But I am sick of hearing how awful it is to share dining space with children.
I genuinely understand that people have the right to eat their meal in peace, and I do not allow my children to bother others, and I do my best to restrict their noise level, I also will remove them in extremis. But I am also always grateful for kindness when I am doing my best to achieve all of this (considering one child is only 4, and I expect a level of additional excitement due to being at WDW, and one child has ASD, and may easily be overwhelmed) obviously everyone is looking for their magical vacation, and I would not like to spoil that, but, not every parent with a child who looks to be "undisciplined" is oblivious OR ignoring the problem.It's not awful to share dining space with children (unless it's a adult-only location which is a different issue), it's awful sharing dining space with parents who won't discipline their children or keep them under control. And it's not a Disney issue. It happens anywhere and everywhere. We went to restaurants so infrequently as children that to go to one was a treat. We knew that it meant behaving or it wouldn't happen again. But not everyone has that same philosophy.
I admit that it's frustrating when you are where there are out of control children. As annoyed as I can get with loud and misbehaving kids, I always am more annoyed with the parents. They are the ones who are supposed to understand what is and isn't acceptable, have self-control, and are more aware of how what they do impacts others. And it's their job to teach that. I always assume that they were probably just like their kids when they were young and have sadly just passed it down. I have certainly seen bad behaviour at Disney but not as often as reasonably well-behaved kids.
It is very clear when parents are ignoring their children. In this case at one table the parents were munching their desert while their kids were running and screaming all over the bar. The other table the father was encouraging the screeching and egged on his son when it was clear diners around him were annoyed.I genuinely understand that people have the right to eat their meal in peace, and I do not allow my children to bother others, and I do my best to restrict their noise level, I also will remove them in extremis. But I am also always grateful for kindness when I am doing my best to achieve all of this (considering one child is only 4, and I expect a level of additional excitement due to being at WDW, and one child has ASD, and may easily be overwhelmed) obviously everyone is looking for their magical vacation, and I would not like to spoil that, but, not every parent with a child who looks to be "undisciplined" is oblivious OR ignoring the problem.
That was at least 15 years ago and, after reading this thread, things have obviously changed. Clearly, in those days, Disney was not opposed to asking parents to control their children in a Signature restaurant.
It feels great to take control. Let them scream their heads off or jump off chairs & tables. I'll either be in another room or on my way to a different restaurant.
This is fabulous!!! I love how your approach tends to your own self. We cannot control others, but we can control ourselves.
I myself am not bothered by children's behavior AS LONG AS the parent is addressing it, even if they are struggling, even if it's not working. If they are down on the kid's level trying to work it out, removing their child, whatever they need to do, that is fine. Kuddos to them for being a parent.
It's when they ignore the child's behavior, don't seem aware of how disruptive it is, or outright encourage it, that everyone around them can get very annoyed. It's rude, inconsiderate, their child's behavior is completely on them. Too many parents still need parenting themselves!
I myself am not bothered by children's behavior AS LONG AS the parent is addressing it, even if they are struggling, even if it's not working. If they are down on the kid's level trying to work it out, removing their child, whatever they need to do, that is fine. Kuddos to them for being a parent.
It's when they ignore the child's behavior, don't seem aware of how disruptive it is, or outright encourage it, that everyone around them can get very annoyed. It's rude, inconsiderate, their child's behavior is completely on them. Too many parents still need parenting themselves!
Completely agree. If the parents are trying, I understand. Been there, done that. You nailed it, it's when they ignore the kids behavior. i don't know how a restaurant can fix that. Its not the kids fault, it rests with the parents and they clearly don't care.
We have reservations at MP! (We are two adults a four year old and an 11 yr old.) We are doing a load of character meals for the kids, but we are also doing MP, Tiffins, CG brunch, for us, but the kids are expected to behave well. Of course they can chat, and whatever. As I say, I have removed my children from restaurants if necessary (the older one has ASD so, if he is overwhelmed then there is no coming back from it) and I am aware of other diners. I just am sad to see people so down on kids!
