Would you let niece's boyfriend come with you? (long)

[disneydom]

no Way !!No Way!!

 

[gopherit]

I guess my opinion is "What's the Point?"

Is it your intention to get to know this guy better? If he intrigues you beyond all reason, than perhaps this is a good plan -- perhaps you WANT him to come on your vacation, because you're dying to get to know your niece's boyfriend better, REGARDLESS of what DN thinks of him 6 months , 6 years, or 6 decades from now! You're ready to invest in some extra points, and offer them at a discount to him...that extra effort, and the risk of possibly eating that extra room is ok with you should he bail out on you, because after all, you just REALLY WANT to spend vacation time with this guy?

But somehow... I don't suspect that's your plan.

Rather, if the point of this trip was to spend quality time with family -- and that was then extended to include your NIECE -- well, this fellow will only be a detractor to that cause, I would suspect. She is, in effect, saying, you are not enough for me -- I need HIM to enjoy the trip. And there ya have it. If they are even closer by then, you will only see less of her, and if they have spats and issues, well, you will be there for that and the mood swings that will accompany it, too. Ugh.

If she is paying HER way, and he is offering to pay HIS way -- they should go THEIR own way and have their OWN vacation! What really then is the point of them joining you on yours, other than to cause some extra logistics work for you?

Tell niece you're glad she has a nice BF that seems so keen on Disney. Tell her this trip is open for her, and you're looking forward to a great time together like the "old days" when you traveled together. And tell her that perhaps while you're in WDW, she can make plans for a future trip with BF. Tell her you also understand, however, if she is so excited at the prospect of a trip with this new beau that she wants to save her $$ for that. You would be happy to share your WDW knowledge with her and help guide her to the right resources to have a fabulous time together, exploring WDW on their own.

If she bails (either at the get-go or in the final hour) you aren't out anything (you get a bit more space in your room, more bathroom time, and whatever she paid for is all hers to worry about.) If she comes -- well, as you said, she's family, she's always going to be your niece, and you obviously care deeply for her, and the odds of a good time are in your favor, even if she is pining for her BF some of the time. You may have to lay ground rules, but at least, with family, an aunt, uncle, and grandparent can try that -- kinda harder to impose rules on a stranger, like Mr. Excited About Disney BF.

As always -- JMHO, which combined with a buck or so will get you a slushie at 7-11 and that's about all. Good Luck!

 

[lizziepooh]

I'd say no. Like many of the previous posters, I think you could be setting yourself up for problems and unpleasant issues. I would just say "sorry, we'd like this to be a special family trip."
Even if he had his own room, would you and your mom be comfortable if she was spending a lot of time there or sleeping over, etc? As an adult, she can do what she wants, but some things can make aunts and grandmas uncomfortable.

 

[bestmami]

I would say no b/c the odds of them being together for ever or even 2 years are slim I don't know your niece and maybe Im wrong but I wod't be bad to look at those pictures ten years from now and don't even remember his name!

 

[mikesmom]

And just to throw another opinion into the pot...
Maybe she doesn't really want him to come along and is hoping you will say no? Maybe she mentioned the vacation to him and he got excited and she felt like she had to offer.

Young people relationships can be funny. I've seen my son (now 22) get into some relationship corners in the past that he hoped his parents would interfere with. Just a thought.

 

[WithDisneySpirit]

Gopherit, your answer was by far the best

ITA

 

[joepoe]

To the Original Poster:
No flippin' way.

 

[gjw007]

We are making our first trip "home" in November of this year. Me, DH, DS11, DD6, and my mom. Since we had five, we wanted to have enough space and reserved a 2 bedroom at OKW.

I had asked DN21 if she wanted to go with us. She always complains that we don't take her to WDW with us anymore (2 or 3 times when she was a kid). Figured difference between 5 and 6 no big deal. Still room in the beds for everyone.

So tonight she tells me she wants to go, but shen she told BF that she was going, he got all excited because "he had never been." He is 24, they have been dating about 2 or 3 months. I have met him once for 3 minutes. She says he is a really nice guy, all her friends really like him.

She wants to know if he can come with us. He is willing to pay his own way (that's good to know). We will have to get a 3rd room at POP for the first night. I am sure my mom won't want to share with the BF. He can pay for that.

It will definitely make sleeping arrangement more interesting. Guess we would have to use the sleeper sofa after all.

