Am I justified in thinking this is ridiculous, or am I the ridiculous one

[starlite_]

I know my brother well enough to know that a gift is expected. My thoughts on the gift thing is that they have invited some people that my nephew really has no relationship with. For example, they invited my in-laws (DH's parents) and nephew has no relationship with them, but brother knows they are the kind of people who will come and bring a big check because they are fairly wealthy.

Honestly you just sound upset no one threw a party for you. Don't bring a gift if it is that big a deal to you, I mention it because you seem weirly focused on the money aspect.

Also, it's the kids grandparents, why wouldn't they invite them even if it's just out of courtesy??

I don't get you at all, it's like you want to find ulterior motives to what is simply a happy celebration about the guy's accomplishment

 

[DisneyHardin]

Also, it's the kids grandparents, why wouldn't they invite them even if it's just out of courtesy??

??? My in-laws are not anyone's Grandparents - DH and I do not have any kids.

I'm super happy for his accomplishments. I guess I just felt like a family dinner as a celebration was more appropriate than a big party for 50 people with printed invitations. My focus on the money mostly comes from just knowing my brother, and his focus on money.

 

[Marrila]

Thanks everyone for your input - sounds like the consensus is that I am the one being ridiculous. I guess I'm letting the jealousy of my Master's degree being ignored keep me from being excited about this party.

There is no reason why you can't choose something special to honor your accomplishments. It might be something like jewelry, a first edition book, a trip or an extra special dinner out.
Congrats to you!

 

[DisneyHardin]

There is no reason why you can't choose something special to honor your accomplishments. It might be something like jewelry, a first edition book, a trip or an extra special dinner out.
Congrats to you!

I completed my Master's Degree 15 years ago, I'm not worried about any retroactive gifts at this point

Thanks for the congrats!!

 

[luvnwdwgal]

I guess I’d go to the party if it were local. I give him a congrats card but not money.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

My husband's brother's family is like the OP's BIL/SIL (whoever it is--parents of the nephew). A celebration for everything, gifts expected. I found it annoying--SIL was the only of her siblings to have children, so much was made and the spinster aunts and grandparents were thrilled to bring gifts. My family didn't do things that way, and I had 4 kids of my own. In my big, Italian family, we had rules about gift-giving--you only "got" from your godparents. Otherwise, it would have been mayhem--my dad was 1 of 7, my mom 1 of 6.

Spinster aunts? Good grief!

 

[ronandannette]

Thanks everyone for your input - sounds like the consensus is that I am the one being ridiculous. I guess I'm letting the jealousy of my Master's degree being ignored keep me from being excited about this party.

I'm not sure I'd be excited myself exactly, but I can understand a family wanting to celebrate each other's accomplishments. If we were close, I'd go to the party but not even consider taking a gift. In our circles, that's just not what parties are about. Did they ask for gifts or do you just assume one is expected? That's one thing I only really see on the DIS.

 

[Allison]

Why does anybody need to be considered ridiculous?

Certainly, for yourself, do things you think are appropriate. Your family should do the same-celebrate the way they want.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I guess I'm letting the jealousy of my Master's degree being ignored keep me from being excited about this party.

I completed my Master's Degree 15 years ago,

I've seen this quote floating around a lot lately:



So go to the party, enjoy the food, and say to him whatever you would have liked somebody to say to you back then.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Thanks everyone for your input - sounds like the consensus is that I am the one being ridiculous. I guess I'm letting the jealousy of my Master's degree being ignored keep me from being excited about this party.

Ohhh I see, I'm sad your accomplishment was neglected.

You are right to try to not linger on the negative, your nephew played no part in the behavior so try to let yourself celebrate his win.

What was your degree in and when?

 

[DisneyHardin]

I'd go to the party but not even consider taking a gift.

The invitation did not say "No gifts", so I know gifts are expected. To keep the peace with my brother, I would never consider showing up without a gift. My nephew probably wouldn't even notice if he didn't have a card from me, but my brother would notice.

 

[antmaril]

We went out for a nice dinner to celebrate when my son graduated from college and when he received his Master’s degree. I agree with you - it’s too much.

 

[HopperFan]

I'll definitely go and will definitely give him a card with money, I will just do it while rolling my eyes

DH, DS and DD all have their Masters and it never crossed my mind to have a party for them NOR would they have allowed it. Not even allowed for bachelors. I likely wouldn't be interested in attending any as well, especially adult graduations.

I don't know for sure, but I would guess that my parents will probably be footing the bill for a good part of the food and drinks, so only some of it will come out of DB and SIL's pocket.

And this is likely where your grab thoughts are coming from, and I would think the same thing.

 

[Marrila]

.

 

[RoseGold]

The invitation did not say "No gifts", so I know gifts are expected. To keep the peace with my brother, I would never consider showing up without a gift. My nephew probably wouldn't even notice if he didn't have a card from me, but my brother would notice.

This sounds like a your brother problem. The concept sounds really sweet, and it's a him issue.

You could pick up the phone and ask him point blank what the gift expectation is. You've never been invited to anything like this, or even heard of it, so you just wanted to ask. When I graduated from grad school, I got a couple thoughtful gifts. A briefcase, a piece of luggage, that kind of thing.

 

[Skywalker3]

Yeah, I think some folks just want to celebrate and have parties. I didn't have a party for anything, not HS graduation, college, or grad school. Also didn't do HS grad parties for my older son and daughter. we're not anti-social!....just not into throwing/hosting parties, etc. but we would attend family parties if invited, and the kids did go to several.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Spinster aunts? Good grief!

I don't know what else to call them. One got married a few years ago (nieces were all grown at that point). She was in her 50's. Other sister never married. My point was more that neither had husbands or children--all the focus in the family was on my SIL and her children. The sisters seem perfectly happy with their life choices--they just didn't choose to marry and/or have children.

 

[anniemae]

I think some people just really love throwing parties. I personally do not like throwing or going to parties, but that's just me. LOL. I would go and bring a small token gift. Maybe a nice bottle of wine, a monogramed key chain, a nice picture frame, monogramed wireless charger etc.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Not ridiculous in my opinion Celebrate if you choose. No happy occasion is unmarked IMO

 

[amylevan]

I didn’t even walk in my Masters graduation, let alone have a party.

But whatever, if people want to go through the trouble and expense of parting, it’s no skin off my back. If it were my family, I’d go, but I don’t think I’d give a gift.