As usual my perspective on this issue tends to be unique. Those of you who have read my other posts know that I would have been very disappointed if at least one of my children had not been an aspie. It is my assertion that Aspergers is just a part of the natural genetic evolutionary pathway for humanity. On the whole I consider neurotypicals more disabled than aspies, that is not to say that there are not significant “lack of abilities” that aspies have, innate social skills for example. There are also many differentials in processing a perception, a different EF system based on non-linear processing, heightened and diminished environmental perception sensitivities, hyper-focus capabilities etc. The real issue is that we are being born into a time and society which is based on a genetic model (neurotypical) which came into dominance based on a survival system which core model was the clan/tribal system, which through time has been extended to larger social structures. This model has served humanity reasonably well in the past 10,000 years, with the exception of a few issues (war, discrimination, indifference, cruelty etc). Of course there has been a little “help” from us aspies (philosophers, inventors, artists) but you have done reasonably well.
With that said, on the question, you certainly have nothing to feel “guilty” about when it comes to your child having a part or the whole of the “autistic gene set”. Whether you consider genetics random chance, part of mother nature’s system or part of Gods grand plan, there is nothing that you could have done or can do about it (the likely hood of some environmental event causing this neurovariant to occur is likely somewhere in the one in a million to one in a billion range, not one in one hundred). The issue, which is effected by our lives, is cognitive capabilities. These can be effected by genetic factors (out of your control unless you expose yourself to high dose radiation), health factors and care, and environmental factors. You can be comfortable with the idea that whatever may have effected your child’s cognitive abilities (intellectual stimulation, pre-mature birth, difficult delivery, injury, disease, other unrelated genetic variation or even mercury in vaccines) have had the exact same cognitive capabilities effect on the population at large. We can only do the best we can with the best medical advice available at the time; there is no reason to feel “guilty” about decision base on this (unless you a clairvoyant or precognitive).
The issue is that neurotypicals can “function” in society with much lower cognitive capabilities than can people with parts of the autistic gene set (after all it was “designed by neurotypicals, for neurtotypicals). I believe that the primary reason for this is the level of social skills curriculum needed to successfully integrate into society and the cognitive effort that it takes to learn and implement these skills. This is exacerbated by the fact that the clinical community is just beginning to develop an effective social skills curriculum and society it just beginning to put forth the resources to implement them.
And here is one that I am sure will be controversial, I believe that children with part or all of the autistic gene set, who have other serious distinct disabilities are at an “advantage” to there neurotypical equivalents, because they do not have the same genetic impetus of “societal integration and compliance. We can be very fulfilled being with a very limited number of “good friends” and existing to a great extent “within our mind”. I think that this is the “special” that is seen in our children.
Here is a little long term perspective, great progress is being made in autism in particular and disabilities in general, the future is much brighter. If you have a non-autistic child, with serious disabilities, who is having difficulty integrating into society and can “find” a friend with similar interest, who has part of the autistic gene set, you may find a friend for your child who while recognizing the practical impact of the disability, will not be discriminatory, judgmental or be embarrassed about your child’s disability and will see your child for the great person that they are.
Is the autistic gene set a “dead end”, and adjunct to the neurotypical gene set, or the future of the human race only time will tell. There are indications that the set has dominant characteristics. Society is beginning to understand that this gene may (and has) give significant “survival” and advancement capacities to the gene pool. In the practical areas is we are much more suited to computer interface and extended space travel, our “inventiveness” allows us to adapt to rapid macro environmental changes much quickly and so on. Societally, we are not restrained by the innate discrimination of neurotypicals (we explore all possibilities) we are inherently truthful, and have a heightened sense of “social justice”. Will these differential characteristic be recognized as separate species or sub-species, again only time will tell, from my perspective I think some time in the next 200 years this will happen and we will not be known as a neurovarint but as homoaspieans.
Our children are all part of the grand adventure, our job as parents is to see that they get the resources so that they may live happy and fulfilling lives, not to be what society thinks they should be.
bookwormde