Daily joke thread......
- Thread starter tellnotails
- Start date
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2008
Tungpo1 those are great pix, I may have to steal a couple. 
tungpo1
Golf Cart Guy
- Joined
- May 25, 2007
Tungpo1 those are great pix, I may have to steal a couple.
Go right ahead I have more I need to find.
Just Beachy
<font color=blue>When I do indulge I love a pina c
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2008
Tungpo1, thank you for those pictures. I was laughing so hard I was crying! I'm just hoping nobody here at work was looking at me through my window or I'm gonna have to make up a story about something sad so they don't know what I was doing.... 
Tungpo1, thank you for those pictures. I was laughing so hard I was crying! I'm just hoping nobody here at work was looking at me through my window or I'm gonna have to make up a story about something sad so they don't know what I was doing....
Same thought- I'm at my lunch break, but I know people in my cubicle area are wondering why I'm stiffling my outburst of laughter.
Even tho RvUsa.org (John) has a great daily joke thread on his site,,I'll contribute.
You Might be a Disney Dork if . . .
You have a bedroom totally done in Disney and it's not your kid's room.
You own more Disney clothes than non-Disney clothes.
You know how to make this . . . ºoº
You get a job at the Disney Store just to get the discount.
You set your alarm clock to get up in time to call when the dining line opens to book Cinderella's Royal Table on the 60th day out.
You tell the dining agent what she is supposed to tell you.
You call Disney employees Cast Members.
Cast members know you by name.
You have a reservation for Walt Disney World. All you could get was a campsite . . . you don't even own a camper.
You don't need to ask a Cast Member where the closest bathroom is.
Your friends ask you where the closest bathroom is.
Other guests ask you where the closest bathroom is.
Cast members ask you where the closest bathroom is.
You can get from Splash Mountain to Space Mountain in less than 10 minutes during the 3:00 parade on Easter Sunday without using the tunnels.
You call the tunnels "utilidors."
You miss Mission to Mars.
You remember "If You Had Wings" and can still sing the song.
You can name the seven dwarfs.
You can name the seven lands in The Magic Kingdom.
You can name the seven daughters of Triton.
You just went to a Disney trivia book to look up the answer to the last question and you knew which one to look in.
You know where more than 10 hidden Mickeys are.
You think Walt is frozen in a block of ice on the second floor of the castle.
You know he is.
You ever spent more than $250.00 on a piece of Disney merchandise that originally sold for $5.00.
You have all 101 Dalmatian Happy Meal toys from McDonalds.
You went across state lines to get them.
You can name the 11 countries around World Showcase, in order.
You have seen both IllumiNations and Fantasy in the Sky on the same night . . . from inside both parks.
You have never been to a Disneyana Convention, but you're saving up to go.
You have a favorite room at one of the Disney resorts.
You have a favorite room at ALL of the Disney resorts.
You think that staying on Hotel Plaza Boulevard isn't close enough to the parks.
You have waited for the next monorail so you could sit up front.
You don't ride the monorail unless you sit up front.
You can tell the difference between riding in one of the outside elevators and one of the inside elevators when riding Tower of Terror.
You can call out which direction the car is about to go when riding Space Mountain . . . from the back seat . . . with your eyes closed.
You can recite the Haunted Mansion speil.
You can recite the Jungle Cruise speil.
You can recite the Backstage Studio Tour speil.
You have ten or more Disney sites bookmarked.
You belt along to "Energy," "Laughing Place," and "O Canada" (to name a few) while blasting your Official Disney Attractions soundtracks tape in your car . . . with the windows down . . . with other people in the car.
You cry like a baby every time another Disney vacaton has come to an end.
You have a special Disney fund in the back for future trips.
You've said Walt is God . . . and meant it.
LOVE IT--- how DO you make that Mickey symbol???
drafthorsecrazy
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2006
Women Are Evil By Nature...
>
> A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured
> alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She
> seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As
>> he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
>
> 'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both
> hands.
>
> 'Actually, no,' he replied.
