Question about going to Disney World with my transgender daughter

[christined73]

Hello - I am a 49 year old mother of a 23 year old transgender woman. We live in Washington state, where there is relatively little push-back against transgender people, although even at that she is struggling with finding a job, being accepted, and her general anxiety about how other people perceive and will treat her. We have a HUGE trip planned for December 14-26, and she is invited, assuming her work (if she gets a job) lets her out for this time. Out here all we hear is how horrible Florida is to its LGBT population, and she is so scared that she will be targeted while she is there. Not by Disney World as a company or anything like that, but more by someone questioning why she is using the family restroom, or at the airport, etc. I am conflicted because I really feel like she will be safe since we don't ever leave Disney property when we go to Florida, but I also understand her hesitancy. So she told me that she might not go, and didn't want me to get the tickets. I already did though, so I guess I will eat that cost if she decides to stay here. I will feel awful about going if she decides not to go with us, but at the same time I feel like she might be making more of a concern than is necessary. For those of you that are more familiar with Florida and can attest to being gender fluid or transgender in Disney World, do you have any experiences that I can share with her to make her feel better about going? We all went to Disneyland last winter and was consistently mis-gendered (thank you sir, when she's in a dress) so she's used to that aspect, I think she is just really thinking someone will hurt her physically, since she usually comes and goes on her own she will be by herself often. I'm just a worried mom that wants one last trip with my kids before they are all off in their own lives. I also want to know if it is really THAT bad that she is right - she said there was a travel advisory or something sent out recently saying any LGBT person shouldn't go to Florida at all.

 

[dreamer17555]

The main thing is she feels safe. Disney is generally very LGBTQIA friendly (which is part of the reason there’s so much fighting with the state of Florida right now) but Florida as a whole right now has been pushing through some very concerning legislation. My DD recently wrapped her DCP program and she is part of the LGBTQIA community and at one point in her program was considering staying on but then felt with the current political climate it was no longer a safe environment for her to remain in FL and came home.

Most likely, your daughter would be fine, but there is some risk and there’s definitely been a wave of hate towards the transgender community that is frightening and I could see why she might be afraid to travel to Florida at this time. Hugs.

And as for the travel warnings, other countries have been warning their citizens not to travel to Florida if you are part of the LGBTQIA community.

 

[Her Dotness]

Based on our last trip in '21 when the FL political climate was less intense, I'd have said, "No worries. She'll be fine at WDW unless she feels too insecure to go."

Now, I'm more hesitant to say that unequivocally. Sadly, I don't think her concern about her emotional safety is misplaced. Physical, don't really know. So many more people seem to feel entitled now to behave rudely or threateningly toward anyone not meeting their standards of acceptable or "normal."

As for her being repeatedly misgendered at DLR, I hope you/she reported the need for CMs there to be reminded to be more sensitive to that or receive additional training. It's non-Disney without a doubt, IMO, for her to have been misgendered when wearing a skirt or dress.

ETA: On rethinking this, seems to me she's pretty definitely told you she doesn't want to go when you say:

...she is so scared that she will be targeted while she is there. Not by Disney World as a company or anything like that, but more by someone questioning why she is using the family restroom, or at the airport, etc....So she told me that she might not go, and didn't want me to get the tickets.

As the pp said, "The main thing is she feels safe." She's told you she doesn't. Respect her decision, swallowing your contrary feelings; go with the rest of the family and have fun.

 

[OKW Lover]

Please take this with a large grain of salt since I'm a straight white male, but I do follow LGBTQ* issues quite a bit. I'm also local to the parks.

I'd first like to congratulate the OP on the positive support for her child. So many TG people don't get that.

As to acceptance at WDW and the airport, she will be fine. Both are within Orange County which is a very open, welcoming area, unlike much of the rest of FL. The county police are trained in LGBTQ issues so no need to fear law enforcement people. The CM's at Disney are also very inclusive, and you may in fact encounter a TG cast member.

Any issues with the general public at WDW will be dealt with by security CM's who will protect your daughter. Yes, it is possible that some unenlightened member of the general public at WDW will object. But that's the same risk as she experiences anywhere.

 

[christined73]

Based on our last trip in '21 when the FL political climate was less intense, I'd have said, "No worries. She'll be fine at WDW unless she feels too insecure to go."

