How old is "too old" for a woman to have a baby?

[DawnM]

This is just another of the many areas where women can do no right. Get married or have kids before 25 and you're judged for not focusing enough on career and independence, wait until 30+ and you're judged for waiting too long and courting higher risks in pregnancy/birth. It is just impossible to please everyone.

So interesting to me that women suffer from this judgement far more than men do. A man spawns a child at 50 and as long as the woman is younger, no one bats an eye.

I was 32, 33, and 37 when my children were born. I married at 29.

The one who was born when I was 37 is adopted. I was 39 when we adopted him. Honestly, we thought of adopting one more after that, but it never worked out. However, I wanted to add that there were couples who were 50 on our trip, adopting an infant. Some of them even had grown children. Who am I to judge?

 

[QueenIsabella]

I always said, "40 and I'm done!" Joke's on me. I was 39 when we had #3--after 6 years of secondary infertility. DH really, really wanted to try for a fourth--I thought he was nuts, because, well, almost 40 and secondary infertility. But I agreed to try, for a set amount of time--if it didn't work, we would accept our fate and the gifts we were given and enjoy life. I had DS11 a few weeks after I turned 42, and he's the light of my life. The only sort-of regret I have is, we're currently doing college planning and retirement planning at the same time. Luckily, we seem to have the resources to cover both.

 

[DisneyOma]

I'm too old to have any more kids, and just took care of that possibility a few weeks ago. At age 53 I've been told my parts look like they belong to someone in their twenties. My reply - "Know anyone in their twenties who want them?" I've spent a lot of time in doctors' offices trying to solve some issues with said parts, and they have been MRI'd, CTscanned, ultrasounded - the only issues they have found is that my parts are raring to go and want to reproduce!

I told my husband that if I were to get pregnant at this age, I'd head off to my older daughter's town, have the baby there, and give it to her to raise. I want grandkids!

About the only issues I see with having children later in life - the increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities that lead to severe issues, and the (still being researched) increase of children with autism when the father is older.

 

[Allison]

I don't understand why your family is concerned about 40. I wouldn't bat an eye at that.

 

[katie111]

I got married at 29 and had my first child at 34. We spent those 5 years working on our careers, traveling, and having a great time. When we finally had kids, we were ready for them, emotionally & financially. We ended up having 3, with the last born when I was 39.5. Baby had a lot of developmental delays but I have no idea if age was a factor. But he is now 10 and has completely caught up to his peers. I liked having my kids later, I had so much fun in my 20's and early 30's and it allowed me to be able to afford being a SAHM once we had kids. We live in a highly educated, career driven region so having kids after 30 is really the norm here. I also wouldn't want an empty nest right now, not sure what I would do with myself!

My parents got pregnant when my mom was 47 and my dad 53. For them, that was too old. They started having kids at 21 and their youngest (me) was 18 at the time they got pregnant. Although they loved him, they always resented him interrupting their plans for retirement and finally having some financial stability. He acted out because he always felt unwanted (even though we all loved him to death). He's had a lot of issues and is finally getting his life together at age 30.

But I think everyone's choices are different and there is no right or wrong age. As women, we just need to support each other.

 

[Tattylou]

I already replied on page 1 or 2, but just reading through made me realize I'd much rather have a baby at 40 then 20 or 23. My 20s were mine, all mine, and I loved every minute of it - all those late nights with friends at an age without kids or real responsibilities - Glorious. I had my kids at 30 and 32, but I'm glad my 20s were mine, especially my early 20s.
Obviously there is no right or wrong .....each person and each family is different and that is ok.

 

[Klayfish]

Well, I'm a guy, so I won't speak for how old is too old for a female. But I will say that from a guys' perspective, we can father children at a rather "advanced" age. But just because we can doesn't mean I want to. When our twins were born, both DW and I were 35. I'm 45 and I couldn't even fathom wanting to start all over now. Nope, nope, not a chance, no way Jose, ain't gonna happen, drop the mic...

 

[Colleen27]

So interesting to me that women suffer from this judgement far more than men do. A man spawns a child at 50 and as long as the woman is younger, no one bats an eye.

Isn't that always the way, though? When you get married, when you have kids and how many, whether you work or not, how many hours you work, etc. The worst of the judgments always fall on women.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

When I worked in urology one of our docs had a side gig helping with IVF. He had a lot of patients with husbands well into their late 60s early 70s having children with their 20ish year old wives. I will never understand it but to each their own.

 

[mom2rtk]

When I worked in urology one of our docs had a side gig helping with IVF. He had a lot of patients with husbands well into their late 60s early 70s having children with their 20ish year old wives. I will never understand it but to each their own.

