How old is "too old" for a woman to have a baby?

[LSUmiss]

From what I've seen - also careful to note that the plural of anecdote is not data - older parents are also more likely to "invest" in academic extracurriculars and such. In sports, there's a range of parental ages. In music lessons, it skews older. In robotics and computer programming activities, older still (with a noticeable geek-outlier subset). That could also contribute to the children of older parents developing more school-relevant skills at an early age.

Also, "red shirting" for academic reasons is something older and more affluent parents do. Younger and lower income parents look forward to the start of kindergarten as a break from high daycare bills or the everyday duties of having a child at home, while older parents seem to look more carefully at readiness. And it has been pretty well established that older kids perform better in the early grades and often get tracked onto higher-level academic paths before the simple developmental differences even out, giving them a more or less permanent advantage over their younger classmates.



I've been joking with my mom that this is why people her age don't have kids (she's 70 - they really don't!). She is forever worrying about things that my kids are doing, and I know for a fact that some of them didn't phase her one bit when my brother and I were younger. She's just gotten much, much more cautious with age, and my MIL is even worse. We're not even telling MIL about DD16 applying to a foreign exchange program because we know how she's going to react; she didn't like DD going to summer camp at Texas A&M and hates that she's looking at urban colleges because cities are so unsafe.

Lol! I was speaking from experience on the age thing too! I’m not that old (38), but I know I am way more cautious now!! I think back of things I did when I was 20 or younger & think “what was I thinking?!”

 

[gillep]

Lol! I was speaking from experience on the age thing too! I’m not that old (38), but I know I am way more cautious now!! I think back of things I did when I was 20 or younger & think “what was I thinking?!”

Seriously! I tell people that my self preservation instinct has been kicked up into high gear, but in the past couple years I have become so much more cautious it is startling. I actively have to fight against those instincts at times, as I know that the reality is far removed from my perceived fears.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I wonder if maybe the older preschool parents you were observing were the ones who had a lot of trouble conceiving and were carrying some leftover nerves from all that hoping and being disappointed. Maybe they were more afraid of "messing up," since it had taken them so much effort to get where they were? It would be interesting to compare the older ones with first kids to the older ones with third or forth kids.

Yes--they were mostly much wanted kids who had been convcieved or adopted after many years of trying (with parents who brought that up often)

 

[NHdisneylover]

But, I think that part is relative that parents are likely to have gotten a higher level of education if their older.

Right--so it isn't AGE$ itself that matters in that instance---it just happens that age at becoming a parents often (though not always) coincides with levels of education.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

My best friend is 55 and her youngest is a three year old adopted from China. The parents won the lottery with this child. She is amazing.

Also, my sister had her first child at 46 (ish).

Everyone said that my sister and my friend were insane to have children late. People need to keep their thoughts to themselves.

 

[prprincess]

Definitely a personal decision. My sister-in-law just had her first at 44, and while I was worried, it was only because she and her hubby have been used to living a certain way for so long...spending freely, traveling a ton, eating out all the time, etc. Not to say that they can't still do that, but I knew that it would be a huge lifestyle change for them. So far so good.

But for me, although I wish I could have another child, due to my illnesses, I'm done. So in my case, mid-30s was my limit. I had DS1 at 31 and DS2 at 33.

 

[BLAZEY]

I think it should be up to the mother to decide, but I know a lots of women in their 40's that are healthier, in better shape, and more stable and financially secure than some women in their 20s. I had DD8 at 31.5 years old. a couns had her last at 38.5, and my BFF has he first at 21. I was happy for them all whether the baby was planned or a surprise. Not my place to judge.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I think it should be up to the mother to decide, but I know a lots of women in their 40's that are healthier, in better shape, and more stable and financially secure than some women in their 20s. I had DD8 at 31.5 years old. a couns had her last at 38.5, and my BFF has he first at 21. I was happy for them all whether the baby was planned or a surprise. Not my place to judge.

I agree. Both my sister and my friend are health nuts and exercise and eat right; their husbands as well. Not to mention both are much more financially stable than they were in their 30's.

