education can cause such ruin of lives. I'm very happy to hear that you've moved on with your life -- I feel for your ex-- she's fighting a losing battle with herself. Why are churches so hateful???

 

[PeterPan09]

Thank *you* for sharing your story with us! I can relate to the church thing -- DW and I met at church, too.

The Bible can be used in such a destructive way. It's horrible how bad interpretation and lack of education can cause such ruin of lives. I'm very happy to hear that you've moved on with your life -- I feel for your ex-- she's fighting a losing battle with herself. Why are churches so hateful???

You know, I can't really blame the church-but I can blame the people. The group that "outed" us was a bunch of wealthy people in the parish who wanted to flex their muscles. They wanted to show the church who was boss, and they threatened to pull their considerable financial support unless the "lesbian music minister" was fired. The Pastor didn't want to fire her, and he held on to her until he knew there was another job open that she could start right away. Effectively, he created a transfer from one place to another. Unfortunately, it wasn't far enough away-and gossip travels fast in the church world. She finally got so uncomfortable that she left church work entirely and took a job in public school.

I feel really sorry for her-but I completely understand where she's coming from.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I think the brutally sad experience you both had is a clear example of what does go on under the guise of the "church" though. Mean spirited people come together using the foil of religion to mask their true intent.

Sheesh. How premeditated does that sound?

But what you say is so true, it IS the people who do the damage in this type of ostracism and discrimination. Important to not lose sight of that, eh?

I hope she is well now? I mean, that she is at peace in her life?

 

[DVCajun]

You know, I can't really blame the church-but I can blame the people.

The church IS "the people."

 

[wallyb]

We better see you two start some fun threads of your own, or at least hijacking some of ours!

If you cant hijack a good thread over here, your gay card may just be revoked!

I don't get it.

 

[PeterPan09]

I think the brutally sad experience you both had is a clear example of what does go on under the guise of the "church" though. Mean spirited people come together using the foil of religion to mask their true intent.

Sheesh. How premeditated does that sound?

But what you say is so true, it IS the people who do the damage in this type of ostracism and discrimination. Important to not lose sight of that, eh?

I hope she is well now? I mean, that she is at peace in her life?

Not really. She was down here in January and we spent a good deal of time together. I hadn't seen her since I left in September, and I was kind of curious how the "reunion" would go. It was ok, not ugly by any means-we actually enjoyed WDW together as friends. There was an undercurrent there, and I hope that eventually goes away as we move further from the events.

I know she's struggling personally and I hope she can find some peace with the decision she's made. She's throwing all her energy into her family-her sister as economic problems and a small child-so that seems to be something that my ex can use to channel her energy. Of course, me the cynic sees the sister's outrage at our relationship as a ploy to move the attention (and the money) back to her. After all, if we're not going to plays, ball games and vacations together, then my ex can use that money on her and her kid. (yeah, I'm still bitter about her )

 

[DVCajun]

Not really. She was down here in January and we spent a good deal of time together. I hadn't seen her since I left in September, and I was kind of curious how the "reunion" would go. It was ok, not ugly by any means-we actually enjoyed WDW together as friends. There was an undercurrent there, and I hope that eventually goes away as we move further from the events.

Wow -- I'm impressed that you could spend time together as friends. Are you still in love with her? I doubt I would have handled myself as well as you did.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

It's maddening when you can see something so clearly, and the person who is being taken advantage of can't, isn't it?

It's good that you were able to spend some time together having fun!

 

[kenman]

I never new being gay was so hard anconfusing! But I'm am doing better then great. I am headed in the right direction I think. I went to the movies with my best straight friend to see Friday the 13th and in the car I told him I was so worrid he wouldn't want to be me friend, but it was quite different, He gave me a big hung and said deep down I always knew! I cried like a babby it felt so good it was like lifting a car off of f my chest. I am not out yet to my family! I just don't know abut that yet, but I'm getting their! I owe it all to you guys! I could have never done that with out your support. My PFLAG metting went great again! I was never so scared in my life telling my frind but I just couldn't take it no more, I had to tell someone close to me! And another thing I found a great person to meet up with when I go down to Disney He wrote me everyday now! He told me that he wants to hold me in his arms! Guys I have tears in my eyes now, I just never could accept who I was untill now! Being Gay has a different meaning to me now, before I thought I ment to be different but now it mens to be me. It is like being born all over again! I have been lying to myself all my life because I didn't want to different. I always thought I choose this but PFLG made me realize I didn't choose this. I am starting to feel like a human for the first time in my life! I can finally admit that i'm Gay. Now all I have to do is tell my family! I'm going to work on that part yet. I still do get bad days but there is a lot less of them. THANKS!

