Need to vent about a roommate...

[disykat]

I think it's interesting that when the (20-ish) roommate is using marijuana, it's referred to as smoking - but when an adult maybe two years younger than she is offered the opportunity, it converts to 'doing drugs.'

Really? Personally I'm not a fan of either kind of smoking and would expect roommates to preagree on either, but smoking pot is legal where I live if you are 21. It is illegal if you are not, thus why I called it giving drugs to a minor. I would say the same thing about alcohol. Many college students drink, but you don't give alcohol to a minor relative of your roommate knowing your roomate wouldn' approve. I can't believe anyone think that's okay. That is a "screw you" move, not something a friend does.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Hi OP, I’m sorry you are going through this. If you really are mostly sad about losing a friend then I’d recommend acting happy to see her next time she comes over. Let her know you miss her, ask if she’d want to go out for coffee or whatnot to catch up on life. From her point of view seems she made a few mistakes and as you noted she doesn’t like confrontation so she may be using her boyfriends place as an escape from all that. It is also hard if you don’t have good self esteem to be in a living situation with friends. I know people get feelings hurt if they feel certain people are closer friends and stuff like that. So you may not know exactly what she is feeling. She may indeed feel that everyone has ganged up on her.

It seems she did apologize for the smoking and stopped when asked. As for the brother thing, you didn’t say how she knew he was in town? Could it be that he reached out to her first?

Has she given her keys to anyone else after you and your roommates asked her not to? I’m reading all your replies and it seems while she won’t sit down and talk it out she has followed requests when she knows they bugged you and your roommates. If you agree, then I’d try letting it go and attempt to rekindle a friendship with her on positive terms.

I agree with this, because of the bolded here:

Thanks for all the replies.
We live in student housing in the sense that it was built for students--individual rooms with private baths and they lease by the room not the unit, but it isn't affiliated with the university.
I agree with people saying not to gang up on her, and that's mostly why we haven't all talked to her at once yet besides the fact she's never home.
We know she's broken our lease by having drugs, and she's broken her boyfriend lease because it specifically says you can't have visitors for more than 7 consecutive nights, preventing people from living with you that are not on the lease. But we would never go as far as to have her evicted.
I understand she's an adult and can make her own choices, but at the end of the day we're all mainly upset she basically threw us away once she got a boyfriend

It sounds like the girl was intimidated by the group so wanted to leave. If she's on academic probation there's likely also an element of depression/anxiety involved, too. But besides that, many college friendships are fluid; they change as other things change - classes, majors, interests, disagreements, dating, etc. OP I would try to keep this as unemotional as you can and just look at the facts of the rental agreement. It's probably not going to be an issue much longer because the semester is almost over and this friend may not even be in school anymore after it ends.

 

[Kaytie]

Really? Personally I'm not a fan of either kind of smoking and would expect roommates to preagree on either, but smoking pot is legal where I live if you are 21. It is illegal if you are not, thus why I called it giving drugs to a minor

First, the issue is marijuana, not cigarettes, so only one kind of smoking.
We don't know if the school is even in a state where it's legal.
We don't know the age of the roommate.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

A few weeks later she started dating this guy who lives in the same neighborhood as us, just a few houses down. She spent the night there every night and eventually had moved all of her clothes and personal stuff there. Now there are barely any clothes in her closet, and her bathroom is basically empty. She even does laundry there and keeps all her groceries there. He also lives in a 5 bedroom house and I'm honestly surprised all of his roommates are fine with it. She barely ever comes home and whenever she does it's only to get more stuff to bring to his house. I know most people would say the ideal roommate is one that's never there, but we were best friends before all this happened and she completely shut off our friendship when she got a boyfriend.

I had a roommate that did the same thing only her boyfriend lived several hours away. She ended up on academic probation and then was prohibited from enrolling for one semester due to failing to remove herself from academic probation.

That semester that she was not in school she was constantly gone. We never saw her for weeks at a time and any time she came back it was only to get more clothes, etc. It was slightly different in that it was an apartment complex off campus but the unique thing for an apartment complex that is is each room was rented separately. Each room had an electronic key programmed for just that room and the front door so my roommates couldn't use their electronic key to open my door. We were all on separate leases which was great in the sense that if they didn't pay rent it was of no concern to me.

