Co-workers wedding wwyd

[happily single]

I work in a very small office with 4 “girls” during the day we are all very close.

co-worker A and I have worked together over 10years. We are friends outside of work and have dinner maybe 2x a year based on our availability.
She is getting married (2nd marriage) in a small casual ceremony at 10am on aSaturday at a local herb farm. It’s about 20 minutes from us. There will be about 75 people in attendance. No photographer, no dj, no flowers, but a seated meal. It’s costing her approximately $25per plate.

Co-worker B is getting married one week later. She has only worked with us for 8 months. We have never gone out outside of work. Her wedding is 2.5 hours away on a Sunday evening. We all booked hotel rooms due to,distance. She has gone ALL out can we say Bridezella? It’s a black tie event and will have a wandering painter, breakdancers, ice sculptures, a live band, sit down meal, passed food ANd a food buffet. Photo booth, shuttle to and from the hotel,to the venue, you get it. Anything and everything will be here. I know it’s costing over $200 a plate (and that does NOT include all of the extras I just listed.

Do I give equal wedding gifts?

 

[morgan98]

Well, this may not really answer the question, but this is what I would probably do. I know you say you are all "close" but you seem closer to co-worker A.

I would attend co-worker's A wedding and give what you deem an appropriate gift. I would not travel overnight and get a hotel room for a co-workers wedding that I have known for only 8 months and a black tie affair to boot. I would decline attending and give a gift similar to A. I personally would feel compelled to give more if I attended B's wedding and the hotel, travel and entire event would be more than I would want to involve myself with.

Probably not a popular answer....

 

[LSUmiss]

I always spend whatever I feel is appropriate for how close I am to the person or couple.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Give what you feel you want to give. Each wedding is a different situation
and your gift should not be based on how much someone/bride pays per plate.
Sounds like A is a friend, B is a recent co-worker.
Regardless, a gift is just that.. your gift. Enjoy both weddings!

 

[ShayBells]

If it was me. I give more to people I am closer too then people I am not. Even birthday cards for kids. The kids I know more get more then a random classmate where the whole class was invited. I would give whatever you want to give and don’t worry about being “fair.”

 

[DISNEYSQUIRRELS]

I’d be gifting my 10 year work friend differently than my new 8 month work friend. I would most likely do something a bit more personal plus a $$ gift for my 10 year friend.
I honestly don’t know that I would even make the commitment & subject myself to the expense for someone I have only known for such a short time.
What they are choosing to pay for their wedding wouldn’t factor into what I would give.

 

[GreatLakes]

I would probably give person A more since I am closer to them. I would not, under any circumstances, let the cost of the wedding dictate the gift. Only my relationship with the person would dictate the gift.

TBH I would likely have declined for person B since you aren't friends outside of work, she has only been there 8 months, and you have to travel for the wedding. I find it odd you are even invited in that circumstance. When I got married the only co-workers invited were friends I knew before we worked together.

 

[Hrhpd]

I work in a very small office with 4 “girls” during the day we are all very close.

co-worker A and I have worked together over 10years. We are friends outside of work and have dinner maybe 2x a year based on our availability.
She is getting married (2nd marriage) in a small casual ceremony at 10am on aSaturday at a local herb farm. It’s about 20 minutes from us. There will be about 75 people in attendance. No photographer, no dj, no flowers, but a seated meal. It’s costing her approximately $25per plate.

Co-worker B is getting married one week later. She has only worked with us for 8 months. We have never gone out outside of work. Her wedding is 2.5 hours away on a Sunday evening. We all booked hotel rooms due to,distance. She has gone ALL out can we say Bridezella? It’s a black tie event and will have a wandering painter, breakdancers, ice sculptures, a live band, sit down meal, passed food ANd a food buffet. Photo booth, shuttle to and from the hotel,to the venue, you get it. Anything and everything will be here. I know it’s costing over $200 a plate (and that does NOT include all of the extras I just listed.

Do I give equal wedding gifts?

You should never base your gift on what another person chooses to spend on their wedding. That was their choice, not yours and should not affect any decision of yours.

You should base your wedding gift on #1 how much you can afford and #2 your relationship with the bride/groom.

It sounds like you may be a bit closer to bride A, but maybe not all that significantly except that you have known one longer. And since these are all coworkers, people talk. Gifts between the coworkers will eventually be compared. I would absolutely give the exact same amount to both coworkers. Take what you are comfortable spending and split it in half.

 

[dish rag]

Yes

 

[WorldWacky]

It has always bothered me when people say you have to “cover your plate” when giving a wedding gift. I would never in a million years invite people to a party that I’m hosting at my house and charge them, so why should a wedding (which is a big party) be any different? I give based on what my relationship is with the newly married and what I feel comfortable giving. My sister got more than my coworker. My best friend got more than my distant cousin. I’m certainly not going to research what a plate costs at a particular venue which is what a lot of people actually do here. And if someone is only interested in inviting me for my presents instead of my presence, they can leave me off the list. (Stepping off the soapbox now. )

 

[mjkacmom]

$100 each.

 

[low-key]

I give more to big bucks girl

 

[Gumbo4x4]

A = friend/coworker for a decade

B = coworker of 8 months


That’s all you need to consider.

 

[disykat]

I consider it rude to try to price out someone's wedding and cover your plate, so that has absolutely nothing to do with my gift. I would give more to the one your are closer to, no question about it. I believe it is the bride and groom's choice how much they spend on their wedding and it's not your job to think about that or pay for it.

 

[gotomu212]

I have a standard amount I give for weddings, (just like i have a standard amount for graduations and kids birthday parties) so in my case I’d give equal amounts, BUT I’d also throw a little extra personal something for my good food like a bottle of champagne for the honeymoon.

 

[Nettester]

Well, you could try to give your friend of 10 years a more personal gift, and the co-worker you've only known for 8 months, something off her registry for a very reasonable, appropriate, or standard amount that you usually give. I wouldn't overthink it, because I doubt they will go back and compare notes about your gifts.

 

[mummabear]

I consider it rude to try to price out someone's wedding and cover your plate, so that has absolutely nothing to do with my gift. I would give more to the one your are closer to, no question about it. I believe it is the bride and groom's choice how much they spend on
their wedding and it's not your job to think about that or pay for it.

This ^

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Can you all go together on a gift for the girl you haven’t known long?

 

[Hrhpd]

Well, you could try to give your friend of 10 years a more personal gift, and the co-worker you've only known for 8 months, something off her registry for a very reasonable, appropriate, or standard amount that you usually give. I wouldn't overthink it, because I doubt they will go back and compare notes about your gifts.

You don't think that a small office of only 4 close "girls," where 50% of them are getting married a week a part, are not going to find out who gave what to whom? I wouldn't want to take that chance in such a small office setting. I would err on the side of professionalism.

OP, you also have to take into account that this is the second marriage for bride "A." You typically don't do the whole big wedding gift thing for established people embarking on their second marriage. Which would be additional reason, that even though she is semi close to you (1-2 dinners a year) giving both brides the same amount would actually be generous to bride "A."

 

[indimom]

I give a set amount for weddings regardless of relationship or cost of the event. Honestly, based just off what you told us here, I probably would have found a reason to be unavailable for wedding B just because I can't see traveling that far and paying for a hotel to see the wedding of a coworker I'm not friends with outside work.