Starting over once again, but at least I'm doing it!

[Heather.Mohler]

My favorite morning show radio personality passed away on Saturday. Kidd Kraddick. He was 54 and underweight (or so he always said). I'm 32, but I am 380 pounds. How could he pass away, and someone my size be okay? So I started obsessing about whether or not I have heart problems or clogged arteries like he did, and don't know it (as he didn't). All I can think about is whether or not I'm about to die. So I have decided to begin the quest for a healthy life once again. I know the saying, "if you are tired of starting over, stop giving up", but it's not always that easy. I had been doing great before. I lost 40 pounds and was heading in the right direction, then just lost my motivation. I stopped going to the gym and ate anything and everything. I am not quite up to the weight I started at, but I'm close. And I'm scared. So I'm doing it. And if I can do it this week, I can do anything.

I'm set to leave on August 8th (my birthday) for New Orleans to play at the National Flute Association Convention with the Mercer University Flute Choir. It's a big deal for me. And all of my planning has revolved around what great food I'd be able to try. The day after I get back, I was set to move to Augusta, Ga for grad school. My first time living on my own, and in a new city. Very exciting. Then this morning I find out that there is an issue with getting student loans and I might not be able to go after all. They tell me this 11 days before I'm supposed to move in. On top of these stressors, my little brother is moving 2 hours away to go to college. He has been a huge part of my life since I was 14, so having him move away is pretty upsetting. But I'm immensely proud of him and excited that he'll probably have as much fun in college as I have.

My plan is to just wise up and stop letting laziness and cravings decide what I'm going to eat. Yes, its easier to just hit a drive thru, but it will end up killing me if I don't stop. I desperately want that slice of pizza, but I don't want to die. I don't know when it will sink in that that is the alternative, but it has to eventually.

This is a really depressing post, but its the truth as I see it now. In black and white. And once I admit it to the world, I am accountable for my actions. It's somehow more real if I tell others that I am going to do it. A healthy view of my situation and an endless amount of prayer will get me through this. I just have to have faith.

Heather

 

[Riverhill]

Heather I know what you mean about admitting it to the world so here it goes.

I am 43, 200lbs and need to change my ways. I am an emotional eater. In the last 4 months I have had 2 surgeries. One to remove an ovary and the second ( 5 weeks ago) was a complete hysterectomy since the first surgery didn't nothing to resolve my pain. I have gained 7 lbs since the first surgery and am in too much pain to exercise. But I have no excuse not to eat healthy. Last year at this time I was 173. I just let bad choice after bad choice get me to 200. Time to turn a corner and get my butt in gear and my resolve back in place.

Good luck Heather and thank you for motivating me to admit the truth to my self and the world
Cathy

 

[Heather.Mohler]

Thank you, Cathy! Admitting the truth to yourself when you think you've been honest all along is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'm glad I'm not alone in this! Thank you for your post. It helps a lot.

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I broke down tonight and went to the Emergency Room. I knew that either I was actually having problems and would need to be treated anyway, or I would have my mind put at ease and I could stop panicking. Thankfully, it was the latter! I had a chest x-ray, blood gas panel, chemical panel, EKG, and blood pressure monitored. I panicked for real when they took my blood pressure. It was 179/101! It has never been that high. I was terrified. Over the next hour it went down to a reasonable level (though still high), so I felt better about it, but it still bothers me. I've been on medication for hypertension for a few years, so it was no surprise that it was going to be up there, but still... Wow.

Thankfully, my mother was there with me through it all. She joked with me, keeping me sane, and we discussed a plan for getting better. She is so supportive. I don't deserve her, but God blessed me with her anyway. So she's stuck with me!

In the end, the shortness of breath and weakness in my chest and arms were deemed to be an anxiety attack (again, nothing new). Thankfully, I had all the tests to back that up, so I can rest again. With the help of my new anti-anxiety medicine (that ROCKS, by the way). But I will not lose the awareness this has awakened in me. I need to get healthy as quickly as possible. I know it will have to take some time, but I have no more time to screw around. I'll have bad days and good days, but the good need to far outnumber the bad, or I'm in real trouble. I don't want an actual health crisis to be my wake up call. I'll take this minor (yet expensive) nudge instead. Here's to a new healthier way of life! May it stick forever.

 

[Riverhill]

Glad you are okay. Keep up the positive thoughts and you will be a success.

 

[Heather.Mohler]

Glad you are okay. Keep up the positive thoughts and you will be a success.