 

[rpmdfw]

I never new being gay was so hard anconfusing! But I'm am doing better then great. I am headed in the right direction I think. I went to the movies with my best straight friend to see Friday the 13th and in the car I told him I was so worrid he wouldn't want to be me friend, but it was quite different, He gave me a big hung and said deep down I always knew! I cried like a babby it felt so good it was like lifting a car off of f my chest. I am not out yet to my family! I just don't know abut that yet, but I'm getting their! I owe it all to you guys! I could have never done that with out your support. My PFLAG metting went great again! I was never so scared in my life telling my frind but I just couldn't take it no more, I had to tell someone close to me! And another thing I found a great person to meet up with when I go down to Disney He wrote me everyday now! He told me that he wants to hold me in his arms! Guys I have tears in my eyes now, I just never could accept who I was untill now! Being Gay has a different meaning to me now, before I thought I ment to be different but now it mens to be me. It is like being born all over again! I have been lying to myself all my life because I didn't want to different. I always thought I choose this but PFLG made me realize I didn't choose this. I am starting to feel like a human for the first time in my life! I can finally admit that i'm Gay. Now all I have to do is tell my family! I'm going to work on that part yet. I still do get bad days but there is a lot less of them. THANKS!

Congratulations on coming out to your friend! That's a huge step. You're very brave! And I'm glad it went well.

As for coming out to your family. Don't rush it. It will happen when you're ready. There's no race, take it at your own speed.

As for there being "bad days". Well get used to those. Everybody has them; gay, straight, black, white, polka-dotted or whatever.

You're doing really well!

 

[wallyb]

Ditto

It's no rush to tell your family.
You're in control of when it's right for YOU.

It'll go well or not - it's up to them. Not you.
But you get to decide when.

Good job so far dude

 

[kenman]

Thanks!

 

[OrlandoMike]

I'm so proud of you Kenman!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Hang in there Kenman. One step at a time. Not even one day at a time, one step. There was a time in my life when all my energy went to taking those single tiny steps one after the other through some very difficult days.

Being open and honest with yourself is the first important thing to focus on. Absolutely do not rush in the family discussions. Be solid and firm in yourself first.

And it's great news that you've found someone in your friend to share yourself!

PFLAG is an incredible organization. Good that you have found them and are using their support system.

Have a great weekend!

 

[PeterPan09]

Wow -- I'm impressed that you could spend time together as friends. Are you still in love with her? I doubt I would have handled myself as well as you did.

I still love her, but I'm not IN love anymore-and that's why I think it worked. I care about her, and I feel badly since she suffered a lot. I didn't lose a 20 year career, and I didn't have to put up with the family drama that she went through. Considering everything, I got off easy. I ended up moving to Florida!

 

[OrlandoMike]

Funny story.....

I came home from work the other night, and Shrek had this "new movie" all lined up for me to watch......"Prayers for Bobby"

Poor guy, I had to let him know he was about 6 months too late!

But I'm am doing better then great. I am headed in the right direction I think.

Hey Kenman...long time no hear! How are you doing?

 

[rpmdfw]

Funny story.....

I came home from work the other night, and Shrek had this "new movie" all lined up for me to watch......"Prayers for Bobby"

Poor guy, I had to let him know he was about 6 months too late!



Hey Kenman...long time no hear! How are you doing?

How funny. Are they airing it again? I hope so. The more people that see it the better!

Funny you should mention Kenman. I've been in contact with him recently. It appears things are going well for him. Hopefully he'll post here with an update.

