Talk me out of it...

[PollyannaMom]

I guess I am a just a loser magnet.

Nonsense!

Ya but that would imply that I am looking to not be single and that isn't the case. I was so much more happy while I was single than I have been dating.

Then there is nothing wrong with being single and happy!

Get involved in some non-dating activities (volunteer, explore the tourist things in your area, see if there are free presentations at your library...) to fill the time for a while, and you'll forget all about him.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I firmly believe that if they really like you, they'll do the work and make the time. I recently started dating for the first time in 27 years and I feel your pain, it sucks. When I started dating I made firm rules for myself about not chasing anyone. If they act like they're not interested, I assume they aren't and move on.

 

[fla4fun]

The friends afterward thing rarely works out for either side. A clean break is really better. Trying to stay friends keeps feelings in the mix that are painful, especially when one moves on romantically and the other is there to witness it.

We will be here for as much venting as you need. In the meantime, take care of you and get out there and do things that make you happy.

 

[disneychrista]

I firmly believe that if they really like you, they'll do the work and make the time. I started dating I made firm rules for myself about not chasing anyone.

I completely agree. The thing is he pursued/chased me until I gave in.

The friends afterward thing rarely works out for either side. A clean break is really better.

Which is why I was honest and said I wasn’t sure if we could be. I am more upset that he wasn’t just honest about his true intention. If he wasn’t going to try to maintain any kind of contact he should have just said that.

 

[cabanafrau]

Ok...similar boat here. Found divorce papers on July 20. Completely blindsided. After almost 40 years together, 29 of them married! No, it wasn't perfect, no relationship is. But, to find out that your dh has been cheating for at least two years and has been hiding money? That he has been planning this for over a year? I get what you're going through. I'm at that 5 week point too. Sadly, I have to have contact with him...we have assets to deal with and alimony. I stayed at home for the past 25 years!!! And now, I'm 70!
So...here's what I do to deal with those 'I really want to reach out to him' feelings. I write a letter to him, stating all my feelings, both good and bad. I hold nothing back. Then, that letter goes in a file. I must have 20 or so of these letters. It's interesting to go back and read them to see how my feelings are changing as time passes. Then, when the divorce is final, I'll have a ceremonial burning of the letters.
Best of luck to you. It's hard, but it has to get better as time passes.

I'm sorry to hear this. I cannot even imagine how difficult this must be. Very best of luck to you.

 

[disneychrista]

I ain't gonna lie I'm still struggling with this. I still want answers, answers I know I am never going to get, even if I were to ask for them and answers that in the end aren't going to make a difference. I'm still NOT going too do it. But now when I get the urge I open up notes on my phone and type out the "text" I want to send at that moment. It helps because I get to write out the message just like I would a text, get off my chest and out of my system but then I get to delete it and it goes away.

 

[low-key]

When a women walks away and wont come back after taking your **** for years, she becomes 10x sexier

 

[disneychrista]

When a women walks away and wont come back after taking your **** for years, she becomes 10x sexier

What if is only months?

 

[low-key]

What if is only months?

no, lol, a women that makes you meet standards to be with her, I find her intoxicating, a women who will do anything to be with you, you just end up treating her bad

 

[disneychrista]

no, lol, a women that makes you meet standards to be with her, I find her intoxicating, a women who will do anything to be with you, you just end up treating her bad

Good to know. I do know I am done trying to be with anyone. If by some random chance I meet someone I won't necessarily push them away but they are going to have to be pretty special and they will have to prove to me that they are worth my time/effort.

 

[low-key]

Good to know. I do know I am done trying to be with anyone. If by some random chance I meet someone I won't necessarily push them away but they are going to have to be pretty special and they will have to prove to me that they are worth my time/effort.

and then if you end up going out with him a few times, and he treats you bad for a night, tell him your not playing that stuff no more, see ya

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I ain't gonna lie I'm still struggling with this. I still want answers, answers I know I am never going to get, even if I were to ask for them and answers that in the end aren't going to make a difference. I'm still NOT going too do it. But now when I get the urge I open up notes on my phone and type out the "text" I want to send at that moment. It helps because I get to write out the message just like I would a text, get off my chest and out of my system but then I get to delete it and it goes away.

Unfortunately, I think deep down you know the answers. It appears he chased you looking for a friends with benefits relationship. When he realized you wanted more, he came up with reasons to see you less, then eventually bailed. I'm glad you're resisting the urge to send the texts. He'd probably come back, if he thought you'd be happy with a superficial relationship indefinitely & nothing more. You'd then be in a never ending cycle of heartbreak. Is that really what you want? From what you've said, I don't think so. Honestly, I don't even know him & I don't like him. You can do better.

 

[low-key]

looking for a friends with benefits relationship.

I will add that kind of relationship gets a bad name, it could be a lot of fun, and have someone to do stuff with as you both prefer living your own life apart from each other, but both partys have to want the same thing

 

[disneychrista]

Unfortunately, I think deep down you know the answers....He'd probably come back, if he thought you'd be happy with a superficial relationship indefinitely & nothing more.

Let's be clear - I don't want him back. Yes, I miss his friendship and the good times and the fun we had together but that is over & done.
I am not looking for answers as to why any type of relationship ended, that I know. There are other questions I have. But like I said I'm not going to get any real answers and it really doesn't matter.
And honestly, I don't think he would "come back." Any relationship we had was always superficial. It was never going to go anywhere. It was never going to be a serious relationship.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I will add that kind of relationship gets a bad name, it could be a lot of fun, and have someone to do stuff with as you both prefer living your own life apart from each other, but both partys have to want the same thing

That's true, as long as both people want that type of relationship. I just don't know many single people who are looking for that long term.

 

[disneychrista]

I will add that kind of relationship gets a bad name, it could be a lot of fun, and have someone to do stuff with as you both prefer living your own life apart from each other, but both partys have to want the same thing

That's true, as long as both people want that type of relationship.

And even if this is the type of relationship and both parties are okay with it, it doesn't preclude one of the parties from being a jerk and hurting the other one. Just because it isn't a serious relationship doesn't mean real feeling aren't involved.

 

[disneychrista]

Just have to say that for the first time in nearly 3 months I almost feel like my old self. I woke up, really cleaned the house for the first time in awhile and the made banana bread. I am about to run to the store and pick up IT from RedBox. Tomorrow I will go see IT Chapter 2.