Co-workers wedding wwyd

[happily single]

oh yea to another posters question, what's going on Monday morning? Is the office closed?

Nope. Office is open. I don’t work Mondays, but everyone else does!

 

[happily single]

I don't understand the concern for Monday work time. According to the OP, Coworker A gets married on Saturday. B gets married a week later (so a Saturday). A 2.5 hour drive to me means driving up Saturday, going to the wedding, spending the night and driving home Sunday. Why does it affect Monday?

As far as the question in the OP, I think it's ok to give slightly more to A. I would probably not have agreed to go 2.5 hours with an overnight stay for a coworker, unless we seriously "clicked" and were BFs.

My mistake. One week and a day

 

[leebee]

I'm in agreement that your gift should be based on your relationship to the couple, not on how much the wedding is costing them. I know "tradition" says your gift should at least cover your plate as rule of thumb, but in actuality you are just giving a gift to the couple - not reimbursing them for your food expenses. Give what you feel is appropriate for your relationship with each.

Only if "tradition" = DISboards. Honestly, I never heard of "covering your plate" until I read about it on these boards.

I love weddings. I go to as many as I can afford to attend (to which I'm invited, of course). I give gifts based on my relationship with the couple, not on their wants/needs or the cost/size of the party, and on what my budget can afford. I get that where you work is a small office, but if the brides decide to compare gifts (and my guess is that it'd be bridezilla who brings it up), oh well. If she wants to be insulted, so be it. I personally would be insulted that she chose to discuss the monetary value of my gift- now THAT's tacky and rude!

 

[anniemae]

I would give more to the person i have known longer.

I would not be attending the second wedding if it were me. No way would travel almost 3 hours and pay for a hotel for someone I didn't know that well.

 

[nkereina]

Only if "tradition" = DISboards. Honestly, I never heard of "covering your plate" until I read about it on these boards.

Maybe its a regional thing. I've heard it where I live in upstate NY several times before, and it always seems to come up when discussing how much of a gift to give. Its an "etiquette" thing, but it seems to be antiquated. I don't think a lot of people who attend weddings nowadays follow this.

 

[sam_gordon]

You missed the bolded part. The 2nd coworker’s wedding is on Sunday evening. Thus staying over Sunday night. How would you drive 2.5 hours & get to work on time on Monday morning?

You're right. I missed it. Thank you.

 

[monorailsilver]

I would give A more if you are friends with her.

 

[mjkacmom]

Only if "tradition" = DISboards. Honestly, I never heard of "covering your plate" until I read about it on these boards.

I love weddings. I go to as many as I can afford to attend (to which I'm invited, of course). I give gifts based on my relationship with the couple, not on their wants/needs or the cost/size of the party, and on what my budget can afford. I get that where you work is a small office, but if the brides decide to compare gifts (and my guess is that it'd be bridezilla who brings it up), oh well. If she wants to be insulted, so be it. I personally would be insulted that she chose to discuss the monetary value of my gift- now THAT's tacky and rude!

Why is she a bridezilla because she is having a fancy wedding? 99% of weddings I’ve been to have been pretty lavish, are all brides in the NYC area bridezillas? Heck my grandparents had a cocktail hour and plated dinner, they’d be over 100 years old if still alive.

Personally, I wouldn’t drive that far for a wedding of a coworker, but back in the day, young and single, it would’ve been a fun road trip.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Tricky! If I didn't work with the new person, I'd probably decline. But if the other three go, and you don't, it could be awkward whenever the wedding comes up in discussion later, so I do get it.

I'd probably give something sentimental to my "already" friend, and something off the registry of the new coworker.

If giving money, I would probably go equal in case it comes up (though I agree it shouldn't!)

 

[moon]

Probably a dumb question, but how do guest knows how much a plate in a wedding costs?

 

[mumto3girls]

I agree with those that say give an equal amount to both and something extra (champagne was mentioned) to A who is a more longstanding friend.