Recently, she's been having friends come from out of town and she'll give them her key to our house so they can stay in her room, and she doesn't even ask us. If she was here staying with her friend, we really wouldn't care, but she's letting strangers we don't know stay with us. We've also tried talking to her about that but she's says it's her house too. I literally feel like no matter what we say, she won't listen.

Luckily that roommate I had did not let strangers stay in her room. If she did though it would have been a violation of the lease. I def. would have an issue with that not only for courtesy but for safey and ease of mind. I can understand a roommate allowing her friend to stay there when visiting but only if that roommate was also there. Almost seems like she's treating her room like an airbnb just without the cost involved.

She was already on academic probation coming into this semester, and she admitted she barely goes to class anymore. We went to a party at Jay's boyfriend house earlier in the year and we know they do harder drugs and we're always worried she's gonna try them.

Here's the thing:

I had friends that did hard drugs and at various stages of my life. But I didn't. Never had an interest. Just because people are doing drugs around you does not mean you will do them. And if you do..well that's on you. It may not have anything to do with who you are hanging with but more what you are interested in trying.

I totally get the losing the friendship aspect but do keep in mind she is her own person, her own individual and aside from the issues of letting strangers into the rooms and yes if someone was doing drugs in the house itself when others are against that, the other stuff isn't your ultimate business.

My number one rule was I can't tell you what to do all I can say is don't ask me to do it (referring to drugs or smoking). It never meant I wasn't concerned for their well-being but at the end of the day it's their life not mine.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Recently, she's been having friends come from out of town and she'll give them her key to our house so they can stay in her room, and she doesn't even ask us. If she was here staying with her friend, we really wouldn't care, but she's letting strangers we don't know stay with us. We've also tried talking to her about that but she's says it's her house too.

I would have a problem with this. If I was sitting in my living room and a complete stranger just walked in, they would be in danger of being pepper sprayed. At the very least, I would call the police and say a stranger was in my home. Very unsettling if there is no prior agreement, background check, etc.

 

[Christy702]

A lot of people have replied about the marijuana, and I live in Texas so yes it's illegal here. Like I said earlier and several people have brought up, it stopped once we confronted her about it. That isn't the issue anymore, I only included that because that's where the tension started between all of us.

Many people have also mentioned that she's an adult and what she does is none of my business, which is absolutely right, it just sucks to see one of your best friends turn into someone you don't even know. And that's mostly what the thread is about. She is my roommate, but she was my best friend first and most of these problems are coming from her just not being a good friend anymore. Living with someone can definitely change a friendship, and sometimes friends don't stay friends forever which is fine but that doesn't make it any easier to go through it.

We're all just now coming back from thanksgiving break, and if she lets someone stay here again I'll definitely say something about it, but as people mentioned before I don't think it's fair all 4 of us talk to her at a time because we don't want to gang up on her. At this point I'm not very interested in trying to save the friendship because it's been one sided for almost 6 weeks now. We would try to invite her to stuff, she would always say no. She only texts us if she needs something. I can't keep forcing something that isn't going to happen.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

A lot of people have replied about the marijuana, and I live in Texas so yes it's illegal here. Like I said earlier and several people have brought up, it stopped once we confronted her about it. That isn't the issue anymore, I only included that because that's where the tension started between all of us.

Many people have also mentioned that she's an adult and what she does is none of my business, which is absolutely right, it just sucks to see one of your best friends turn into someone you don't even know. And that's mostly what the thread is about. She is my roommate, but she was my best friend first and most of these problems are coming from her just not being a good friend anymore. Living with someone can definitely change a friendship, and sometimes friends don't stay friends forever which is fine but that doesn't make it any easier to go through it.

We're all just now coming back from thanksgiving break, and if she lets someone stay here again I'll definitely say something about it, but as people mentioned before I don't think it's fair all 4 of us talk to her at a time because we don't want to gang up on her. At this point I'm not very interested in trying to save the friendship because it's been one sided for almost 6 weeks now. We would try to invite her to stuff, she would always say no. She only texts us if she needs something. I can't keep forcing something that isn't going to happen.

I would guess that she probably has "her version of events" that may be somewhat surprising to you.

As I mentioned before, whether you live with people or not, many college friendships tend to be fluid. This is probably one of them. Try to stay neutral if you can and let the friendship die a natural death. It sounds like she may be hurting if she's been on academic probation and left all her old friends.

 

[CynBeth]

Just because she says she has stopped the drugs does not mean she is being honest. I have a co-worker who has a husband with a drug problem and he will tell her he has stopped but then she will eventually find out that is not the case.