I asked her what if they still aren't dating in 6 months? "I am sure we will still be friends." I told her I would have to ask DH. He said it didn't matter to him.

What would you do?

My answer is no unless they want to rent another room and join the family during the day for some events. I would expect that they would want their own time away from the family anyway. Inviting the boyfriend to stay in the same unit is just inviting potential trouble.

 

[goldilocks_63]

NO, wouldn't allow boyfriend....

JMHO, Goldi

I remember reading a thread here about a similiar situation,where the owner came home to see the two engaged in extra curricular activities on the couch.

9 months from now, you could have a disney souveniour that your not expecting....

and it's a family trip. Wait til they are engaged, at least.....

"We'd stilll be friends" Oh, that is too FUNNY

Goldi

 

[wilderness01]

No, no and double no!

 

[Beach_Bound9]

At their age, have them get thier own room, perhaps at a moderate resort and join you during the day.

 

[JerJan]

ABSOLUTELY.....POSITIVELY.....NO WAY!!!!!

 

[Beach_Bound9]

I should confess I have wonderful memories of my mom and dad bringing my girlfriend with us when I was in high school. But, we weren't 20+ and grandma wasn't there. For those talking about catching some activity, I don't think anything new is going to happen that is not already happening......

I wonder if when they are "just friends" and perchance the boyfriend has another girlfriend, I'm sure she won't mind her boyfriend accompanying his old girfriend to WDW.
So anyway, you've got tons of responses to your inquiry, so tell us, what are your going to do?
You've got to tell us how this ends up?

 

[Esmerelda]

If they are are 21 and 24...they need to obtain and get their own room. But of course...at that age..they may not even be together by then....their quite young.

I think to make everyone comfortable...they should be in their own space. Just my 2 cents worth...

have a super vacation...
Esmerelda

 

[dianeschlicht]

So what was the decision? Nosey people want to know.

 

[Cruelladeville]

You are too nice to even consider this crazy idea--SAY NO! By the way, I was the poster who returned to find the extracurricular activity in full swing on my couch. We have always shared Dis with others, but NO MORE. Since we walked into that, we have not invited another "friend", and that was six years ago. There was no "souvenier" from the trip, except my shattered nerves.

 

[Beach_Bound9]

So what was the decision? Nosey people want to know.

Well, I think when you ask for the forum's advice and you get back several pages of advice, that there is probably a reasonable obligation to report back to all those who posted regarding which decision you made. One is already making the situation a public discussion. Requesting the decision outcome doesn't really seem nosey to me, just forum courtesy to bring the story to a close.

So, what happenned?

 

[Beach_Bound9]

You are too nice to even consider this crazy idea--SAY NO! By the way, I was the poster who returned to find the extracurricular activity in full swing on my couch. We have always shared Dis with others, but NO MORE. Since we walked into that, we have not invited another "friend", and that was six years ago. There was no "souvenier" from the trip, except my shattered nerves.

=

I confess, this is more information than I needed to know.......

 

[disneyeveryyear]

Haven't been deliberately holding back on information, but rather, discussing with my DH and my mom. I also sat down to have a rather lengthy discussion with my niece. DN also had a serious discussion will BF as to what would happen if we all made plans to go together, and in the interim they broke up.

Well, after weighing the multitude of negatives on this thread, and discussing the issues presented with my DN, we sat down and came up with an answer we felt would work for everyone.

The BF will be going with us. However, he paid to rent points from another member who made a reservation for him in a studio. DN knows that she will be sleeping in our room. She was actually surprised that I even felt the need to confirm this.

I told them they were more than welcome to go wherever they chose. DN, however, feels that will probably stick with us. BF has never been and DN isn't very adventurous on her own. So, we will be playing tour guides and my kids are getting a big kick out of this. My kids really like BF, and can't wait to show him around the "World".

So, even though our decision was contrary to what many of you so emphatically suggested, please know that I did read and discuss them with my family. However, we truly feel that this will be a fun trip and BF won't "cramp our style." My niece is truly like a daughter to me, and I am so excited that she is coming with us. Taking the BF is like taking the best friend of one of our kids. Maybe unusual for some of you to understand, but very normal for us (not usually WDW, but bigger kids, bigger trips).

I will check back in after the trip to let you know how it has gone.

 

[Nanajo1]

Thanks for the update. I don't think some poster knew how close your DN is to you. Hope you have a great trip and please let us know all about it.