Should I allow almost 18 year old daughter to bring boyfriend?

[NEV2OLD4DIS]

Parkers218, I really took your post to heart! You just worded that so well. All posts directly related to my topic are really being considered, and I WILL let you all know when I do make the final decision no later than the end of March. I'll tell you though, her bf is here now and I just LOVE the way he knows when to cover her mouth or tell her to calm down when she is having a teen moment with us. Lots of compliments from other parents on bf too, but no, that does not mean that he is coming. I liked the idea of keeping bf with us at the park if she chose to go back-too good! I can imagine how he'd feel though! We get along very well, but I think he'd keep her mouth covered the whole trip after that (no, not with lips, HAND)!

I don't have to worry about her being on the cell phone during our trip, because unless she uses mine or dh's she won't have one. Then it is after 9 or weekends due to bf having another plan. Our rule is when you work and can contribute to the bill, okay. It's this way for oldest, so it wouldn't be fair to allow her. Besides, I am mostly a stay at home mom and all her friend's have cell ph. making it easy to get me. She doesn't like this, and I do understand because everyone has them. However, we pay for many hours of , fall and winter and all necessities, so some things have to wait. I will pay while she's in college though. I'll pay for Disney!

 

[EmALee]

I know I'm young, so maybe I'm biased but here are my thoughts.

I think you should let him come along, if he really wants to go and they are both good kids they PROBABLY wouldn't do anything. I say PROBABLY because some good kids make bad decisions sometimes.

To maybe give you a solution to them bugging you for swimming suits/mugs/sunblock etc...take those things to the park in a backpack and put it in a locker. They are $12 initially to rent (make them split it if you aren't willing to pay that) but if you return with the key and your receipt they give you $5 of it back. That way, no need to hand out room keys and they still get to go swimming, drink milk/soda/tea/coffee etc all afternoon. Most of the posts on here are right about him wanting to stay at the park though..Disney is so awesome the first time and there is so much to see I think he would want to stay longer, making her want to stay longer.

If you don't let him come and are worried about her calling/him calling using your cell phone, look up the number for the resort and give it to him before you leave. When he's ready to call after 9 or on weekends, he can call and request your room using your name or DH whoever the reservation is under. My 18 year old sister did that on our last trip. Also, if she really loves Disney and gets lost in the magic like most do...she won't be miserable while she's there. My sister spends every waking minute outside of school and work with her boyfriend and she was in a very good mood the whole time.

I hope this helps!

 

[EmALee]

So I just read another post..and have another comment for you.

I used to take family vacations with my best friend. One glorious week up north with her family on the lake...it was awesome. Until we got to be about 17 and then one year we fought. We didn't talk for an entire day, I spend the day with her brother. Sometimes teenage girl drama is WAY WORSE than teenage romance drama. Just so you know.

PS. We still haven't recovered from that 5 years later. We talk, but it is nowhere near the great friendship we had for 8 years before that. Make sure your daughter's best friend is really someone she never fights with and won't if she spends all day everyday with her for the duration of the trip.

 

[clkelley]

For my youngest high school graduation trip we allowed our sons to bring their girlfriends. Age 18 & 19 (Girls were same ages) It was a nice trip. The boys were not moping the whole time or on the phone or texting the whole trip. We did have two value rooms. DH and the boys in one room and myself and the two girls in the other room.

I will say this, we had no rules about whether they were back at the room without us, because, we were pretty sure that was all water under the bridge by that time, and while not our preference, they were all adults.

Honestly, the only downside of the trip for me was sharing a room with these young women!! Both my DH and myself are compulsive neat freaks and even though our boys are not that way, they do know what we expect. Well the girls, quite frankly were messy!!! I am long past hair stuff, lots of makeup, etc., etc. and was not used to all that "stuff" laying around the room

Neither of my sons are dating those girls any longer, (as a matter of fact, I think they each have been seing about 3 different girls since then), but I have no regrets about bringing the girls along.

That was the last trip we all took together as a family. Now with the boys work and school schedules, they are barely able to join us for a day or two if at all. (Although we do enjoy the empty nest and go multiple times each year.)