 

[because]

Since we live in student housing, we each have individual leases. We're each responsible for paying our own portion of rent and utilities. We live in a stand alone house, but it's an an apartment type neighborhood. We thought about going to the property managers, but we're not sure they would be able to do anything.

We can't change the locks because we don't own the house, but we can lock each of our rooms, which is what we did since we're all home for thanksgiving.

This sounds like the type of housing one of my kids live in. In fact, from what you have posted, I would venture to guess that it is the same company as they have student housing at many universities.

As you said, each person has their own lease and is not affected by the other people's lease. Your leases are not tied together, so you have no say over her lease or what she does. If this is the same as my child's, your private area is your locked bedroom and bathroom. The shared space is considered like a lounge that is not private.

In my child's case, they are allowed to sublet their lease and do not have to get permission from the others. In fact, if a roommate pulls out, it is the leasing company that assigns a new roommate since they have a waiting list. The occupants of the apartment have no say who the other person in the locked bedroom would be. Allowing someone in their locked bedroom would be considered the same thing as letting someone into their private apartment. It is allowed. My child originally had 3 people together to lease the apartment. But after two years, one of the roommates moved out and now they have a stranger that was put into the room.

I don't think you can do anything about the roommate allowing people into her private space. That is her decision. The public space is just that, public. But she said she wasn't going to do that anymore, so it is a moot point.

You could complain that you suspect drug use going on and then let the leasing company deal with it. Check your own leases as hers is probably the same and see if she is violating any of the rules. But again, since she said she would discontinue the behavior when she was asked, it is again a moot point.

Since these apartments are unique situations in that there are individual leases, it would be nice, polite and the right thing to do for everyone to agree on ground rules but due to the uniqueness of the lease, the other people don't have to follow them as they only need to abide by their lease. The only people they are accountable to is the management company that holds their lease. If the friend moves out and a new person is assigned to the room, there is no guarantee they would want to follow any ground rules set by the original occupants.

And for the record, since the roommate is paying for a place to live, they are probably not violating their boyfriend's lease since they can prove they are not an occupant of his apartment.

 

[dfchelbay]

Okay so a little background info.. I live in a 5 bedroom house with my best friends. We've all been friends since freshman year of college, and we're juniors now. We've all lived with each other before, just never at the same time.

So about a week after moving in to the new place one of my friends (we'll call her Jay) had a friend over, and me and my other roommates were in the living room watching tv. We smelt a certain substance being smoked and one of my roommates knocked on her door and asked her what she was doing. She said nothing and my roommate told her we could smell it, and she said sorry and she would put it out. Right after it happened we wanted to talk about it, just to let her know we weren't okay with that being in the house. She wouldn't come out of her room for the rest of the night. She hates confrontation and will hide from us before she ever admits she was wrong. A few days passed and we barely ever saw her come out of her room, and then she left notes in each of our rooms apologizing. We got over it and decided if it didn't happen again it wasn't a big deal. Eventually things weren't awkward anymore and everyone got over it.

A few weeks later she started dating this guy who lives in the same neighborhood as us, just a few houses down. She spent the night there every night and eventually had moved all of her clothes and personal stuff there. Now there are barely any clothes in her closet, and her bathroom is basically empty. She even does laundry there and keeps all her groceries there. He also lives in a 5 bedroom house and I'm honestly surprised all of his roommates are fine with it. She barely ever comes home and whenever she does it's only to get more stuff to bring to his house. I know most people would say the ideal roommate is one that's never there, but we were best friends before all this happened and she completely shut off our friendship when she got a boyfriend.

One weekend one of my other roommates (we'll call her B) had her younger brother (he's 18) come stay with us for a football game. Jay knows B's brother because B and Jay and lived together last year. When B's brother got here, Jay texted him and asked him if he wanted to come smoke with her, and he went. B didn't know where he was going at the time, but he told her after. She was furious at both of them, but mostly Jay for even offering. I mean seriously, who asks their roommates little brother if he wants to come do illegal drugs with her? B confronted her about it and they got in a fight, so that just created even more tension.

Recently, she's been having friends come from out of town and she'll give them her key to our house so they can stay in her room, and she doesn't even ask us. If she was here staying with her friend, we really wouldn't care, but she's letting strangers we don't know stay with us. We've also tried talking to her about that but she's says it's her house too. I literally feel like no matter what we say, she won't listen.