So how bad a hypocrite would that make for me to now get all judgy on that after declaring these things were personal decisions.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I already replied on page 1 or 2, but just reading through made me realize I'd much rather have a baby at 40 then 20 or 23. My 20s were mine, all mine, and I loved every minute of it - all those late nights with friends at an age without kids or real responsibilities - Glorious. I had my kids at 30 and 32, but I'm glad my 20s were mine, especially my early 20s.
Obviously there is no right or wrong .....each person and each family is different and that is ok.

I had my kids pretty young. My son was a giant oops when I got pregnant at 16 and had him at 17. We got married and I had DD at 23. I would have preferred to have two kids around 26-27 and have them back to back before I hit 30. But life had other plans. We made it work.

I surely did give up a good portion of my 20s. I did things and still had nights out and all of that but it isn't the same as being a carefree, no responsibilities 20 something year old hanging out. I know I missed out on that. On the flip side I get to travel and live out the next phase of my life with more financial security. Even without kids in my 20s, I wouldn't have been able to afford the traveling I'm going to do once my kids are out of the house or over 18.

It really is give and take and a personal decision for each family.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I got married early - 5 days shy of 21 and had my first at 23, second at 25 and third at 27. I wanted them all in my 20's so that when I was in my 40's the time would be mine and I could do what I wanted. I wanted to be a young mother and I am glad I did it the way I did. I couldn't imagine having a baby in my mid 30's or 40's just because I did not want to be an older mother. My mom was 36 when she had me, her last, and honestly everyone thought she was my grandmother and all of my friends mom's were young and relateable - that was what I wanted to be with my kids. I am 46 now and my kids are 23, 21 and nearly 19. Life is good

 

[lovin'fl]

I had my kids pretty young. My son was a giant oops when I got pregnant at 16 and had him at 17. We got married and I had DD at 23. I would have preferred to have two kids around 26-27 and have them back to back before I hit 30. But life had other plans. We made it work.

I surely did give up a good portion of my 20s. I did things and still had nights out and all of that but it isn't the same as being a carefree, no responsibilities 20 something year old hanging out. I know I missed out on that. On the flip side I get to travel and live out the next phase of my life with more financial security. Even without kids in my 20s, I wouldn't have been able to afford the traveling I'm going to do once my kids are out of the house or over 18.

It really is give and take and a personal decision for each family.

This. Having ours at 23 and 25, we missed the young fun married couple years but we wouldn't have been able to afford what we now can in our 40s. DH and I now can do whatever we want. After dropping the twins of at college we went on cruise and then a month later we went to Disney F&W. We can eat out wherever and whenever we want. We go drinking with friends and the next day we can lay around to rest off our hangover and don't have little kids jumping in our bed looking for breakfast (like our friends do). And something we've noticed...our friends who had kids in their 30-40s, they have had trouble giving up their fun young married couple lifestyles they were used to. They drop their kids off at grandparents houses all the time and continue their fun. Or if they have the money, they hire nannies to raise their kids (my aunt who had kids the same time as me, me in my 20s and her 40s,...she did this). So different things work for different folks. Our way was also unintentional. We had graduated college and were getting married with plans to start a family a few years later but....I was already pregnant on my wedding day. But it has worked well for us. I wouldn't want it any other way....for us.

 

[erin1715]

I'm 39 and still hoping that we might have a baby after years of trying.

I'm creeping close to 37 and hoping for the same.

ETA: My husband and I went through a few years of infertility treatment with 7 IVF procedures and no success (two chemical pregnancies). We had enough of that and decided to leave it in God's hands. Well, I miraculously got pregnant naturally in May 2016 but unfortunately the baby had down syndrome and I lost her close to 10 weeks. But even though I lost her, she was still a miracle and gave me reason to hope again.

 

[Minnesota!]

I wanted to be done at 30 as I plan to retire at 55. I wanted to be done paying for college by then.

However, I would NEVER decide for anyone else what was right. My cousin had her first - twins, at that - at 52. She is 60 now, with 8 year olds, and you would never guess she is the age she is.

I know of quite a few women, right now, who are pregnant and all are about 40. I didn't bat an eye...just glad it isn't me.

 

[buzznina]

@DisneyHardin - Best of luck to you! My wife and I, after years of trying to conceive naturally, dealing with numerous unexplained miscarriages, and taking bottles upon bottles and syringes on top of syringes of this, that, and the other fertility drugs, we took a break from all of the fertility treatments and drugs because I said it was doing too much stress to her body and mind. Soon after, she/we got pregnant the natural way, and she gave birth to our healthy son when she was 42 (and we are taking said precious toddler boy to WDW for his first time in January)! Don't lose hope!