 

[saradela]

I am in the same boat with you. Have 2 Daughters, one 21 the other 12, the oldest has a boyfriend that is coming with us to Disney, so we are 3+1 that makes 4 for one room. But there is no way that I am letting the boyfriend in the same bed. So a Roller bed, or something like that will have to do....anyways, I didnt Know what to do first, to say bring him along...or not. I decided to bring him along and this is why:

1.- I have to trust her with her behavior , I have rased her on moral grownds, by now SHE MUST KNOW what is ok and what is not.

2.- Boyfriend always in my house, so, if they want to have sex, probably they will, but I am not cinical, and they know that they have to be respectful.

3.- If I trust her, she will trust me back. She knows that it unconfurtable for all of us having the boyfriend ,but then she knows that we love her, and we are happy to see her happy, and that is our most important concern.

4.-She knows that her little sister is waching her and she is giving an example, so she has to be very carfull.

5.-Probably they will end their relashionship , but it is not going to be my fault. You never know is he is her true love.

6.-Boyfriend will be grateful, and with time, if he gets to marry her, he would like me, and that at long term , will make my grandchildren be with me and let me enjoy them.

7.-to see her so happy , it would be incredible.

8.- I told them there were rules, no hanky pancky, no fights because all of us are trying to get a wounderfull vacations,

9. I will pay the room, or the villa, he will pay only his arline ticket, you see, I am the mother, is my responsability to provide them with everything they need, when they get married or get a house of their own, then my job will be compleated.(and they will, and they know that)

I have seen all my DD friends turn their faces from their moms, but all of them are always at my home, because they feel comfortable, but at the same time, they are respectful, and I prefer to have them at my home, than not knowing where my children are.

The important part here, is that you dont feel very good about taking the boyfriend, probably because you have seen something that you dont like, but can not pinpoint it. Trust you gut. Mommys have this privilage to know what is good for our kids.
Good luck

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

All of the friends have turned their backs on their moms and you are the only one who is perfect? LOL. They must have some dandy friends.

And they might break up if you don't let them do what they want? Not much of a relationship, if that is so.

 

[lllGurulll]

There is no way I would let my daughter do that.

Heck I was frustrated when my brother-in-law said he was bringing his step-daughters boyfriend on a ski trip with my wife next month. She is only 17. Plus, he didn't even ask my wife if it was OK and she is the one planning the trip.

 

[saradela]

All of the friends have turned their backs on their moms and you are the only one who is perfect? LOL. They must have some dandy friends.

And they might break up if you don't let them do what they want? Not much of a relationship, if that is so.

No, I am not perfect, but then I am not the mom who gets the lies, that way I can protect my daughers even more. By the way, my DD friends are not alcoholics, addicts,or gang children, they are good children, all of them studing in a Great University, what I am not is a coercitive woman who demand the others to do what she wants whitout hear what others have to said. So that been said, my relationship with my DD is authentic, loving and respectfull, and it works for me.

 

[NEV2OLD4DIS]

What EmALee wrote also is so true. We have brought girlfriends on our summer trips up north also, and there was a time when we had a similar situation. I do worry about the same kind of thing happening if a GF should come. BUT, if I choose just to do this as a family vacation, I can guarantee she will not enjoy herself at all. I feel for her though, as I cannot imagine being with my mom, dad and a little brother. Even worse for her would be seeing her BB (big brother?) at home while she had to be with us.

One of the posters mentioned how girls turn at their mothers. We have many moments at home where I wish she would respect us a little more. Not in the way she handles herself in front of non-family or when out with others, but just in general attitude/moodiness issues with us at home and around her peers. I have spoken to many mothers on this same issue, and for the most part, we all have these issues. They are always sweet around the other moms.

Right now, even though the BF is here, I have been a LOVED mom due to her having all wisdom teeth surgically removed this morning. Lots of tears and anxiety for her today, and not the way she wanted to end winter break. Sweet BF wants to be a nurse or pediatrician and almost fainted in the recovery room after a couple of minutes! I think he is rethinking his career. He left the room and took a walk outside. He came in smiling after some lady gave him a holy necklace and some literature with a charm, along with visiting the dental office also. The nurse came in to say she was worried about him when he left the room! Anyway, I know I'm still needed and hopefully loved after today!