We're all upset our friendship is basically ruined after all this, and we're more worried about her than anything. She was already on academic probation coming into this semester, and she admitted she barely goes to class anymore. We went to a party at Jay's boyfriend house earlier in the year and we know they do harder drugs and we're always worried she's gonna try them. We've tried talking to her about it but she ignores our texts and rarely ever comes home. And what happens if they break up and she moves back home? She's gonna want to act like nothing happened and everything is fine but we aren't willing to let this go. It's just something that has been bothering me and just needed to vent a lil about it

Why do you all still consider her a friend? She disrespects you all, disrespects your home, invites a little brother to do drugs, fights when confronted about HER behavior. That's not the behavior of a friend I would want to stay in my inner circle. I'd really want to tell the landlord about her allowing strangers into their home too. They have a lease with people who they've checked out before allowing them to move in. They've given consent to guests to come into their home when they are with the persons they leased property to. I'm sure they would not be happy about a revolving door of strangers. Not to mention, I would be royally pi$$ed off if an unchaperoned stranger was allowed to roam around inside my house. Maybe all the roommates need to tell her that you want to contact her parents about what she's doing because you're concerned about her. Maybe that will get her to move out or stop the behavior. I mean the whole inviting the little brother to do drugs is way out of line. Maybe all of it will work itself out if she fails this semester too while on academic probation & has to go back home to her parents because she flunked out in another month.

 

[because]

Why do you all still consider her a friend? She disrespects you all, disrespects your home, invites a little brother to do drugs, fights when confronted about HER behavior. That's not the behavior of a friend I would want to stay in my inner circle. I'd really want to tell the landlord about her allowing strangers into their home too. They have a lease with people who they've checked out before allowing them to move in. They've given consent to guests to come into their home when they are with the persons they leased property to. I'm sure they would not be happy about a revolving door of strangers. Not to mention, I would be royally pi$$ed off if an unchaperoned stranger was allowed to roam around inside my house. Maybe all the roommates need to tell her that you want to contact her parents about what she's doing because you're concerned about her. Maybe that will get her to move out or stop the behavior. I mean the whole inviting the little brother to do drugs is way out of line. Maybe all of it will work itself out if she fails this semester too while on academic probation & has to go back home to her parents because she flunked out in another month.

I don't think this is the same kind of lease situation. As I mentioned above, this is a common leasing scenario for college students. A leasing company has properties that they lease to students on separate leases. No one is affected by anything the other is doing. The leasing company decides who leases each individual room. You can put together a group to initially rent all the rooms, but if one person leaves, the group may not have any say in who is replaced into the room. The leasing company, just like a college dorm room, will assign the room to the next person on the waiting list.

This happened to my child this year. They had a 3 bedroom apartment with the locked bedrooms/bathrooms, separate leases for each bedroom, and a public kitchen/living room. The three friends applied together and were assigned three bedrooms together in one apartment. However, this year, one of the roommates moved in with their SO. The remaining two could not move in another one of their friends unless the person moving out agreed to sublease their room, which the were not willing to be responsible for. Since the leasing company had a waiting list, the next person on the list got the bedroom, thus moving a stranger into their apartment. So, while the initial group of people applying for the lease were a selected group of people, it is not their say on who moves into their apartment if someone leaves.

The bedrooms are seen as separate "apartments." The public area is public. So, if a person wants to allow people into their apartment, they are completely allowed to.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Many people have also mentioned that she's an adult and what she does is none of my business, which is absolutely right, it just sucks to see one of your best friends turn into someone you don't even know. And that's mostly what the thread is about. She is my roommate, but she was my best friend first and most of these problems are coming from her just not being a good friend anymore. Living with someone can definitely change a friendship, and sometimes friends don't stay friends forever which is fine but that doesn't make it any easier to go through it.

Oh I know it's def hard and I'm sorry you're going through this. Some of the people I know I just keep in touch via FB as otherwise we just aren't close anymore. Different directions and all.

Yes to the living together part. It works for some and won't work for others.

I don't know you all but I do think that some part may be her not necessarily being a good friend (especially the strangers staying in her room) and communicating only when wanting something but other parts may just be her going in a different direction than you all are or a different direction than she used to be. Good or bad people do change and adjust their priorities. Not every action she does (like choosing to stay at her boyfriend's place rather than her own place) makes her not a good friend. But it could be all things combined have you feeling the friendship is more one-sided though.