Nailed It!This is fabulous!!! I love how your approach tends to your own self. We cannot control others, but we can control ourselves.
I myself am not bothered by children's behavior AS LONG AS the parent is addressing it, even if they are struggling, even if it's not working. If they are down on the kid's level trying to work it out, removing their child, whatever they need to do, that is fine. Kuddos to them for being a parent.
It's when they ignore the child's behavior, don't seem aware of how disruptive it is, or outright encourage it, that everyone around them can get very annoyed. It's rude, inconsiderate, their child's behavior is completely on them. Too many parents still need parenting themselves!
I get it. If I saw you having trouble in a restaurant I would try to help you! or send you a desert / wine.My son is on the spectrum and I will say it does make me more sensitive to perceived judgement from other parents, because believe me... I have tried the tough love traditional parenting stuff and it doesn't work with my kid. You'll never hear me threatening to take him to the bathroom and it is crucial that I understand what is triggering the behavior because that is the only way to effectively deal with it. So while it's seen as maybe a new and more permissive way of parenting... I have spent thousands of dollars on very expensive specialists to figure out how to best deal with my child.
It's so hard because you are trying the best you can to control so many things... your child's environment, which you can only control so much, and his reaction to that environment, which you can also only control so much. Mine will often get up and stand next to me and hang on to me when he is done... I think he just needs that sensory input of being close to mom when he is no longer eating but the meal is still going on. I always wonder about what people will say or think and they probably think I'm a terrible parent but it keeps him calm and quiet while I finish my meal and I make sure he is not standing in anyone's way or in a path frequented by other guests or servers. And I'm a single mom too so there is no taking him outside and letting someone else deal with the check/getting the food wrapped up/whatever... I need to either sprout the ability to be in two places at once or just deal as best I can in the restaurant until I can get the check settled up and get out of there.
He is luckily very very good in restaurants and really enjoys eating out and sees them as a treat and I haven't had much trouble with him since he was much younger but there are some dicey moments still where someone might hear his voice that he is having trouble regulating the volume of but not my much lower volume voice (I am also very soft spoken in general) helping him realize he needs to take it down a couple of notches without drawing even more attention to us. I have found that I am about 1000 times more understanding of other "bad parents" since I have had to deal with my own because you never know the full story or what is going on. My child looks perfectly neurotypical most of the time... until he doesn't. But unless you know what you are looking at, it can look just like being a brat. I am sensitive to and aware of this and it makes me hypervigilant in public about his behavior (which is honestly really good most of the time).
That said there is really no excuse for what the OP described... encouraging your kids to screech in a restaurant and letting them run around are two things that even my little family can avoid in restaurants with minimal effort! As a single mom I may not be able to run him out right that second if he is being loud but heck if you'll ever find me encouraging it!
My son is on the spectrum and I will say it does make me more sensitive to perceived judgement from other parents, because believe me... I have tried the tough love traditional parenting stuff and it doesn't work with my kid. You'll never hear me threatening to take him to the bathroom and it is crucial that I understand what is triggering the behavior because that is the only way to effectively deal with it. So while it's seen as maybe a new and more permissive way of parenting... I have spent thousands of dollars on very expensive specialists to figure out how to best deal with my child.
It's so hard because you are trying the best you can to control so many things... your child's environment, which you can only control so much, and his reaction to that environment, which you can also only control so much. Mine will often get up and stand next to me and hang on to me when he is done... I think he just needs that sensory input of being close to mom when he is no longer eating but the meal is still going on. I always wonder about what people will say or think and they probably think I'm a terrible parent but it keeps him calm and quiet while I finish my meal and I make sure he is not standing in anyone's way or in a path frequented by other guests or servers. And I'm a single mom too so there is no taking him outside and letting someone else deal with the check/getting the food wrapped up/whatever... I need to either sprout the ability to be in two places at once or just deal as best I can in the restaurant until I can get the check settled up and get out of there.