Now, I'm more hesitant to say that unequivocally. Sadly, I don't think her concern about her emotional safety is misplaced. Physical, don't really know. So many more people seem to feel entitled now to behave rudely or threateningly toward anyone not meeting their standards of acceptable or "normal."

As for her being repeatedly misgendered at DLR, I hope you/she reported the need for CMs there to be reminded to be more sensitive to that or receive additional training. It's non-Disney without a doubt, IMO, for her to have been misgendered when wearing a skirt or dress.

ETA: On rethinking this, seems to me she's pretty definitely told you she doesn't want to go when you say:


As the pp said, "The main thing is she feels safe." She's told you she doesn't. Respect her decision, swallowing your contrary feelings; go with the rest of the family and have fun.

Thank you for your perspective. I would never ever pressure her to go, I just told her that she is welcome and wanted, but if she does decide to stay home, to not worry about the money aspect of it. Luckily I have enough airline points that I can just get a ticket for free for her and cancel it if she doesn't use it, and like I said I already had bought the park tickets. i'm not really trying to "convince" her - I just wanted more perspectives, and maybe to work through this myself as well. I love her dearly and will always always always support her decisions no matter my own feelings. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me.

 

[christined73]

The main thing is she feels safe. Disney is generally very LGBTQIA friendly (which is part of the reason there’s so much fighting with the state of Florida right now) but Florida as a whole right now has been pushing through some very concerning legislation. My DD recently wrapped her DCP program and she is part of the LGBTQIA community and at one point in her program was considering staying on but then felt with the current political climate it was no longer a safe environment for her to remain in FL and came home.

Most likely, your daughter would be fine, but there is some risk and there’s definitely been a wave of hate towards the transgender community that is frightening and I could see why she might be afraid to travel to Florida at this time. Hugs.

And as for the travel warnings, other countries have been warning their citizens not to travel to Florida if you are part of the LGBTQIA community.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I hate this world sometimes and how much hate there is in it.

 

[christined73]

Please take this with a large grain of salt since I'm a straight white male, but I do follow LGBTQ* issues quite a bit. I'm also local to the parks.

I'd first like to congratulate the OP on the positive support for her child. So many TG people don't get that.

As to acceptance at WDW and the airport, she will be fine. Both are within Orange County which is a very open, welcoming area, unlike much of the rest of FL. The county police are trained in LGBTQ issues so no need to fear law enforcement people. The CM's at Disney are also very inclusive, and you may in fact encounter a TG cast member.

Any issues with the general public at WDW will be dealt with by security CM's who will protect your daughter. Yes, it is possible that some unenlightened member of the general public at WDW will object. But that's the same risk as she experiences anywhere.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate your perspective.

 

[tetera]

We saw the travel recommendation - we have to go to Florida multiple times a year for other reasons (family, medical providers) so even though we felt anxious about it, not going kind of wasn't an option for us.

Fortunately, because WDW is such a safe haven within the crazy, we end up staying there whether we plan on going to the parks or not. It also is the only place we really feel comfortable going out to table service restaurants and such - they continue to make us feel like a "normal" family whereas even at home we may not necessarily feel safe going out and about. I will say I have noticed more "sirs" and "ma'ams" recently compared to a few years ago when it seemed like they were trying to be a bit more gender neutral, but it seems like the CMs generally seem to be erring on the side of the "presenting" gender (based on clothes, accessories, etc.) vs. what the person may "look like" based on gender assigned at birth.

Wanted to also add that WDW continues to add more "Companion Restrooms" in more locations, though we have never had an issue going into either the men's or women's restrooms at WDW with someone of a different gender and/or our trans family member.

 

[Karin1984]

I think she is just really thinking someone will hurt her physically

Have a conversation with her to find what she really is scared of. There is a difference between knowing and thinking. When you know the details you can help her and together look for a solution.

Yes, there are people who fight at Disney, arguments that get out of hand etc. However, if people from the LGBTQ+ community were specifically targeted, we would hear more about. Because it is such a hot topic now, it would get to the press much quicker if specific groups would get beaten up.

As Disney is generally considered a friendly space, this might be a good way to help her deal with her fear. Because she will visit other places in life and she will go to airports and hotels.

