How fast it all changed.

[DisneyFan32WI]

At Rest. And our protector until the end.

Everything we thought we were planning for didn't happen. They called at 12:09 to say his breathing had changed - had become very rapid and laboured. The nurse still thought he had until morning but because I had stressed DD wanted to be there she thought it best to call. We got up and ready and arrived at the hospice at 12:34. He had taken his last breath while we were driving there. The nurses had freshened him up while we were coming and told him we were on our way. He had other plans. He waited until after midnight - until dad's birthday was over, but didn't let us witness his distress.

DD didn't get to have her last words while he was alive. Both kids wanted to see him. I asked DS if he was sure - it would be very unsettling as he hadn't seen him in a week. He did. I told DD his spirit would still be there for a time after his passing. She could still say what she needed to say. So she did. She asked for time alone and said what she had planned to say. Then DS went in and spoke with him also. We all sat with him after that. The nurse brought us each a butterfly ornament with a poem / saying attached and DS decided he wanted DH to touch his. He actually moved his hand up and placed the ornament under his hand for a while. DD asked me to do the same with hers. We took a picture of just his hands holding the butterflies.

In the end it was the one who didn't want to see his dad in his final moments, didn't want to see what he looked like at the end, who didn't want to leave. He asked for private moments several more times, DD asked for one last moment also. In all we spent about 90 minutes with him at peace. I'm so proud of my kids for doing what they needed, taking the time to allow themselves closure.

35 days that changed our lives and who each of us are, forever.

My heart is so heavy thinking of you and the kids. God bless you all

He is at peace now. No more pain. Only love.

 

[TraceyDisney2008]

Thoughts and prayers to you and your brave children.

 

[cm8]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been following your post in the shadows. Thoughts and prayers to you and your children. May the peace that passes all understanding guide your heart and mind through Christ Jesus..

 

[stitch'sgirl]

Oh Rodeo, I am so sorry. I am thinking of you and you kids, your parents, your brother. Hold each other close. I'll be praying for your comfort and peace.

 

[OKW8297]

May the Lord hold you all in his hand. And may light perpetual shine upon your husband.

 

[sk!mom]

Words fail. I'm just so very sorry for you and your precious children. Peace be with you all.

 

[Mokat76]

I am so very sorry for your staggering, heartbreaking loss. Throughout this you have been a loving and relentless warrior for him. Now he is at rest, knowing that he was loved strongly and truly. May we know your husband’s name so we can honor his memory more fully?

My prayers and my heart go out to your kids and you as you face this new life. For now just breathe and let your larger family and friends take care of you as best they can. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Dan Murphy]

God bless you and your children, rodeo. God speed for your husband. Blessings for you all

 

[schumigirl]

I too have been following silently.

Not quite sure what to say, such an awful, heartbreaking and tragic loss for all of you.

Much love to you and your wonderful children.

 

[Disneylover99]

Another silent follower.
Rodeo, I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been praying for your family everyday.
Hugs to you all.

 

[cmarsh31]

I have been reading and following. So many positive thoughts & prayers for you and your family. You & your children have such amazing strength and grace. That's your husband's legacy to all of you.

 

[Eureka]

Reading your kids’ experiences is heartbreaking (not to make yours any less) because my kids are the same age and I can’t imagine them going through this. You did such a great job getting them through the last 35 days and now have to get yourselves through the next phase of the rest of your lives. I have been thinking about you every day and have been checking in every morning with dread that I’d read what I just did, and feel so, so sad for you. You are so strong. Remember that and all you did for DH without regret or guilt.

 

[JuneChickie]

I'm very sorry for your loss.
Sending you love and my sincerest condolences.

 

[lisaviolet]

I'm so very sorry Rodeo. May your many loved ones surround the three of you and give you whatever comfort you can take in throughout these heartbreaking times.

 

[Owlpost23]

I'm so sorry.Thank you for sharing your story with us-you are courageous beyond words.I can see where your children got it from-love and comfort to you all.

 

[antmaril]

Rodeo. I am heartbroken for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. You handled yourself with grace and dignity. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your children at this most difficult time.

You should be very proud of yourself. You did everything you could to help your husband and your children.

 

[AnnaS]

I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. Praying for peace and comfort for you and your children. God Bless you all.

 

[Lynne G]

Sending heartfelt sympathy. Rodeo, may you and your kids find peace and comfort. Your DH and the kids' father will always be in your hearts, never gone. Hugs and more hugs.

 

[morgan98]

Rodeo, so sorry for your loss. I too have been reading daily from the beginning but have had no words for this horrible situation. You have such courage and you have been so strong. I have admired your strength from afar and have been keeping your family in my thoughts this entire time.

Your first post hit me hard, as my uncle died from pancreatic cancer in about 33 days. Said he was feeling a bit off at Christmas, diagnosed around January 10th and buried on February 11th.

I wish you and your children peace during this very difficult time

 

[anniemae]

I'm so sorry Rodeo. So very sorry. Much peace to you and your children.