Dangers of VMK Friendships

[mtlhddoc2]

I did forget one significantly important teaching tool: experience. you can talk and show stats until your head explodes, sometimes, something must simply be experienced. Again, bad or good makes no difference. I have experienced quite a bit of bad and good, I have done very bad things and done very good things. all have contributed to make me the person I am today. We can only hope that, as parents, we show our children the best way to learn from these experiences, and hopefully teach them well enough so they do not fully need to experience everything.

 

[Captain Brain]

Captain, I thank you for your comments. Is Virtual Magic Kingdom (VMK) an escape or reward for you? It seems you are still attending school and I hope doing well in your studies. Seeing VMK as a game and as a reward is healthily. The unhealthily trait begins when school is missed in order to escape what needs to be addressed.

This thread is about individuals that engage in conversations online in an attempt to increase a person’s reliance on their support. The individual becomes codependent and addicted to the game as a fixed escape.

Playing VMK for its value as a game and a reward at the end of your day is healthy.

I think of it as a mini vacation to Disney.

My studies, as you put it, are going well, as I quit VMK for a while to catch up, and better myself. So, VMK is my reward for a long day.

 

[PurpleDuck]

I am beginning to think the OP is actually using this forum, and this thread specifically, as a means to achieve some sort of class project. It's a shame he/she is not 'learning' from it, but instead finding it a soap box to attempt to appear knowledgeable in an area they have yet to experience themself.

 

[Captain Brain]

I am beginning to think the OP is actually using this forum, and this thread specifically, as a means to achieve some sort of class project. It's a shame he/she is not 'learning' from it, but instead finding it a soap box to attempt to appear knowledgeable in an area they have yet to experience themself.

It's those quotation marks, they can confuse you.

I hope that I wasn't a victim of a class project, I like to be notified first.

 

[Chedstro]

Brain, my friend, you are truly a breath of fresh air And by far the smartest kid this "uld hag" knows

 

[tigressjewel]

Wow.. this is quite a thread!! I'm fascinated with the topic and the reactions.

First:
Coriander.. I'm so thrilled for you and out, I wish you both nothing but the best!!

I have to agree that the wording of the OP is at minimum confusing. I also have to say what a shame that is because his topic is a very valid and important one. I don't believe that his first post was meant to address arranging offline meetings though. Maybe I'm wrong because it really was so unclear. I also didn't get the impression that it was meant as a kids internet safety advice issue. What has been brought up here is the issue of people substituting online relationships for real life relationships or to fulfill certain compnents in their real life relationships that are missing.

Let me start by showing an illustration of a typical conversation that I am referring to:
Player 1: How are you doing today?
Player 2: I am not so good today. How are you?
Player 1: What is wrong?
Player 2: I do not like my family.
Player 1: Ah; that is ok, I am here.

Seems harmless reading this text, however, this conversation can immediately cause a mental reliance on Player 2 by Player 1. As we read, Player 2 is having problems with his/her family and is reaching out to an online acquaintance as a way to obtain support.

Why is this dangerous?
This is where the building of a “fantasy” begins, as one player is not able to resolve the issue thus creating an illusion of an escape. As the player reaches out to the other player is where the danger of the supporting the acquaintance becomes an issue. The danger is the “supporter” is his/her inability to resolve the underline issue. The player should not be on the computer with peers and really needs to speak with a mature adult or a support group.

Having self-control in your conversations is a sign a true acquaintance and someone who cares. Do not become a supporter while playing VMK to prevent the other player from escaping the problems.

Here is the same conversation with self-control and understanding that the issue cannot be resolved by you and helping the other player address the matter.

Player 1: How are you doing today?
Player 2: I am not so good today. How are you?
Player 1: What is wrong?
Player 2: I do not like my family.
Player 1: Are you able to talk to your family
Player 2: About what?
Player 1: The reason you say that you do not like them.
Player 2: No.
Player 1: Is there anyone you can trust to talk to about this.
Player 2: No.
Player 1: How about your counselor at your school?
Player 2: I guess.

Therefore, the danger addressed in this thread is the one that we control and have a role in preventing. This is the danger of supporting and creating an escape and ultimately a fantasy in the lives of other players.

If you are a player seeking an escape from certain issue, please talk to your parents, mature adults or a support group.

I found the above example to be very good advice, although I have doubts that the average person without education or training in come kind of counseling or psych field would know how to do this properly, and I'm afraid that it might be hard for many to understand.

