Ack! Advice quickly, please!

[TipsyTraveler]

Hey guys.

My son's first birthday is Thursday, two days from now. We're having a little party at our house that evening. We've invited my best friend and my husband's immediate family -- His parents, bro and SIL, and his sister and her two teen daughters, ages 13 and 16. Very small affair. My husband's sister just texted him asking if the 16y.o. can bring her boyfriend. He and the niece have been dating for about a year and I've only met him once in passing.

It feels awkward to have a virtual stranger at my baby's first birthday party, forever immortalized in the pictures. Also, I think it's a bit rude of my SIL to invite someone else to our house, especially on short notice (TBH, there will be plenty of food so I can't claim a problem there).

I kind of feel weird about this and want to say no, but I don't know if I'm justified in feeling that way and how we would go about wording that in the reply text so as to not upset anyone. My husband is annoyed she would even ask. We need to reply to her soon -- Thoughts on what to say?

 

[low-key]

sure

 

[luvsJack]

She probably was just told by her dd that the bf is coming. That’s how it can be with teens.

Would it be that hard to just not include him in the pictures? I just really don’t see the big deal.

 

[kimblebee]

I have tons of pictures with strangers in the background..doesn’t make the picture any less special.

I say invite him. The more, the merrier.

 

[jevs]

I don’t see the issue either.

Get him in some of the pictures, and get him to take pictures of the family as a group.

 

[Allison]

I see no issue here. It's a baby's birthday party at home not a formal affair. I dont see what there is to feel weird about.

 

[Southernmiss]

I'm with the others. Sure, include him.

 

[diznygirl]

Don’t overthink it. It will be special and you’ll hardly notice the extra person.

Have fun!

 

[TipsyTraveler]

It's not just the picture thing. The bigger issue in my mind is having a stranger in the mix at a party that was intended to be a small gathering of our "nearest and dearest." I realize I might be a little antisocial, but I don't really want to have to make small talk with someone I don't know in my own home. We only invited eight people; this isn't a house party where people can get lost in the crowd.

 

[Allison]

You aren't going to have to make small talk with a 16 year old boy. He will be with his girlfriend. You won't have to entertain him, you won't have to do anything. This is no big deal.

 

[Skywalker]

I don't see the big deal. There are lots of photos passed down in my family with people that there's no one who can remember who they were lol. Doesn't ruin the pictures in any way. It's a child's first birthday party, let your niece bring someone important to her and he can join in the fun. I'm not getting the issue.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I’d buy a clown suit and ask him to do me a solid.

 

[Southernmiss]

It's not just the picture thing. The bigger issue in my mind is having a stranger in the mix at a party that was intended to be a small gathering of our "nearest and dearest." I realize I might be a little antisocial, but I don't really want to have to make small talk with someone I don't know in my own home. We only invited eight people; this isn't a house party where people can get lost in the crowd.

How much small talk do you think you need to have with a 16 year old? Hey Joe glad to see you again. How's school? Cool. That's about it.

I get wanting a birthday to be special, but you can also set the tone for teaching your child to be open and welcoming to all.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

You aren't going to have to make small talk with a 16 year old boy. He will be with his girlfriend. You won't have to entertain him, you won't have to do anything. This is no big deal.

If that was the bigger issue, why did you bring up a different issue?

It was the first thing I said. "It feels awkward to have a virtual stranger at my baby's first birthday party..." Then I mentioned the pictures as another thing that feels weird about this.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I’d buy a clown suit and ask him to do me a solid.

You might be on to something...

 

[mom2rtk]

I’d buy a clown suit and ask him to do me a solid.

Bwahahahaha! Brilliant!

 

[Julie's Haircut]

I kind of feel weird about this and want to say no, but I don't know if I'm justified in feeling that way and how we would go about wording that in the reply text so as to not upset anyone. My husband is annoyed she would even ask. We need to reply to her soon -- Thoughts on what to say?

What's the problem. You and your husband are on the same side. You want to say no. Your husband is annoyed that someone asked. Then it's NO. His family. He can tell his sister.

 

[luvsJack]

Is it really the thing you want to possibly cause a family rift over?

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

I don’t think it is a big deal if he comes to the party. When my daughter turned one my sister who was 21 at the time brought her boyfriend to my daughter’s party. I didn’t know him very well. He’s in some of the candid pictures but none of the posed family shots.

Let me tell you years from now it’s not going to matter if he’s in any of the pictures. My daughter turns 21 this year and the pictures from her 1st birthday party are ancient history. We look at them once in a very great while and it’s funny now to look back at how young we all were. And now my sister, who is almost 41 and has been married to a guy that was not her boyfriend from the party, has a good chuckle when she sees pictures with her old boyfriend. It’s all just part of the family history.

And happy birthday to your son!

 

[Skywalker]

If they have been dating about a year, he probably feels a bit like family to them so they may have felt comfortable asking...and they DID ask they didn't just show up with him so I don't think you should be annoyed. Whenever my cousin hosts a family gathering she always makes a point of asking if my son is still dating someone and lets him know she is always welcome too. Now not everyone has to be as welcoming as that all the time, but being rigid for the sake of being rigid doesn't seem in the right spirit either.