We're all just now coming back from thanksgiving break, and if she lets someone stay here again I'll definitely say something about it, but as people mentioned before I don't think it's fair all 4 of us talk to her at a time because we don't want to gang up on her. At this point I'm not very interested in trying to save the friendship because it's been one sided for almost 6 weeks now. We would try to invite her to stuff, she would always say no. She only texts us if she needs something. I can't keep forcing something that isn't going to happen.

Is this the first real relationship she's been in since you've known her? It's not always the case but I would say it's normal for someone to be around more with who they are dating. Perhaps it's hitting closer to home because you actually live with her versus not. Other than strangers staying in her room and the drugs (which you said stopped) in the house perhaps giving her some space with minimal communication for a bit of time. After a while yeah asking someone to hang out who always says no gets old..so don't ask her for a while. Doesn't mean you give her the cold shoulder or that you just stop being her friend but maybe just give more space to her at least for a while. Time could let her adjust with the relationship with her boyfriend, figure out at least more of a plan with her schooling, etc

 

[okeydokey]

I can’t believe people would advise a girl to lie to the University about her friend using drugs because they are butt hurt that the friend has a boyfriend now and would rather spend time with him. That’s pretty low. Not all friendships last, but want to be sure it doesn’t then call in a false accusation of illegal activity taking place in your own Home. Wow.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I see three different problems being discussed:

1. Illegal drug use. It's reasonable to not want that in the apartment, even in her seperately leased room. My understandign is that it only occurred once and stopped when you all asked her about it. So that is no longer an issue (other adults choosing to smoke weed with her elsewhere is not your bussiness, even if those adults are siblings of a mutual acquaintance---and if the sister wants ot be mad at someone, seems like it makes more sense to be mad at the 18 year old brother who smoked it, but again, not really your issue regardless).

2. Strangers being allowed to stay in her room. As noted, depending on the lease type you may have NO say in this (though I can absolutely see why it might be uncomfortable). Even if you do have one, if I am reading this correctly, she isn't doing that anymore, so again, not an issue anymore.

3. You are jealous that she is hanging out with her boyfriend and his group more than you now. Undertandable, and I can imagine it hurts to be the friend she is leaving behind---but as others have said, this happens often at this age. She might not be a good friend, or she might just not be as interested in the type of deep and long lasting friendship that you are. I suggest moving on without being mean or exclusionary about it. Maybe the new excitement of the boyfriend will wear off and she'll gradually rejoin in the group more, or maybe it turns out y'all are not as good a fit together as you initially thought and are better off as just acquaintances. Either way, these things can and do happen and it doesn't mean anyone is the bad guy.

And PLEASE do not take the advice to lie about her to univeristy, parents or police. That is terrible advice and WOULD make someone (you!) the bad guy.

 

[Hikergirl]

I can’t believe people would advise a girl to lie to the University about her friend using drugs because they are butt hurt that the friend has a boyfriend now and would rather spend time with him. That’s pretty low. Not all friendships last, but want to be sure it doesn’t then call in a false accusation of illegal activity taking place in your own Home. Wow.

If you are referring to my post then you read it wrong.
There are strangers staying in that room without the roommate being there, and for all the OP knows they are doing drugs.
Those are the ones that University campus needs to be notified about.

And if you think it is about being "butthurt" then you are really confused.

An FTR, the OP knows her friend uses drugs and has every right to call campus housing or even the police if the friend continues to use them in the apartment dorm.
However that isn't the issue since the OP has said that she doesn't get high in there anymore. She doesn't know that the strangers in that room aren't bringing drugs into her "home" though. If some of you would be OK with that then great, but maybe since the OP is on the lease she isn't OK with the risk of that. In that case she should do what she needs to do to get those people out of there.

 

[mjkacmom]

If you are referring to my post then you read it wrong.
There are strangers staying in that room without the roommate being there, and for all the OP knows they are doing drugs.
Those are the ones that University campus needs to be notified about.

And if you think it is about being "butthurt" then you are really confused.

An FTR, the OP knows her friend uses drugs and has every right to call campus housing or even the police if the friend continues to use them in the apartment dorm.
However that isn't the issue since the OP has said that she doesn't get high in there anymore. She doesn't know that the strangers in that room aren't bringing drugs into her "home" though. If some of you would be OK with that then great, but maybe since the OP is on the lease she isn't OK with the risk of that. In that case she should do what she needs to do to get those people out of there.

