How old is "too old" for a woman to have a baby?

[PlainJane]

I wouldn’t think it wise to start the process of IVF past the mid-40s. Though, I couldn’t in good conscience tell a woman to not try to implant already frozen embryos past that age (not that I make a habit of telling women any of the above).

There really is no age that won’t surprise/upset people, though. I was 26 and married and some people still made comments about how young I was to be having a baby. Complications happen at all ages. I was a hypermesis gradivium sufferer even having my baby before “advanced maternal age.” Miscarriages happen at all ages, I’ve never had one, but I have friends of similar ages that have. Being in your 20s doesn’t make a woman immune to pregnancy complications.

According to doctors, I shouldn’t exist. I was conceived naturally after 10 years of infertility (which placed my mother at “advanced maternal age”). After infertility treatments they were told they would never conceive. My parents are older, and there are downsides to this, but none that outweighs wanting them as my parents.

I can see being concerned about possible complications due to past complications, but I can’t understand not being happy especially because of a woman’s age or because she has too many already. She knows her medical history, lived it, and I’m sure knows the risks of continuing to try to conceive more children.

Personally, I’m much more concerned about possible future occurrences of Hypermesis Gradvium than I am about having a child past a certain age. When I was younger I thought I’d want to be done at 30, but now I just doubt I would intentionally try to get pregnant after having two children.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I met the right person to spend my life with in highschool, dated him through college and we got married right after graduation. We had our oldest the month I turned 24 and our youngest the month I turned 26. DH has a vasectomy 6 weeks after the youngest was born, the same week DH turned 26. Niether of us ever regreted that.

For us it was perfect to have the kids while young and we are loving being "empty nesters" by 45. We are now at the point that we can afford to travel and enjoy life far more than we would have been in our 20s and we have the freedom to do so while young and healthy and no longer worried about school schedules, etc. It was very much the right decision for us.

For others? I do think that potential parents (of either gender---not just mothers) should take into consideration the liklihood of living and being healthy and not needing outside care until the kids are grown (preferably mid 20s) when deciding of it is the right time to have children. Obviously there are no guaruntees in life, but a 70 year old is far less likely to be in good physical heath 24 years down the road than a 30 year old is. Personally, I do think a child deserves a good chance of having both parents live to raise them to adulthood and the responsible thing to do is to consider that in choosing to bring the child into the world.
Beyond that---I really think the right age is going to vary from family to family

 

[skittles67]

We were blessed with our daughter when I was 39, DH was 40. We thought we were done! Our sons were 20, 18, and 15 when she was born. Yeah, BIG age difference!! I can personally say having a child when your 40, is WAY different than at 20. There are things that I just can't do with her like I did with her brothers - cause I am old, lol. I remember going to the playground and climbing the monkey bars and running and jumping. Easy when you're in your 20's, not so much in your 40's. One advantage to being an older parent, for us, is that we are in a better place financially now then we were when her brothers were little.
Everyone is different and that choice is up to each individual.

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

My DM was 41 when I was born (youngest of 5).

 

[luvsJack]

I had both of my sons when I was very young. I had my dd at 34 and I have been older than most of her friends' parents. But, honestly, I was a calmer parent when she was a baby/toddler than with my boys. I wasn't as worried about the little stuff and just sat back and enjoyed all the little stages with her. So there is something to be said about being a bit older.

Now, her bf's mother is close to my age (about 50) and she is actually having conversations about having a baby with her latest boyfriend! I was shocked. Not only that she assumes she can but that she would even want to. Her grandchildren would be 5 years older than her child! I would never presume to tell her she shouldn't as it is her life and her decision but to say I wasn't a bit taken back would be a lie.

 

[Hikergirl]

My twins were born when I was 41. It was the *right* time for my husband and me. What anyone else thinks is none of my concern.

Women are having babies later than they used to, and I think that's a good think. More stable parents makes for more stable families, and that can only benefit the child. I have NO trouble keeping up with my kids. Indeed, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the hipper parents out there....at least that's what my kid's friends all say. I know what's important, and what's not, at my age, and raise my kid's accordingly.

My husband and I traveled extensively in our 20's and 30's (double income, no kids will do that for you), and made wonderful memories. So, we've gotten the best of all worlds. Just our view.