 

[Ennazus8810]

Granted my DD is only 8 months, but I would have to say yes, bring him along if you truly like him and can get along without him "ruining" your vacation. This is why...

1.- I have to trust her with her behavior , I have raised her on moral grounds, by now SHE MUST KNOW what is ok and what is not.

If your daughter is wanting to have her bf with her on a trip with her family, that says a lot about the relationship that she shares with you. She respects and trusts you, now you have to do the same for her.

This is how I was raised, and how I want to raise my daughters. I worked with teenagers as a social worker for 13 years, and believe me if they want to have sex they are already having it.

 

[sajetto]

Oh that's fair! You would punish your child for growing into a mature independent young adult, because that is what they are at 18, and reward immaturity with a paid trip. OK..............

Mom is that you???

OP, do what you know works for YOU and YOUR family. The opinions of others don't really matter.

From my own experience I will say that my parents let me bring my BF on a family vacation. I was and still am VERY OPEN with my mother. We all had a great time and no, he is not my boyfriend anymore. However, we don't have a problem looking at the vacation photos from when he was there and it doesn't bother my husband to see them.

I am now an educated adult with a husband and a child of my own and continue to be very close with my parents. I feel lucky to have parents that I am able to communicate with and hope to have the same relationship with my daughter.

 

[happymommy]

When my older sister (3 years older) got to bring her boyfriend one spring break on our beach vacation to Florida, I was miserable. I had to sit next to them on the plane, while they held hands and made googly-eyes at each other. YUCK.

It ruined my vacation - she was 18, so I was 15.

I still can't believe my parents let him come along. I didn't get to spend any time with my sister, as she was busy with her boyfriend the whole trip.

Now, if you didn't have any other kids, and they were much older, and engaged, I'd do it. But if it were me, I'd allow my kids to bring a friend, but not a romantic relationship friend. And only if it were an even number. The sibling will get left out.

It wouldn't happen in my family.

Plus, I would not share a room with him - that would creep me out. Only one bathroom, too!

 

[mom4boys]

Hi.. I am a mom of four sons.. and my answer is YES..

My son who is 20 and his gf (20)..we took her with us to Myrtle Beach last year..at that time they were dating about 11 months.. they get along great..and we all had a wonderful time..

They had separate bedrooms.. of course..

I would have had reservations.. if they argued alot.. but they seem to get along pretty well..

 

[earthur0915]

Hi everyone! I must admit that I have been a lurker for about 2 years now, and even after a few trips to WDW, I still applied info learned here to our last trip in 7/08!. Yes, always summer heat trips for this family!

I haven't seen this topic yet, although I bet it has been asked here. Would you allow your daughter who will be an almost 18 year old senior for our July trip to bring her boyfriend of over a year? He is a year younger but in the same grade, and has NEVER been to Disney! My heart wants to see him on his 1st trip so badly, but my gut is saying no, no, NO! I barely let them in her room together, and neither has their license yet, so if Uh-hum you know what I mean and suspect might has gone on, it has not been here! I know his parents would let him go, and he is a good kid.

However, our family dh, ds-7yrs, dd, boyfriend and myself will have to share a deluxe room with each other, as boyfriend would need the daybed. We have stayed and loved POR over the last few years while my older son joined us, but he is a college kid and not a DIS/heat lover and is staying home this time. DD will last maybe 3 hours in the parks, so I know she would be back at the room with him, and I won't leave the parks that soon, so you know what I'm getting at. She says just take the room keys, but I know they'll bug me for swimsuits or whatever else, so that would not work. I'd love opinions on this!

In one word....NO! She will have plenty of time to take trips with her significant other when she is older....while I am sure you trust your daughter and possibly even her boyfriend, it's the 17 year old hormones I wouldn't trust! This is a family trip, and even though he has been with her for a while, he isn't family!

 

[Minnie]

Nope, no way would the DF be coming on the trip

Family vacation.... period.

