Strange question regarding mil

[NYCgrrl]

For the first time ny mil wants to see me alone with out dh anyone ever visited with their mil with out there dh

Yes. In fact I met the PILs for the first time w/o the ex being present; nice people.

 

[HopperFan]

Everyone has different relationships with their MIL, all that matters is what your relationship is like with your MIL.

If you have rarely visited with her in 13 years, it makes sense that you would be uncomfortable about her wanting to meet with you without your DH. She should have told you why she wants to meet with you so you would be ready for whatever she wants to discuss. Since she didn't I certainly understand why you are worried and uncomfortable. If I had an in-law I rarely interact with want to meet with me alone I'd be very suspicious.

If it were me I would either tell her I'd like for DH to come saying something like "he would like to visit with you too" and then maybe if it's about him she might go ahead and tell you. OR is there a family member of yours or a friend that you can bring along? This way you might be more comfortable or if something negative is said you have someone else there to support you.

 

[jsmith]

I had a great relationship with my mother in law-I used to go and stay at my in laws without the husband all the time and she and my sister in law and I went on a cruise together and had a blast.

 

[Hikergirl]

Yes, when my MIL was alive we spent alot of solo time together.
I also visit my dh's stepmom alone as well.

 

[Wendy1985]

Everyone has different relationships with their MIL, all that matters is what your relationship is like with your MIL.

If you have rarely visited with her in 13 years, it makes sense that you would be uncomfortable about her wanting to meet with you without your DH. She should have told you why she wants to meet with you so you would be ready for whatever she wants to discuss. Since she didn't I certainly understand why you are worried and uncomfortable. If I had an in-law I rarely interact with want to meet with me alone I'd be very suspicious.

If it were me I would either tell her I'd like for DH to come saying something like "he would like to visit with you too" and then maybe if it's about him she might go ahead and tell you. OR is there a family member of yours or a friend that you can bring along? This way you might be more comfortable or if something negative is said you have someone else there to support you.

Yes i asked her because the language was weird so she cleared it up, she understands that dh wants nothing to do with her, I did not say that she is just smart but wants to meet with me just to catch up, in retrospect its no diffrent then my dh spending time with my dad alone

 

[marthachick]

I used to visit my in-laws without DH often when he was working night shift.
I do things now with my DIL. Hope she doesn’t look on it as a chore.

 

[Wendy1985]

I used to visit my in-laws without DH often when he was working night shift.
I do things now with my DIL. Hope she doesn’t look on it as a chore.

If you are getting that impression from me I am not viewing this as a chore at all, I have come along way since starting my 2ed chapter in life however some situations still make me nervous , I am nervous creature period but I always push myself it makes life more fun in the long run

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Yes i asked her because the language was weird so she cleared it up, she understands that dh wants nothing to do with her, I did not say that she iscjust smart but wsnts to meet with me just to catch up, in retrospect its no diffrent then my dh spending time with my dad alone

If that’s the case, then I think you need to respect your husband’s feelings about the situation first and foremost. She shouldn’t, after 13 years of otherwise showing no interest in building a relationship with you, now be able to use you as a work around to gain access and information about her son’s life against his wishes. They need to work out their own issues between themselves without putting you in the middle.

 

[marthachick]

If you are getting that impression from me I am not viewing this as a chore at all, I have come along way since starting my 2ed chapter in life however some situations still make me nervous , I am nervous creature period but I always push myself it makes life more fun in the long run

No I just thought some other posters seem to view it as a chore. I wasn’t referring to you.

 

[Wendy1985]

If that’s the case, then I think you need to respect your husband’s feelings about the situation first and foremost. She shouldn’t, after 13 years of otherwise showing no interest in building a relationship with you, now be able to use you as a work around to gain access and information about her son’s life against his wishes. They need to work out their own issues between themselves without putting you in the middle.