I'm 51 and if someone dropped a child off at my house to raise, I would feel like I won the lottery too. My kids are older and for me the best days of my life was being a mother. I'd love to be a foster parent and adopt a couple of siblings but it seems like such a daunting task. I feel like we have so much love and stability to give a child and my older kids would be the best siblings too.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

I’m 33 and I’m done. We wanted 3 kids and have 3 kids. 35 was the cutoff age I had in mind, and when I likely would have planned my third, but she was a surprise baby. I have no interest in choosing to have an advanced maternal age pregnancy or to be close to a senior citizen when my kids graduate. I realize that I was lucky and didn’t struggle with infertility that would have pushed our timeline back.

 

[Sabeking]

I married a little later in life at 29. We had our first when I was 31 and then our second 15 months later! I was beat for a few years. However, I never put an age limit on myself as to how old I would be when it was over. My DH did not want more so that somewhat dictated that. Honestly, it is still a sore subject with us. Now that I will be 50 in a month I know it's over and I'm ok with that. The thought of getting up nightly with a newborn makes me nauseous. I too think it is a very personal decision for each couple.

On a side note, I worked at a crisis pregnancy center for years and most of the girls that came in were very young, scared, etc....One day a client came in and asked for a pregnancy test. She was not married and very concerned that she may be pregnant. She was not pregnant and I really encouraged her to see her gynecologist. She was 67. Poor thing had no idea why she wouldn't have her period anymore.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I'm going to comment because I was given an age by a high-risk OB: he told me I could absolutely not risk a pregnancy after age 35. I had preeclampsia with both of my pregnancies and apparently the risk of a bad outcome (death) raises significantly after age 35. So no more babies for me

I have friends who have had babies into their early 40s and had no issues though and of course all that matters is what the woman or couple thinks is appropriate for their situation. My OB/GYN told me when I was 20 that a woman's prime childbearing years were between 20 and 30 so I had always kind of made it my goal to have my babies in those years. The way he explained it, not only are women most fertile in those years but age 20-30 is also the time that pregnancy is easiest on a woman's body.

 

[DisneyOma]

Pregnancy risks increase as women age - https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/pregnancy/art-20045756

Children born with an older father have a higher rate of autism - that's being studied right now. https://academic.oup.com/emph/article-lookup/doi/10.1093/emph/eow023

So there are some issues - it's not all about a person's choice. They can choose to risk their lives and the well being of the child, but there are some issues to consider.

That being said some of us are designed to bear children quite well, and others, like me, are darn lucky if they have kids (If they want them, that is!) My first was a preemie, stopped breathing multiple times the first day, etc. Second was almost born at 25 weeks, at only 12 ounces, but changed her mind, thank goodness. If I had been doing this a hundred years ago, neither would have made it. First is on her way to her doctorate, studying treatments for cancer, the second is a brilliant "Jack of all Trades" - art, music, math, science, writing, baking - she shines at everything she tries. I'm so blessed to have them both.

 

[ronandannette]

I think I'd be up for having another - maybe one (if I didn't have to birth it! ) - though I'd have a lot more energy if I wasn't dealing with other things, such as an aged parent. There are worse things in life for a child than having an older parent.

Amen!! My DMom was 50 when I was born - adopted by her and my DDad who was significantly younger than she was. My siblings were all grown by that time. They were wonderful parents and I had a pretty "charmed" childhood. I still praise God every day for them. I simply never felt any kind of deficit due to her age - none at all, even once.

She was 80 when I had my only child and she was a major part of his life, the same as she had been with my nieces and nephews (the next youngest one was 20 when my DS was born and there were already 5 great-grandchildren as well). She was healthy and very active into her mid-90's; very unexpectedly out-living my DDad by 18 years.