He is luckily very very good in restaurants and really enjoys eating out and sees them as a treat and I haven't had much trouble with him since he was much younger but there are some dicey moments still where someone might hear his voice that he is having trouble regulating the volume of but not my much lower volume voice (I am also very soft spoken in general) helping him realize he needs to take it down a couple of notches without drawing even more attention to us. I have found that I am about 1000 times more understanding of other "bad parents" since I have had to deal with my own because you never know the full story or what is going on. My child looks perfectly neurotypical most of the time... until he doesn't. But unless you know what you are looking at, it can look just like being a brat. I am sensitive to and aware of this and it makes me hypervigilant in public about his behavior (which is honestly really good most of the time).
That said there is really no excuse for what the OP described... encouraging your kids to screech in a restaurant and letting them run around are two things that even my little family can avoid in restaurants with minimal effort! As a single mom I may not be able to run him out right that second if he is being loud but heck if you'll ever find me encouraging it!
My son is on the spectrum and I will say it does make me more sensitive to perceived judgement from other parents, because believe me... I have tried the tough love traditional parenting stuff and it doesn't work with my kid. You'll never hear me threatening to take him to the bathroom and it is crucial that I understand what is triggering the behavior because that is the only way to effectively deal with it. So while it's seen as maybe a new and more permissive way of parenting... I have spent thousands of dollars on very expensive specialists to figure out how to best deal with my child.
It's so hard because you are trying the best you can to control so many things... your child's environment, which you can only control so much, and his reaction to that environment, which you can also only control so much. Mine will often get up and stand next to me and hang on to me when he is done... I think he just needs that sensory input of being close to mom when he is no longer eating but the meal is still going on. I always wonder about what people will say or think and they probably think I'm a terrible parent but it keeps him calm and quiet while I finish my meal and I make sure he is not standing in anyone's way or in a path frequented by other guests or servers. And I'm a single mom too so there is no taking him outside and letting someone else deal with the check/getting the food wrapped up/whatever... I need to either sprout the ability to be in two places at once or just deal as best I can in the restaurant until I can get the check settled up and get out of there.
He is luckily very very good in restaurants and really enjoys eating out and sees them as a treat and I haven't had much trouble with him since he was much younger but there are some dicey moments still where someone might hear his voice that he is having trouble regulating the volume of but not my much lower volume voice (I am also very soft spoken in general) helping him realize he needs to take it down a couple of notches without drawing even more attention to us. I have found that I am about 1000 times more understanding of other "bad parents" since I have had to deal with my own because you never know the full story or what is going on. My child looks perfectly neurotypical most of the time... until he doesn't. But unless you know what you are looking at, it can look just like being a brat. I am sensitive to and aware of this and it makes me hypervigilant in public about his behavior (which is honestly really good most of the time).
That said there is really no excuse for what the OP described... encouraging your kids to screech in a restaurant and letting them run around are two things that even my little family can avoid in restaurants with minimal effort! As a single mom I may not be able to run him out right that second if he is being loud but heck if you'll ever find me encouraging it!
I totally get all of this. And no no one should have to be so disrupted as the OP described. I also know I am more sensitive to judgement due to the reactions we have encountered to ASD issues. We do our best. We try to never inconvenience others. We also just HOPE for a tiny bit of understanding if it all goes wrong.
The father laughed at her and encouraged his son to be louder.
I genuinely understand that people have the right to eat their meal in peace, and I do not allow my children to bother others, and I do my best to restrict their noise level, I also will remove them in extremis. But I am also always grateful for kindness when I am doing my best to achieve all of this (considering one child is only 4, and I expect a level of additional excitement due to being at WDW, and one child has ASD, and may easily be overwhelmed) obviously everyone is looking for their magical vacation, and I would not like to spoil that, but, not every parent with a child who looks to be "undisciplined" is oblivious OR ignoring the problem.