Me too, my first born was 17 when I was 41.
I feel dh and I had and still have the best of both worlds. We got to enjoy our younger years together before kids, and when we started to have them we enjoyed things in a different way. Now that our youngest just started HS, dh and I are looking forward to the near future because we still feel young enough to "re-live" our days before children. In fact in many ways its better now, we are older, wiser and have more funds

We have friends who started their families later in life and are just as happy as us, but I also know a few that are aren't. They had kids late so they were used to being selfish, and unfortunately never got out of that habit.
It's not the age of a parent that matters, it is what kind of person they are that does.

 

[Colleen27]

So how bad a hypocrite would that make for me to now get all judgy on that after declaring these things were personal decisions.

I'll admit to getting a bit judgy of men who 1) marry women young enough to be their grandchildren and 2) deliberately have children at a point in life where they aren't likely to be around to raise them to adulthood. Yes, tragedy could strike any one of us at any time, but that's not the same as choosing to have a child at 60 or 70, knowing the odds are against you living long enough to see that child graduate from college.

I had my kids pretty young. My son was a giant oops when I got pregnant at 16 and had him at 17. We got married and I had DD at 23. I would have preferred to have two kids around 26-27 and have them back to back before I hit 30. But life had other plans. We made it work.

I surely did give up a good portion of my 20s. I did things and still had nights out and all of that but it isn't the same as being a carefree, no responsibilities 20 something year old hanging out. I know I missed out on that. On the flip side I get to travel and live out the next phase of my life with more financial security. Even without kids in my 20s, I wouldn't have been able to afford the traveling I'm going to do once my kids are out of the house or over 18.

It really is give and take and a personal decision for each family.

And so much depends on when you meet the right partner, which is so much more important than the right timing.

I had my kids young too. But I met my husband at 19 and knew pretty quickly that he was the one, so it just sort of worked out that way. If I hadn't met the right guy until 30, I obviously wouldn't have been done with babies by my planned cut-off! And there really are pros and cons to both paths. We never were carefree 20-somethings, traveling and going out and enjoying not having responsibilities... But that wasn't us anyway. DH worked 70 hour weeks through his 20s and had a hard time getting a week's vacation for our honeymoon. I was working almost as much before becoming a SAHM. But what we missed out on in travel and freedom, I think we made up for in the plans we laid - since we didn't have time for much more than work and each other, we bought our first house young (I was 21) and closed on our "forever" (as long as we have kids at home, anyway) house mortgage-free the week I turned 30. We're very much looking forward to being 40-something empty nesters with more flexible jobs, a better work-life balance, and the money to enjoy our time off.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My XFIL has a 6 year old son and his wife is pregnant again. My son will be 18 when his new baby is born. My XH will be 35 with a new baby sister.

Granted my XFIL is about 55 and looks great, healthy, hard worker but I can't imagine having a baby when my grandson is graduating high school.

 

[LilyWDW]

Isn't that always the way, though? When you get married, when you have kids and how many, whether you work or not, how many hours you work, etc. The worst of the judgments always fall on women.

Heck, women get it when they don't want kids or arn't married by the time they are my age. The next person who says "But you're getting to the point you will be too old to have kids!" is going to get smacked. I don't want kids. I have known I have not wanted kids for 20+ years now. I'm not changing my dang mind!

Why people think they have the "right" to question what we do with our lives like that I will never know or understand.

 

[cinnaminny]

I had a newborn and a one year old by the time I was 19. Way too young, but I did my best. I was actually really lucky that it worked out as well as it did. I had my last kid just before I turned 30. I think I was better prepared emotionally and financially for that situation. My grandma had twenty kids, her last ones were in her mid 40's and it worked out good for her. So if you're in a good situation and can handle it, do what you want. The only thing that would give me pause is not seeing them grow up. Not that this is guaranteed for anyone. For me personally, 35 would be my limit.

 

[soccerdad72]

I'll admit to getting a bit judgy of men who 1) marry women young enough to be their grandchildren and 2) deliberately have children at a point in life where they aren't likely to be around to raise them to adulthood. Yes, tragedy could strike any one of us at any time, but that's not the same as choosing to have a child at 60 or 70, knowing the odds are against you living long enough to see that child graduate from college.

I was about to say that I've seen a fair amount of people judge older men fathering children into their 50's and 60's. It's not as prevalent as criticism toward older women having babies, but both sides have had their judgement.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Well, first, I completely think it's up to each individual woman, so I don't think there is a "too old" in general.

For me, 45 would be my limit. I'm 50 now and anything older than that would have been tough on me.

 

[buzznina]

Congrats! Funny how that works, huh? It's almost like her body was like ok ok, enough already with the drugs and hormones and shots and whatever. Let's just relax a bit and let nature have another shot, right?

