We're all upset our friendship is basically ruined after all this, and we're more worried about her than anything. She was already on academic probation coming into this semester, and she admitted she barely goes to class anymore. We went to a party at Jay's boyfriend house earlier in the year and we know they do harder drugs and we're always worried she's gonna try them. We've tried talking to her about it but she ignores our texts and rarely ever comes home. And what happens if they break up and she moves back home? She's gonna want to act like nothing happened and everything is fine but we aren't willing to let this go
I understand she's an adult and can make her own choices, but at the end of the day we're all mainly upset she basically threw us away once she got a boyfriend
A lot of people have replied about the marijuana, and I live in Texas so yes it's illegal here. Like I said earlier and several people have brought up, it stopped once we confronted her about it. That isn't the issue anymore, I only included that because that's where the tension started between all of us.
Many people have also mentioned that she's an adult and what she does is none of my business, which is absolutely right, it just sucks to see one of your best friends turn into someone you don't even know. And that's mostly what the thread is about. She is my roommate, but she was my best friend first and most of these problems are coming from her just not being a good friend anymore. Living with someone can definitely change a friendship, and sometimes friends don't stay friends forever which is fine but that doesn't make it any easier to go through it.
We're all just now coming back from thanksgiving break, and if she lets someone stay here again I'll definitely say something about it, but as people mentioned before I don't think it's fair all 4 of us talk to her at a time because we don't want to gang up on her. At this point I'm not very interested in trying to save the friendship because it's been one sided for almost 6 weeks now. We would try to invite her to stuff, she would always say no. She only texts us if she needs something. I can't keep forcing something that isn't going to happen.
O.P., if you read yourself back here you'll find everything.
-They always say don't live with your friends for a reason. This is normal.
-You are pissed that your friend is so close to her boyfriend and has chosen to invest her time and effort into that relationship and not with you.
-If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, don't. But it's crappy to make speculations about her jumping from the occasional joint to shooting up heroin or snorting lines. It's also crappy to assert that you know how she is going to respond to failing out of college or ending a serious relationship. Is that what you want out of a friend? I like knowing people believe the best in me and will have my back through thick or thin. A best friend is not unlike a spouse in that way.
-As someone who has always found it challenging to be friends with females- this is a lot of why. I like straight shooters who say what they mean and mean what they say. Who say it to me instead of discussing it with others or complaining behind my back. I get that you are frustrated with this person's life choices- but how you handle this is teaching you a lot about yourself.
It's very easy to assume "that will never happen to me" or "the rules don't apply here" as you all chose to do when moving in together without set house rules. Learn from it. Move on.
It's also pretty common for people to be unwilling to accept change in the people closest to them. Why do you think most divorce is cited as "irreconcilable differences"? The reality is it is healthy and normal to grow and change as people- your whole life long. The relationships that survive (and yes, a friendship is a relationship) know how to weather the storms and growing pangs.
To be fair, there are a lot of really shallow people content with really petty friendships. Maybe you choose that too. Either way, you are learning what you want and need out of a friend- and how much you can give and tolerate in return.
I'm also going to note that six weeks is only a month and a half. We all make mistakes. Maybe the boyfriend isn't great for her. Maybe college or her major isn't great for her. Maybe there are other things going on that you don't know about. My point is- this is her right now, not her forever. Maybe give this time and space and see how you feel about it later.
It sounds like your friend is on the defensive, it also sounds like she may be an introvert. If phonecalls and texts aren't working, maybe just write her a short letter? Maybe just let her know when you see her, "Hey, I miss hanging out with you. I know you've got a lot going on right now, but I'm still here if you ever want to <insert coffee/walk/activity you did together>." That is, if you aren't truly done and are just lashing out angrily on a message board. If you read yourself back, it kind of sounds like you are convincing yourself that you're through. Maybe if you take a step back, big picture, long term, you might figure it out.
As for the stranger thing- if it isn't against her lease terms and you all never talked about it or signed anything, than there isn't much you can do aside from requesting it stop. Forgive me, but this is all a bit on the dramatic side, so I am struggling to suss out the facts.