The OP is on an individual lease with the landlord, as is her roommate. They are not on the same lease. The roommate could move out, and a total stranger, who might use drugs, could move in.

 

[Hikergirl]

The OP is on an individual lease with the landlord, as is her roommate. They are not on the same lease. The roommate could move out, and a total stranger, who might use drugs, could move in.

But that isn't the situation we are discussing here.
And since this is not a regular apartment there are most certainly rules about who can be staying there right now while the current leases are valid.

 

[NHdisneylover]

But that isn't the situation we are discussing here.

We aren't discussing the OPs situation? I missed the change, what are we discussing?

Or do you mean, we are not discussing that the OP's friend has not officially moved out? This is ture---but it appears that the OP only has a lease on the one room, not a shared lease on the entire apartment--which means that she really only has a say in what happens in HER room, and to a much lesser extent in the shared space. Whether she knows, or approves of the person in another bedroom appears to not be her bussiness. It is basically as if the OP mjoved in to an apartment compley in which her friends also rented apartments. Each bedroom is treated as its own individual unit. So, basically, yes sthat is what we are talking about.

If OP has legitimate reason to believe any of the people in the other rooms are using illegal drugs in their rooms, she has as much right to report it as she would if it were neighbor across the street. Reoprting someone beucase you don't know them, don't like that they are around and hey MAYBE the COULD be doing drugs, since she doesn't know that they are not? That is a totally different ball of wax and not something reaosnable people do. It sounds lkike, that is what yo uare advocating. Normally you are pretty reasonable on the DIS; so hopefully yo ucan explain what you mean better; it appears I am not the only one reading it this way.

 

[Hikergirl]

We aren't discussing the OPs situation? I missed the change, what are we discussing?

Or do you mean, we are not discussing that the OP's friend has not officially moved out? This is ture---but it appears that the OP only has a lease on the one room, not a shared lease on the entire apartment--which means that she really only has a say in what happens in HER room, and to a much lesser extent in the shared space. Whether she knows, or approves of the person in another bedroom appears to not be her bussiness. It is basically as if the OP mjoved in to an apartment compley in which her friends also rented apartments. Each bedroom is treated as its own individual unit. So, basically, yes sthat is what we are talking about.

If OP has legitimate reason to believe any of the people in the other rooms are using illegal drugs in their rooms, she has as much right to report it as she would if it were neighbor across the street. Reoprting someone beucase you don't know them, don't like that they are around and hey MAYBE the COULD be doing drugs, since she doesn't know that they are not? That is a totally different ball of wax and not something reaosnable people do. It sounds lkike, that is what yo uare advocating. Normally you are pretty reasonable on the DIS; so hopefully yo ucan explain what you mean better; it appears I am not the only one reading it this way.

The pp brought up that the roommate could move out and a stranger could move in (sign a lease), we are not discussing that situation.
As far as you thinking in the OP has no say, well that is your opinion and since the OP hasn't posted a copy of the lease agreements, or the campus housing rules for us to "argue"about its pointless for me to respond about that.
However it is my opinion that any tenant in that apartment has a right to know what is going on in it while they are living there, and I'll leave it at that.


I've given my opinion, and some people don't like it, wouldn't recommend it, think I'm evil for mentioning it and that is all great. It doesn't change what I said, or what I would do or what I recommend to anyone else asking the same thing.

 

[NHdisneylover]

The pp brought up that the roommate could move out and a stranger could move in (sign a lease), we are not discussing that situation.
As far as you thinking in the OP has no say, well that is your opinion and since the OP hasn't posted a copy of the lease agreements, or the campus housing rules for us to "argue"about its pointless for me to respond about that.
However it is my opinion that any tenant in that apartment has a right to know what is going on in it while they are living there, and I'll leave it at that.


I've given my opinion, and some people don't like it, wouldn't recommend it, think I'm evil for mentioning it and that is all great. It doesn't change what I said, or what I would do or what I recommend to anyone else asking the same thing.

Any tenant in that apartment has a right to know what goes on in the priavte, locked bedrooms or other tenants? Oh that opens up so many cans of worms!


I don't think you are evil for mentioning reporting actual violations one is aware of (isuch as giving others the kes if htat is indeed a violation). Or for being uncomfortable (well, no one said you were evil at all so far as I can see). Reporting drug use about which someone has no evidence of because you don't like them being around, though? That is about best unethical, IMO.