I will say, after going through multiple miscarriages, we could both never relax until the moment my son was born. It's like we were just waiting for the other shoe to drop, even after the 1st trimester had passed. So in a way, she didn't get to enjoy it as much I guess, but we wouldn't trade the result for anything in the world!

Here's a pic of my little guy. Sending best wishes and good luck to all of you that are trying or are currently pregnant (no matter what age!) that a healthy child is coming to you soon.

View attachment 282167

He looks very happy and I am sure looking forward to his first trip to WDW. We are only 11 days away from taking our DDs back.
We were definitely in the same boat, but we did feel much better getting pass the 1st trimester, mainly because the handful of miscarriages we had happened during that time. I think what also helped was that we bought a heart monitor and used it a lot during the pregnancy Have a magical time on your January trip.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

My Mom was conceived when my grandmother was 40. So I'm glad no one tried to talk her out of having another baby.

When should someone stop? When they feel it is right. It isn't anyone's business what others do in the bedroom.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Had my last at 23, now enjoying grands & freedom. Why would you want to tie yourself down later in life. My xDH wanted one I our forties - oh heck no.

To each her own, but I had my first at 25 and that was borderline too young for me. I can't imagine having children earlier than that. Again, though, to each her own.

 

[Aladora]

A woman is too old when she can no longer have them or doesn't want to have them anymore. I would never presume to make that decision for anyone else.

This. As long as someone wants to have a baby, is able to have a baby and is able to care for that baby then it is none of my business!

As for me, DH and I got married when I was 27 and we had DS when I was 33. We were just starting to talk about a second when DS was almost a year and a half but then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That put an end to our talk about a second. Now that I am 45 and DS is 12, I am thrilled that the young kid years are behind us. DH's aunt is 2 months younger than me and she just had her first the same month she turned 45. Not something I would want but I'm not the one having or raising the baby.

 

[Tinkerdreams]

I don’t so much care about if you can have a baby later in life as much as I would consider where I would want to be when I’m 55, 60, etc. do I want to be in the teen years at that time or having time to travel and enjoy myself because my kids are grown and married or out on there own.

We have a friend that had her kids in her 40’s and she has no time to “go out with the girls” because her kids have school, activities, etc.

I think people have to look at the whole picture before making a choice.

 

[gillep]

I don’t so much care about if you can have a baby later in life as much as I would consider where I would want to be when I’m 55, 60, etc. do I want to be in the teen years at that time or having time to travel and enjoy myself because my kids are grown and married or out on there own.

We have a friend that had her kids in her 40’s and she has no time to “go out with the girls” because her kids have school, activities, etc.

I think people have to look at the whole picture before making a choice.

I completely agree with this, but it is true on the other side too. As I said before I am 33 now. DH and I have had almost 15 years together, 9 married and we have traveled a lot, purchased 3 houses, moved all over the US with 3 large moves, maxed out our retirement accounts each year etc. etc.. Some of that may not have been possible if we had kids early on in our lives. We are able to decide on a whim if we want to fly to DL for the weekend, or decide to fly from CA to NY to attend a wedding event for my SIL with 3 days notice, and our friends with kids are unable to do those things. If we have kids later in life that will flip. Many times my friends with kids have been unable to go to happy hour or brunch with the rest of us 'girls' who don't have kids, or take that girls weekend, but it is really just the other side of the same coin.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Either way you lose some freedoms. You lose them in your 20s or you lose them in your 40s or 50s.

I notice we don't hang out with my SO's family much anymore. We do more things with his friends circle. His family has younger kids or are starting their families. Most things they do is child centered activities. I'm over that phase. Pumpkin patches, breakfast with Santa, etc. His friends circle are around our age or 5-7 years older. We are the youngest but we all have teenagers. They have the same freedoms we have and are getting into the phase of doing more adult activities. Trips, couples weekends, girls weekends, etc. We also vacation all together with our children.

 

[bcla]

I was about to say that I've seen a fair amount of people judge older men fathering children into their 50's and 60's. It's not as prevalent as criticism toward older women having babies, but both sides have had their judgement.

It's certainly a medical concern. Fertility certainly is reduced with male age, but if one can impregnate - the result is a higher incidence of children with reduced fertility, birth defects, higher disease rates, mental illness, learning issues, and even miscarriage. None of these are absolutes, but it's pretty clear that a combination of mothers and fathers with advanced age increases such issues.

Certainly as biological creatures, human beings weren't necessarily meant to have children at such advanced ages even if the equipment could still do it. We live in an age with advanced medicine that can treat these conditions.