>
> 'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running
> her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
>
> 'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I
> can do?'
>
> 'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her
> forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of
> her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
>
> 'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.
>
> 'Tell him,' she whispered, 'There's no toilet paper, handsoap, or
> paper towels in the ladies room.'
>
> A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured
> alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She
> seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As
>> he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
>
> 'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both
> hands.
>
> 'Actually, no,' he replied.
>
> 'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running
> her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
>
> 'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I
> can do?'
>
> 'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her
> forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of
> her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
>
> 'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.
>
> 'Tell him,' she whispered, 'There's no toilet paper, handsoap, or
> paper towels in the ladies room.'
PolynesianPixie
Creating my own fairy tale realit
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2007
Oh that's wonderful!!! Aren't feminine whiles the BEST?! ºoº
drafthorsecrazy
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2006
AuburnJen92
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- May 30, 2005
A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke.
The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's from Alabama,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?"
The guy says, "Nah."
To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are ya chicken?"
The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."
The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's from Alabama,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?"
The guy says, "Nah."
To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are ya chicken?"
The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."
AuburnJen92
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- May 30, 2005
I don't care who you are, that is funny right there!!!!
tellnotails
I would have 10,000 posts......but 4 out of 5 get
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2006
A blonde from Florida calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started"
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ."
He sighed..............
"Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ."
He sighed..............
"Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
tellnotails
I would have 10,000 posts......but 4 out of 5 get
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2006
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee
in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of
coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were
dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your mother caught us behind the couch making love?" "Yes, I remember." says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues..."Do you remember when she shoved a shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that, too." she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have gotten out today."
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee
in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of
coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were
dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your mother caught us behind the couch making love?" "Yes, I remember." says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues..."Do you remember when she shoved a shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that, too." she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have gotten out today."
Gatordad
<font color=blue>Hates WDW<br><marquee behavior=al
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2007
very very funny.
tellnotails
I would have 10,000 posts......but 4 out of 5 get
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2006
Ya gotta love lawyers
A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and
>> expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among
>> other things.
>> Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these
>> great cigars and without yet having made even his first
>> premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim
>> against the insurance company.
>> In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost in a
>> series of small fires. The insurance company refused to pay,
>> citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the
>> cigars in the normal fashion.
>> The lawyer sued.. and WON! (Stay with me.) In delivering the
>> ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the
>> claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the
>> lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had
>> warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed
>> that it would insure them against fire, without defining
>> what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was
>> obligated to pay the claim.
>> Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the
>> insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to
>> the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the
>> "fires".
>> NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
>> After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had
>> him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own
>> insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being
>> used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally
>> burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months
>> in jail and a $24,000 fine.
>> This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the
>> recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest
A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and
>> expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among
>> other things.
>> Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these
>> great cigars and without yet having made even his first
>> premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim
>> against the insurance company.
>> In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost in a
>> series of small fires. The insurance company refused to pay,
>> citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the
>> cigars in the normal fashion.
>> The lawyer sued.. and WON! (Stay with me.) In delivering the
>> ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the
>> claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the
>> lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had
>> warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed
>> that it would insure them against fire, without defining
>> what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was
>> obligated to pay the claim.
>> Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the
>> insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to
>> the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the
>> "fires".
>> NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
>> After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had
>> him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own
>> insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being
>> used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally
>> burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months
>> in jail and a $24,000 fine.
>> This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the
>> recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest
AuburnJen92
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- May 30, 2005
A country bumpkin family decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!!"
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!!"
AuburnJen92
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- May 30, 2005
Share this page
GET A DISNEY VACATION QUOTE
Dreams Unlimited Travel is committed to providing you with the very best vacation planning experience possible. Our Vacation Planners are experts and will share their honest advice to help you have a magical vacation.
Let us help you with your next Disney Vacation!
Dreams Unlimited Travel is committed to providing you with the very best vacation planning experience possible. Our Vacation Planners are experts and will share their honest advice to help you have a magical vacation.
Let us help you with your next Disney Vacation!
