How old is "too old" for a woman to have a baby?

[Neesy228]

Personally, I had decided that wanted to be done by 32. My youngest was born six months after I turned 32.

My mother was 20 when she had me and 40 when she had my sister. She always says that 40 was much harder. My BFF had her youngest at 41 and she’s happy with her choice.

I never felt like having a child “later” was something I wanted to do, but I don’t criticize anyone who chooses that path or is dealt that hand. It just wasn’t my choice.

 

[Marchand63]

And many would say why tie yourself down so early in life. Some are thrilled to be tied down later in life after years of medical intervention trying to start their families. It really is a very individual decision.

Nobody asked about medical intervention or infertility so,I answered with spontaneous conception. If you want to set up parameters on answers ask that question.

Of course if you are dealing with infertility it changes the answer. Just going of our experience.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I've always felt that there are pros and cons to both having kids early, and having kids late.

Having them early, you might not be as settled with school or career, home, etc., which may bring financial or other concerns, however you are done early and are still relatively young, will probably have grandchildren young, etc.

Having them later, you are probabaly more settled financially and with career, but you're older, and may run into issues with your own health or work, tiredness, etc.; you will be older when kids are done with HS and college, and may be an older grandparent.

I don't think that either is better or worse than the other; just different.

To each his own.

BTW, from an evolution standpoint, women were meant to have babies in their teens, so even 20's is late by those standards.

 

[jt'smom]

I felt like an "old" mom when I had my one and only at 31. Mostly because all my friends started in their mid/late 20's. Now that I have peers who are my age (52), and had careers before they started, so they now have elementary aged kids, I can see how waiting till your 40's seems to give you calm patience, lol. Although I can't imagine having the energy to run constantly doing kid stuff now, I love seeing some of my friends getting up for midget hockey practice at 4AM on a saturday morning. More power to them!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think I'd be up for having another - maybe one (if I didn't have to birth it! ) - though I'd have a lot more energy if I wasn't dealing with other things, such as an aged parent. There are worse things in life for a child than having an older parent.

 

[bcla]

Whenever it works out. I'm in a profession (college professor) where women tend to have babies very late in life. It's difficult to have a baby and get a Ph.D. or work toward tenure at the same time, so a lot of us wait until we're tenured to do it. A good friend of mine had twins at 45; she's now 53 and is doing just fine. I've had many other friends have babies at 40 or after.

Of course there are companies these days (Apple and Facebook are the best known) that offer egg freezing for their employees. While it's clear that they offer it for their female employees, I haven't heard if they will offer it for the female spouses of their employees.

I'm under the impression that the biggest issue with reduced fertility is with conception. And a frozen egg could certainly be implanted later into the patient, a surrogate, or even a lesbian partner. I've heard that the latter is becoming increasingly popular because one is the biological mother and the other is the birth mother.

 

[soccerdad72]

Had my last at 23, now enjoying grands & freedom. Why would you want to tie yourself down later in life. My xDH wanted one I our forties - oh heck no.

Depends on what you consider 'later in life'. Everyone's situation is different, obviously. I wasn't married until 25, so obviously, I wasn't going to have my first child until 'later in life'.

That being said, I agree with you that now that I'm in my 40s, no chance would I want to be starting over with a baby. But people are getting married later and later these days also.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Of course there are companies these days (Apple and Facebook are the best known) that offer egg freezing for their employees. While it's clear that they offer it for their female employees, I haven't heard if they will offer it for the female spouses of their employees.

I'm under the impression that the biggest issue with reduced fertility is with conception. And a frozen egg could certainly be implanted later into the patient, a surrogate, or even a lesbian partner. I've heard that the latter is becoming increasingly popular because one is the biological mother and the other is the birth mother.

At some point, though, it would need to be fertilized. And that opens up a whole other can of worms.

I would think that if they offer it for female employees, they'd offer it as a general benefit for all employees.

Freezing eggs is a relatively new technology. When I did IVF around 1995-96, it generally wasn't done yet. I think they started doing it more routinely some time after that. (Wiki says first successful birth from frozen oocyte 1999.) Embryos (fertilized eggs) and sperm were able to be frozen prior to that, but not eggs (oocytes) by themselves (again, generally; the procedure itself does go back way further than that).