 

[DOPEYLUVER]

I never new being gay was so hard anconfusing! But I'm am doing better then great. I am headed in the right direction I think. I went to the movies with my best straight friend to see Friday the 13th and in the car I told him I was so worrid he wouldn't want to be me friend, but it was quite different, He gave me a big hung and said deep down I always knew! I cried like a babby it felt so good it was like lifting a car off of f my chest. I am not out yet to my family! I just don't know abut that yet, but I'm getting their! I owe it all to you guys! I could have never done that with out your support. My PFLAG metting went great again! I was never so scared in my life telling my frind but I just couldn't take it no more, I had to tell someone close to me! And another thing I found a great person to meet up with when I go down to Disney He wrote me everyday now! He told me that he wants to hold me in his arms! Guys I have tears in my eyes now, I just never could accept who I was untill now! Being Gay has a different meaning to me now, before I thought I ment to be different but now it mens to be me. It is like being born all over again! I have been lying to myself all my life because I didn't want to different. I always thought I choose this but PFLG made me realize I didn't choose this. I am starting to feel like a human for the first time in my life! I can finally admit that i'm Gay. Now all I have to do is tell my family! I'm going to work on that part yet. I still do get bad days but there is a lot less of them. THANKS!

This made me cry. Without going into tons of boring details, my best friend of 30 years FINALLY told me he was gay. Actually he couldn't even bring himself to say the words. He made me guess and this was via e-mail - UGH. He and I had kind of lost touch for about 10 years. Now we are in constant touch via text messaging, e-mail, phone and in person. The problem with the in person is he is in FL and I'm in MA.

He has never told anyone. He has a close circle of gay friends who of course know but he's never told relatives, co-workers, or other friends. He is 50 years old and so unhappy and uncomfortable with himself.

My most immediate problem is that in two weeks we will be going to WDW together with my 17 year old daughter and 19 year old son. My daughter met him and loves him. My son has not met him and there is the problem. My friend keeps putting himself down with such horrible comments. When he met my daughter which was also at WDW he bought her, her 17 year old friend and me all t-shirts. When he went to gaydays, he sent her a splash mountain shirt, which I think she wears 5 out of 7 days a week. My friend asked me if I think he should buy a t-shirt for my son or would he be uncomfortable getting a present from an old gay guy. I don't know how to respond to stuff like that. My response was I'm sure he'd love to get a shirt from my friend who happens to be gay. The four of us are staying in one room. I told my daughter she could share a bed with me and my son could sleep on the floor. Does that make my son or me sound like a homophobe? I am so terrified of say or doing something that will hurt my friend.


Now for the long term, he never really has had any long term relationships. I think he would really like to though. I think he makes stupid dating decisions that aren't going to lead to a long term relationship. But I'm no expert in this area. Does anyone have any suggestions? I think if I make a negative comment about his dating choices, he takes it to be a negative comment about "same-sex" dating and correctly points out that I don't know anything about it. He's right. I don't. But there would be nothing that would make me happier than to see him happy.

My problem is that in general I try to fix everyone's problems. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get informed so I can help my friend? Are PFLAG meetings someplace to start?

And he watched this movie just a few weeks ago and then did NOTHING for the rest of the weekend because he was too depressed.

Hmmm, I see I started this by saying without going into too much detail. Imagine if I had gone into detail.

 

[kenman]

Funny story.....

I came home from work the other night, and Shrek had this "new movie" all lined up for me to watch......"Prayers for Bobby"

Poor guy, I had to let him know he was about 6 months too late!



Hey Kenman...long time no hear! How are you doing?

Lots on new stuff in my life! I am finally OUT! I had to tell my family because I was having such a hard time in my life! I wanted to take my own life as you all know and I was so close! I sat at the edge of that bridge down the steer several times at 2 am but I could not do it! I just knew things would get better thay had to! I would cry myself to sleep almost ever other night just cry about who I am! Then three days ago something in me told me it was time to tell my family about me being gay I was gay all my life! I knew since a very young kid that I was different but i could never tell anyone! I just told them right out that I am Gay and this past two days were the best days of my life! Just to be Me is amazing! i never felt so great in my entire life! My family is doing great with it I don't think thay will be in a pride day prade or anything like that but they told me I can even bring someone home to the house if I want to and that makes me feel great! I am 35 and all this time it was killing me inside! And I mean killing me! At one point I even bought a cemetary plot and my headstone and now I know for sure I will never have to use it because of being gay! I have so much pride now, I am going to show my rainbow to the world! If it wasn't for this movie and you guys and Disney I don't know what the outcome would have been, but I know what it is now I a Very Happy Gay Man! Now all I need is a Hubby!