I'm so glad that this thread has once again drawn attention to internet safety issues and meeting offline issues though, even though it might appear it was a bit of a diversion. To me its always a welcome topic as I hear so often of kids who have access to the internet at all hours of the day, and are unattended by an adult. This is such a HUGE mistake on the part of parents for all of the reasons brought up in this thread.

Here's something to think about: Kids get on the net.. they find sympathy in the form of an online friend. They begin to confide in and trust this person because the person seems so sincere and seems to care so much about them, and because in real life there seems to be nobody who cares this much. After time the kids let what little guard they had down, and next thing you know, we hear the horror stories similar to what Doc shared. I do believe there is underlying dependency issues in situations like this. But I also believe that kids from very good and supportive homes can have things like this happen too.

Lets also not forget we're not just talking about kids here. I think our natural tendency is to bring this up because many of us are parents and we feel protective of kids in VMK and on the DIS, myself included. However, I think many of us also know that adults fall into these scenarios. They fill up their lives with nothing but online activity to the point of almost ignoring the people in their real life. Playing online, chatting, reading message boards is all fine, and in my opinion there is nothing wrong with it, but when it becomes your life, not a break or a hobby in your daily life, it might be a problem.

I'm not sure if I made any sense, but I figured I took the time to read the entire thread, so I may as well toss in my two cents. My bottom line is that even within the disagreement in symantics, there have been some really great topics brought out which I feel are all kind of intertwined and I hope that a few people might take the time to wade through and find something helpful here.

 

[PurpleDucky]

For me to put it all in a nutshell

Don't trust everyone you meet on the internet, they cannot be who they say they are. Even if you get pictures of them you don't know if it is their picture

If you need to cope with problems I understand you can use DIS because there are many great people here but I think saying it on VMK is too personal, if I need to talk to people about my problems I call my friends or talk to a few good DIS friends

Having internet friendships are indeed dangerous because you have no idea who you are talking to! It is kind of scary thinking about, but even after developing a close relationship with that person you still can't really trust them unless you meet them which is also kind of dangerous

So much for a nutshell, if it doesn't make sense, it sounded different in my brain

 

[Chedstro]

Yes, Duck right yet again. Before Out and I actually met in person, we had talked both in VMK and Dis for over a year. I knew people from Dis who had met him in person. No red flags went up. And like I said before: we are both really old adults. The kids need to be very careful and use their parents as back up with any meets.

 

[PurpleDucky]

Yes, Duck right yet again. Before Out and I actually met in person, we had talked both in VMK and Dis for over a year. I knew people from Dis who had met him in person. No red flags went up. And like I said before: we are both really old adults. The kids need to be very careful and use their parents as back up with any meets.

Yay! It made sense to somebody! Sometimes if I hear things in my head that sound good they come out horrible

There is only 2 people that I talk to outside of VMK
1. She goes to my school
Person #2 We talk over instant messaging and got to know each other really well, but no personal info is given out, I'm not stupid

 

[Blumonkeyboy]

Good for you stitch, that is exactly what you should do!

Duck, yes, I agree, not all are bad. In my first post in this thread I did mention that I met my wife in a chat room
That was 9 years ago, we have been happily married for 3 years and had our first child together a year and a half ago. I have actually made some decent friends online. But those numbers pale in comparison to the number of extremely bad people I have met via online chat/games etc. You just do not know!

Thats why, my advise, if you choose to meet someone (and this goes for all, not just the kids):
A: Do not go alone, ever.
B: Do not give any personal information prior to meeting the person, not even your phone number.
C: Meet in a well lit, well staffed, very public place, such as a coffee shop or restaurant.
D: Never meet in a bar, mall or for a movie, beaches are not so good either.
E: Do not, ever.. ever.., have the person "pick you up", you might as well put a big "murder me" sign on your back.
F: Make the meeting during the day if possible. Seriously, daytime if best, I strongly suggest this.
G: If at all possible, make sure your meeting place is close to other well lit, well populated areas.
H: Get there early and plan an escape route should you need one.
I: choose a location within the establishment which is well traveled or can be seen from front counter or reception area.
J: Bring a cell phone with an emergency button and GPS.
K: If possible, take a qucik cell pic of the person as they enter the meeting place, because, hey, you never know.

forget it i was an idiot to post that sorry ppl

 

[Loves Disney]

This thread has shocked me, scared me, reminded me, advised me, and let me see other's reactions to the situations. Despite some "unneeded" injections in it, I think this thread is VERY helpful.

