Ack! Advice quickly, please!

[luvsJack]

Perhaps. Of course, it’s only natural that I would know what it is typical in my circle. But, I also don’t think it’s outside the realm of possibility that things are just different in my area. I’ve noticed that with other topics that have been discussed on these boards.

Aren’t you from south Louisiana? I am surprised that things would be that much different. Everyone I know from that area are very much the “the more the merrier” type.

I have one friend who says every year at their family reunion, she meets friends of relatives, friends of the friends and some no one even claims! She just laughs and says “it’s all good though!”

 

[robinb]

Okay, the last people have left, we're all cleaned up, and I'm free to update.

Right after I posted my last comment, we got a call saying the teens had been in a car accident and were taken to the hospital as a precautionary measure. They're okay and were ultimately released, thankfully, though it sounds like the car is done for. That chunk of the family didn't come, obviously. My husband and I kept in touch with them via text throughout the party and they were all in good spirits; my niece asked that we send the baby over to the hospital "for comfort purposes" and we (jokingly!) told my niece to send her boyfriend over to the party once he was cleared without her. I'm sure if not this weekend, then we'll catch up with them soon.

The rest of the family still wanted to come over. We had a good time, made nice memories. The baby gorged himself on an obscene amount of food, turned his nose up at the cake , showed off his sweet new dance moves, had a blast playing with his new toys, and discovered the wonders of these things called balloons.

Wow. I'm sorry to read about the accident. I'm glad the teens are OK but that must have been terrifying for their family. I hope their parents keep a good eye on them since injuries from a car accident (like whiplash) can pop up later. I'm glad to hear that the party was still a hit even though I'm sure there was a bit of a pall over it from the accident.

 

[disykat]

This is one of those threads that is so ridiculous I have to keep coming back to check it.

Oh, no! A first birthday party for adult guests that is not themed like a party for a bunch of children! A teenager whose boyfriend is not being treated like a member of the family! How dare they!

 

[Nancyg56]

Okay, the last people have left, we're all cleaned up, and I'm free to update.

Right after I posted my last comment, we got a call saying the teens had been in a car accident and were taken to the hospital as a precautionary measure. They're okay and were ultimately released, thankfully, though it sounds like the car is done for. That chunk of the family didn't come, obviously. My husband and I kept in touch with them via text throughout the party and they were all in good spirits; my niece asked that we send the baby over to the hospital "for comfort purposes" and we (jokingly!) told my niece to send her boyfriend over to the party once he was cleared without her. I'm sure if not this weekend, then we'll catch up with them soon.

The rest of the family still wanted to come over. We had a good time, made nice memories. The baby gorged himself on an obscene amount of food, turned his nose up at the cake , showed off his sweet new dance moves, had a blast playing with his new toys, and discovered the wonders of these things called balloons.

Oh dear, thank goodness the kids are okay! Kinda puts things in perspective, I think. We tend to stress things that seem to be major to us, but in a blink there can be an occurance that changes what is important.

 

[cabanafrau]

To each his own, I see that seems to the predominant opinion. But, in my family & to me, we don’t consider any of that until you’re an adult for most occasions. At 16 you’re still a kid.

To me that makes it extra weird to ask for on a weekday after work. Does he not have some place else to be like his own house with his family?? I didn’t hang with my BF all week long either at that age so I guess I don’t get it. It was mostly just weekends so that seems extra weird to me. Although I still hold to my original opinion on the whole thing, but knowing how you presented it to your SIL originally makes it seems extra strange & intrusive to me to ask rather than if it were a more causal occasion on a weekend. But, I think it’d be easier to tell her you can’t invite given the nature of the event.

To me it wasn’t whether it was ok or not. It’s that I thought it was a stranger request once the OP disclosed more details of the party. Although I understood her being annoyed with the request at all, I thought it was a little more reasonable of a request when I thought it was a casual party on a weekend.

I wonder, is it also the norm for your area that 16 year olds are considered kids for most occasions, boyfriends and girlfriends only hang out with each other on weekends and it's expected that weeknights are generally for more formal occasions and weekends are more casual?

