Am I justified in thinking this is ridiculous, or am I the ridiculous one

[MommaKetch]

A year or so ago while driving, I saw someone had written on their back window "Buy the bride a drink!" with a Venmo account listed. I snapped a picture, but can't find it now, either deleted it or it never got backed up.

That seems as tacky as sending a QR code to what amounts to a stranger IMO.

I’ve seen something similar, and also felt that was a tacky cash grab.

For the OP, I do think your brother and his family are being extra and a bit grabby with the expectation of a gift. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. I would do what you’ve planned in order to keep the peace, to attend and send a cash gift, but would be rolling my eyes.

 

[Brian Noble]

I want to see what you all think.

I don't think it is ridiculous, and I think it is a milestone worth celebrating. I'm also sorry that you didn't get to celebrate yours in the same way!

As a lot of folks have said, this is going to differ from family to family. My daughter finished her BS in May of '20, so no party for her. We got all dressed up and went around campus to take a bunch of pictures--and the upside of it being a pandemic was that getting uncrowded pictures in front of the stadium was really easy! (Luckily she'd ordered and picked up her cap and gown before everything shut down in March.)



My son finished his BA in May of '22. He and his housemates held a party for their family and friends, and they did all the hosting, ordering (and paying for) the food and drinks. He and most of his circle were all townies, so we knew folks more or less already, but got to meet the parents of the kids from beyond Ann Arbor. It was a lovely afternoon, and also walking distance from the stadium so we could just hang out while traffic dissipated.



My daughter finished her MA this past December. She really didn't want us to make a big deal about it. Part of that is because she's continuing her studies, and so this felt a little like "Pass Go, Collect $200" rather than some big accomplishment. But, I remember thinking exactly the same thing about my own MS, and it took a long time (and a fair bit of therapy) to uncover why that was. Plus, we wanted to "make up" for her pandemic graduation at least a little bit, and do the deal. So we did our first non-home-court graduation.



None of these were big extended family celebrations, but that's partly because we rarely do big family gatherings in any event. It's just not how we roll. But, I could see doing it differently. They are all important milestones and rituals of celebration.

It's easy for us to think of these events as ordinary--particularly so for the graduates themselves. After all, everyone they know is getting a similar degree, so it can't be that important. But, it really is that important. We don't do enough celebrating in our lives, so I'm trying to be more conscious of it when I can!

 

[mousefan73]

Back to the term Spinster..here in Germany that term is not used at all for single, more importantly childless, Aunts and Uncles, here the term "Erb" Aunt or Uncle. Erb means inheritance... so basically if you are a childless Aunt/Uncle you are the "beneficator" chi - ching.....

so when it comes to birthdays, special things if you are an "Erb" Aunt and Uncle.. you better get that checkbook out!

 

[GreatLakes]

I'm curious. Why is a HS graduation so much more significant than a 6th or 8th grade graduation? I mean think about it, isn't a HS graduation as "expected" as an earlier grade? College I get, not everyone goes to college, so it's more of an "accomplishment", but for me, and it seems for others here, HS graduation is celebrated more than college.

Especially for those areas that transition buildings between elementary, middle, HS, and could be going to a larger building, combined with other elementary & middle schools, I don't get the hate against the younger "graduations".

My son is in a private K-8 school and they do an 8th grade graduation. It isn't really about "celebrating graduation 8th grade" as much as it is marking the end of a journey and all of the kids going separate ways. The school gets students from four surrounding cities so even those transitioning to public school instead of remianing private will be going to different schools. I went to a private K-8 school as well and we had the same thing.

On the other hand my public school district has one Middle School/Junior High and one High School. The vast majority of kids graduating 8th grade are all going to the same school as a class the next year and they don't really do anything official since, as Sam pointed out, making it through 8th grade isn't really that much bigger of an accomplishment than making it through 12th. Both are table stakes in life as far as I'm concerned.

 

[SharonZ]

I get the ackowlegement of the event, but not the expectation of a gift. I feel this is more of an intimate dinner party-type thing.