 

[Traveling on cc points]

Hello - I am a 49 year old mother of a 23 year old transgender woman. We live in Washington state, where there is relatively little push-back against transgender people, although even at that she is struggling with finding a job, being accepted, and her general anxiety about how other people perceive and will treat her. We have a HUGE trip planned for December 14-26, and she is invited, assuming her work (if she gets a job) lets her out for this time. Out here all we hear is how horrible Florida is to its LGBT population, and she is so scared that she will be targeted while she is there. Not by Disney World as a company or anything like that, but more by someone questioning why she is using the family restroom, or at the airport, etc. I am conflicted because I really feel like she will be safe since we don't ever leave Disney property when we go to Florida, but I also understand her hesitancy. So she told me that she might not go, and didn't want me to get the tickets. I already did though, so I guess I will eat that cost if she decides to stay here. I will feel awful about going if she decides not to go with us, but at the same time I feel like she might be making more of a concern than is necessary. For those of you that are more familiar with Florida and can attest to being gender fluid or transgender in Disney World, do you have any experiences that I can share with her to make her feel better about going? We all went to Disneyland last winter and was consistently mis-gendered (thank you sir, when she's in a dress) so she's used to that aspect, I think she is just really thinking someone will hurt her physically, since she usually comes and goes on her own she will be by herself often. I'm just a worried mom that wants one last trip with my kids before they are all off in their own lives. I also want to know if it is really THAT bad that she is right - she said there was a travel advisory or something sent out recently saying any LGBT person shouldn't go to Florida at all.

Ugh. I am so sorry that your daughter is giving through this.
I am a straight woman so I can’t give a perspective from your daughters point of view but I do live in Florida and go to the parks pretty often. We have seen many, many gay, lesbian and transgender people there enjoying themselves. Tell her not to believe everything she reads in the internet, there are tons of people that live here that support everyone who want to visit the parks.

I would love to tell you that she wouldn’t endure any strange stares if even a rude comment from an ignorant guest but unfortunately that can happen anywhere. If you do run into any problems, security would be there to help you.

I personally think the advisory is a political stunt to scare people in the LGBT community from visiting Florida to prove to the governor that Florida will suffer financially if he signs certain bills.

You sound like a great mom and are doing everything you can to support your daughter. I truly hope she decides to go and has a great trip with her family.

 

[Her Dotness]

I would never ever pressure her to go, i'm not really trying to "convince" her - I just wanted more perspectives, and maybe to work through this myself as well.

I do apologize for misinterpreting your position. I may well have been too direct.

You're aware of needing to work through your desire for the entire family to go. That's important and what I intended to convey, that it's your feelings that might be the larger issue.

Have a conversation with her to find what she really is scared of. There is a difference between knowing and thinking. When you know the details you can help her and together look for a solution.

There's a very good chance this loving mother has already done that, seems to me.

It's the daughter's "might not go" and "didn't want me to get the tickets" that suggests to me finding out "what she really is scared of" could go sour fast. Why isn't feeling unsafe about going to Florida now enough?

Additionally, "We all went to Disneyland last winter and was consistently mis-gendered (thank you sir, when she's in a dress) so she's used to that aspect,..." I certainly wouldn't want to go to any other place that's Disney only to have that happen again at what's promoted as a safe space. That would be more insults to endure. Why would I want to take that risk? I wouldn't.

"I also want to know if it is really THAT bad that she is right - she said there was a travel advisory or something sent out recently saying any LGBT person shouldn't go to Florida at all."

What we tell you about how bad it is or isn't doesn't matter. That your daughter feels unsafe going to WDW now is all that truly matters.

 

[Karin1984]

I do apologize for misinterpreting your position. I may well have been too direct.

You're aware of needing to work through your desire for the entire family to go. That's important and what I intended to convey, that it's your feelings that might be the larger issue.


There's a very good chance this loving mother has already done that, seems to me.

It's the daughter's "might not go" and "didn't want me to get the tickets" that suggests to me finding out "what she really is scared of" could go sour fast. Why isn't feeling unsafe about going to Florida now enough?