If I had to guess, those seem more likely to be indications that you expect your experiences and attitudes to speak for the norms overall.

 

[LSUmiss]

Aren’t you from south Louisiana? I am surprised that things would be that much different. Everyone I know from that area are very much the “the more the merrier” type.

I have one friend who says every year at their family reunion, she meets friends of relatives, friends of the friends and some no one even claims! She just laughs and says “it’s all good though!”

Yeah I said on other topics I’ve found a difference often. But, we are also big on etiquette too & things that we may feel are rude others don’t see the big deal. But in this case, the discussion had morphed more about teens vs adults. I did admit it might just be my circle, but the parents I know with teens are more in line with how I grew up as far as privelages & independence. And it would be weird (in my circle) to ask to bring a teenage SO to a mid week after-work evening dinner party. Mostly b/c it would be strange (to us) that he wasn’t at his own house with his own family & obligations.

 

[LSUmiss]

I wonder, is it also the norm for your area that 16 year olds are considered kids for most occasions, boyfriends and girlfriends only hang out with each other on weekends and it's expected that weeknights are generally for more formal occasions and weekends are more casual?

If I had to guess, those seem more likely to be indications that you expect your experiences and attitudes to speak for the norms overall.

In every quote I said “to me” or IMO. I don’t know everyone in my area, of course. But, of all the co-workers, friends, family, etc I know this seems to be a social norm enough that it would seem odd to ME. It also was apparently somewhat out of the norm for the OP since it caught her off guard that the family would ask & she started this thread. I simply expressed my opinion like everyone else. I’m not the OP & didn’t ask for advice so I’m not looking to be convinced that I am right or wrong or to convince anyone else. It doesn’t matter. It’s my experience & it hasn’t caused a problem for anyone I know yet so we are ok with it.

 

[cabanafrau]

In every quote I said “to me” or IMO. I don’t know everyone in my area, of course. But, of all the co-workers, friends, family, etc I know this seems to be a social norm enough that it would seem odd to ME. It also was apparently somewhat out of the norm for the OP since it caught her off guard that the family would ask & she started this thread. I simply expressed my opinion like everyone else. I’m not the OP & didn’t ask for advice so I’m not looking to be convinced that I am right or wrong or to convince anyone else. It doesn’t matter. It’s my experience & it hasn’t caused a problem for anyone I know yet so we are ok with it.

Seems very unusual/improbable to me that one area would share the same viewpoints to such a large extent of lifestyles.

 

[disykat]

And it would be weird (in my circle) to ask to bring a teenage SO to a mid week after-work evening dinner party. Mostly b/c it would be strange (to us) that he wasn’t at his own house with his own family & obligations.

I agree with you. Most teens I know have sports, clubs, church, homework, part time jobs, their own family obligations, etc. that pretty much swallow up all their time. Attending a midweek social event that really had nothing to do with them would not be a priority. Weekends would seem more likely to me because that would generally be "free" time they would probably be expecting to spend with their girlfriend/boyfriend. "Not on a school night" was very much alive and well for my kid - who were teens just five years ago - by their own choice due to their schedules.

 

[LSUmiss]

Seems very unusual/improbable to me that one area would share the same viewpoints to such a large extent of lifestyles.

I find odd that you seem so committed to convincing me that my experiences are not valid. Who cares? OP has her thing handled. Think we should agree to disagree.

 

[cabanafrau]

I find odd that you seem so committed to convincing me that my experiences are not valid. Who cares? OP has her thing handled. Think we should agree to disagree.

I'm not questioning the validity of your experiences, merely the coincidence that the ones outlined above, along with your attitude about them, speaks for your "area". Your family, your social circle, quite possibly. The likelihood of an entire area mirroring your experiences and attitudes seems like a pretty big reach.

 

[LSUmiss]

I'm not questioning the validity of your experiences, merely the coincidence that the ones outlined above, along with your attitude about them, speaks for your "area". Your family, your social circle, quite possibly. The likelihood of an entire area mirroring your experiences and attitudes seems like a pretty big reach.

But, I said that. I don’t my entire area, obviously. But none of us can. We are all speaking from our experiences in our own circles.

