I'm sorry, but I just had to reply to this because I've been there.
It doesn't sound like that girl is any kind of friend. If I were you, I would not go to the baby shower and not send a gift. You haven't been in touch with this girl for a year - you owe her nothing. She is obviously oblivious to your feelings so, IMO, why should you care about her feelings?
I was kind of in the same place a few years ago. DH and I struggled with infertility for a loooog time. IUI's, IVF's, miscarriage after miscariage, and a failed FET, then a failed domestic adoption (the BM changed her mind), and a failed international adoption (the US State Dept closed with that country 1 month before our match was official). Long story short, I had a supposed "best friend" for 12 years. She was with me through a lot - my mom's passing, my wedding, my daddy's passing, my moving a couple of times, etc. etc. - but she was never there for me with infertility. She was married during one of my IVF's and was mad at me for missing part of the reception because I had to go up to my hotel room and give myself a shot. It wasn't like I missed the cake cutting or the bouquet toss or anything important. So sorry I inconvenienced you!
Anyway, after we stopped TTC and went to adoption I started a private blog of our adoption journey. It was free and easy to sign up - even my DH's grandma who is not computer savvy signed up - but my supposed best friend couldn't find the time. She kept saying "can't you just make it public so I don't have to get a gmail account?" What? Hello! No! She ignored one of the most important things I've ever gone through. Then, on my birthday, which was 4 days before our international adoption home study - she came to my party and got drunk (nothing new, she got drunk all the time) and HIT ME
Who does that? She gave me a lame attempt at an apology the next day, but I couldn't forgive her because she called it an "accident" which it 100% was not an accident. My DH and her's saw the whole thing and they both saw it was no accident.
The hitting thing was bad enough, but it just made me see how insensitive she really was. She never cared how important our TTC/adoption journey was. She never really cared about me. It was hard, after 12 years, to realize that and let her go, but as soon as I did, and I cried about it, I felt like a lead weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Sounds like this so-called friend of yours does not know or care about what's important to you at all. Let her go. You have new friends and you don't need her drama.
ETA: Three of my true friends have gotten pregnant and had beautiful children since we stopped TTC. I cannot say I never felt a tiny bit jealous at first, but I can say that after I "digested it" I was so happy for them. They were very supportive of me and DH through the rough years and that meant the world to me. That's when you know you have true friends. You will find true friends!