Additionally, "We all went to Disneyland last winter and was consistently mis-gendered (thank you sir, when she's in a dress) so she's used to that aspect,..." I certainly wouldn't want to go to any other place that's Disney only to have that happen again at what's promoted as a safe space. That would be more insults to endure. Why would I want to take that risk? I wouldn't.

"I also want to know if it is really THAT bad that she is right - she said there was a travel advisory or something sent out recently saying any LGBT person shouldn't go to Florida at all."

What we tell you about how bad it is or isn't doesn't matter. That your daughter feels unsafe going to WDW now is all that truly matters.

I do not fully agree with the last statement. It makes a difference if she is scared for something that will happen, that is likely to happen or has a slight chance of happening.

It can start with "something might happen at the airport" -> "airports and airplanes are not safe" -> solution: "I will not fly anymore."

These kind of thoughts and emotions can get out of hand quickly, so I do agree with the OP, it is worth examining to what is the actual level of danger and what is the probability of something happening.

Fear can be paralyzing and I think it is best to look together how to tackle this. Maybe it is staying home now, but do think of a plan for the next trip, to WDW or to another place.

 

[sheilafri]

Please take this with a large grain of salt since I'm a straight white male, but I do follow LGBTQ* issues quite a bit. I'm also local to the parks.

I'd first like to congratulate the OP on the positive support for her child. So many TG people don't get that.

As to acceptance at WDW and the airport, she will be fine. Both are within Orange County which is a very open, welcoming area, unlike much of the rest of FL. The county police are trained in LGBTQ issues so no need to fear law enforcement people. The CM's at Disney are also very inclusive, and you may in fact encounter a TG cast member.

Any issues with the general public at WDW will be dealt with by security CM's who will protect your daughter. Yes, it is possible that some unenlightened member of the general public at WDW will object. But that's the same risk as she experiences anywhere.

I am an older, straight white female and pretty much agree with this. We were recently in SC and were seated at a bar/restaurant by a young man wearing make-up and vaguely feminine attire. Nobody seemed to care. The vast majority of people will be this way, I think. You could, however, be one of the unlucky ones who run into a jerk. Ultimately, your daughter gets to decide what risks she is comfortable taking.

 

[Her Dotness]

It makes a difference if she is scared for something that will happen, that is likely to happen or has a slight chance of happening.

It can start with "something might happen at the airport" -> "airports and airplanes are not safe" -> solution: "I will not fly anymore."

These kind of thoughts and emotions can get out of hand quickly, so I do agree with the OP, it is worth examining to what is the actual level of danger and what is the probability of something happening.

She's not a young child needing guidance about what are or aren't reasonable fears, so no, I disagree that this approach is anything but patronizing and trying to persuade, which christined73 has said she absolutely does not want to do.

 

[Her Dotness]

Ultimately, your daughter gets to decide what risks she is comfortable taking.

Exactly that. YES.

 

[sheilafri]

She's not a child needing guidance about what are or aren't reasonable fears, so no, I disagree that this approach is anything but patronizing and trying to persuade, which christined73 has said she absolutely does not want to do.

I agree with this. Unfortunately, news can make everything seem so scary these days. It’s hard to assess real risk. I think OP wants more of a report from on the ground. At least I hope that’s the intent.

 

[ccahpp25]

I am a queer woman, married to a queer woman, parenting a wonderful little boy who likes to dress up in his Elsa costume and "shoot" ice from his hands just as much as he likes to put on his Buzz Lightyear wings and pretend to be a space ranger.

I have always felt safe within the boundaries of Disney itself. We primarily stay in the Disney "bubble," except to visit the character warehouse and Target. Due to the current political climate of Florida, those minimal excursions outside of the Disney bubble will be made by me, alone, with my wife and son staying at the resort. It may seem like overkill to some, but I've seen the travel warnings. I myself live in a state with a recently elected governor who is trying her best to emulate Florida. The risks to members of the community, and even the risks to children like my own son, who's five and simply likes to dress up as ALL of his favorite Disney characters, with the thought of their gender not even crossing his sweet little mind, are substantial.

All that to say, in Disney itself, she will be safe and welcomed. I have made multiple trips to Disney as an openly queer woman with a female partner and have never faced any discrimination for it. I'm also confident that if I did happen to encounter a hateful person, CM's would make the situation right for us immediately. But, I don't believe she's dramatizing how bad it *could* be outside of Disney. I would let her know that the option exists for her to travel with you, and just leave it at that.