Honestly I think you are right, I was being selfish when I started a relationship with her it was a very lonly time in my life up till a year ago and I joined the gym, just a little girl whos closest thing to friendship was what you found online, like most not all kittlevgirls dream of expanding there families at least I did, however this year I learned friends can be family

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

I play World of Warcraft with one of my son-in-laws (and DD#1 sa well), long distance.

The other SoIL, I've gone to lunch with and hung out with at both our home and his. Watching movies, and stuff.

DD#2 has spent a lot of time with her MiL. DD#1, not as much; they are not fond of each other.
I spent time with my MiL when I had to, for the brief time she lived with us. Other than that, never.

 

[PRINCESS Sweet Pea]

Are you saying that your husband really wants nothing to do with his mother? If that is how he feels, then you need to respect him on that. There has to be something going on there. Why would that be unless there were some reason why? Whether good or bad, or even if things are like complex, you have to respect your husband first. Ask yourself, and even ask him, how would he feel if you were to talk with his mother. This is where you will find your answer. Not on a Disney website. Because, every situation like this in a family will be very different for each family. If I had a broken relationship from my mother or sister or whoever I know that I would be very upset if they went behind my back to my husband and my husband went along with it.

Maybe it is easy to hope that this is a good thing. Maybe a friendly situation for you. But I don't think so. I do hope that have a lot more friends and activities as time goes on!

 

[VandVsmama]

I would rather have a tooth pulled.

Same here. I've learned to only spend time w/my MIL with my DH present.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Are you saying that your husband really wants nothing to do with his mother? If that is how he feels, then you need to respect him on that. There has to be something going on there. Why would that be unless there were some reason why? Whether good or bad, or even if things are like complex, you have to respect your husband first. Ask yourself, and even ask him, how would he feel if you were to talk with his mother. This is where you will find your answer. Not on a Disney website. Because, every situation like this in a family will be very different for each family. If I had a broken relationship from my mother or sister or whoever I know that I would be very upset if they went behind my back to my husband and my husband went along with it.

Maybe it is easy to hope that this is a good thing. Maybe a friendly situation for you. But I don't think so. I do hope that have a lot more friends and activities as time goes on!

Respectfully disagreeing.
The ex and his mother didn't get along very well but he did w/ his father; I visited his parents both with and w/o him, during our marriage and after our divorce. If nothing else, I always felt that our children shouldn't have to carry our baggage. Sure, go ahead and tell your partner what you are doing but in my idea of a longterm relationship there is no need to march lockstep through life. For me this is about respecting each other as individuals.

 

[cobright]

As Admiral Ackbar once famously said...

 

[VandVsmama]

If your DH wants nothing to do with his mother, then he probably has a good reason for that. You need to be very very careful in that case in spending time with her without him present.

usually when someone decides to cease contact with a relative, it’s for a good reason. You need to think about what that reason is and decide what’s the best choice for you.

no way in heck would I want to spend time with a spouse’s parent of he himself wanted nothing to do with her. That’s a recipe for disaster in multiple relationships.

find some friends in other ways.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I do stuff with my inlaws all the time. But then again, I get along better with them than they do with DH, mostly political views.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

It looks like she just wants to maybe get to know you a little better. After your initial shyness I hope you can relax and enjoy your time spent with her.

 

[HarleenQ]

In the camp of following your DH's lead. Would HE want you to share details of your life with her?

Let him handle his family. I'd be having a discussion with your husband before deciding anything.

 

[HopperFan]

Yes i asked her because the language was weird so she cleared it up, she understands that dh wants nothing to do with her, I did not say that she is just smart but wants to meet with me just to catch up, in retrospect its no diffrent then my dh spending time with my dad alone

So glad you asked her. And you are right, it's no different and certainly okay .... but I was just feeling your concern since you have had minimal interactions over the last 13 years. I can understand her wanting to check up - but if your DH wants nothing to do with her, I would discuss with him first about you meeting her. You don't want to cause friction between the two of you if he feels you kept something from him. Good luck.