ETA sometimes "frozen eggs" and "frozen embryos" are used interchangeably, but that's not the case.

 

[bcla]

Depends on what you consider 'later in life'. Everyone's situation is different, obviously. I wasn't married until 25, so obviously, I wasn't going to have my first child until 'later in life'.

That being said, I agree with you that now that I'm in my 40s, no chance would I want to be starting over with a baby. But people are getting married later and later these days also.

The older male, younger female dynamic is still happening - especially if dad has the financial means to hire nanny or other household help. I remember reading about a famous guy who had a child with his wife when he was 70 and she was 30. It certainly wasn't ideal, as males are technically still fertile, but the rate of birth defects and miscarriages are considerably higher.

 

[lovin'fl]

I started young at 23. My plan was to be done by 35 which was not a problem since pregnancy #2, at age 25, was twins. Three kids by 25....and DH got a vasectomy 4 months after twins were born. I am 44 now. Most of our friends that are the same age have elementary aged kids while we are now empty nest. Our friends through our kids (parents of their friends) are in their 50s mostly. I can not imagine having a baby or toddler or even elementary kiddo running around. The thought exhausts me....but that's probably because I have been parenting 21 years and am long past that. I did have a phase where I regretted the vasectomy and wanted a 4th really bad. But that fizzled out by about age 33-34.

 

[bcla]

At some point, though, it would need to be fertilized. And that opens up a whole other can of worms.

I would think that if they offer it for female employees, they'd offer it as a general benefit for all employees.

Freezing eggs is a relatively new technology. When I did IVF around 1995-96, it generally wasn't done yet. I think they started doing it more routinely some time after that. (Wiki says first successful birth from frozen oocyte 1999.) Embryos (fertilized eggs) and sperm were able to be frozen prior to that, but not eggs (oocytes) by themselves (again, generally; the procedure itself does go back way further than that).

ETA sometimes "frozen eggs" and "frozen embryos" are used interchangeably, but that's not the case.

I'm not sure about how Apple and Facebook are handling it, but I suspect that they could include the option for them to pay for storage of frozen eggs or fertilized embryos. And that brings a completely different set of crazy stuff. There was a local case of a formerly married couple where the ex-wife wanted to use the embryos after she had cancer treatment but their contract stated they would be destroyed in case of divorce. These companies might want to stay far away from having to worry about that.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm not sure about how Apple and Facebook are handling it, but I suspect that they could include the option for them to pay for storage of frozen eggs or fertilized embryos. And that brings a completely different set of crazy stuff. There was a local case of a formerly married couple where the ex-wife wanted to use the embryos after she had cancer treatment but their contract stated they would be destroyed in case of divorce. These companies might want to stay far away from having to worry about that.

I doubt the companies would be involved in that if they're just providing it as a benefit through a third party. There are a lot of legal papers that get signed during the process directing what will be done with any unused embryos. For the vast majority of people it's probably pretty simple.

 

[wenrob]

I've always felt that there are pros and cons to both having kids early, and having kids late.

Having them early, you might not be as settled with school or career, home, etc., which may bring financial or other concerns, however you are done early and are still relatively young, will probably have grandchildren young, etc.

Having them later, you are probabaly more settled financially and with career, but you're older, and may run into issues with your own health or work, tiredness, etc.; you will be older when kids are done with HS and college, and may be an older grandparent.

I don't think that either is better or worse than the other; just different.

To each his own.

BTW, from an evolution standpoint, women were meant to have babies in their teens, so even 20's is late by those standards.

My many, many cousins and their many, many children would attest to that. All of them got married and started having babies right out of high school. There is about an 8 year gap between myself and the next oldest cousin. He’s already a grandpa three times over while mine and my sister’s oldest kids (21 and 23) aren’t even dating seriously. Getting married at 24 and not having my first child until 28 I was considered an “old maid” in my family. My folks were 17, so while still young they have some major health issues. It’s kind of put me in a hard position having young kids and sometimes having to choose who needs my attention most at times.

At some point, though, it would need to be fertilized. And that opens up a whole other can of worms.

I would think that if they offer it for female employees, they'd offer it as a general benefit for all employees.