 

[OKW Lover]

Due to the current political climate of Florida, those minimal excursions outside of the Disney bubble will be made by me, alone, with my wife and son staying at the resort. It may seem like overkill to some, but I've seen the travel warnings.

This saddens me. Of course you need to do what you think it right for you and your family. I'd just say that the area around WDW is not reflective of all of the state. Orange and Osceola counties are pretty liberal areas of the state and the LGBTQ community is accepted as a part of the general society.

 

[2vets]

What a wonderful mom you are. I’m a straight woman, so I can’t provide personal insight on this topic, but I have never witnessed any targeting of this kind while at WDW, and that spans decades of visiting. (The last few visits, I think many CMs are transitioning to using “friend” as a pronoun..?)

One thing about being off-WDW-campus, though: I’m Florida raised and now live in SoCal, but I visit home a lot since I still have family in the area. Things have recently gotten uncomfortable when I’ve been home if I’m wearing anything that somehow indicates to others a (perceived) political (??) leaning. I have some doozy examples from the last 3 years, but will include 2. The last time I was home, I was wearing a Billabong baseball-style hat that says “California Love” - it has the bear, etc - it’s a hat made to fit women, so it is just a perfect fit, and I didn’t think about the print when I bought it. I wore it to Publix one day up in Jacksonville, and a very clean-cut, preppy-looking man (it could have bern anyone, of course) in the parking lot saw the hat, got visibly angry and started making loud, nasty comments about me and my California politics. I’m mouthy, so I said, “Sir. Relax. It’s a freakin’ hat that just happens to fit well.” But I was alone, and it scared me, and I didn’t wear the hat again. On another occasion, I was wearing a work fleece - no specifics, but it’s a company that is a source of deep upset to some people (I work in a scientific field that’s had attention the last few years). Almost the same exact thing happened. And also, very scary. So now, no more work fleece worn at home.

I visit plenty of places all over the country and world with all kinds of different beliefs, and I’ve not had this happen anywhere else. Both of these incidents took place in 2022. Not to imply that it’s the same situation in any way, but I can understand a deep reluctance right now to put oneself in a place where something like this could happen, only targeting a person’s identity rather than a piece of clothing. I hope going forward that things get better.

 

[OKW Lover]

What a wonderful mom you are. I’m a straight woman, so I can’t provide personal insight on this topic, but I have never witnessed any targeting of this kind while at WDW, and that spans decades of visiting. (The last few visits, I think many CMs are transitioning to using “friend” as a pronoun..?)

One thing about being off-WDW-campus, though: I’m Florida raised and now live in SoCal, but I visit home a lot since I still have family in the area. Things have recently gotten uncomfortable when I’ve been home if I’m wearing anything that somehow indicates to others a (perceived) political (??) leaning. I have some doozy examples from the last 3 years, but will include 2. The last time I was home, I was wearing a Billabong baseball-style hat that says “California Love” - it has the bear, etc - it’s a hat made to fit women, so it is just a perfect fit, and I didn’t think about the print when I bought it. I wore it to Publix one day up in Jacksonville, and a very clean-cut, preppy-looking man (it could have bern anyone, of course) in the parking lot saw the hat, got visibly angry and started making loud, nasty comments about me and my California politics. I’m mouthy, so I said, “Sir. Relax. It’s a freakin’ hat that just happens to fit well.” But I was alone, and it scared me, and I didn’t wear the hat again. On another occasion, I was wearing a work fleece - no specifics, but it’s a company that is a source of deep upset to some people (I work in a scientific field that’s had attention the last few years). Almost the same exact thing happened. And also, very scary. So now, no more work fleece worn at home.

I visit plenty of places all over the country and world with all kinds of different beliefs, and I’ve not had this happen anywhere else. Both of these incidents took place in 2022. Not to imply that it’s the same situation in any way, but I can understand a deep reluctance right now to put oneself in a place where something like this could happen, only targeting a person’s identity rather than a piece of clothing. I hope going forward that things get better.

Thanks for sharing this. I'm obviously out of the loop on the environment for the community here in central FL. It makes me sad to hear of these experiences.