I base my amount on the relationship. In this case both are co-workers, but A is also a friend.

 

[Princessclab]

The 'cover your plate' idea is a marketing ploy made up by wedding planners etc and the wedding industry to justify the thousands and thousands of $$ ridiculously spent on a wedding.
No where is it in the rules of etiquette and common courtesy.

I would give an appropriate size (your call) gift to girl B having the big wedding, I would wish her well afterall.
The gift for the girl A is based on your call too; being that she is closer I would gift more.

JMHO.

 

[aprilgail]

Probably a dumb question, but how do guest knows how much a plate in a wedding costs?

You just know if it is in such and such venue its 150ish a plate- if its in knights of Columbus type place it is way less.

 

[mjkacmom]

The 'cover your plate' idea is a marketing ploy made up by wedding planners etc and the wedding industry to justify the thousands and thousands of $$ ridiculously spent on a wedding.
No where is it in the rules of etiquette and common courtesy.

I would give an appropriate size (your call) gift to girl B having the big wedding, I would wish her well afterall.
The gift for the girl A is based on your call too; being that she is closer I would gift more.

JMHO.

Cover your plate has been a thing here for decades. Plus, you try to keep it even, if possible, my mom wrote down what family gave me, as did her mother, I don’t know if it’s an Irish thing or a regional thing (I’m thinking region, as this was the norm for my Italian friends).

 

[Princessclab]

Yes, it has been around for decades but it is not part of any etiquette rules.
Wedding planners and the wedding industry have been around for decades too.
It may be more cultural like you mentioned.

How embarrassing to have to plan a wedding like that.
I suppose it is not far from people going into large amount of debt for an over the top wedding.

 

[arminnie]

I have been going to weddings from one end of this country to the other for 50+ years. I grew up in Arkansas where weddings receptions were punch and cake in the church basement and a perfectly acceptable gift might be matching dish towels and potholders.

But I went to fairly expensive schools (Tulane and Stanford) with friends from all over the country. Many of my friends were debutantes who were from wealthy families who had fancy weddings at elite country clubs.

But I had never heard of the "cover your plate" rule until I read it here on the DIS.

Years ago I gave my roommate a place setting of her sterling silver for a wedding present. I was maid of honor in her wedding and did not have to buy a dress as we borrowed them from another friend who had married earlier so I spent more on the present. She was a debutante from a prominent family who had a very classy and expensive wedding. She was dumbfounded that I gave her such a nice present.

So I am so not used to brides who have "expectations".

Do what you WANT to do. It will be okay.

 

[bcla]

When I got married for the reception (held a couple of months after a short civil ceremony) I invited everyone in the office - no exceptions. What people gave as a present (or chose not to) didn't really concern me. Perhaps not everyone feels the same, but getting upset over how much would seem to be rather petty.

However, I do remember attending a coworker's wedding and reception once. He was originally from Vietnam, and his sister-in-law and a cousin also worked in the same office. I asked his sister-in-law what would be appropriate, and she said cash, which is a traditional gift for Asian weddings. She said that for her wedding the cash given was enough to pay for the entire reception, with enough left over that they applied to a down payment on a house. I rather like that idea of helping pay for the costs, although there shouldn't be an obligation to do so.

 

[moon]

You just know if it is in such and such venue its 150ish a plate- if its in knights of Columbus type place it is way less.

Makes sense, but the thing is that people come up with exact numbers ($25 per plate, $250 per plate, etc) It's always very specific

 

[arminnie]

Do what YOU want to do. Any person who expects you to do something depending on how much money they spend is a total *&^**%$#$% whose opinions should be ignored.

And yes I know I am going to get points for using the *%^**%$#S% string. Not sure why - but that's what happens.

 

[Marchand63]

If you going to both weddings, I would probably give the younger couple more. 2nd weddings, they are more set & stable.

I know mine we had 2 houses so we asked for no gifts, gave a charity ask instead.