There is a lot to take in, and I want to break this down and keep it brief. So I will point out some flaws and points. My disclaimer here is that I DO NOT SPEAK FOR ALL TRANS PEOPLE, as some may have different opinions on this. However, having many friends that are (as well as myself), this is what I noted:
The following are my opinions as a non-trans woman (I hate the word cisgender because it sounds like we are being referred to as sissies- just my observation)
Just a word of note: Just reading alone that you are a not trans, makes it pretty likely that anything you say here would be irrelevant in the eyes of most trans persons, seeing as you aren't trans. So this is why I feel I can help along your message and will break this down from me: someone who is non-conforming.
I would like to see all bathrooms have completely private stalls. *SNIP* My issue isn't with transgenders but the design of the bathrooms, and as stated, I have this problem with restrooms even if you take trans people out of the equation.
Some of this sounds like more of paranoia on your part. It also breaks down to how the stalls are maintained. A good, well-maintained bathroom is already private enough. No one wants to be seen pooping or peeing anyway, and it has nothing to do with gender in that instance. Privacy differs from person to person. The issue with trans people and bathrooms has more to do about genetics and assumptions, not privacy.
Since this huge media spectacle, there have been several reported cases of men dressed as women going into women's restrooms, fitting rooms, and locker rooms and taking pictures or video. I have no idea if these people are actually trans or just pervs, either way it is wrong, but it does seem to be more of a reported issue since the media bathroom debacle. It would be equally wrong for a woman to do the same thing in the woman's room. I have not however heard stories of that yet, but it doesn't mean it can't/won't/doesn't happen. But there have also been a few cases of people pretending to be trans (and saying they really arent) and going into the opposite gender's bathroom and recording it for a social experiment to see how they are treated, which is wrong on sooo many levels. First off, you just plain should not ever be taking pictures or video in the freaking bathroom. Secondly, it makes it harder for some people to be accepting of trans people in the bathroom if people who are not trans are going in the opposite gender bathroom for a social experiment. *SNIP*
Anyone can say the person is a "man" in "women's clothing" and feel like they are being spied on. I've only ever seen one or two do this for their "social experiment" and these have been people who are transphobic to begin with and only want to "prove" some point that didn't need to be proven. It seems like this is all of a sudden an issue BECAUSE of the media attention it's getting. There was an instance of a cis-woman being berated by another cis-woman after being accused of being a man and entering the women's restroom. This woman has been on YouTube to share her story. Can't find the link though.
When it comes to locker rooms, I think they need a complete overhaul, especially if they are to accommodate trans people who have not had a sex change. There needs to be more private areas to change, shower, etc. I absolutely would feel uncomfortable with someone with male parts openly showering or changing around me in the locker room. Their gender identity is irrelevant at that point. The purpose of having gendered spaces such as locker rooms is to give some modicum of safety and privacy while undressing from those with different parts. It would be difficult to determine when a M2F trans is naked that they are trans if they are pre sex change. Am I supposed to assume they are trans and not be concerned? What if they are not trans and just a guy, would people still be okay with that? At that point, there's no reason to even have a building to change in if everyone is allowed wherever they choose. For women who have been sexually assaulted, I can definitely understand how they would feel unsafe having a man undressing in front of them as that can trigger painful memories. They have a right to be in a locker room they feel safe in.
Society still defines gender, sex, and genetics on a person's body parts. It's a social construct that has become part of our Societal Standard over the many years and it's something that needs some tweaking. It's tough for people who can't afford to or can't have (for health reasons and such) GRS, as they won't feel a part of the peer group they feel most aligned with. For some, that could trigger dysphoria. Even by separating locker rooms to be more private for both parties will still make those who are trans feel like they don't belong. So that becomes a grey area.
I personally dont like when women shower or change that openly either. It definitely makes it difficult taking my young son in there if his dad is not with us because I don't think he needs to see naked women. There is no way I would have allowed my daughter at any age in the men's locker room (with her dad). No, I'm not religious, I just feel that it is a parent's right to determine when to expose their children to sexuality and I don't feel society should dictate EVER that it is an appropriate time for my child to see a stranger's genitalia. I know my daughter would be freaked out if she went into the locker room at the pool, water park, etc and saw someone with male parts. Yes, I could talk to her and explain about transgenders, but young kids are not going to fully understand such a complex issue as a man who is really a woman but has a man's parts is allowed to be naked in here and it's okay because that's really a woman. There's no way she would understand or feel comfortable with that and I do think it would be messed up to expect her to suck it up and deal with it. Her comfort is just as important as everyone else's.
I don't want to sit here and tell anyone how to raise their kids, but when sexuality and those curiosities come along, the child makes that decision. They look to you for answers. They are putting that trust in you. They will have those questions whether they are 9, 13, or 17 years old. Many children make this discovery about themselves long before 9 years of age. A parent doesn't decide when a kid is ready for knowledge about their bodies.
You say young kids won't understand, but you'd be surprised. Younger people are actually more understanding of a lot if you just explain it to them concisely. A lot of the "fear" that some children have is based upon media, and/or influence of others (could be family members or institutions). A lot of that fear carries over from generation to generation.
To sum up, I think all bathooms, fitting rooms, and locker rooms need to be redesigned for more privacy. My biggest concern with transgenders (if they have not had a full sex change) lies in the locker rooms where there can be complete nakedness. Everyone, regardless of gender identity, deserves a place where they feel comfortable. I certainly do not want a trans person to feel uncomfortable in any facility, but non-trans people have the same rights to feel comfortable.*SNIP*
While I do agree that we need to tweak how bathrooms and locker rooms are designed, it still doesn't change that society will always look at your body parts and DNA to decide who you are to society rather than the person inside. Again, stemming from societal constructs. The comfort many "non-trans" people want can be massively oppressive to those who are trans. Their comfort is based more upon not accepting that trans people are different, with different body parts, therefore defining them into certain gender roles. A man/woman is a man/woman, no matter the body parts.
Down the line, someone is going to be uncomfortable. Someone is going to have some sort of issue. It's one thing to be uncomfortable in public restrooms or changing rooms in general, no matter what the gender. It's another to be uncomfortable in the same space because of someone's build, gender, or body parts. That, I feel, is the real issue.
A lot of what you say does make some sense, but I get from most of this is paranoia on a personal level, outside of anything gender related. The world stops for no one and there are some things many people on either side have to deal with. That would be equivalent someone who is a recovering bulimic and doesn't want anyone to eat in front of them. There are times where people can't get away from PTSD situations.
I hope this helps anyone looking at this get some sort of understanding or information. I would like to hope there is anyone who is trans add on to, or correct, anything I have mentioned here. Again, I don't speak for everyone who is trans.
On a side note: One of the biggest things I have noticed is a lot pertaining to these issues are related more on MtF. Not so much FtM. In the Societal Standard, males are more revered. So when a genetic male represents themselves as something other than that Standard, it's an insult to all men and the society around them. It's a form of
toxic masculinity. It seems like very rarely, FtM have much of an issue with restrooms. I could be wrong, and I hope someone steps forward with some helpful information.