I got married early - 5 days shy of 21 and had my first at 23, second at 25 and third at 27. I wanted them all in my 20's so that when I was in my 40's the time would be mine and I could do what I wanted. I wanted to be a young mother and I am glad I did it the way I did. I couldn't imagine having a baby in my mid 30's or 40's just because I did not want to be an older mother. My mom was 36 when she had me, her last, and honestly everyone thought she was my grandmother and all of my friends mom's were young and relateable - that was what I wanted to be with my kids. I am 46 now and my kids are 23, 21 and nearly 19. Life is good

The environment I was raised in kind of insulated me from that situation. We lived in a very small community were absolutely everybody knew everybody. We knew who was who's parents and who were their grandparents. Oddly, I was pretty old before I even realized my DMom's peers were the grandparents of my friends.

I also forgot to mention my husband I can’t do things at the elusive “perfect age” because he’s older than me. I’m too young to some and he’s too old to some to be a first time parent. He’s not even close to being old enough to be my father (even if he had me in middle school), but the gap makes planning for retirement, children, etc. more complicated than spouses that are the same or almost the same age.

We have a similar situation - DH was 42 when our only son was born and I was 30. It's actually harder on him than it's ever been on me. His season-in-life has never quite synced up with other men his age. He'd love to be at the same place as most of his peer group and instead has been sort of wedged-in socially with guys much younger, especially when our son was a child and we did lots of "family" type activities with others.

 

[MIGrandma]

It's really up to each individual, nobody's else's business.

I have to say when I see older people (in their 50's and 60's so in that situation it's usually an older man with a younger woman) having their first baby I'm glad it's not me, but if that's what they want who am I to judge?

For me, it was age 20. We had our son when we were both 18 and our daughter at 20. We had one of each so felt that was enough. I was an only child and didn't want our son to experience that, and DH was the oldest of 3 and he never liked the "2 against 1" thing while growing up so it was either have 2 kids or 4 and neither of us wanted 4. We had our first grandchild when we were 36 (yes, that was a bit young but it all worked out fine) and now at 60 we just had our first great-grandchild in September. For us, we were glad we had our kids when we were young as neither of us went to college. We got married right out of high school and DH went into partnership with his Dad in farming. Now it most likely would have been different if we'd wanted to go to college, and wait to get married and start a family. But for us, we're happy with our choices and really isn't that all that matters? That a person is happy with their own personal choices?

 

[Figment Mom]

That decision is entirely up to the woman and her partner and can be subject to change.

It's human nature to judge but it's no one's business.

I got married at 23 and thought we'd have 3 or so children by the time I was 30 and be done. What I couldn't predict was the many years of heartache due to infertility and loss (miscarriages and stillbirth) we would endure.

My oldest living child was born when I was 33. My second living child was born when I was 43. We have 9 babies in heaven.

I'm now 46. We would love more children but my husband is 53 and we would be on our late 60s and early 70s when that child graduated from high school so I think I'm ready to say that our family is complete.

Having a child in my 40s was not what I originally envisioned but I regret nothing and he was entirely worth the wait.

And, yes, I've been asked if he's my grandson.

 

[mom2rtk]

That decision is entirely up to the woman and her partner and can be subject to change.

It's human nature to judge but it's no one's business.

I got married at 23 and thought we'd have 3 or so children by the time I was 30 and be done. What I couldn't predict was the many years of heartache due to infertility and loss (miscarriages and stillbirth) we would endure.

My oldest living child was born when I was 33. My second living child was born when I was 43. We have 9 babies in heaven.

I'm now 46. We would love more children but my husband is 53 and we would be on our late 60s and early 70s when that child graduated from high school so I think I'm ready to say that our family is complete.

Having a child in my 40s was not what I originally envisioned but I regret nothing and he was entirely worth the wait.

And, yes, I've been asked if he's my grandson.

 

[jen7233]

My XFIL has a 6 year old son and his wife is pregnant again. My son will be 18 when his new baby is born. My XH will be 35 with a new baby sister.

Granted my XFIL is about 55 and looks great, healthy, hard worker but I can't imagine having a baby when my grandson is graduating high school.

This was my Dh's age, 35, when his parents adopted a baby. They adopted from Guatemala and not special needs, don't think you can adopt babies from there anymore but they did during this timeframe, and were later 50s and early 60s, and also had another child they adopted locally several years before that. Anyway, he is not close with the later group of siblings having not grown up with them and quite frankly they are busy with their second set of kids to focus on.