Freezing eggs is a relatively new technology. When I did IVF around 1995-96, it generally wasn't done yet. I think they started doing it more routinely some time after that. (Wiki says first successful birth from frozen oocyte 1999.) Embryos (fertilized eggs) and sperm were able to be frozen prior to that, but not eggs (oocytes) by themselves (again, generally; the procedure itself does go back way further than that).

ETA sometimes "frozen eggs" and "frozen embryos" are used interchangeably, but that's not the case.

Yeah, they are used interchangeably a lot. I didn’t think freezing eggs alone was all that common. Older DD was born in 96 with my second IVF cycle. She was one of six frozen embryos. The first successful frozen embryo transfer for that clinic. She was a huge deal to them at the time.

 

[JaneBanks]

I'm 39 and still hoping that we might have a baby after years of trying.

I just turned 38 and my husband is 43. We are going through the fertility process for our first now. Good luck and baby dust to you and anybody else who is trying!

 

[gillep]

Of course there are companies these days (Apple and Facebook are the best known) that offer egg freezing for their employees. While it's clear that they offer it for their female employees, I haven't heard if they will offer it for the female spouses of their employees.

I'm under the impression that the biggest issue with reduced fertility is with conception. And a frozen egg could certainly be implanted later into the patient, a surrogate, or even a lesbian partner. I've heard that the latter is becoming increasingly popular because one is the biological mother and the other is the birth mother.

My guess is that they likely offer it for female spouses of their male employees as well, my husband doesn't work for either Facebook or Apple, but has many friends that work for each, and most of the larger companies in the valley have pretty nice benefits and other policies for their employees, and all of the ones I have heard of our equal across the work force whether it be for an employee or spouse of an employee.

I just turned 33 and I still don't know that I feel ready for a child. My husband and I have been married for over 9 years, we both have excellent jobs, and own our own home, and I still feel totally ill prepared for a child. We have spent the past 9 years moving all over the US and building our lives and careers and it just has not felt like the right time yet. I am thankful that I likely still have a bit more time. It is such a personal decision, that I would never dream of telling another person what's right for them, or what the best time is.

 

[Wubar]

I just turned 38 and my husband is 43. We are going through the fertility process for our first now. Good luck and baby dust to you and anybody else who is trying!

Good luck!

 

[bcla]

My guess is that they likely offer it for female spouses of their male employees as well, my husband doesn't work for either Facebook or Apple, but has many friends that work for each, and most of the larger companies in the valley have pretty nice benefits and other policies for their employees, and all of the ones I have heard of our equal across the work force whether it be for an employee or spouse of an employee.

I could understand for most health benefits. However, this is a completely different rationale for providing this benefit - that one shouldn't necessarily feel as if the current career choice is affect the ability to be a parent in the future when fertility is inherently lower. However, it's generally not for companies to judge why an employee is taking advantage of a perk. So it could be someone who simply might want to have those eggs in reserve, even if they choose to have a child soon.

When I was working at a large company (Fortune 500 at the time) in Silicon Valley, I don't believe that a spouse would have had access to the company park or the company gym, so there were certain benefits that were reserved on for employees. Of course the reporting hasn't really been that specific.

 

[disneychrista]

For me there is a difference between the first child and having another child.

Personally (for me) 35 is too old and at 45 I am not sure what I would do if I found out I was pregnant. For someone else, I think anyone over 40 is crazy to be having a baby but that is THEIR choice not mine.

 

[bcla]

I just turned 38 and my husband is 43. We are going through the fertility process for our first now. Good luck and baby dust to you and anybody else who is trying!

Reminds me of the episode of Coach where they're at a fertility clinic for a consultation and another male patient walks out of a room and offers to shake his hand.

 

[gillep]

I could understand for most health benefits. However, this is a completely different rationale for providing this benefit - that one shouldn't necessarily feel as if the current career choice is affect the ability to be a parent in the future when fertility is inherently lower. However, it's generally not for companies to judge why an employee is taking advantage of a perk. So it could be someone who simply might want to have those eggs in reserve, even if they choose to have a child soon.

When I was working at a large company (Fortune 500 at the time) in Silicon Valley, I don't believe that a spouse would have had access to the company park or the company gym, so there were certain benefits that were reserved on for employees. Of course the reporting hasn't really been that specific.

According to an NPR article from October 2014 the benefit is also available to employees' spouses, I checked my benefits and it is covered for me under my husband's insurance.