This was us trying to have our 2nd (beautiful DD) and when we finally got pregnant my DW was 45. The fertility process is very expensive so that also added stress as well, but like you we stopped and a half year later my DW was pregnant I think to many families have kids too early and are really just not ready to handle it.

 

[mom2rtk]

This. Having ours at 23 and 25, we missed the young fun married couple years but we wouldn't have been able to afford what we now can in our 40s. DH and I now can do whatever we want. After dropping the twins of at college we went on cruise and then a month later we went to Disney F&W. We can eat out wherever and whenever we want. We go drinking with friends and the next day we can lay around to rest off our hangover and don't have little kids jumping in our bed looking for breakfast (like our friends do). And something we've noticed...our friends who had kids in their 30-40s, they have had trouble giving up their fun young married couple lifestyles they were used to. They drop their kids off at grandparents houses all the time and continue their fun. Or if they have the money, they hire nannies to raise their kids (my aunt who had kids the same time as me, me in my 20s and her 40s,...she did this). So different things work for different folks. Our way was also unintentional. We had graduated college and were getting married with plans to start a family a few years later but....I was pregnant at my wedding. But it has worked well for us. I wouldn't want it any other way....for us.

Proof positive that selfish parents exist at all ages.

 

[mnrose]

My twins were born when I was 41. It was the *right* time for my husband and me. What anyone else thinks is none of my concern.

Women are having babies later than they used to, and I think that's a good think. More stable parents makes for more stable families, and that can only benefit the child. I have NO trouble keeping up with my kids. Indeed, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the hipper parents out there....at least that's what my kid's friends all say. I know what's important, and what's not, at my age, and raise my kid's accordingly.

My husband and I traveled extensively in our 20's and 30's (double income, no kids will do that for you), and made wonderful memories. So, we've gotten the best of all worlds. Just our view.

 

[Wubar]

The fertility process is very expensive so that also added stress as well, but like you we stopped and a half year later my DW was pregnant.

Congrats! Funny how that works, huh? It's almost like her body was like ok ok, enough already with the drugs and hormones and shots and whatever. Let's just relax a bit and let nature have another shot, right?

I will say, after going through multiple miscarriages, we could both never relax until the moment my son was born. It's like we were just waiting for the other shoe to drop, even after the 1st trimester had passed. So in a way, she didn't get to enjoy it as much I guess, but we wouldn't trade the result for anything in the world!

Here's a pic of my little guy. Sending best wishes and good luck to all of you that are trying or are currently pregnant (no matter what age!) that a healthy child is coming to you soon.

 

[Magpie]

My twins were born when I was 41. It was the *right* time for my husband and me. What anyone else thinks is none of my concern.

Women are having babies later than they used to, and I think that's a good think. More stable parents makes for more stable families, and that can only benefit the child. I have NO trouble keeping up with my kids. Indeed, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the hipper parents out there....at least that's what my kid's friends all say. I know what's important, and what's not, at my age, and raise my kid's accordingly.

My husband and I traveled extensively in our 20's and 30's (double income, no kids will do that for you), and made wonderful memories. So, we've gotten the best of all worlds. Just our view.

I think we've had the best of all worlds, too.

I had my children in my early 20's. Now, I'm in my mid-40's and my husband is 2 and a half years away from retirement, and we're both still in good health, and enjoying the freedom of having grown kids.

We have money now and can afford the kinds of vacations we never could have taken when we were younger. We frequently find ourselves saying things like, "I'm so glad we had the kids when we did!"

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do this. Our family has always been very stable and I think we did well by those kids, for all that we had them younger than you. I knew what was important, even back then, and raised my kids accordingly, too.

I'm very glad to have all those sleepless nights and diapers behind me, too!

The one thing I DO tell my daughter, however, is that menopause has a history of hitting the women of my family early. So, she should not assume that she'll continue to be fertile into her late 30's. I was just 35 when I started experiencing the first symptoms of pre-menopause, and I have to assume my fertility probably began to decline at that point (though I didn't test it!). Just something for her to be aware of.

Getting back to the OP:

When a woman chooses to have a child, should be a matter decided between herself and her partner. As long as she has the resources (financial and psychological) to provide for the child, it's no one's else's business. And the only proper, polite response to anyone's announcement of impending parenthood (even if it's the ninth time around) is, "Congratulations! When is the baby due?" Opinions on the mother's choice of timing, whether she's had too many children already, whether she's too old, too young, and predictions or wagers on the success of the pregnancy, should all be kept to oneself.

After all, what's done, is done. And all babies deserve to be welcomed into the world with joy.