To the OP, perhaps a universal language would be awesome. I think ALL ages should be aware of this, not just those who are education enough to understand what you have written. Certainly the youngest age group here could not comprehend half of what is written and it is ESSENTIAL that they understand. Heck, it took my twice over to understand what was written and I spend my time interpreting Shakespeare! rofl. Anyway, the point being, how about we make sure this thread is for a general audience .

In regards to Doc's first post. That actually scared me a little as I think of some of the info I have given out. It actually frightens me very much rofl. But I am SO glad I read it. It really REALLY reminded me that I need to step back and say, "hey, what am I doing?" and realize that I CAN'T trust everyone...even though I have this thing about me where I always think the best of people. I know there are weirdos out there and I MUSTN'T trust everyone as much as I have. It truly is a weakness in this sense despite those who say it is good to be so caring of others...yes, it works in the real world...but I can't just drop it when I am online and God that scares me. Your post, Doc, was an Alarm clock telling me to wake up! Thank you so much!

I hear it ALL the time on the tv, in the newspaper, at school and on sites telling us that online safety is a HUGE thing and I get online and I think to myself, "heck, I know what is good and what is bad, what I should and shouldn't do" I sit there and I think I know it all. I think I have great judgement on who a person really is...but then I realize that nearly everyone thinks that and they are THOSE people who are in the news next day and are considered another statistic.

Everyone thinks the DIS is completely safe, and it is pretty safe compared to a lot of sites, but it isn't fool proof and it isn't a safety net either. Weirdos CAN get on and they don't even have to be members!!

I, also, fear that real pictures thread. Any online predator can do a search online (you'd be amazed at how computer skilled some of the psychos are) and they can get to the DIS by following a picture they admire or find interest in. Then...once they discover your username, they can track your posts and through them, I am sure they could find out SOOO much more information than ANYONE would like them to know. Just by posting what interests you, your location, what area of the USA, Canada, or Europe you live in, you are feeding these people. I HATE to see these kids posting their pictures because even from a picture, they can find out where you live and SOOO much more. I advise ANYONE willing to listen to take their pictures off.

I know a kid at school who is actively involved with Myspace and accepts friends left and right. She went to the mall and had random people calling her by her myspace name...people she didn't even know. She has gone and met people who she doesn't know from myspace. It scares me...it really does. And then you hear these stories on the news about a kid who was tracked by some online sexual predator.

I heard one story about a woman, 20 years old, who was murdered by an online predator...he was 23. AGE is nothing!! Don't think that because you are older, weirdos won't come after you. Pedophiles aren't the only psychos online.

Now, please, for heaven's sake, don't think I am trying to scare anyone, I'm not...I just REALLY want people to understand the severity of the situtation and that not everything is rainbows and butterflies. Online is a very dangerous place if NOT handled correctly.

As long as you are mature, responsible, and aware of the dangers and what you should and should not say, it can be VERY safe. As long as you know what you are doing and do it appropriately, it can be fun and awesome.

Like what some were saying, they even met their match online!! It doesn't HAVE to be a bad place, online, you just have to know how to behave on it.

 

[mtlhddoc2]

In regards to Doc's first post. That actually scared me a little as I think of some of the info I have given out. It actually frightens me very much rofl. But I am SO glad I read it. It really REALLY reminded me that I need to step back and say, "hey, what am I doing?" and realize that I CAN'T trust everyone...even though I have this thing about me where I always think the best of people. I know there are weirdos out there and I MUSTN'T trust everyone as much as I have. It truly is a weakness in this sense despite those who say it is good to be so caring of others...yes, it works in the real world...but I can't just drop it when I am online and God that scares me. Your post, Doc, was an Alarm clock telling me to wake up! Thank you so much!

You are very welcome. It certainly is a crazy crazy world we live in. As much good the net has brought, it has also spread the bad just as well. Even here there is so much that would have never happened 15-20 years ago. Adults having regular conversations with children they do not know would have scared the bejesus out of us in the 70s. But now, 30-40 somethings (and older) regularly converse with young teens and pre-teens they do not know. Alot of life's formerly black and white areas have gone gray. Think about it. If you went home from school one day in the 70s and told you parents that you had gotten gifts from a stranger, they would have called the cops! Now, we give (granted virtual) gifts to children on a rather regular basis and it is very easy for those children to think of us as their "friends" but this is really a just a trap that they fall into and falling into that trap with the wrong person could cost them dearly.

Oh crud, ranting again.