Hi DISboards breast cancer survivors, I hope it’s OK to post here. It said at the beginning you were open for hand holding and I could really use some. And maybe some hope, because right now I’m struggling.
Also, warning in advance – sometimes I struggle to be brief.
For some reason during the recent hurricane I decided it would be good to do a self breast exam. No idea why. Well, I discovered a decent sized irregular lump in my right breast. I had a mammogram and ultrasound and they not only found something they want to biopsy, they found 2 enlarged lymph nodes as well. Usually I am an information-a-holic (I know other DISers understand) but I was so stunned I really didn’t get much. I remember the tech said nodes can be swollen for a number of reasons, that the radiologist was on the cautious side so biopsy one of those as well. The mass itself was apparently, if I caught the info right, rated 10-20ish% risk for cancer (tech said “lowest 4”?), which I might see as a positive if the lymph nodes thing didn‘t exist. That’s really catching me. As it is, I’ve killed myself off routinely in the week since the appointment, and I have another one to wait before the biopsy. Trying to stay off the internet as it is scary.
Of course I missed my mammogram last year because I was traveling with my husband for his work and then COVID came. I have pretty severe asthma and resultant lung damage so ultra cautious. Been stressed for months and I haven‘t been taking care of myself at all. So I’m beating myself up on top of all the rest. Suddenly I’m tired and wondering if my recent lower appetite/weight loss isn’t actually coffee and stress, plus a million other possible symptoms that seem plausible when I start thinking. I remember I had a deep itchy rash on that side a few months ago, but I have eczema so rashes aren’t unusual for me. I know, I sound like a real mess!
Really I just want to feel that there’s some possible hope for me at this point, maybe even if both biopsies are positive. My head is reallly scaring me. My husband is in town but exposed to a lot of people so he’s staying elsewhere, leaving me a lot of time to think. Two weeks is a long time, and my brain is pretty creative.
I don’t hang out on the DIS as much as I used to when my kids were home, but for some reason it seemed like a good place to go atm. TIA to anyone who reaches out. Hugs!