Daily joke thread......

[tellnotails]

In these days of $4 gas ........$110 campsites .....we need a little humor...

Four Worms and a lesson



A Southern minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke -Dead



Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead




Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -
What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,




'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service

 

[Gatordad]

why is it always a southern minister?

 

[tellnotails]

i'm just glad it was alcohol and not sweet tea.......

 

[Colson39]

They need to make sweet tea alcohol, that would be the best...lol

 

[PolynesianPixie]

Sweet Tea Vodka a quick hit
July 3, 2008 at 10:50 am by William Dowd
"Although sweet tea has been a Southern beverage staple for generations, McDonald’s and other fast-food companies only recently discovered it and are offering their version to the public at large.

However, Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka is an entirely different thing. In just three weeks on South Carolina store shelves it has become the top-selling flavored vodka in the state.

I reported on this new product back in April, but never thought I’d be talking about this sort of success so soon.

“We’re a company based in the South and everyone in the South loves sweet tea. We were thrilled that Firefly Sweet Tea met our expectations and became the number one selling flavored vodka in such a short time frame,” said co-owner Jim Irvin.

Firefly, which is based on Wadamalaw Island, 30 miles south of Charleston, now is distributing its new flavored vodka in New York, Nevada and Colorado as well as South Carolina."


Of course, you could always have the long island variety.

 

[Colson39]

I'm moving to South Carolina...lol

 

[auntie]

There was a married man who while in Italy was having an affair.

His mistress became pregnant. Of course..he didn't want his wife to know.

He told the woman to send him a post card in America when the child was born. He told her to simply write "spaghetti" on the card. He would know what that meant and start sending her child support.

Some nine months later he walks into his home and see's his wife looking bewildered reading a post card. His heart is racing and he rips the post card from her hand. "What is the matter with you" she asks. Why are you so upset?

He is sitting at the table with his head in his hands...She takes the postcard and wonders aloud "What does this mean"...

It reads:

SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI.....

One with meatballs...two without.



_________________________________-

 

[g8trmom1]

There was a married man who while in Italy was having an affair.

His mistress became pregnant. Of course..he didn't want his wife to know.

He told the woman to send him a post card in America when the child was born. He told her to simply write "spaghetti" on the card. He would know what that meant and start sending her child support.

Some nine months later he walks into his home and see's his wife looking bewildered reading a post card. His heart is racing and he rips the post card from her hand. "What is the matter with you" she asks. Why are you so upset?

He is sitting at the table with his head in his hands...She takes the postcard and wonders aloud "What does this mean"...

LOL, that's a good one.

tellnotails, thanks for starting this thread!!!!

It reads:

SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI, SPAGHETTI.....

One with meatballs...two without.
_________________________________-

LOL, that's a good one.

tellnotails, thanks for starting this thread!!!!

 

[Rhonda]

Why is it always Italy?

 

[Us3]

 

[Colson39]

 

[Gatordad]

Why is it always Italy?

Because they don't serve meatballs in India.

Tellnotails is my new main man.

 

[lucy_love]

Ok before you make fun of my joke, I learned this when I was 4ish on a McDonalds kids meal and it has been my favorite/cheesy joke ever since!


"why did Barbie bring crayons to the concert?"

 

[Rhonda]

Ok before you make fun of my joke, I learned this when I was 4ish on a McDonalds kids meal and it has been my favorite/cheesy joke ever since!


"why did Barbie bring crayons to the concert?"

Why??

 

[Colson39]

Because they don't serve meatballs in India.

Tellnotails is my new main man.

I do believe you two were made for each other...lol

 

[lucy_love]

Why??

To draw a crowd!

get it ???

sorry it cracks me up every time, i guess you have to **know** me to understand!

 

[RvUsa]

Hey, you guys stole Frank and Denise's idea from my board, my joke thread has 233 jokes in it!

But I will add my own favorite.

Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted!!

Get it, assaulted????

 

[Gatordad]

The Tomato Garden




An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincenzo,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Papa,

I'd do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.


Love, Vinnie

 

[ntsammy5]

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and that's how all mankind was made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys, from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

 

[poohbearwithme]

The Tomato Garden




An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincenzo,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Papa,

I'd do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.


Love, Vinnie

Why would the FBI be in Italy? Wouldn't that be the IBI?