 

[cabanafrau]

See I see this differently. This is not an adult so it’s not the same. This
Is also a weekday evening. I don’t think it’s a reasonable expectation that a teen would need or ask to bring her BF to such an event. Guess things are just different around here.

Perhaps. Of course, it’s only natural that I would know what it is typical in my circle. But, I also don’t think it’s outside the realm of possibility that things are just different in my area. I’ve noticed that with other topics that have been discussed on these boards.

But, I said that. I don’t my entire area, obviously. But none of us can. We are all speaking from our experiences in our own circles.

Like I said, your own circle is one thing. It's expected that there are likely commonalities of experience and attitudes within one's circle -- although differences are to be expected there as well, such as in regard to OP and the topic of this very thread. You referred more than once to your area both agreeing with you and your experiences, and being different. I'm merely stating that I find it improbable that your area in general shares all of your attitudes and experience of these issues to the extent you've implied.

 

[Eureka]

I have no advice but just wanted to say happy birthday to your son. One of my kids also has a March 15 birthday

 

[luvsJack]

Yeah I said on other topics I’ve found a difference often. But, we are also big on etiquette too & things that we may feel are rude others don’t see the big deal. But in this case, the discussion had morphed more about teens vs adults. I did admit it might just be my circle, but the parents I know with teens are more in line with how I grew up as far as privelages & independence. And it would be weird (in my circle) to ask to bring a teenage SO to a mid week after-work evening dinner party. Mostly b/c it would be strange (to us) that he wasn’t at his own house with his own family & obligations.

The entire south is big on etiquette. (Not saying the north isn’t). That’s not a your area thing. But etiquette for the south dictates that one be hospitable which is why we tend be known for the “more the merrier” attitude. And if I am right about where you are from, it’s particularly that way.

Not saying your experiences aren’t valid or anything but I just have to agree that it must be your own circle.

I don’t get the whole “school night” discussion at all. The boy is 16 not 6. Sure he may have other obligations but if kids want to do something, they manage to make time for it and spending time with a bf/gf is usually something they want to do. I can’t imagine it being a school night even crossing my mind when asked if he could come.

My teens had sports, activities, clubs, church and homework. And I still got the calls of “hey I am going over to gf’s house after practice, her mom is cooking xxxx”. Or “after choir, me, BFF and the boyfriends are going to run to the mall for xxxx”. And then they came home afterwards and took care of homework and chores. It’s really not that big of thing.

 

[LSUmiss]

The entire south is big on etiquette. (Not saying the north isn’t). That’s not a your area thing. But etiquette for the south dictates that one be hospitable which is why we tend be known for the “more the merrier” attitude. And if I am right about where you are from, it’s particularly that way.

Not saying your experiences aren’t valid or anything but I just have to agree that it must be your own circle.

I don’t get the whole “school night” discussion at all. The boy is 16 not 6. Sure he may have other obligations but if kids want to do something, they manage to make time for it and spending time with a bf/gf is usually something they want to do. I can’t imagine it being a school night even crossing my mind when asked if he could come.

My teens had sports, activities, clubs, church and homework. And I still got the calls of “hey I am going over to gf’s house after practice, her mom is cooking xxxx”. Or “after choir, me, BFF and the boyfriends are going to run to the mall for xxxx”. And then they came home afterwards and took care of homework and chores. It’s really not that big of thing.

Right. And so it would be rude to ask to invite someone who wasn’t invited. And the more the merrier might be the attitude if it were what the host had already included. But, since it wasn’t, I am one who finds it rude to even ask.

 

[JaneBanks]

You people can argue over nothing and keep it going and going and going and going. Don't you get sick of it? Sheesh.

 

[scrapquitler]

You people can argue over nothing and keep it going and going and going and going. Don't you get sick of it? Sheesh.

Are you new to the community board? Beating a dead horse is the specialty around here.

 

[North of Mouse]

Cabanafrau is like a dog with a bone - just won't let it go! Might as well give up on her LSUmiss!!

 

[CarolAnn856]

Cabanafrau is like a dog with a bone - just won't let it go! Might as well give up on her LSUmiss!!

I think they're two peas in a pod, lol.