 

[Big O]

I have a 17 year old daughter myself. We are planning a trip to WDW this summer. DD has a respectable BF that I could see someday becoming SIL. However, if asked if BF could come on our family vactin I would answer no. Family vacations are meant for families and while BF has been with us for over a year now he is not truly family yet. When it comes to family I am a miser with whom I share them with. I work long hours every week, sometimes as much as 60 hours if I am involved in a complex computer migration. I treasure my time with all three of my DD's. I realize that children are only gifts that warm your heart for a short time. I want that time for myself. BF is a fine young man and I'm sure would make a great SIL someday but that is a Mickey adventure meant to be written at another time.

Your decision is your decision and I am sure will be made with the utmost thoughtfulness. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your vacation!

 

[momof3girls6712]

I would let him join along. Your daughter will be heading into the "real world" soon and you want to show her that your trust her decisions. Chances are they have already had sex somewhere and if they have waited I doubt they would start on a family trip to Disney. I would have a serious talk with your daughter about him, sex, and the vacation. You could even include him in a talk. I did marry my high school boyfriend and he did come on many family vacations with my family so I might be baised. But I really think having an open communication relationship with your daughter is worth the added hassle.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think sex would be the least of the concerns (that can happen anywhere). For me- the bottom line is that while she may be off to college soon at present she is in High School. When she is out on her own etc. then she can vacation with whomever she choses. I know plenty of adults who had parents that would let the boyfriends come on vacation and they all say now that they wish their parents never allowed it. It is a family vacation. I don't care if they get married 10 years from now. Right now they are not family. Also, why the rush for a vacation with a boyfriend? Many college age kids don't even do that. IMO that is best saved for adults and not teens who are simply considered "adults" in the eyes of the law but cannot even support themselves yet. JMHO.

ETA- For all of you who "doubt" that they would try and be intimate on a trip to WDW don't kid yourself. Look how many adults consider it a romantic place.

 

[Colleen27]

You seem to be very focused on making sure they don't have the opportunity to have sex, but I think that is the least of the concerns with taking a boyfriend on vacation. At 17/18yo seniors in high school, they can find opportunities for sex that carry much less risk of getting caught than in the hotel room they're sharing with you at Disney, and really by that age they've made up their own minds about morality. July after graduation is just a month or so away from off at college and completely beyond your supervision, so I don't think it is too soon to take a more trusting approach than you might at home.

The big issue that jumps out at me is one of privacy. Five people in a hotel room is tight even for family, and I know that I personally would be uncomfortable with having a non-related teen (of either gender) sharing such a small space with me and my family. Also, those daybeds aren't full sized and a more or less full grown man isn't likely to sleep comfortably on it.

The other big problem I can see is that senior year is tough on teen relationships. Not a single one of my group in high school was dating the same person at graduation that we'd been dating at prom. Those last months of high school and the realization that they're all going their seperate ways tends to cause a lot of breakups, and it would suck to invite this boy along and then end up out the money for his plane ticket if they break up between now and July.

There are circumstances where I would allow my teen to take a significant other on vacation with the family, but a Disney trip isn't one of them. If one of my kids at 17/18/19 wants to bring a BF/GF to the cabin up north or when we drive down to VA Beach or something like that, I'd be open to the possibility. But not on a trip where it would mean packing into a standard hotel room, and not on a trip where we'd be flying unless I was very, very certain that the young couple wouldn't split up before our travel dates.

 

[krcit]

I think sex would be the least of the concerns (that can happen anywhere). For me- the bottom line is that while she may be off to college soon at present she is in High School. When she is out on her own etc. then she can vacation with whomever she choses. I know plenty of adults who had parents that would let the boyfriends come on vacation and they all say now that they wish their parents never allowed it. It is a family vacation. I don't care if they get married 10 years from now. Right now they are not family. Also, why the rush for a vacation with a boyfriend? Many college age kids don't even do that. IMO that is best saved for adults and not teens who are simply considered "adults" in the eyes of the law but cannot even support themselves yet. JMHO.

ETA- For all of you who "doubt" that they would try and be intimate on a trip to WDW don't kid yourself. Look how many adults consider it a romantic place.